The town was totally small. I mean TOTALLY. That's an understatement, too. I mean, tch, there was what- the lab… and the lab… and that was it. Yup.

Dayum was I ever going to have a spiftacular time.

Not.

"HEY GIRL! TALL SKINNY GIRL WITH LONG BLACK HAIR! PSST OVER HERE! HURRY!" A pale, short kid with shiny, slicked back hair who seriously needed a wardrobe-ist or something… I mean nerd was written all over the poor dude… flailed his arms pathetically at me. I stared at him blankly.

"What the fuck."

He started to bite his nails and roll on the floor. I rushed over to him.

What I considered rushing, anyway.

I placed myself next to him and tried to control him or something but he was too damn hyperactive. Giving up, I sat Indian style a few feet away, twirling my hair in defeat… sort of. "Man you really need to see a psychologist or something. Do you have schizo?"

He rose up restlessly and rubbed his eyes. Then suddenly a purple, furry creature flew rapidly over my lap, following a man with sleek brown hair in a ponytail wearing a lengthily white, rubber lab coat. He was sweating menacingly and panting like mad.

Man if only I had some popcorn right now. Talk about entertainment.

"HEYYYYYYLP MEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

The kid cowered in utter disgust and fear. I sat up, brushed off my short black skirt, pulled lightly on my fishnets, and began to trot away.

"No can do. Not my prob. Havta look for mister Professor what's-his-face anyway. Later."

"Professor Birch?" He somehow managed to pant as he continued looking totally lame while prancing around in a circle. I half shouted, half laughed, "yeah, but I bet you wouldn't be able to find him in your situation anyhoo. Buh bye." He leaped over a log and stumbled a little. "THAT'S ME YOU ASS. NOW GO IN MY BAG AND PULL OUT A POKE BALL WOULD YOU SO I CAN FUCKING GO BACK TO MY JOB KTHX."

Uh. Well…

"Damn. That's all you had to say." Grinning slightly, I skipped over to a cargo sling-over-the-shoulder bag and rummaged through it.

"Crap… crap… crappy crap… damnit what's a poke ball fucking look like anyway? Rah…" I kept searching through it, but no poke ball. "HURRY UP DAMNIT." Professor Lame ass snarled. I flinched. "YOU KNOW I CAN CHOOSE TO LEAVE IF I WANT. Sheez." Finally I found a poke ball and squealed unconsciously. "Heck yes! Now how does it open hmm…"

Abruptly the poke ball snapped ajar and an ADORABLE crimson colored bird with golden feathers ruffled on different parts of its' miniature body popped out looking pissed. It stood up and gawked at me.

Finally it spoke without moving its mouth or anything. It had a freaky deep New York accent.

(Man am I glad to be outta that hell hole. Thanks… I guess.)

"Nuh uh! You're a dude? Whoa."

(What the hell? Of course I'm a 'dude'… whatdya think dumbass?)

Aww. It called me a dumbass.

"OH MY GOD YOU ARE FREAKING CUTE! Kay. Like. Um. What am I supposed to do with you."

(Shit you ain't one of those freaky valley girls are ya…)?

"Call me that again and you die."

(Thank Jesus…)

"HEY LADY! THIS IS NO TIME FOR SMALL TALK! DISTRACT THE POKEMON LIKE I ASKED!" The Professor kept dashing around, nothing new. "Say Please." I sighed, taunting him. "PLEASE MY ASS! AHHHHH!"

That guy is a bitch. Hate him.

"Bleh." I turned to the pokemon. "Okay, birdie, time to…"

(Aw nuts you mean I havta listen to you?)

(Okay, but only cuz I owe you, even though I hate that Professor, he's an ass.)

"Amen." We nodded in unison. "Okay. Uh use… something… attack…"

(Are you serious? You don't know how to control me?)

"Eh… Nah."

(Oh snap. Guess I'm going to have to take care of myself here…)

"You do that."

(Great. Some trainer you are.)

"You know it." Smiling, I hopped towards a bush where the young boy was cowering still.

I know. He sucks.

I kindly patted him on the back and told him if he was a good boy I'd give him some candy. He grinned from ear to ear and began to rock back and forth. I was totally lying through my teeth, but I didn't feel guilty so there.

Now far away from the little pokemon, I watched it scratch up a storm. Eventually the poor hound looking creature skimped away, obviously overwhelmed by the whole shebang, and so did the kid, which was just as good anyhow. He said he had to floss his cat, the weeny. The professor limped over to me, sweat dripping down his face.

Ger-oss.

"Thank-a-th-"

"YOUR VERY WELCOME. Now that I've met you and decided I hated you I think I'll go bye."

"WAIT." He practically shrieked, rasping feverously.

Damnit. I knew I shouldn't have told him I hated him.

I clumsily twirled back towards the prof. "Oui?"

"You're Jim's child aren't you?" Panting he sat on the log and slouched immensely. I shrugged and began to pace kindasortaish. "Maybe. Maybe not. What's it to you?" He heaved a big one and picked up the little bird pokemon that was unsuccessfully trying to escape the professor's clutch. I chuckled trivially and poked it playfully on the nose… CHOMP.

It tried to bite me. That bitch.

"OUCH! FUCK. Retard…" I sat next to the professor, crossed my legs and clicked my teeth. He moaned. "I want you to have this little feller. Thanks to you I'm not dead. Sorry if I was a bit harsh earlier, it's just when…" "You should've stopped at… actually." I scoffed. "Dude, you never should've started. Listen. I'm NOT a pokemon trainer. REPEAT: NOT. I will never be one. Pokemon is beyond lame. Heh. You have the wrong chick man." He raised his eyebrows. "What? Your father, Jim, said that you were VERY… repeat, VERY interested! I don't understand… " I shook my head dramitically. "Me neither. Oh well. Sucks for us. I guess." Both tilting our heads to the side, the professor sat up and I scuffled my feet in the grass. "Well, Denver… that's your name correct?" I waved and nodded. He coughed slightly and continued. "Denver I have to say I'm disappointed in you. I mean, think about it… you could see the world… and so could this old Torchic." He gave a sympathetic smile and squeezed the pokemon. It wasn't too thrilled about that, I'll say. Hey hugs may be amazing but squeezes suck ass. "The poor thing has been cooped up in my lab for many, many years." He tried to give me a look but I ignored it.

Make me feel sorry for you and I'll shoot.

The Torchic finally wiggled its' way out of Professor Birch's hands and waddled over to my legs. It head butted me, but not in a 'tough-guy' way, more in a, 'I'm-sorry-for being-a-dipshit-and-trying-to-bite-you-now-c'mon-man-let's-be-pals' kind of way. I made a half smile and started to feel my insides tingle.

Uh-oh.

This meant it was time to argue with myself. Yippee Skippee.

It's soo cute… must resist must resist… but it's so cute… but he's trying to make you like your father and he blows… but it's cute… but…

"BUT! BUTBUTBUTBUTBUT MY ASS SHUT THE FUCK UP! DAMNIT." I screeched. I felt my head go numb and my cheeks turn tomato colored as the both of them looked at me like I was on crack.

Which I am so totally not by the way, thanks.

"UGH ALL RIGHT. All right." Nonchalantly I bended over and picked up my new bud. I gave Professor the eye.

"You are going down for this man."

He just chuckled imperiously and told me we needed to go to the lab. Trailing close behind, I made slitty eyes at my new Torchic.

"Oh by the way, do you want to give your new friend a nickname?" I licked my lips. "A whatta-whatta?" Birch laughed and mentioned me forward. I followed.

(Are you daft? A nickname. You know. Like if I called you Den instead of Denver or something.)

I rolled my eyes. "I know that, dummy. I'm just not sure what to name you."

(That's what they all say. Anyways, make it something hot.)

I snorted. "You are such an ass. Hmm… I think I'm going to name you Harley. You know, after the motorcycle, Harley Davidson?" Nothing. I bit my lip. "Okay, you don't know, but those things aren't hot, they're MAD SIZZLIN." He batted his eyelids, unimpressed. I thought it was rad, but I guess he didn't dig the nick.

(WHAT? I'm not being named no Harley! How about one of those fancy long Japanese names… or OOH how about Flame?)

Flame? What the hell. That's worse than fucking Bob. I gritted my teeth in annoyance. "Nope. You're Harley. The end." Harley tried to bite me, again. Bitch.

"Listen pal, no biting okay?" I took out the pokeball, my arms were growing weary.

(Deal. As long as I don't have to go back into that ball.)

"Then you're walking." I dropped Harley with ease and kept going. He at first didn't move, but I knew he'd lift his ass up and follow eventually once we were