Raoul: Say, guys, I've got an idea. The guy you think is the phantom is just a regular dude!
Firmin: I'm not following…
Raoul: We should, like, set a trap of some sort. Dig a pit in the middle of the floor and cover it with leaves.
Andre: I'm not following…
Raoul: Or we could just have Christine sing in his opera. He's sure to come watch.
Firmin: I'm not following…
Raoul: We basically catch him like a fruit fly in a cookout potato salad. Does anybody notice that I seemed to have gained like fifty I.Q. points since that asswipe stabbed me?
Andre: No. This plan sucks. Suppose he doesn't come?
Raoul: Then that's your problem!
Firmin: Whatever. The fop here's due for a big screw up anyway.
Raoul: Cool. Excuse me while I go flat iron my hair.
In the creepy chapelRaoul ambles in
Raoul: Whassamatter? Do you just sit in this creepy chapel for kicks?
Christine: Nope. I'm just weirded out by your dumb plan. I'll bet anything phantom kidnaps me!
Raoul: I'll bet you fifty francs and my curling iron that you walk off that stage safely.
Christine: You're on, bozo.
Raoul: thinks she's so great. Mummy said I would end up tending ferns for love.
Raoul tries to hug Christine
Christine: Buzz off, creep. I've got enough pests to deal with as is
Phantom in hiding: Ooh, shot down!
Raoul: thinks yep, only if mummy could see me now!
Ambles away
In Phantom's lair
He's waiting in his whitey-tightys for the washing machine to stop
Phantom: Damn Maytag! I'm going to miss the show because I bought one of their junked up washers!
Waits longer
Phantom kicks washer
Washer: Ding!
Phantom pulls out a pink shirt, pink undies, and pink slacks.
Phantom: What the hell? This was a white load.
Pulls out a red sock
Phantom: Ha ha ha. My ghostly sides are splitting! The world is a funny place, but only if you like sick humor.
Puts on pink clothes
Phantom: This will be a memorable night, if I can make it to the stage without getting beaten up. On with the show!
