Chapter 15: Have you tried the Pinta Coowhatsis?

Dib, meanwhile, had navigated his way through the empty, if cluttered with wreckage, streets. Upon entering his house he went straight to his room and crashed onto his bed. He was feeling very tired for some reason. Later he woke up to the sound of his alarm going off. It sounded like it had been going off a while now. He groaned and rolled over, blinking groggily at the red numbers.

8:21

Instantly alert, he attacked his closet, sending dozens of identical blue shirts with grey faces and black trenchcoats flying. Where was it?

Aha! Dib pulled out the wrinkled black tuxedo his father had bought for him recently when he'd wanted him and his sister to accompany him to another Nobel Peace Prize party in his honor. He'd aslo gotten Gaz a frilly pink dress. The dress had mysteriously disappeared before the party even started and, later, Dib had found curious rose colored confetti in their dumpster.

He grabbed a spray can of wrinkle remover and emptied it on the tux, then almost strangled himself trying to change out of his old clothes while putting on new ones at the same time.

Ding-Dong-

Hopping down the stairs while trying to shove one of his legs into his pants, Dib almost made it to the door before one foot tripped the other, and he fell gracelessly on his face.

The doorbell rang again, and Gaz came out of her room, stepping on her brother's back and head on her way down, muttering, "Idiot!" and answered the door.

"Limo-Service" said an old British-looking man whose name could only be 'Jeeves.'

"Eh?" Dib looked at him confusedly from his awkward position on the stairs, "I didn't order a limo..."

"Duh!" Gaz said, "I did!"

Dib stared slack-jawed at his sister. "You're going to the dance!"

"I ordered it for you, Genius!"

Dib blinked, "Wow..." Several times. Something thoughtful from his sister? "Gaz...I don't know what to say."

Gaz snorted, "How about, Thank you? Geez, you're so pathetic! Here you are, the oldest child, and I still have to baby-sit you! Now hurry up! You're being charged by the hour!"

Dib pushed himself up and dusted his newly wrinkled tux, then his head snapped back up, "Wait a second! I'm getting charged!"

Gaz opened an admonishing eye.

Dib wisely kept his mouth shut.

It turned out the limo driver's name was Henry, but said everyone called him Jeeves, and would his passenger please be so kind as to lie down so that his abnormally large head wouldn't block his rearview mirror?

Dib grumbled, but did as he was bid, his new vantage point letting him get a glimpse of the Playboy magazines stashed under the driver's seat.

Before he could work up the nerve to sneak a peek, the limousine violently braked, causing him to leave an imprint of his face on the back of the passenger's seat.

"We have arrived at the Weird Green House with Freakish Lawn Gnomes, sir!" Henry informed him, as per Gaz's description where to pick up Dib's date.

The passenger door opened of own accord, and Dib's head flopped out, allowing him the upside-down view of a pissed off Zim with her arms crossed and her foot tapping in a red and black flower embroidered layer gown, the skirt layers lined with black sequins. She looked beautiful. Dib told her as much.

She stopped looking angry long enough to cock an eye at Dib, then walked forward and shoved his head back inside, taking her seat simultaneously as she did so.

As Dib sat up, the driver again asked him to lie down, meaning he'd have to rest his head in Zim's lap. Zim was ready to loudly protest this action, but when explained, she could not fault the driver's logic and so resigned her lap for the time being.

The cold silence took much of the pleasure from the situation, but not all of it. Dib just couldn't help enjoying the silky softness of his new head-cushion and wishing the school were a thousand miles away.

All too soon the ride was over. Dropping the pair off at the gym's entrance, Henry drove off into the maze that was the parking lot.

The gym was gaudily decorated with shininess, everything from disco balls and strobe lights to glittery balloons and confetti. There wasn't any music playing yet, but the room was filled with the voices of hundreds of students talking. Dib wasn't in the mood to mingle with the crowd, but then he noticed Torque Smacky with his boys at one of the tables smile at him and wave him over.

He glanced at Zim, "Er-"

But she was already gone, heading toward a group of females gathered near the refreshment stand.

Torque gave him a hardy slap on the back in greeting, and though it left Dib wondering if his shoulder was merely dislocated or broken, he managed not to fall on his face.

"Hey there, stranger! Too busy spending 'quality' time with your girl to hang out with us, huh? You know you still owe us that story..."

Dib popped his arm back into its socket as he sat down. Not broken then. "Uh, yeah, I guess I do, huh?...Oh, hey, before I get into it, who are you guys out here with?"

Torque shrugged, "Nobody. We're just here for the free food." As if to prove his point, he grabbed a handful of nachos on the plate in front of him and stuffed them in his mouth, chewing noisily. "This party's boring, though."

Dib smiled nervously, making sure he addressed the whole table, "Yeah, well, the dance hasn't really started yet. Maybe when they play the music and people start dancing it'll get better.

The boy sitting to his left snort-laughed, and the rest of them just grinned mischievously, "Yeah," he said, "It'll be great!"

Dib raised a curious eyebrow at them, but they just continued to smile at him. He looked instead to Torque, "What-"

"Here!" Smacky shoved a cup of something in front of him, "Why don't you have a drink, Dib"

Dib stared suspiciously at the yellow liquid, but not wanting to offend, went ahead and gave it a careful sip. Pina Colada. With a hint of something else...

"It's good," he said, "but has a funny aftertaste."

Torque smiled wider, "That would be the 90 proof."

It took a minute for Dib to digest the information. When it hit him he almost choked, "You SPIKED the Pina Colada?"

"Keep your voice down!" one of the others hissed, "But, yeah. Got it from my Dad's cabinet. He won't miss it."

Dib debated with his conscience whether or not he should do something about the situation, when the guy right in front of him leaned forward and said, "Hey, Dib, isn't that your date standing on the table over there?"

He hadn't heard Zim's voice over the general buzz of all the others, but now that he turned and locked his horrified focus on her, he could make some words out.

"...stink-monkies!...my victory...am ZIM!"

"ZIM!" Dib echoed, as he shot out of his seat and pushed through the crowd that had gathered around her.

Zim turned her head wobbly at the sound of her name, holding a cup in the hand she wasn't waving around and dramatically gesturing with.

"Aha!" she cried, "DIB! Dib can tell you!" she said to the crowd, and then back to him, "Tell them!"

The crowd suddenly parted and left Dib standing alone and confused at its center, "Um...what?"

Zim gave him an exasperated look, "Tell them they have no chance of winning this dance! You were there! I programmed you! They should all just surrender now and save themselves the humiliation at our feet! BWAHAHAHA!"

The force of her laughter caused Zim to teeter off-balance and Dib cut his way through the crowd once again, just in time to catch her as she fell. She smiled up at him and brought the cup she was holding up to his face.

"Have you tried the Pinta Coowhatsis? It's very good!" Zim downed the drink in one shot and looked over to the nearby punch bowl, "I think I'll have another."

"I think you've had enough," Dib hefted her weight and turned an apologetic gaze to the others, "Sorry. She's just a little overexcited...Excuse us-"

As they started to leave, Zim looked over Dib's shoulder at her former audience, "You're all going to be my slaves, you know!"

Dib grit his teeth, "Shut it, Zim!" he whispered fiercely.

Zim glared drunkenly, "You dare tell Zim to shut her 'it'?"

Snickering to his left distracted Dib's attention for a second. He turned to look at Torque's table as they passed by it. Smacky's lackeys smiled and started laughing louder when he did, but their leader just shrugged at him, although he was wearing a pretty big grin himself.

Dib growled but kept going.

Zim started squirming. "Unhand me, human! Where are you taking me? Zim demands you release me this instant!"

Dib hefted her again, "We're just going outside for a little fresh air...and stop squirming or I'll drop you!"

Zim would have continued to struggle anyway, but once outside the sudden drop in temperature made her curl up against him.

"Augh! It's cold, worm-beast!" she whined.

"You'll live." said Dib, as he sat Zim down on a nearby bench and took a seat next to her. They were close enough to the gym so they could hear when the music started, but not so much that the people inside could just look out and see them.

Zim wrapped her arms around herself and shivered, "I want to go back inside!"

As soon as she stood up she began to falter. Dib stood as well, holding her steady.

Zim leaned her weight into him. "I don't feel so good..."

"Then sit down." said Dib as he made her do just that.

"But-"

Before she could finish, Dib's tuxedo coat was off and draped around her shoulders.

Zim blinked once. She looked up at the boy incredulously.

Dib crossed his arms and held them close to his body. "Any other complaints?"

Zim blinked at him again. Then she frowned and looked away. "Stinky meat worm!" she hissed, "What do you care? Only want to hurt Zim! You and your topsy tables and traitorness! Not love!" her head hung down to stare into her lap, "Said you loved me! Filthy lies! Lies through your huge head! Cute, though. Wish you loved me-"

She began to cry.

Dib was at a loss. He'd made Zim cry again. He sat down next to her and gingerly put a hand to her shoulder. "Zim...Zim I-sorry." he hung his own head, "I'm sorry, Zim"

Zim buried her tear streaked face in his shoulder, throwing her arms around the boy's neck and hugging him tightly. Dib awkwardly put his other arm round her waist and waited for her to cry herself out. When she finally did his shoulder was sopping wet and he wondered what kind of chemicals were in Irken tears that didn't burn her.

Zim shifted her head to the dryer territory of Dib's chest and sighed, "I'm tired, Dib-human."

She looked it, too. "Take a nap. I'll wake you up when the music starts."

Zim nodded and closed her eyes, immediately falling asleep, her breaths becoming slow, soft and even.

Dib watched her for a while then raised his head to the sky, as he often did when life troubled him. There were a few stars out tonight, but even those failed to have their usual soothing effect on him. It suddenly occurred to Dib to wonder why he hadn't seen Shirley or the others around. Maybe they'd decided to come fashionably late? Did Zim have something to do with it? Now really wasn't the time to ask, given her current state. Would the alcohol affect her dance programming? If it did, would that be a good thing? If they lost, it would just be one more failed Take-Over-The-World plot of the invader's to add to her list. Maybe he should just let her sleep through it. Maybe he should turn her in as she was to the government and end it already. But was that still even an option after all they'd been though? Maybe he should...

Dib sighed and rubbed his temples, deciding he'd let his eyes and mind rest. Just for a minute.

He was tired too.

(End Chapter 15)

Invader Zae: Yes, he did!...for NOW(mwaahaha)

Capra hircus: Am wanting of 'GO ZIM!' flags! Where can I get such marvelous things?

Tapangwa: Have updated! Now you must review! Yesh!

SingerOfDoom: Do not feel 'nobodyish'! Fics with more chapters get more reviews! Tis the circle of life and whatnot!

Dark HAppi Buniy: And I love your reviewingness, yet again! Thankyou!

Anime Obsessor YR: Zim is not stupid! He's advanced

InsaneKiwi: The trustingness is up to Dib! Will he be worthy of Zim's trust?

Hamato Kameko: Wow! All in ONE reading? You flatter me! (becomes flattened by review, friend comes by and peels me off linoleum floor, shakes me whole and leave) Yes, well...thank you.