Chapter 4: Ignoring James
Disclaimer: I own nothing... and I don't claim to.
Summary: In my sixth year I realized he could fall for me. Now, in seventh year I befriend my once-was-enemy, and I find him falling for me even more. You can never tell with James Potter... I never knew He Loved Me.
AN: Thanks to everyone who reviewed... here's more! Oh... I have a question. How long should I keep this story going? I don't think I can make it until death... that's just too sad for me to write. I can write the wedding (which I never had before) that could be fun! Oh graduation? Just note: I'm not good at writing about the Order and stuff related to Voldemort and what Lily and James do to fight it. Though this fic (might be) [is] mucho sad, with her and him and you know, but I don't think I can write a sad fic. I've never written about their death before. I've written about him finding out she was pregnant (just not on here!) and I would just like to know what you all think... how long shall I go? Thanks... and I hope you enjoy!
Chapter 4: Ignoring James
I've tried my best over the last couple days to ignore James. It proved to be quite hard because of Head's work and the assignment in Transfigurations that I happened to be partnered with him in. I pursed my lips while I was around him... I didn't speak to in directly. But when I had to, my voice was shaky.
I remember not answering him, clearly. I stuttered out some words. I don't know why I had kissed back. It was... I didn't... I barely know how I feel. He's never off my mind, now. He's always there making the kiss replay in my mind. It wasn't a mind-blowing kiss, like the ones you read about. It was a needed kiss for him. He needed that kiss. I could tell.
I can read exactly what he means to say, and it's scary... bloody hell, it's really scary. I know what he means without words. I can read his mind... I knew that kiss was coming. So... why didn't I stop it? If I really knew that he was going to... when he put his arms around me, when he moved towards me... Why didn't I stop it? Push him off, run away, and forget about his friendship. I didn't because I couldn't. I should be able to push him away and forget about the friendship. But I can't.
I can't forget about the friendship that I've grown to lean on. The one I look forward to. I enjoy spending time with James. I enjoy laughing at his jokes. I enjoy hanging out with him and his friends at Hogsmeade, or joking around with him in, after, between, and around classes. I've grown accustom to being his friend, and I know I'll always have that protection.
Sure, maybe I don't need it. I don't care what people call me... but he does. He risks a lot for me. A detention here... a detention there... but I figure eventually he'll do something to get him in major trouble. He's like that. He cares about everyone except himself. And I never knew. I thought he was an insensitive git... but he's the complete opposite. He's always spending time with his friends to help with school work, girls, Remus' condition; when it comes to him shrugs it off like it doesn't matter that he's hurt, in trouble, or struggling.
He's too great to be true.... Perhaps I'm overreacting. Perhaps...
~*~*~*~
We're sitting in Transfigurations now. McGonagall just told us to work with our partners. I watch Sirius sit next to Remus, and I watch Peter pair up with a Ravenclaw girl he fancies. I look up and see James walking towards me. I nod acknowledging his presence.
He sits next to me like nothing's wrong and like the kiss never happened. I know he wants to talk about it. When Professor McGonagall sat down again he took his chance.
"I know you're mad at me," he began, and I rolled my eyes. "But Lily—"
"I figured that I should write the first part of the essay and you can write the last part. So you can do the spell first and help me if I need your help."
"Lily—"
"Here's the incantation," I said, passing him the piece of parchment with my notes on it.
"Lily—"
"James, I'm trying to do our project, can you leave me alone?!"
James seemed to get the point. He started working on our project, and I tried to calm myself down. Now more than ever, the ebony haired boy was on my mind.
~*~*~
Ignoring James was not working too well, as I became more and more upset that I might be losing a great friendship. I never thought that I, even now sitting in the common room, would want James and me to be good friends again. It was late, two thirty, and I was alone in the room. I wiped another tear away.
I can't be crying over James Potter. But in reality I am. I want his friendship. I want to hang out with the guys, laugh, and smile... like old times. I wanted his friendship. I don't want anymore. But I guess that's not fair to James. Imagine being in love with a friend... and knowing that they can't return the feelings. It's just... I've got other friends, don't get me wrong... but he's different.
We're close enough to finish each other's sentences... but it's not a non- platonic relationship. We have a lot of fun... but I just don't love him. I can't help my feelings! Doesn't he understand that? But with that said I still think about the kiss non-stop. Why did I kiss back?
If I can't love him... if I can look at him without thinking of him as a cutie pie... Well, I do think he's cute. I won't doubt that. He is very handsome, and fun to be with. But... if I can't think of him as a boyfriend... then why did I kiss back? Perhaps I was over-come with emotion. I mean, it was really awkward and he was so close. Then again, I could tell he was going to do it! I knew it... but I didn't stop that.
As I look down at my watch that now says three, I start to wonder if I'm lying to myself. Do I like James? It's ridiculous... don't you always know who you like? I hate being confused like this. I hate everything that has to do with being confused. Maybe all my friends are right... maybe we are meant to be...
"Lily?"
I looked up to see James. I wipe my tears away as quickly as I can.
"James," I said not catching his eye as he sat down next to me.
"Why are you crying?"
"I—I don't know how to say this. I don't know how to talk to you anymore James. With the kiss—and—your feelings!"
"Lily... the kiss... was... What about it?"
"I... I don't know why I kissed back," I said, quickly, as if it was a statement that didn't matter. His eye brows rose. I love when he did that. It made him look so funny. Like he was really confused or acting stupid. I miss what we used to have.
~ *~*~Flash Back~*~*~
"And then... no! I can't believe I'm telling you," I said smiling.
"Hey! You picked truth!" Sirius exclaimed. We were up in their dormitory playing Truth or Dare.
"Okay... can I... oh geez..." I whispered the rest of the story and everyone started laughing, me included. James, even though he had been listening, was as confused as ever. His eye brows were raised at the finishing of my story.
"You what?!"
"You heard me," I grinned, pushing him playfully. His eye brows were still raised.
"Wow..." His confused turned to a grin as we continued on with the game.
~*~*~End~*~*~
"Lily—"
"I'm... I'm so scared of our relationship now—"
"And you don't want to be my friend, anymore right?" he interrupted.
I stared at him, and wiped another tear away. "I'm afraid to lose our friendship, James."
He looked taken aback at my comment. Frankly, from the look I saw, he was under the impression that our friendship was over, and I had made the final decision.
"I don't want to lose it either."
All at once, both of us leaned in for a tight hug.
"I don't want to lose all the fun time's we've had because of a kiss," I whispered against his chest.
I heard James gulp, but he didn't speak. He enjoyed the time we had together. I could tell... and I was okay with him holding me. I was just happy to be near him again. But there were still some things we needed to short out.
"James?"
"Yes?"
I pulled away from our hug (but he kept his hands on my hips, while I twisted my fingers nervously in my lap).
"We still have things to talk about."
"Wh-what?" he stuttered out.
"Your... your feelings for me."
~*~*~
AN: That's all I've got in store for now! Woo, woo! I'll post this right now! And get back to writing more. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and thanks to anyone who reviewed. Here's the new chapters (or stories) I've posted in the last two days:
Luck (One-shot) He Loved Me (Chapters 3 and 4) That Don't Impress Me Much (One-shot) Lost In Love And In Your Eyes (Final Chapter)
If you haven't read them, check them out! At least one of the one-shots? Please? I think Luck's pretty good... and try out That Don't Impress Me Much... I need opinions on that one!
Finally: PLEASE tell me how long this fic should be (Harry's birth? Wedding? Graduation?)
MPPSexxySiriusJamesRemus
Disclaimer: I own nothing... and I don't claim to.
Summary: In my sixth year I realized he could fall for me. Now, in seventh year I befriend my once-was-enemy, and I find him falling for me even more. You can never tell with James Potter... I never knew He Loved Me.
AN: Thanks to everyone who reviewed... here's more! Oh... I have a question. How long should I keep this story going? I don't think I can make it until death... that's just too sad for me to write. I can write the wedding (which I never had before) that could be fun! Oh graduation? Just note: I'm not good at writing about the Order and stuff related to Voldemort and what Lily and James do to fight it. Though this fic (might be) [is] mucho sad, with her and him and you know, but I don't think I can write a sad fic. I've never written about their death before. I've written about him finding out she was pregnant (just not on here!) and I would just like to know what you all think... how long shall I go? Thanks... and I hope you enjoy!
Chapter 4: Ignoring James
I've tried my best over the last couple days to ignore James. It proved to be quite hard because of Head's work and the assignment in Transfigurations that I happened to be partnered with him in. I pursed my lips while I was around him... I didn't speak to in directly. But when I had to, my voice was shaky.
I remember not answering him, clearly. I stuttered out some words. I don't know why I had kissed back. It was... I didn't... I barely know how I feel. He's never off my mind, now. He's always there making the kiss replay in my mind. It wasn't a mind-blowing kiss, like the ones you read about. It was a needed kiss for him. He needed that kiss. I could tell.
I can read exactly what he means to say, and it's scary... bloody hell, it's really scary. I know what he means without words. I can read his mind... I knew that kiss was coming. So... why didn't I stop it? If I really knew that he was going to... when he put his arms around me, when he moved towards me... Why didn't I stop it? Push him off, run away, and forget about his friendship. I didn't because I couldn't. I should be able to push him away and forget about the friendship. But I can't.
I can't forget about the friendship that I've grown to lean on. The one I look forward to. I enjoy spending time with James. I enjoy laughing at his jokes. I enjoy hanging out with him and his friends at Hogsmeade, or joking around with him in, after, between, and around classes. I've grown accustom to being his friend, and I know I'll always have that protection.
Sure, maybe I don't need it. I don't care what people call me... but he does. He risks a lot for me. A detention here... a detention there... but I figure eventually he'll do something to get him in major trouble. He's like that. He cares about everyone except himself. And I never knew. I thought he was an insensitive git... but he's the complete opposite. He's always spending time with his friends to help with school work, girls, Remus' condition; when it comes to him shrugs it off like it doesn't matter that he's hurt, in trouble, or struggling.
He's too great to be true.... Perhaps I'm overreacting. Perhaps...
~*~*~*~
We're sitting in Transfigurations now. McGonagall just told us to work with our partners. I watch Sirius sit next to Remus, and I watch Peter pair up with a Ravenclaw girl he fancies. I look up and see James walking towards me. I nod acknowledging his presence.
He sits next to me like nothing's wrong and like the kiss never happened. I know he wants to talk about it. When Professor McGonagall sat down again he took his chance.
"I know you're mad at me," he began, and I rolled my eyes. "But Lily—"
"I figured that I should write the first part of the essay and you can write the last part. So you can do the spell first and help me if I need your help."
"Lily—"
"Here's the incantation," I said, passing him the piece of parchment with my notes on it.
"Lily—"
"James, I'm trying to do our project, can you leave me alone?!"
James seemed to get the point. He started working on our project, and I tried to calm myself down. Now more than ever, the ebony haired boy was on my mind.
~*~*~
Ignoring James was not working too well, as I became more and more upset that I might be losing a great friendship. I never thought that I, even now sitting in the common room, would want James and me to be good friends again. It was late, two thirty, and I was alone in the room. I wiped another tear away.
I can't be crying over James Potter. But in reality I am. I want his friendship. I want to hang out with the guys, laugh, and smile... like old times. I wanted his friendship. I don't want anymore. But I guess that's not fair to James. Imagine being in love with a friend... and knowing that they can't return the feelings. It's just... I've got other friends, don't get me wrong... but he's different.
We're close enough to finish each other's sentences... but it's not a non- platonic relationship. We have a lot of fun... but I just don't love him. I can't help my feelings! Doesn't he understand that? But with that said I still think about the kiss non-stop. Why did I kiss back?
If I can't love him... if I can look at him without thinking of him as a cutie pie... Well, I do think he's cute. I won't doubt that. He is very handsome, and fun to be with. But... if I can't think of him as a boyfriend... then why did I kiss back? Perhaps I was over-come with emotion. I mean, it was really awkward and he was so close. Then again, I could tell he was going to do it! I knew it... but I didn't stop that.
As I look down at my watch that now says three, I start to wonder if I'm lying to myself. Do I like James? It's ridiculous... don't you always know who you like? I hate being confused like this. I hate everything that has to do with being confused. Maybe all my friends are right... maybe we are meant to be...
"Lily?"
I looked up to see James. I wipe my tears away as quickly as I can.
"James," I said not catching his eye as he sat down next to me.
"Why are you crying?"
"I—I don't know how to say this. I don't know how to talk to you anymore James. With the kiss—and—your feelings!"
"Lily... the kiss... was... What about it?"
"I... I don't know why I kissed back," I said, quickly, as if it was a statement that didn't matter. His eye brows rose. I love when he did that. It made him look so funny. Like he was really confused or acting stupid. I miss what we used to have.
~ *~*~Flash Back~*~*~
"And then... no! I can't believe I'm telling you," I said smiling.
"Hey! You picked truth!" Sirius exclaimed. We were up in their dormitory playing Truth or Dare.
"Okay... can I... oh geez..." I whispered the rest of the story and everyone started laughing, me included. James, even though he had been listening, was as confused as ever. His eye brows were raised at the finishing of my story.
"You what?!"
"You heard me," I grinned, pushing him playfully. His eye brows were still raised.
"Wow..." His confused turned to a grin as we continued on with the game.
~*~*~End~*~*~
"Lily—"
"I'm... I'm so scared of our relationship now—"
"And you don't want to be my friend, anymore right?" he interrupted.
I stared at him, and wiped another tear away. "I'm afraid to lose our friendship, James."
He looked taken aback at my comment. Frankly, from the look I saw, he was under the impression that our friendship was over, and I had made the final decision.
"I don't want to lose it either."
All at once, both of us leaned in for a tight hug.
"I don't want to lose all the fun time's we've had because of a kiss," I whispered against his chest.
I heard James gulp, but he didn't speak. He enjoyed the time we had together. I could tell... and I was okay with him holding me. I was just happy to be near him again. But there were still some things we needed to short out.
"James?"
"Yes?"
I pulled away from our hug (but he kept his hands on my hips, while I twisted my fingers nervously in my lap).
"We still have things to talk about."
"Wh-what?" he stuttered out.
"Your... your feelings for me."
~*~*~
AN: That's all I've got in store for now! Woo, woo! I'll post this right now! And get back to writing more. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and thanks to anyone who reviewed. Here's the new chapters (or stories) I've posted in the last two days:
Luck (One-shot) He Loved Me (Chapters 3 and 4) That Don't Impress Me Much (One-shot) Lost In Love And In Your Eyes (Final Chapter)
If you haven't read them, check them out! At least one of the one-shots? Please? I think Luck's pretty good... and try out That Don't Impress Me Much... I need opinions on that one!
Finally: PLEASE tell me how long this fic should be (Harry's birth? Wedding? Graduation?)
MPPSexxySiriusJamesRemus
