Oh, no… it seems I've been accused of plagiarism. I assure you, I had no intention of doing so. It's not like the FCC should tackle me for borrowing a few lines though…
Behind the scenes, where everybody is sucking up to CarlottaThe managers and the ladies with the freaky hairdos start kowtowing to the spoiled Spanish bitch
Carlotta: AH AVE BEEN SOH ABYOOSED! AH MEAN, STAHP GIVING MEH AHLL DES GEEFTS! AHLL AH RELLY WAHNT IS WORLD DAHMINATION!
Firmin: Yeah, we'd give it to you if we had it, but here we are…
Andre: Have another revolting doggie in the meantime! Gives her revolting doggie
Carlotta: AH MAH GAWD! EES SOH COOTE. HUHSHA BOO BOO DAHGEH!
Phantom from behind: I pity you… here, take your aspirin. With this awful Delilah hanging around, I feel almost terrible not giving it back sooner.
Firmin: Thank you, conscience. My head is about to implode from her indecipherable ravings
Carlotta: OOS AH PRETTEH DAHGEH? OO IS! WEEEEEEEEE!
Firmin: See what I mean?
Phantom from behind: Yep. Say, why don't you give her part to Christine? It would make more sense, dumbass.
Firmin: I know. But, where's the plot twist? We're doing this solely to make that Phantom guy pissed off.
Phantom: This bit's dying. I'm outta here leaves
Andre: on with the show! Wait, Carlotta, you have birds nesting in your wig.
Carlotta: AH, BOIDS! GETTUM OFFA MEH!
Birds fly awayMadame Giry: Y'know, this is going to make the phantom mad. But why am I telling you this again? You two chowderheads never listen.
Andre: Chowderheads? How funny. We is both smart guys
Firmin: Me too!
Madame Giry: Suit yourself.
At the gala, during the performance of… whatever that is.
Carlotta: ugh, sings SERAFINO MAKES MEH LAFF, AH HAHAHAHA!
Christine, opposite of drag queen steps onto the stage
Performance continues
Phantom: Did I not instruct that Miss Daae is to be playing the lead. What's your beef?
Meg: He's here, the Phantom of the Opera!
Christine: Gee, nothing gets past you, Meg, huh?
Carlotta: YAHR PAHRT IZ SIHLENT, LIHTULL TOAD!
Phantom: Au Contraire, Mademoiselle, perhaps it is you who is going to make an utter ass of herself.
Carlotta: FAT CHANCE! AH AVE A BEAUTIFULL AAAAUHGGGGGGHHH!
Audience: gasp!
Carlotta: AHDHDHFGGGGGUHGGGGGG! AUUUUUUUUUUUGGGHHH! GUGGLE!
People: Get off the stage! You're sucking up the performance!
Andre and Firmin: Please remain calm everybody! The performance will continue in ten minutes time when Miss Daae will be playing countess!
Audience: Yay! Culture!
Andre and Firmin: See, everything is under control. Here's the ballet!
Little ballet people come out and start dancingSheep: Bah!
Little ballet people trip on sheepAndre: See? Everything is going smoothly!
Buquet falls to the stage deadEverybody screams
Firmin slaps Andre
Firmin: You just had to say "smoothly", didn't you?
Guy in audience: wow, this opera reallysucks.
