Firmin and Andre come in leading their poodle-esque dates. Carlotta and Piangi swagger close behind
Everybody starts singing and dancing randomly
All: Masquerade!
When do we get paid?
Masquerade!
These costumes itch like hell!
Christine: 'K. this is pretty cool, this secret engagement thing. I love you, but I won't kiss you, hug you, hold hands with you, overall touch you, or come within a ten-foot radius of you.
Raoul: Fair enough. Let's go spike the punch.
Dance continues. Authoress gets dizzy from watchingFirmin: great party, Andre. But I wonder why anybody hasn't spiked the pre-spiked punch yet?
Meg falls over laughing like a hyena.
Firmin: There you go!
Everybody starts running for the stage. Christine and Raoul kissChristine: Maybe I violated my principles, but that was one helluva smooch!
Raoul: Yep. You're even better than Meg!
Christine: Excuze moi?
Raoul: Didn't say a thing. Oh look, culture on the stairs!
All on stairs: Masquerade!
Someone hit me with a spade!
Masquerade!
This number is driving me batty!
Phantom: Enough dramatic tension! Here I come!
Everybody: Whoa. A dude in red. Why isn't he wearing black or gold?
Phantom: Shut your ponyholes, you peanut gallery. I've got a boatload to say!
Firmin: Hold me, Andre! Handsome young men in masks scare the bejesus out of me!
Phantom: Yep, I'm back, and nobody seems to be jumping for joy. I brought you a copy of my opera! It took me forever to write, because Kinko's was friggin' closed!
Firmin looks downFirmin: Dude, it's called a jockstr-"
Phantom: SILENCE! I'm not finished. Carlotta, get that cork out of your butt and stick it in a wine bottle! Piangi, whoever the hell you are, observe Atkins. Firmin and Andre, go hump the legs of the obscenely wealthy somewhere else.
Andre: I'm sensing some bad vibes. He says it like it's a bad thing.
Phantom: Shut it, you limp noodle.
Christine's is just staring dumbly. Raoul runs to the can at the most inappropriate time possible.
Phantom: I'm sure she'll do well. After all, I am her teacher.
All: Gasp!
Christine walks up to phantom.
Phantom: 'Sup? What, did you lose your fop in the wash?
Christine: No, he's in the john.
Phantom: Yanks off her necklace that's not the point! You cheating little-
Everybody staresPhantom: Guess I'm too weird for the room. Later vanishes in a big fake, fiery kaboom
Raoul ambles back in cinching his beltRaoul: What'd I miss?
