Hey gang!
This is going to be posted without beta-ing. Been a crazy weekend and my laptop has an issue so took longer than expected to get this section down. Grrrr!
Thanks, for the feedback and the patience. I'll try to have the rest of it done before Monday. Woo Hoo! ;)
Jackie
Part 2 – Of Names And Other Things
Mac was enveloped in the warmth radiating off of Harm's body, mixing with her own warmth to make the space under the covers a very, very, very cozy place to be. The pillows were propped up in an angle where they were almost swallowed by them, creating this little nook on the bed that was just too comfortable to get away from. It was seven am, and on vacation that was much to early to be awake. Still, she was reeling from so many things. And then there were the other tonnage of things that she started worrying about. With her wanting it to, a sigh escaped her and caught the attention of Harm who was sifting through his thoughts as well. "Isn't it much too early to be awake?" Propping an eye open, he grinned and snuggled her closer. "What time is it?"
"0701." She said, then added another sigh for good measure. "I didn't wake you did I?"
"Nope, my thoughts did."
"Mine too." Mac kept her eyes trained on his in the half darkness of the room, a smile gracing her features as he leaned in and kissed her. This was definitely something she could live with, waking up in his arms, kissing him in the early morning. She reached a hand up and ran it gently down his cheek. "I love you, so, so, Much." It was amusing how just a few simple words could make her feel so much exhilaration.
Harm grinned, finally understanding why things didn't work out before. Mac didn't just need actions, she needed the words. For that matter, he needed them too and damn did it make him feel special every time she told him she loved him. "So what were you thinking about?"
That question must have been one of the most loaded ones she'd ever had to answer. She wasn't just thinking about A thing. There was a large amount of things, mostly surrounding their nuptials. Things that she was afraid would make him upset. Things that were starting to scare her, like work. What would they do with JAG? Sighing, she glanced at him, shaking her head with a frown. "I. . .I don't want to make you angry."
Anger was the furthest thing from his mind. With the cryptic answer she gave him he was worried more than anything else. "I'm not going to be angry, Mac, but you are worrying me."
She bit her lower lip, how the hell could she tell him? Wasn't it a main point of getting hitched? "It's not really something to be worried about. . .Well, it is, but. . .ah,. . .I mean." Ugh, how she hated bumbling through words.
"Spill it, MacKenzie."
For the umpteenth time she sighed. "You just said it."
He just said what, exactly? It took a second or two, and even then, Harm wasn't entirely sure what in the world she was on about. "Said what? That I am worried?"
"No, after that."
"Spill it?" This morning, was quickly getting weird and it was too damned early for it to be weird.
Mac shook her head, then turned away from him slightly before breathing out the words, "MacKenzie. . . My last name."
Harm's sleep hazed mind was having trouble processing whatever she was trying to tell him. So, he remained silent until it hit him. "You don't want to change your name when we get married? Is that what's been bothering you?"
"Something like that."
There was a silence between them and Mac was sure she'd hurt him, again. But, wasn't that the one thing they were really good at? She bit her lower lip, but instead of feeling him pull away, the hand on her hip just tightened as did is arms around her. "Mac, I don't care what your last name is as long as you say 'I do.'" Chuckling he added, "Hell, if you want, I'll change my last name to MacKenzie."
"No, I like your last name. . . thank you. . ." She snuggled herself closer to him, unconsciously hugging his torso. It was a relief, a big relief to know he didn't have problems with this. "I thought you would be angry. . .but it's not just a name to me. . .it's a badge, something that reminds me what I came from and what I have to do never go back there."
Harm rolled onto his back, then gently pulled Mac over so that she was laying her head on his chest. "Mac, Harriet didn't change her last name either. . .And Bud doesn't love her any less for it."
"You're sure it's alright." Mac placed little butterfly kisses on his chest, her fingers tracing circles over his abdomen.
"Yes, Mac. . .it is." In truth, it really didn't bother him that she wanted to keep her last name. Many military spouses did that, it was just much simpler than changing so many things. "Now can we go back to sleep?"
Mac groaned, "Actually, there's something else."
Sighing, he turned back onto his side and propped his elbow up so that he could hold his head up with his hand. "Mac, maybe you're worrying too much?"
She knew he had a point, but there were things that she needed to clarify before they took the next step. "I know. . .but. . ." She trailed off and sighed. "To you I've always been Mac, not Sarah."
Harm nodded. Unlike all of her other boyfriends, he didn't automatically shift to calling her 'Sarah.' Though he had from time to time, she'd always be Mac to him. "Uh. . .okay. . .I guess I call you Mac more than Sarah."
"Exactly. . .I've always been Mac. . .most guys I've gone out with, eventually make the transition to Sarah, but they never knew who she was."
Harm was a little confused. Yes, they were together, they were doing good, but seeing as he had this little foot in the mouth problem, he decided to stay quiet and wait for her to clarify. When she didn't he tentatively asked. "What do you want me to call you?"
"Whatever comes natural to you. . .I've always been Mac. . .And that's fine, because you do know Mac and you do know Sarah. . .Actually, I think you're the only guy who really knows who Sarah is."
Grinning, he leaned in and kissed her. It made his heart race to know that she felt he knew her better than others. It was something, he knew, was earned through the years. Unlike others, he never had a preconceived notion of who Mac was and what she was capable of. She'd always surprised him. "I like calling you Mac. . .that's how you introduced yourself to me. . .I-I think Harm and Mac sounds kinda. . .umm. . .well. .. cute."
The look in his eyes, that boyish charm of his was shining through and Mac couldn't help but laugh. He was just too cute. "Harmon and Sarah doesn't have that same air of cuteness?"
"Uh, no. . . I have to say, I really don't like the name Harmon too much." He made a face and Mac raised her eyebrows in surprise.
"You don't? I never knew that."
It was his fathers name, so, for that reason he wore it with pride and honor. But Harmon wasn't the best name to have when you were a child. "I wasn't a popular kid in school and that name. . .well, let's say I got picked on a lot. . .Herman, Hormone, Harmoan. . .some people just couldn't figure out how to pronounce it. . ." He rolled his eyes, remembering year after year when he had to clarify for his teachers the pronunciation of his name. "Now, Harm. . .well, it's different and really worked when I was in high school playing football. They used to say 'Get out of Harm's way!'"
"Your mother showed me pictures when you were younger. . .I have to say, Mr. Rabb, you looked mighty sexy in those tight football pants. . . especially that six of yours." She reached under the covers and squeezed his butt slightly. "Thankfully that hasn't changed."
Harm writhed under the covers when her hand trailed up from his six and over his hip to a rather ticklish area. "Red light, Colonel!"
"Red light?. . Harmon you prude, you can't red light your soon-to-be wife!"
"Ugh. . .I am going to hear you call me that whenever you're pissed at me, aren't I?" He stared at her with mock hurt, then received a poke on his side for good measure. "Hey!"
"Harmon Rabb Junior!" Mac said in a tough voice, then broke out in laughter.. "Yea, that could work nicely. . .like reprimanding a child or something." She winked at him, then snuggled up a bit more. God she loved him.
A child. The thoughts about the child they probably never would have flashed through his mind and, unconsciously, he held her tighter. They hadn't really discussed kids much, save for that spat in his apartment. Harm wasn't kidding when he said it wasn't that important, that what really needed was just to be with her. Still, it saddened him that Mac could have such a beautiful gift taken away. "I. . .I know we sorta talked about it. . .you know? Having a baby?"
So in synch were they, that in that brief moment of silence before he spoke, she was thinking the same things. "Dr. Chen said I had a four percent chance." But, each time she looked at Harm, seeing the love and concern in his eyes, it was hard to deny her want to have a baby with him. "Every time I think about that stupid deal we made. . .it. . .hurts."
"I know how it feels like for me. . .But, I can't and won't pretend to know what it's like for you, Mac." Out of everything between them, he really wished he could take this pain away. Even if it meant she were with another, he really wanted her to be happy. "Look, we'll give it a try. . .Not now." He emphasized, "But, we will. . .I just want to spend time enjoying being with my wife without tainting things."
Mac rose her characteristic eyebrow and stared at him with a confused expression. "Making a baby would taint things?"
"Yes."
Surprised, she held her emotions in check, knowing he had to have a valid reason for suggesting that. And Harm didn't wait long. "I met another Naval officer in law school, we got to be pretty good, friends, shared some private information. . .His wife had fertility issues. . .He had, what they call 'lazy swimmers' and all it did was put their chances to have a child slim to none." It was odd to him that, after all of this time, now is when he understood what anguish his friend had been going through. Back then, not being able to have a baby, was just that, with no emotional attachment. Now, it was different, much different. "They tried the old fashioned way, that, of course, didn't work. . .Then they tried fertility clinics, gimmicks, acupuncture, natural supplements. . .He told me once that it got to the point that they weren't making love anymore. . . it was just sex, boring sex. . .It wasn't spontaneous. . .To make a long story short and add insult to injury, she ends up leaving him and getting pregnant by the guy she shacked up with."
Mac's jaw dropped. "You're kidding me." He shook his head and she let out a low whistle. Life was weird that way. He touched his face, slowly running her fingers over his features. "I want to enjoy this too, flyboy. . .Let's make a promise, that if we ever have to do the fertility clinic thing and we start to get freaky, we'll stop before it destroys our marriage?" She brought her hand out from under the covers and held it out to him. "Deal?"
"Deal." And they shook on it. He pulled her close again, rolling over so that she was beneath him as he smothered her with kisses.
She returned each kiss, deepening them before breaking away with a mischievous grin. "When we get there, I think we are going to have a LOT of fun trying to get pregnant the old fashioned way."
The grin was nothing but infectious. "We have a lot of time to make up for. . .I mean, I can currently count the times we've made love. . .that has to end."
"Oh yes." She kissed him again, deeper this time as her lets wrapped around Harm's waist. "Care to add another round to our current number?" As a response, he kissed her again. It would be several hours before they made it out of bed.
(AN: AH! Why won't Mac take the name Rabb? - Well, I don't want her to. I like the name MacKenzie, thank you very much! A cousin (step cousin, whatever) of mine is in the Marines, and I asked him about names. . .He told me that some of his friends that are both married and in the military either hyphenate their last names, or keep their last names because that name has been carried with them since they went into the service. Okay, so "Why not Hyphenate it?" I HATE hyphenated names and don't like middle names either. – I don't have one! - So, don't get pissed at Mac, those of you that get pissed at Mac over things, blame me. ;))
