Chapter 16: Crumbling Love
A/N: Hey, y'all! I was going to post Wednesday but I got a boyfriend! I haven't stop smiling since, so it's really hard for me to write drama right now. It turns out that I've liked him as long as he liked me, and when my friend told him he asked me to be his girlfriend and of course, I said yes! On Thursday the Lightning was on AND LOST Erk... I had no time to post: depression. Lol anyway, onto the story, thanks for the reviews!
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Crumbling Love
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After what had happened with James, I decided to seclude myself from people. I haven't stopped worrying about him since he left to go to his parents' house. So maybe I was wrong. But I stand by my decision: he can't take me for granted. I want to go back to where we talked more than we kissed. I want to go back to the way we were before he decided we needed to be physical. So maybe I said it harshly, but I love James; I don't want to dump him, but I'm standing up for myself.
Though James has only been gone for two days, I can't stop thinking about him. The thought hovers over me. I feel awful and disgusted with myself. And to prove it, I stayed back from the Hogsmeade weekend. I'm sitting under the tree that James and I used to sit under, and now I'm writing a letter to him.
Dear James,
Hello. I'm not sure what to write—I feel like a mindless teenager again; writing a load of dung to my crush just to have something to write. We miss you. Remus and Peter; Dorcas and Amelia are bored without you here; Edgar too... they all miss you.
I miss you.
And I love you, James. I'm not at Hogsmeade; everyone else is. Even Dorcas, Amelia, Edgar, Remus and Peter are there; I made them go... Don't worry about me. I know it's probably not the right time or way to tell you how sorry I am. I completely overreacted. But I'm so worried about you right now. I wish I could be there, but I'm sure I would only cause more pain, trouble and heartache. We will talk properly, when you come back. I somehow hate letters... but I found myself writing all the time.... I love you, James.
With All Of My Love,
Your Lily
Before I knew what I was doing, I was walking back from the Owlery, thinking about James.
"Hey there Lily." I turned to see an old crush of mine: Fabian Prewett.
"Hello Fabian. How are you?"
"Brilliant now that I found you." He stepped out of the shadows and towards me. "Wanted to talk to you, naturally."
"'Bout what?" I spoke absently.
"See what's up with you and James Potter."
"We're dating."
"Still? I'd thought you broke up!"
"Oh, no, no, no. A couple minor tussles, that's all."
Fabian moved steadily closer to me, as we walked down the hall.
"Why aren't you at Hogsmeade?" he asked, walking onto the grounds with me.
"Thinking," I replied, running a hand through my hair.
"Your hair looks beautiful down like that," he stopped as we reached the lake. "You always looked so beautiful. I've always had a crush on you, you know?"
"Funny... I used to have a crush on you," I said absently. "A little too little, a little too late, huh?"
He ran his hand down my face. "Not necessarily."
"Fabian, I'm with James," I backed up, and he stepped closer.
"I know you liked me too."
"I did," I said quietly. "But not now."
"C'mon Lil. I see you and him fighting all the time... We wouldn't fight."
"I—I'm with James," I stuttered out. "I l-love him."
"I could win you over," he took my hand in his. "If you'd let me."
"But I won't."
"C'mon Lil," he whispered, pulling me closer, and I tried to push him off.
"Fabian stop—!" But he had pulled me into a kiss... With all the strength I could muster I pushed him away. I pushed him away and ran for it. I ran through the crowd of people returning from Hogsmeade and up to my room. James was coming back in two days... I don't think I can handle being away from him much longer.
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I think people could tell that I was distant over the two days. James would be in the common room any moment now. Then we'd talk... and everything would be just fine! I looked up to find Sirius Black walk into the common room, followed by James, who was talking to Remus.
"I've got to tell you something," I heard Remus say.
James spotted me, "Later."
"Now," said Remus, grabbing the back of James cloak. What he said next, I couldn't hear. His expression changed as Remus mumbled what seemed to be a story. James looked over at me, shot a look at Remus who nodded, and then came over to me but didn't sit down.
"Can I talk to you?" he asked. "I've got to put my bag up, anyway."
I looked up, and smiled. "Of course," I said, reaching for his hand. He didn't give it to me... but part of me didn't think he would. We'd talk it out now... I'm sure.
We walked silently through the halls and up to the room.
"I've missed you," I said quietly. I heard James mumble something and walk into the common room. He came back down a moment later, running his hand through his hair and looking completely stressed out.
"How did things go with your dad?" I inquired, hinting for him to sit down next to me, but he didn't.
"Don't try to change the subject."
"What?"
"When were you planning on telling me?!" he asked angrily.
"Plan on telling you what?"
"That you were seeing someone behind my back—"
"What?!" I asked, standing up and moving towards him.
"Yeah!" said James, forcefully. "Remus saw you and him kissing Hogsmeade weekend... Your letter said you were alone on Hogsmeade weekend."
I stared, "I didn't cheat on you!"
"Remus wouldn't lie to me."
"And neither would I!" I yelled moving closer to him. "I could never live with myself if I cheated on you. I would never cheat on you in the first place."
"Remus saw you two kissing!"
"I didn't kiss him! He kissed me!"
"And you kissed back?!" he yelled.
"I ran away from him! James you know I love you—"
"Yeah... totally obvious."
"I would never cheat on you!" I said, tears streaming down my face as I reached up to pull James closer to me. "I love you, James Potter."
"That's not what you said before. With your bloody no touch rule—"
"James—"
"But, why should you care if you aren't getting anything from me?! You've got another guy to fall back on."
"You're joking. You don't believe that!" I yelled. "I made that rule so we could get our relationship back. I did that so that we could go back to talking more than we kissed!"
"Remus saw you kissing Prewett!"
"He kissed me—"
"You said you were alone—"
"I ran into him—!"
"With your lips!?" James was now stepping away from me. "I can't trust you."
"I would never cheat on you."
"Your word proves nothing—"
"James!" I pleaded, more tears streaming down my face. "I love—"
"You TOLD me you were cheating on me!"
"I was being sarcastic. Because I was mad at you—"
"You know what, Lily?"
I stared, wiping a tear off my cheek, and crossing my arms. If he couldn't see how much I love him, it's his lost. I don't want to lose him over this...
"All we've been doing is fighting. Maybe we... we need a break... or to break up or something."
"If you want to break up with me, then fine! But you won't see me with any other guy, and then we'll see who's laughing—"
"Remus saw—"
"Remus saw wrong!" I interrupted. "If you don't trust me, then we have no future together."
"Fine!" said James who was glaring. I glared back. "Let's break up then!"
"Fine!" I stormed up to my dormitory and slammed the door behind me. He just made the biggest mistake of his life.
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The next morning I walked out of the portrait hole. Unfortunately for me, as I walked out into the hall, I ran into Fabian Prewett.
"I had fun this Hogsmeade weekend," he said, putting an arm around my shoulder, to which I pushed off and continued to walk down the corridor.
"Did you have fun wanking?" (A/N: That means... coughmasturbation)
"You know Lily," he said ignoring my last comment. "I've been told I was a good kisser. Wouldn't you agree?"
"For the fraction of a second you kissed me, your breath smelled."
Fabian pulled an arm around my shoulder, and I pushed it off, and clutched my wand tightly.
"You've already ruined my life... need you do it again?"
"Such a kidder, Lily."
"How many times do I have to tell you I don't like you?"
"We used to be good friends—"
"Until you decided to break up James and I—"
"It worked then?" he said satisfied.
I glared, "Remus saw you kiss me and he thought I liked you!"
"You did—"
"In fifth year!" my voice rang out in exasperation. "You can't possibly understand what I'm going through right now. You made me lose the most important thing in my life."
"You used to say that about me—"
"Yeah, right. Just leave me alone, Prewett. Go find another relationship to ruin... you already succeeded in ruining mine. And I won't be dating for a while—"
"Go out with me, then." We reached the Great Hall and I turned to glare.
"Uh... No. I. Don't. Like. You! Get it through your thick head!"
"But I love—"
"Don't care," I said, giving him off. "I love James."
I stormed away and sat down next to Amelia and Edgar.
"Make up with lover boy?" asked Edgar, pointing towards James who was sitting down now, only moments after I did. Was he following us? I gapped. "You two walked in together."
"Back to being love birds?"
"The opposite," I answered Amelia.
"What happened?"
"He broke up with me."
"What?!" they asked, dropping there spoons in their cereal. I nodded running a hand through my hair.
"Yeah... Remus thought I was cheating on James because he saw Prewett kiss me—"
"Fabian?!" they asked in unison.
I nodded bitterly, and told them the story of Hogsmeade weekend. "And that prat believed Remus—"
"Is that why you just had a row with Fabian?" I nodded, and Edgar frowned. "James sat there watching you two, did you know?"
I looked up, my eyes going round. "You're joking."
"Nope... and look..." she pointed to James. "He's staring down this way."
I frowned, "I'm going to be spending a lot of time with you guys."
"Don't worry about it, Lily," comforted Edgar.
"I can't believe he said he couldn't trust me," I shook my head in disbelief. "I can't believe he thinks so little of me..."
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A/N: I didn't like that chapter too much. I did get some reviews that asked me why I did that in chapter 15. Simple: James and Lily aren't going to be picture perfect. Someone asked why I didn't make them make love. First, that would be too simple. Second, she's too mad at James to do anything. Third, what would happen after that? I think ahead, and I write something I can fix or something that I can finish. This is how it goes, if you don't like it... it's not something I can change.
MPPSexxySiriusJamesRemus
PS: Sorry for the late posting: Wednesday I got a boyfriend. Thursday: Hockey night. Friday: Hockey night (playing this time) Saturday: Birthday party, Hockey night.
But at least I got more up.
A/N: Hey, y'all! I was going to post Wednesday but I got a boyfriend! I haven't stop smiling since, so it's really hard for me to write drama right now. It turns out that I've liked him as long as he liked me, and when my friend told him he asked me to be his girlfriend and of course, I said yes! On Thursday the Lightning was on AND LOST Erk... I had no time to post: depression. Lol anyway, onto the story, thanks for the reviews!
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Crumbling Love
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------
After what had happened with James, I decided to seclude myself from people. I haven't stopped worrying about him since he left to go to his parents' house. So maybe I was wrong. But I stand by my decision: he can't take me for granted. I want to go back to where we talked more than we kissed. I want to go back to the way we were before he decided we needed to be physical. So maybe I said it harshly, but I love James; I don't want to dump him, but I'm standing up for myself.
Though James has only been gone for two days, I can't stop thinking about him. The thought hovers over me. I feel awful and disgusted with myself. And to prove it, I stayed back from the Hogsmeade weekend. I'm sitting under the tree that James and I used to sit under, and now I'm writing a letter to him.
Dear James,
Hello. I'm not sure what to write—I feel like a mindless teenager again; writing a load of dung to my crush just to have something to write. We miss you. Remus and Peter; Dorcas and Amelia are bored without you here; Edgar too... they all miss you.
I miss you.
And I love you, James. I'm not at Hogsmeade; everyone else is. Even Dorcas, Amelia, Edgar, Remus and Peter are there; I made them go... Don't worry about me. I know it's probably not the right time or way to tell you how sorry I am. I completely overreacted. But I'm so worried about you right now. I wish I could be there, but I'm sure I would only cause more pain, trouble and heartache. We will talk properly, when you come back. I somehow hate letters... but I found myself writing all the time.... I love you, James.
With All Of My Love,
Your Lily
Before I knew what I was doing, I was walking back from the Owlery, thinking about James.
"Hey there Lily." I turned to see an old crush of mine: Fabian Prewett.
"Hello Fabian. How are you?"
"Brilliant now that I found you." He stepped out of the shadows and towards me. "Wanted to talk to you, naturally."
"'Bout what?" I spoke absently.
"See what's up with you and James Potter."
"We're dating."
"Still? I'd thought you broke up!"
"Oh, no, no, no. A couple minor tussles, that's all."
Fabian moved steadily closer to me, as we walked down the hall.
"Why aren't you at Hogsmeade?" he asked, walking onto the grounds with me.
"Thinking," I replied, running a hand through my hair.
"Your hair looks beautiful down like that," he stopped as we reached the lake. "You always looked so beautiful. I've always had a crush on you, you know?"
"Funny... I used to have a crush on you," I said absently. "A little too little, a little too late, huh?"
He ran his hand down my face. "Not necessarily."
"Fabian, I'm with James," I backed up, and he stepped closer.
"I know you liked me too."
"I did," I said quietly. "But not now."
"C'mon Lil. I see you and him fighting all the time... We wouldn't fight."
"I—I'm with James," I stuttered out. "I l-love him."
"I could win you over," he took my hand in his. "If you'd let me."
"But I won't."
"C'mon Lil," he whispered, pulling me closer, and I tried to push him off.
"Fabian stop—!" But he had pulled me into a kiss... With all the strength I could muster I pushed him away. I pushed him away and ran for it. I ran through the crowd of people returning from Hogsmeade and up to my room. James was coming back in two days... I don't think I can handle being away from him much longer.
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I think people could tell that I was distant over the two days. James would be in the common room any moment now. Then we'd talk... and everything would be just fine! I looked up to find Sirius Black walk into the common room, followed by James, who was talking to Remus.
"I've got to tell you something," I heard Remus say.
James spotted me, "Later."
"Now," said Remus, grabbing the back of James cloak. What he said next, I couldn't hear. His expression changed as Remus mumbled what seemed to be a story. James looked over at me, shot a look at Remus who nodded, and then came over to me but didn't sit down.
"Can I talk to you?" he asked. "I've got to put my bag up, anyway."
I looked up, and smiled. "Of course," I said, reaching for his hand. He didn't give it to me... but part of me didn't think he would. We'd talk it out now... I'm sure.
We walked silently through the halls and up to the room.
"I've missed you," I said quietly. I heard James mumble something and walk into the common room. He came back down a moment later, running his hand through his hair and looking completely stressed out.
"How did things go with your dad?" I inquired, hinting for him to sit down next to me, but he didn't.
"Don't try to change the subject."
"What?"
"When were you planning on telling me?!" he asked angrily.
"Plan on telling you what?"
"That you were seeing someone behind my back—"
"What?!" I asked, standing up and moving towards him.
"Yeah!" said James, forcefully. "Remus saw you and him kissing Hogsmeade weekend... Your letter said you were alone on Hogsmeade weekend."
I stared, "I didn't cheat on you!"
"Remus wouldn't lie to me."
"And neither would I!" I yelled moving closer to him. "I could never live with myself if I cheated on you. I would never cheat on you in the first place."
"Remus saw you two kissing!"
"I didn't kiss him! He kissed me!"
"And you kissed back?!" he yelled.
"I ran away from him! James you know I love you—"
"Yeah... totally obvious."
"I would never cheat on you!" I said, tears streaming down my face as I reached up to pull James closer to me. "I love you, James Potter."
"That's not what you said before. With your bloody no touch rule—"
"James—"
"But, why should you care if you aren't getting anything from me?! You've got another guy to fall back on."
"You're joking. You don't believe that!" I yelled. "I made that rule so we could get our relationship back. I did that so that we could go back to talking more than we kissed!"
"Remus saw you kissing Prewett!"
"He kissed me—"
"You said you were alone—"
"I ran into him—!"
"With your lips!?" James was now stepping away from me. "I can't trust you."
"I would never cheat on you."
"Your word proves nothing—"
"James!" I pleaded, more tears streaming down my face. "I love—"
"You TOLD me you were cheating on me!"
"I was being sarcastic. Because I was mad at you—"
"You know what, Lily?"
I stared, wiping a tear off my cheek, and crossing my arms. If he couldn't see how much I love him, it's his lost. I don't want to lose him over this...
"All we've been doing is fighting. Maybe we... we need a break... or to break up or something."
"If you want to break up with me, then fine! But you won't see me with any other guy, and then we'll see who's laughing—"
"Remus saw—"
"Remus saw wrong!" I interrupted. "If you don't trust me, then we have no future together."
"Fine!" said James who was glaring. I glared back. "Let's break up then!"
"Fine!" I stormed up to my dormitory and slammed the door behind me. He just made the biggest mistake of his life.
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The next morning I walked out of the portrait hole. Unfortunately for me, as I walked out into the hall, I ran into Fabian Prewett.
"I had fun this Hogsmeade weekend," he said, putting an arm around my shoulder, to which I pushed off and continued to walk down the corridor.
"Did you have fun wanking?" (A/N: That means... coughmasturbation)
"You know Lily," he said ignoring my last comment. "I've been told I was a good kisser. Wouldn't you agree?"
"For the fraction of a second you kissed me, your breath smelled."
Fabian pulled an arm around my shoulder, and I pushed it off, and clutched my wand tightly.
"You've already ruined my life... need you do it again?"
"Such a kidder, Lily."
"How many times do I have to tell you I don't like you?"
"We used to be good friends—"
"Until you decided to break up James and I—"
"It worked then?" he said satisfied.
I glared, "Remus saw you kiss me and he thought I liked you!"
"You did—"
"In fifth year!" my voice rang out in exasperation. "You can't possibly understand what I'm going through right now. You made me lose the most important thing in my life."
"You used to say that about me—"
"Yeah, right. Just leave me alone, Prewett. Go find another relationship to ruin... you already succeeded in ruining mine. And I won't be dating for a while—"
"Go out with me, then." We reached the Great Hall and I turned to glare.
"Uh... No. I. Don't. Like. You! Get it through your thick head!"
"But I love—"
"Don't care," I said, giving him off. "I love James."
I stormed away and sat down next to Amelia and Edgar.
"Make up with lover boy?" asked Edgar, pointing towards James who was sitting down now, only moments after I did. Was he following us? I gapped. "You two walked in together."
"Back to being love birds?"
"The opposite," I answered Amelia.
"What happened?"
"He broke up with me."
"What?!" they asked, dropping there spoons in their cereal. I nodded running a hand through my hair.
"Yeah... Remus thought I was cheating on James because he saw Prewett kiss me—"
"Fabian?!" they asked in unison.
I nodded bitterly, and told them the story of Hogsmeade weekend. "And that prat believed Remus—"
"Is that why you just had a row with Fabian?" I nodded, and Edgar frowned. "James sat there watching you two, did you know?"
I looked up, my eyes going round. "You're joking."
"Nope... and look..." she pointed to James. "He's staring down this way."
I frowned, "I'm going to be spending a lot of time with you guys."
"Don't worry about it, Lily," comforted Edgar.
"I can't believe he said he couldn't trust me," I shook my head in disbelief. "I can't believe he thinks so little of me..."
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A/N: I didn't like that chapter too much. I did get some reviews that asked me why I did that in chapter 15. Simple: James and Lily aren't going to be picture perfect. Someone asked why I didn't make them make love. First, that would be too simple. Second, she's too mad at James to do anything. Third, what would happen after that? I think ahead, and I write something I can fix or something that I can finish. This is how it goes, if you don't like it... it's not something I can change.
MPPSexxySiriusJamesRemus
PS: Sorry for the late posting: Wednesday I got a boyfriend. Thursday: Hockey night. Friday: Hockey night (playing this time) Saturday: Birthday party, Hockey night.
But at least I got more up.
