P.T.O

I skipped Mme Giry's tale because, well, I don't joke about things like that.

In the dorms Christine randomly gets up and heads to the stables

Stares at the dozing Raoul

Christine: Such nobility. I've seen more bravery on billboards for sleeping pills.

Gives Raoul a wet willy

Christine: Hey stable dude! Gimmie a pair of horses and make it snappy! Chop chop!

Stable dude: Whatever. Do you always prance around in your underwear?

Christine: None of your damn business. Now, do I have to get those stupid horses myself?

Stable dude: No, I got it

Christine ambles away.

Stable dude: Bitch.

Phantom knocks out stable dude. Raoul wakes up

Raoul: Oh my God, Christine is gone! This is partly my fault!

Pigeon: Dumbass, it's all your fault!

Raoul: Whatever. I'm not going to waste time talking to reptiles!

Phantom: My God, you gotta be deaf not to hear that ten feet away when the fop hears it almost a quarter of a mile away. Coo coo!

Christine: To my father's grave please, and step on it!

Phantom in disguise: You got it, babe! Giddy up there, Snowball!

They clatter away

Raoul comes charging into the stable, scratching his butt

Raoul: What'd I miss?

Stable dude: I dunno. Your chick just rode away with some guy in a mask.

Raoul: Well, this doesn't take a genius to figure out.

Goes to Starbucks

Starbucks geek: Hey, chap, your girl ain't here. Get lost!

Raoul: Damn. Guess I'd better try the graveyard. Rides away

Meanwhile, back in the world of smart people:

Phantom in disguise: So, seen any good movies lately?

Christine: Nah. I find today's media to be bloated and shallow

Phantom in disguise: My lord, are you always on?

They get to the graveyard. Christine hops out

Phantom: Enjoy. I don't give a rip how you get home.

Drives away Christine goes to her father's grave

Christine: How I miss ya, pop!

Phantom from above: I miss you too. Nice dress. Now, will you walk into the mausoleum and come sit on my lap like a good girl?

Christine: sure, why not? I'm just dumb enough to fall for this bitone more time!

Doors open

Phantom: Get the lead off. I can't stand here singing forever!

Raoul rides up

Raoul: Christine, I hate to break it to ya, but this guy isn't your daddy.

Phantom jumps down from the roof

Phantom: Okay, let's go, beeyotch! I've had just about enough of your foppishness!

Raoul: Bring it on, grandma!

They start sword fighting

Christine: Wow, didn't see that coming.

Raoul starts shrieking and trying to scratch phantom

Phantom: What are we, in third grade? This is no place for catfights!

Christine: sighs can we hurry this along? I promised Meg I would help her sort out her pigeon-toedness!

Both guys: Sure, alright. Works for me.

Phantom flops on his back

Raoul raises his sword over his head, preparing to stab phantom

Christine: No, Raoul! It would be a plot dead end!

Both guys: A plot dead end? Perish the thought!

Raoul tries to get on horse but falls off the other side. Does this about ten times. Christine and phantom are snickering

Raoul: A little help here!

Phantom: Whatever gives fop a boost

Christine jumps on horse

Raoul: Thanks, bub. Now, go to hell!

They ride away

Phantom: Whoever marries the fop is in for a very entertaining wedding night. I swear eternal vengeance on the pair of you!

Looks around stupidly

Phantom: I've gotta stop doing that!

Shuffles away again