Oh, no… it seems I've been accused of plagiarism. I assure you, I had no intention of doing so. It's not like the FCC should tackle me for borrowing a few lines though…

Behind the scenes, where everybody is sucking up to Carlotta

The managers and the ladies with the freaky hairdos start kowtowing to the spoiled Spanish bitch

Carlotta: AH AVE BEEN SOH ABYOOSED! AH MEAN, STAHP GIVING MEH AHLL DES GEEFTS! AHLL AH RELLY WAHNT IS WORLD DAHMINATION!

Firmin: Yeah, we'd give it to you if we had it, but here we are…

Andre: Have another revolting doggie in the meantime! Gives her revolting doggie

Carlotta: AH MAH GAWD! EES SOH COOTE. HUHSHA BOO BOO DAHGEH!

Phantom from behind: I pity you… here, take your aspirin. With this awful Delilah hanging around, I feel almost terrible not giving it back sooner.

Firmin: Thank you, conscience. My head is about to implode from her indecipherable ravings

Carlotta: OOS AH PRETTEH DAHGEH? OO IS! WEEEEEEEEE!

Firmin: See what I mean?

Phantom from behind: Yep. Say, why don't you give her part to Christine? It would make more sense, dumbass.

Firmin: I know. But, where's the plot twist? We're doing this solely to make that Phantom guy pissed off.

Phantom: This bit's dying. I'm outta here leaves

Andre: on with the show! Wait, Carlotta, you have birds nesting in your wig.

Carlotta: AH, BOIDS! GETTUM OFFA MEH!

Birds fly away

Madame Giry: Y'know, this is going to make the phantom mad. But why am I telling you this again? You two chowderheads never listen.

Andre: Chowderheads? How funny. We is both smart guys

Firmin: Me too!

Madame Giry: Suit yourself.

At the gala, during the performance of… whatever that is.

Carlotta: ugh, sings SERAFINO MAKES MEH LAFF, AH HAHAHAHA!

Christine, opposite of drag queen steps onto the stage

Performance continues

Phantom: Did I not instruct that Miss Daae is to be playing the lead. What's your beef?

Meg: He's here, the Phantom of the Opera!

Christine: Gee, nothing gets past you, Meg, huh?

Carlotta: YAHR PAHRT IZ SIHLENT, LIHTULL TOAD!

Phantom: Au Contraire, Mademoiselle, perhaps it is you who is going to make an utter ass of herself.

Carlotta: FAT CHANCE! AH AVE A BEAUTIFULL AAAAUHGGGGGGHHH!

Audience: gasp!

Carlotta: AHDHDHFGGGGGUHGGGGGG! AUUUUUUUUUUUGGGHHH! GUGGLE!

People: Get off the stage! You're sucking up the performance!

Andre and Firmin: Please remain calm everybody! The performance will continue in ten minutes time when Miss Daae will be playing countess!

Audience: Yay! Culture!

Andre and Firmin: See, everything is under control. Here's the ballet!

Little ballet people come out and start dancing

Sheep: Bah!

Little ballet people trip on sheep

Andre: See? Everything is going smoothly!

Buquet falls to the stage dead

Everybody screams

Firmin slaps Andre

Firmin: You just had to say "smoothly", didn't you?

Guy in audience: wow, this opera reallysucks.