Woody looked at Devan. So helpless, yet so evil, so malicious. No doubt about it, she was a calculating, conniving bitch. Like the popular cheerleader at high school, who had her army of friends and was with the hot footy player. Hey, that would make Woody the footy player, right? Well, this footy player was turning down the cheerleader in favour of the girl who started fights and sat in the corner playing the guitar.

Yeah, go Woody!

"See, the problem with you, Devan, is that you're just so… immature."

Devan starred at him. Immature? Immature? "Immature? Woody, it's not like I eat ice-cream for breakfast anymore…"

Jordan chuckled "Yeah, my bet is that you're a Fruit Loops fan!"

"Nope. Coco Pops."

Yeah. Devan Maguire, the oh so mature one.

Jordan's brain suddenly switched from breakfast cereal mode to rapper mode.

"Could you guys see me as a rapper?"

Woody suddenly had a vision of Jordan on MTV, wearing black leather shorts… tight shorts… short shorts… and an eency weency bikini top, bashing up guitars and shaking her booty. Whoa, that was some vision.

"Oh my gosh, you can be anything you want to be, baby… I mean, sexy."

Devan cringed at the way Woody emphasised that last word, he said it so… sexily.

"Why the fuck would you want to be a rapper?"

"Cos I want to communicate to the world through my music!"

"Yeah, like you've got something to the world?"

"Yeah, and like your hair is naturally blonde?"

Devan starred at Jordan, confused. "But it is."

"Yeah, and my skin ain't black."

Devan was getting totally confused now. "But you're white…"

"Says who?"

"Um, hello!"

The two girls both turned at Woody so their dispute could be settled, but Woody was just standing there with a glazed look in his eyes, as if he was picturing Jordan in one of those music videos that are too raunchy for a PG rating…

"EARTH TO WOODY!"

"Wha?" Woody came back down to Mars.

"I say her hair is dyed."

"I say my hair is naturally blonde."

"I say I'm black."

"I say her skin is WHITE!"

Woody starred at the two girls for a moment thinking it all through. He thought very hard…

"Jordan's right."

"COME AGAIN?" Devan pouted. Jordan just smiled evilly at her before kissing Woody on the cheek.

It was only a small peck on the cheek, but they may as well have been fucking right there in front of her, because Devan was so disgusted. Although she shouldn't count her blessings yet…

She was trying to figure out ways to kill herself… although the possibilities are sorta limited when you're handcuffed to a chair. Knife to the chest… damn, she'd need a knife. Knife to the head… damn, she'd need a knife. Knife to the foot… damn, she'd need a knife. Hold her breath until she died from lack of air… damn, she'd need a knife.

Or would she?

She stopped breathing… saying goodbye to the world mentally… her body crying for air. She held her breath for as long as she could. When she couldn't stand it anymore she opened her mouth, breathing deeply, before realising her blunder. Ha, stupid.

"So anyway Devan, I wrote a song about you. I think it's very good, you'd probably be proud."

"Ooo let's hear it!" Squealed Devan excitedly.

Woody looked up, Jordan was going to sing a song? What if his MTV visions were premonitions? Jordan in skimpy outfits… her hair flying everywhere… Let's just say Woody was glad that everyone's eyes were at head level.

"Woody, gimme a beat!"

So Woody started beat boxing a la the Charlie in Kangaroo Jack (yes, the one that looks like Woody!) and Jordan started the rap…

Yo, yo wassup now… this is Lil Miss JME

(note to people who don't get it, it stands for Jordan Medical Examiner… I mean, like DUH!)

She was shaking her booty… but not as pornographically as she had been in Woody's visions.

Yo Devan you came from wherever to Boston
Ya think you're so cool but really you're frostin'
Ya think you're hot, but you're not, you're just a smelly little turd
People like you should be neither seen nor heard
And if ya do so much as whisper, you'll have to answer to me
And ya'll end up on the table in autopsy three
The hardest thing for me will be to slice, not stab.
Stab- whoops sorry Devan, STAB STAB STAB!

Devan never gonna get the fella cos he's mine
Devan never gonna get to see his sexy behind
Devan definitely never ever gonna be
With Woody cos HE'S MY MAN
And he's gonna be with me

At this point Woody crossed his arms and added a very DMX-ish "Yeah."

Devan watched in awe. Man, Jordan was good. Definitely better than Woody. Although Woody did have some other stuff going for him… such as his major HOTNESS! Jordan was hot too, but Devan didn't really see that because she wasn't really into girls.

I can see you're not at home here in Massachusetts
Cos you belong on the streets with druggies and prostitutsets
Lifting your skirt up over your head
And getting men to pay you to take you to bed
Your daddy always knew you would turn out a slut
That's why he left you before you were old enough to shake your butt
You spend your days smiling making everyone else cry
The world will be a better place AS SOON AS YOU DIE!

Devan never gonna get the fella cos he's mine
Devan never gonna get to see his sexy behind
Devan definitely never ever gonna be
With Woody cos HE'S MY MAN
And he's gonna be with me

Ok now peeps, gonna try something new
Ok listen up cos this is for you

Everybody knows

That Devan picks her nose

And rubs it in the dirt

And eats it for dessert

Woody joins in

Everybody knows

That Devan picks her nose

And rubs it in the dirt

And eats it for dessert

Despite herself, Devan joins in enthusiastically.

Everybody knows

That Devan picks her nose

And rubs it in the dirt

And eats it for dessert

author joins in

Everybody knows

That Devan picks her nose

And rubs it in the dirt

And eats it for dessert

you join in

Everybody knows

That Devan picks her nose

And rubs it in the dirt

And eats it for dessert

Come on, I'm serious! SING!

Everybody knows

That Devan picks her nose

And rubs it in the dirt

And eats it for dessert

AND I BET SHE THINKS ITS YUM!

A guitar fell from the sky and Jordan caught it and started to bash it on the floor, rocker style… although that didn't really make much sense because she was meant to be a rapper… oh well, who cares.

"Whoa, Jordan that was really good! You are a great song writer!" Devan squealed from her chair like an eleven year old meeting Guy Sebastian. Jordan gave her a stare and Devan soon came back to reality. She was handcuffed a chair, and Jordan was soon going to be pulling out her beautiful teeth. Bitch.

Hey missy, watch you call a bitch!