When I woke up, I was surrounded by pale light. My mouth and throat were raw,
probably from when they and pumped my stomach. For about an hour, I worked on sitting up. My head ached, my left arm was seizureing, but at least I was alive…Alive. Jesse wasn't. I didn't even get to see the body. They said burn victims cant even be identified. It was just like, when I went into his past. I will just have to go into it again. This time, to save him.
Everything was a blur. For the rest of the year, I was in a silent dream only I could feel. I went to school, but didn't learn anything. I didn't talk to CeeCee, or anyone else. I was devastated, when I couldn't go into the past. I treid, and tried, and tried, until finally I gave up. After Jesse had died, there was nothing else to live for. All I ahd was me. Sure, I had friends and family, but my life had been Jesse. If I was a show, I'd be called : The Late Night Show starring Jesse and Suze.' I couldn't handle being just Suze. And then he came back.
No, I don't mean Jesse. I mean Paul. It was the first day of a new school year, 2 months after Jesse died and I had actually started to recover. I was closing my locker, when Paul walked up to me. I started to wal kaway, when he grabbed my arm. I julted back, and saw him staring at me. I looked inot his big, blue eyes for what msut have been forever, befor he spoke.
" I never wanted- I- I never wanted what happen to happen. I wanted you to love me. And- And I know that you aren't over Jesse." I closed my eyes shut, tightly holding my books up to my chest, and pictured Jesse in my mind.
" I'll never be over him." I whispered. Then Paul lifted my chin, gently, and kissed my mouth. He didn't even try to get his tongue in there either. He just kissed me softly. When he was done, I opened my eyes.
" You don't love me now, do you?" He asked.
" No." I answered, truthfully.
" Is it alright if I love you?" I nodded. " Alright." He smiled a bit. " I'll drive you home today." Then he turned and left. I want to be able to love him. I thought. But I can't love him…can I?
For the next few months, Paul loved me without asking anything in return. Then, on the last day of school until Christmas break, something happened. When he was driving me home, he stopped a few blocks fro mmy house. It was snowing, ( well, close enough to snmowing. It was more like rain ) so Paul had turned the heat up. As I was the tree's go by, I felt a jerk in the car. He had stopped it. I turned towards him
" What the-" Then I saw the intense look in his eyes. " P-Paul?"
" Suze. I have to know. And I have to know now. I love you. I always have. You have to tell me if you really like me, or just as a friend? And Suze?"
"Yeah?"
"I don't want to be just your friend." He rested his hand on my knee.
"Paul I-I- I cant tell you right now! Okay? I'm not ready!" He grabbed my face, and pushed it onto his. Shoving his tongue, exploring my mouth with it. I loved the feeling. Then I rubbed my hand on his back. Befor I knew what was happening, he was on top of me. My shirt was almost off. I pushed him off of me.
" Paul! We, we cant!"
"W-why-the-hell-not?" He asked between breathes of air.
" We are in a car. A car."
"Ohhh. I thought- oh."
"Yeah." I looked at the floor, while I was buttoning up my shirt.
" Ok. My family has a lodge. Really pretty in the winter. I'll pick you up tomorrow. If that's…okay?"
"Yeah. Yeah it is." I smiled. Then he looked me over, and said something funny.
"You look good like that. Stop wareing shirts to school." I laughed until he dropped me off. Then, I started packing.
