Dun dun dun! Don Juan Triumphant!
Orchestra dude: Get on the stage, you slobs!
Ugly people dance onstageAudience: How disgraceful. There isn't even a cliché love story or garish costumes. What has become of this already lax art?
Christine totters onstage. Falls into the orchestra pit
Orchestra dude: Stand up straight, you ditz!
Christine ditzes to the middle of the stageChristine: Lalalalalalalalalalala trips
Piangi: I vas goh to ze glory hole. Vill be bahk ven ah feel laik it!
Waddles off Phantom strangles PiangiPhantom: I don't know you; I just know that I hate you.
Audience in 2004: Yeah. Get bent, dude!
Phantom sneaks onstagePassarino: Master? We are not worthy!
Phantom: Go find your grandma. I want to do this alone!
Christine is just like staring at the audience like an ADD watching squirrels cross a road
Phantom: sings
You have come here
In pursuit of your deepest, most sublime, kinkiest drools itch
In pursuit of that wish that should stay silent
Christine: Mother f-
Phantom: I'm not done! Sings
Past the point of no return
No backward peeks now
What warm, unspoken secrets titters will we learn?
Beyond the point of no return.
Raoul is reading a YM magazine
Raoul: So, according to this quiz, I'm a pretty pink or a giggly green. Yippee!
Christine: I- damn it Raoul- have come here- that's him- hardly knowing the- the phantom- reason why- picking his nose!
Phantom looks around, embarrassed. Takes finger out of nose.
Christine: sings in my mind I've already imagined our bodies giggle entwining, defenseless and silent.
Phantom: Ooh, dirty girl. Does the little whip noise
Raoul: It's final. I'm a pretty pink! Once again, YM has saved my life!
Looks onstage
Raoul: Hey, who's that hot guy on stage? I've always had a thing for guys in masks.
Phantom: Okay, I'm thoroughly creeped out. Looks at Christine I vote we get outta here before the frog prince up there gets any weird ideas!
Christine: Wait. I have an idea!
Yanks off phantom's mask. all the ugly comes out
Christine: Ew. Gag me with a spoon.
Phantom: This sucks. Let's get outta here before you get any other bright ideas!
Christine: 'kay.
Both jump in hole that happens to be in the middle of the stage
Audience: Gasp! Wait, I'm confused. What the hell does this have to do with the opera?
Orchestra dude: It's… avante garde?
Audience: Works for me!
Phantom's voice from above: Eat crystal, beeyotches!
Chandelier falls
Audience: Scream!
Raoul: This is one screwed up opera. Goes back to reading magazine
Phantom: Wait, I thought you were slightly smarter!
Raoul: Let me put it this way… don't stand near the gas lamps for more than five minutes!
Phantom: Oh. Well, I stole your chick.
Raoul: Hey! That's not fair! You aren't supposed to do anything that causes me mental strain!
Phantom: I'll send you a muffin basket. Dumbass.
