Disclaimer: IZ belongs to Nickelodeon
Chapter 2: To the Mall!
The trio violently entered Zim's base via a, thankfully, open window. Rolling to a sitting position, GIR switched off his jets and went skipping off into the kitchen to make a snack.
Dib had landed on something soft. He pushed himself up to see that he was on top of Zim.
The latter began squirming.
"Get OFF, Dib beast! You're heavy!"
Finding the squirming strangely exciting, yet the fact that he thought this, highly disturbing, Dib complied quickly and without comment.
Zim got up and made a show of dusting himself off. (The tickets cost five dollars each)
"Now, the first thing to do is research the various dance techniques your backwards planet has to offer, and discover which ones will produce the winning combination."
Dib looked boredly at him, "Fine, Zim, whatever."
Zim cocked an eyebrow bone at him (He's gotta have one of those right?).
"You still don't believe me do you?"
"Why should I? You're only an alien menace bent on enslaving the entire human race! Why should I trust anything you say?"
"Fine!" Zim countered, "I guess I'll just have to prove it to you..."
"Tsk, yeah, right, Zim. And how exactly do you plan to--"
Dib stopped and gaped, wide eyed, mouth hung open in mid-sentence.
Zim smiled. In that horrible class known as Health, they had been forced to learn about sex education. Though he hadn't wanted to, Zim had seen the anatomical differences that made up the males and the females of the planet. He also noticed that since his own member was retractable, when stored in its sheath, he resembled the female of the species.
When he decided Dib had seen enough, he quickly pulled his pants back up, smile never leaving his green face.
"Still have your doubts, Dib-monkey?"
Dib's eyes had glazed and a little bit of blood had trickled down his nose. The sound of Zim's voice brought him out of his stupor, and he turned beet red, suddenly finding something fascinating about his boots.
"Well, then, if there are no further objections..."
Zim took Dib's hand, and began tugging him towards his elevator/storage closet in the kitchen.
Dib's head snapped up and he snatched his hand free.
"Y-you don't need to do that! I can f-follow you around without you holding my hand!"
Zim snatched it back.
"I'm sure you can," he said (she said?)
"But even though there's this temporary truce between us, I can't exactly have you running around loose in my base, now can I?"
Dib glared but allowed himself to be dragged. They reached the storage closet and stepped inside, the cramped quarters normally meant for just one person severely compromising their personal space. They rode in uncomfortable silence on the 10 second (but what seemed more like an hour) ride, and stepped out into Zim's computer lab.
"Computer!" said Zim, "Bring up files on human dances!"
"Searching"
Dib fidgeted, his hand was becoming clammy (or maybe it was Zim's hand?).
"139 matches found," (I went to a Dance Dictionary and counted them 0o; )
A list of dances displayed itself on the screen.
Zim looked at Dib, as if it was his fault.
Dib cleared his throat, you narrow it down to, uh, let's say 3 two people styles?"
The computer hummed.
"Ballroom, rhythm, and social dancing."
Dib smirked at Zim. "Display the first one."
More humming.
"This type of dancing is enjoyed by elegant society, and is usually for formal occasions. Such dancing includes: Waltz, Tango, Foxtrot, Quickstep, and Bolero. Dances like the Bolero, for example, can be very romantic, in that a young man can actually hold the young lady in his arms, embrace her or hug her, and even go cheek to cheek with her. "
Dib and Zim blushed, Dib tryin to make sure the blood from his blush didn't head elsewhere.
"Eh...show the next one."
"Rhythm dancing, also known as Latin dancing, focuses more on the body moving to the beat of the music as opposed to having a fixed set of steps to follow. One favorite style is pursuit dancing, such as: The Fimeza, Escondido, Bambuco, Jarabe, and Guaguanco. The choreography of the Guaguanco has been compare to that of "a rooster chasing a hen, preening himself, puffing his chest out, strutting about, and relentlessly pursuing his potential mate." As the dance continues, the couple goes through several steps simulating a process of attraction and rejection. At the appropriate time, the male dancer executes a -vacunao- ---(what's this?) by gesturing with a pelvic thrust toward the woman. She responds with an accepting gesture and the ritual is consummated."
They blushed deeper, although Zim's stopped, after he tried to figure out what consummated meant.
"NEXT!"
"Social dancing includes: The Lindy Hop, Salsa, East Coast Swing and West Coast Swing. Most dances are done at arm's length, and are fast paced, the lady's hands resting lightly on the man's shoulders, and his on her waist--"
"That's enough for today!" said Zim suddenly, tugging Dib back towards the elevator, "We can figure out what to do with our... 'findings' some other time. For now, I believe a change of attire is in order. To the Mall!"
After another 10 second eternity in the elevator, they were crossing the living room, when a sticky, brown goop covered puppy fell from the cieling and splattered in front of them. GIR lifted his face from the floor with a sickly suction noise, and grinned happily at the pair.
"Hiya, Master! Where ya goin? Are ya goin to da circus? Can I come too? I wanna be the walrus!" he began clapping his...um, hands?, together and making arfing noises.
Zim frowned, "We are going to the mall, GIR. And NO, you can't come! Pets aren't allowed! So just stay here till we come back. Go watch your...horrible little monkey show or something."
GIR got teary eyed, "Awww..." then he cheered up, "MONKAAAAY!!" and breast-stroked to the couch.
Zim stared angrily at the trail of goo leading from the kitchen to the living room ceilng and back to the couch, but just shook his head and lead Dib with her out the door.
Since neither of them could drive yet, (Voot Runners don't count!) they began to walk the 2 1/2 miles to the shopping center.
Dib was unhappy. "Hey, Zim, now that we're not in your base anymore, would you mind letting go? People are staring at us..."
And so they were. Curious stares, disgusted stares, and even angry ones.
Zim was unaffected by this, however. "Let their stupid, squishy heads stare! Their squinty eyeballs do not intimidate ZIM! If any of them try to take you, they'll have to deal with ME first!"
Oddly, this seemed to comfort Dib, somewhat. Besides, he knew it was useless trying to argue with Zim, so he just sidled up a little closer to the irken, and kept his head down.
They reached the Mall without incident. The pair entered the air-conditioned building, and just let their eyes roam the myriad of shops.
Zim turned to Dib. "Well earth-stink, where should we go first?"
"You're asking ME?" Dib said incredulously, "I've been here less times than you probably have. I don't know where anything is...except for the Men's Slaughter House Leather, but I only go there maybe once a year for a new coat!"
Zim swore under her breath, "Useless...we'll just have to enter random stores, then."
"Or we could just ask."
Zim sneered, "I refuse to beg mindless consumer drones for information! I will demand they take us to where the feminine enhancement facilities are!"
Dib rolled his eyes, "Just let me do the talking, okay?"
Zim rolled her eyes back, "Whatever."
They walked toward a middle aged woman sprawled on a bench, her face flushed, shopping bags taking up the entire space on either side of her.
Dib gave her what he hoped looked like a non-threatening smile, as they approached.
"Excuse me, ma'am."
The lady smiled tiredly, "Hello there, young man. Did you boys want to take a seat?" She reached to move her bags.
"No-no, it's not that." said Dib, "We were just wondering if you knew where we could find...um," he searched for a word to describe their mission in which he had no idea what they were looking for, "Feminine enhancement facilities..."
"Oh," the woman said, looking them over doubtfully, eyes lingering on their interlocked hands.
"It's not what you think!" Dib said quickly, "See, Zim's a girl, but she--"
"Zim?" She turned her gaze on the green child, who had not looked at her up until this point.
She looked at the lady now, "That's right. I am a female human worm baby! I just chose to dress like a boy because it pleased me! Females can do that, right? But now I wish to look more feminine, so I can win the school dance contest and become popular! Now are you going to tell us what we want to know, or will I have to force it out of you?"
Dib paled, and was about to apologize, but the woman just smiled and nodded.
"So, you're a tomboy then." she said, obviously pleased enough to ignore everything else Zim had said, "In that case, the first thing you'll want to do is change that dreadful hairstyle! Duane's Clipper Hands is down that way, 5th store on your right. Ask for Betty, and you'll be fixed right up!"
"Okay, thanks!" Dib yanked Zim away before the irken could be offended.
They might have found the store by themselves anyways. A huge smiley face had 'Duane's Clipper Hands' written across the teeth. Large robotic arms just below it opened and closed a pair of giant scissors, which served as the doors, in slow, precision timed snips. One couple dashed out the store, evading bodily harm from the sharp blades, but unable to save their dignity, as they mooned the people behind them out of their newly acquired pant flaps.
Dib and Zim looked at each other.
"Okay," said Dib, "On the count of 3, when the doors have just closed, we make a run for it, deal?"
Zim nodded, tightening her grip on his hand.
The scissors began to open, "One..." The blades reached the top and started to swing back down "Two..." and closed. Before Dib could finish counting, Zim ran full speed and dived at the barely opening entrance,
Colliding with another customer on her way out.
For an heart stopping moment, the two girls sat stunned on the floor underneath the deadly doors which, having reached their pinnacle, were already starting their decent back down. Their male counterparts rushed to scoop them up, Dib all but tackling Zim in his hurry to get to safety. The doors made almost angry hiss as they missed the boy's trench coat tail by mere millimeters.
'Talk about your close shaves!' thought Dib. (And the proofreader grimaced at the pun, wondering when the perverted jokes would come again. Ha! Ha! Ha! Come...) He looked down at the still slightly dazed alien in his arms, wondering why he hadn't just let the killer doors get rid of his problem for him.
"Ah! Welcome! Welcome!"
Dib turned towards the voice, to find himself facing a french looking guy in an apron, a rat-tail comb tucked behind his ear.
"How can we help you, mes ami? Would you like a perm? Perhaps some highlights? Contrasting colors are very fashionable this season you know."
Dib sweat-dropped, "Um, actually, we were looking for someone named Betty..."
"Ah, but of course you were! And you have found him! I am Betty Duane, at your service!" He bowed with a flourish of his hand.
"...Err, right. Anyway," he lowered Zim's feet to the ground, and helped her stand, "Can you do something about her hair?"
"Hmm..." Betty looked Zim over, circled her, tugging at patches of her hair.
Zim swatted angrily at his hand, "Cut that out!"
"Hmph, I suppose I'll have to." Betty shook his head sadly, "So many split ends! And so dry! It almost feels like you're wearing a wig!" He caught the alien's surprised look, "Oh! So you are! Nothing to be ashamed of, mon cheri. Now come, come!" The french man ushered her to a styling chair, "Your boyfriend may have a seat in the waiting area."
Dib advanced on them, "Hey, wait! She's not my--"
"Now, now. I know you must be nervous," Betty shooed him away, "But I can't work with spectators looking over my shoulder. Don't worry, this won't take long. Merely a matter of a new wig, and cut!"
"And don't even think of leaving, Dib-monkey!" came Zim's voice from behind the chair, "We made a deal! And plus I know where you liiiiiive!!! And I know what you did last summer!"
"Yeah, yeah..." Dib chose a random seat and flopped himself down it.
Now that things had slowed down, he had a chance to think about the day's events. Everything had happened so fast. It started as the usual routine, with the boasts and the insults. The turning point had been his burst of sudden break-dancing at lunch-time, followed by Zim's rescue/capture from the other girls. Then there was the startling revelation once they'd reached Zim's base, the embarrassing dance hunting in her computer lab, and now he had just saved her life so she could get a hair cut. Dib sighed. He'd been doing a lot of that lately, he noticed. (But it made him angsty, so no one cared!)
'Oh well, could've been worse,' he consoled himself, 'At least my underwear wasn't on display this time...'
"And, VOILA!"
Dib lifted his gaze to meet that of a another girl's. She had black, shoulder length hair, layered with strands in the front that framed her face. She narrowed thin eyeliner penciled brows and flipped her hair up impatiently.
"Our business is done here," she said, turning back to the stylist, "How much do we owe you?"
The two started discussing the price, the girl pulling out what looked like a MasterCard from her Tripp Jeans pocket. Transaction completed, she walked over to Dib and took his hand.
"Come on, I'll need some new clothes." she looked at the doors of doom and then back at their owner, "Isn't there some sort of 'off 'switch for those things?"
"But of course there is!" said Betty, "Once I shut them off, however, they'll never come back on again! If they stop closed we cannot go out, and customers cannot come in; if they stay open, thieves might come and vandalize my shop!"
The girl sneered, "Some sort of back entrance, then?"
"Well...there's a secret entrance I use when I first come in, but it leads into another store..."
"As long as there're no swinging blades..."
"Very well, but I hope you know I'm only doing this because I think you two make such a cute couple!"
He stepped into an 'Authorized Personnel Only' door and motioned for them to follow.
The girl tugged Dib behind her and did so. They came into a small room, with boxes of various things stacked up against the walls. Betty was standing beside a pair of taller ones with a little gap in between.
"I have to unlock the combination. Normally this takes a few seconds, but this thing is so old, it takes several tries for it to work. Please wait a moment."
As he turned back to work, the girl flicked her hair again, and brought her hand down to rest on her hip.
Dib blinked, "Zim?"
The girl holding his hand looked irritably at him, confirming his suspicions of her identity.
"What?"
Dib's free hand reached out and brushed a strand of hair from her face. Zim said nothing, but felt her cheeks grow slightly warmer.
Dib smiled, "This is a good look for you..."
"It's open!"
The two jumped back from each other, hands still interlocked, but just barely.
Betty stepped aside to reveal what looked like a closet. A full length mirror was on the door, and coat hooks stuck out from the back wall.
Zim glowered at the frenchy, "What kind of stupid worm baby trick is this?!" she screamed, "That doesn't look like the entrance to anything! Looks more like a trap!"
"That's because you're looking at the opposite end of a changing room" he explained patiently, "from Pretty Pretty's Tops and Bottoms Store."
Dib blushed. He could just imagine the reaction they'd get were anyone to spot the two coming out of a changing room together.
He looked at Zim, "You sure you don"t wanna take our chances with the front door?"
She growled and pulled him into the room, "I don't want to mess up my hair..."
Sidling up next to Zim in the enclosed space reminded Dib sharply of their elevator rides, but he said nothing, and just fixed his gaze on the opposite wall.
"Don't open the door until the one I'm holding is closed, and you hear a click!" Betty warned, "I don't want everybody else knowing about this."
Zim and Dib nodded and were plunged into darkness. They waited a few seconds, heard a faint clicky noise, and then Zim pushed out the other wall.
They stepped out and into Pretty Pretty's Tops and Bottoms
...lingerie section.
And, as Dib had guessed, they had an audience.
Zim stuck up her chin confidently and pulled Dib behind her as if they were doing nothing out of the ordinary.
They were approached by a woman with long coppery curls, plaid mini skirt, and a sticker on her blue T-shirt that read "Hi! My name is Jean.
"Can I help you look for something?" she asked, glancing pointedly at Dib, who was just as pointedly not looking at her, or anybody else.
Zim stepped forward to block her view of him.
"Yes, you can help me. " The irken glared, "I'm looking for something that'll make me look more feminine. I am attempting to become popular, you see--"
"Well, then!" Jean said, dropping her mean demeanor and becoming excited, "You have much to learn, young grasshopper!"
"Hey!" said Zim, "It's a skin condition!"
Jean nodded, "Your boyfriend will have to wait outside, though, as his presence is disturbing the other customers"
Dib said nothing, and just continued to look at the floor as it began to move under his feet. When it stopped moving, he felt his hand suddenly cool. He looked at it. It was the one Zim had been holding the entire day. He'd was amazed at how quickly he'd become used to the constant warmth and pressure. He also realized he'd somehow ended up at the front of the store near some shoe displays.
Although feeling immensly relieved at no longer being surrounded by lacy see-through garments, he could still feel the dissapproving stares of various women who were no doubt wondering what he'd been doing in that section in the first place.
Dib sighed (again. )
"I feel like such a pervert..."
Someone cleared their throat. Dib blinked back into reality and focused on the scene before him.
He caught his breath.
The sales lady was standing beside Zim, beaming proudly and giving Dib a knowing look.
Zim was wearing a white, long sleeved blouse with criss-cross lace ending just above the bust line, (although there were no boobs to under it anyway), a denim knee length skirt with a fitted cut that showed off her curves, and a pair of mid-calf high black boots.
Zim looked shy as she asked him, "So...what do you think?"
Dib remembered to breath.
"You, uh...you look...nice." Really nice! he added mentally. He was going to burn it into his brain for those late nights he couldn't sleep.
Sales lady smiled. "And this is just the beginning! You'll need at least one outfit, preferably more, for every day of the week. You NEVER wear the same set of clothes more than once a week. And you'll need to buy a new outfit every month..."
Sales lady helped Zim pick out half a dozen more outfits and she paid for with her MasterCard. They took their purchases and left the store, towards the food court. Since Dib had only had his toast for breakfast, and missed lunch, he'd convinced Zim to make the side trip.
They both got space meat burgers and lemonade, sat down and began talking. It was a pleasant conversation. No insults, no threats. They talked about school, toast, and even buying Dib a new coat.
A thought occured to him, "About that...where did you get a credit card from? When did you even get a bank account?"
Zim grinned, "I found it lying near one of those filthy monies dispensing machines. The machine kept asking me for a PEN number or something like that, but that soon became unnecessary after I made a few slight modifications."
Dib gaped, "You're using a stolen credit card?!"
"Weren't you listening, stink beast? I told you I found it! Zim is no thief!"
"You took something that didn't belong to you! What do you call that?"
"I call it finders keepers, losers, um...lose...SO THERE!"
"Zim, you have to give it back! Not only because it's the right thing to do, but if you get caught--"
"You're just jealous 'cause you didn't find it!"
"If I had, I would've given turned it in to the bank, right away!"
"You lie! Filthy, greedy, jealous lying worm baby! YOU LIIIIE!!!"
Dib had enough, "Fine! Do whatever you want, but when someone blows the whistle and you get arrested, don't expect me to come bail you out!"
"Fine! I will!...I mean, I won't!...I mean...ARGH!" Zim banged her fists on the table. "Stop confusing me!"
Dib massaged his temples, "Look, let's just go home and forget I ever said anything, okay?"
Zim smirked, "Fine."
They began the walk home, hand in hand, past the empty streets and dark houses. Dib hadn't realized how late it had gotten. He hoped his sister wouldn't lock him out.
Then again, if she did, maybe Zim would let him stay with--
Dib shook head. Where did that thought come from?! Zim was still a menace to humanity, and as Earth's sole protector, he couldn't afford to begin having feelings for her!
A little voice inside him whispered, You already do...
He shut his eyes, "Shut UP!"
"Whaaat?! I haven't said anything!"
Dib blinked, realizing he had just uttered his last thought out loud.
Zim cocked an eyebrow at him. (remember the pencils!) And the immature proofreader fell over laughing at the word 'cock'
"Err...n-never mind. It was nothing. I was just...thinking out loud"
"About what?"
"Don't worry about it, okay?!" Dib snapped, "I told you it's nothing!"
Zim continued to look oddly at him, but shrugged, stopping suddenly.
Now it was Dib's turn to cock brows, "Why are we stopping?" (giggle...XD)
"We're here." She said.
They were standing in front of Zim's house. Dib wondered how he could have missed the freaky looking gnomes and puffy pink blowfish staring at nothing with wide, lifeless eyes. Not to mention the fact that Zim's house was the only house on the block (maybe the whole city) that glowed with a faint green light.
"Oh," said Dib lamely. "Uh...do you...need help carrying these bags into your base?"
"I can handle it. I'm not some weak human female who can't fend for herself!"
Dib smirked, then he realized he was still holding Zim's hand. He blushed slightly.
"Guess I should...go home now..."
"Yeah," replied Zim "I guess so..."
Still, Dib didn't let go. He began playing with Zim's fingers. There was a certain feeling of tension in the air around them, as if something was waiting to happen. Dib felt he knew what something was, though he didn't want to admit to it. He saw Zim looking at him curiously, a lock of hair falling cutely out of place.
Well, maybe just a little... he thought.
Not taking his eyes away from hers, Dib slowly raised the back of Zim's hand to his lips and kissed it, giving it a little squeeze before letting it go and turning around to head to his house. He didn't have to look back to know Zim was staring after him.
Dib smiled.
Not bad for their first date.
