Phantom: So, babe, which do you like better, lilies or dandelions?
Christine: Bite me.
Phantom: That could be arranged. Purrr.
Christine: You've been living underground for too long. I've seen better pick up lines in front of a daycare!
Phantom:… are you coming on to me?
Christine: No!
Phantom: Fine then. I'll just give this big ass wedding ring I got for you to charity.
Christine: Oooh. Shiny. Maybe I am coming on to you.
Phantom: I don't understand women one bit, and I'm not going to try to make sense of this one!
Christine: Can I hold the pretty ring? Can I taste the pretty ring?
Phantom: Enough yammer. We've got company!
Raoul comes and starts banging on the portcullisRaoulI'm going to kill you with my bare hands, phantom! I nearly drowned in one of your god-forsaken traps!
Phantom: Crap. I forgot about those. Well, everybody keeps telling everyone else to build a better mousetrap, so voila!
Raoul: Let me in. I've got…. Licorice!
Christine: Let him in! I'm sick of eating vermin.
Phantom: 'Kay. So, nobody sees any danger in this situation?
Raoul and Christine: Nope. Why should we? We both seem to have the collective I.Q. of a dust bunny!
Phantom lets fop inRaoul: Nice place. So what do you pay for a dump like this?
Phantom: I'm tired of people dissing my pad. Hang 'em high!
Puts noose around fop's neckRaoul: something tells me that I was just an accessory in a cruel joke.
Christine: Yep. Your entire life seems to be a cruel joke, eh, Raoul?
Phantom: this is too good to be true. I can either kill the fop or keep Christine! My fortune cookie was right!
Reads fortune cookiePhantom: You will either kill a loser or keep a reluctant chick. Isn't this Far East craze awesome?
Raoul: Not really. Sesame noodles give me the vapors.
Phantom: Riiiight. Now, Christine, pick what you want. A life with me and a free fop, or freedom and a dead fop the choice is yours!
Christine: eenie meeine minie moe, catch a tiger by the toe…
Raoul: Something tells me that she doesn't give a rat's ass what happens to me.
Phantom: Yeah, kinda takes the gratification out of it.
Christine: Too hard to choose. I have a better idea. Why don't we just get phantom a gerbil and I'll kill Raoul myself later.
Phantom: no, gerbils creep me out.
Christine: Then I guess I have no choice.
Kisses phantomAudience in 2004: aw! That's kinda cute and gross at the same time!
Raoul is silently having an aneurysm
Phantom: Wow. You're even a better kisser than Meg!
Christine: What?
Phantom: Nothing. Now beat it, both of you.
Raoul: My rescue mission is successful!
Christine: Jackass, I saved you.
Raoul: Whatever. Let's get outta here before freakazoid over there gets any funny ideas,
Christine: Wait. I gotta do something first.
In Phantom's bedroomPhantom: Masquerade,
My heart just got slayed
Masquerade
Guess I'll go watch Jerry Springer.
Audience in 2004: Sob. How sad!
Authoress: Waaah! Boo hoo blows nose on friend's sweater
Phantom starts laughing
Phantom: I'm sorry. The monkey is just so funny!
Christine comes backPhantom: Yes, you can take my collection of international cheeses. I hate it anyway.
Christine: That's not why I came back. I wanted to give you your big ass bling back.
Phantom: Oh. All right.
Christine: I'm leaving now. You just take care. I'll send you a quiche. Leaves
Phantom: this blows.
Mob: Let's get 'em! Fat Tony, gimmie that bag a' cement. We gots some stool pigeons to take care of!
Phantom: Wrong mob. This isn't The Sopranos
Right Mob: Huzzah! Track down this murderer he must be found!
Phantom: Ooookay, this puts me in a bit of a pickle.
Starts breaking mirrorsAudience in 2004: Alrighty then… he's breaking mirrors when he's about to be lynched. What's his problem?
Passageway appears. Phantom goes throughPhantom: See you in hell, mob!
Mob comes.
Mob: Huh. He's not here. Well, we should have seen this coming. Who's up for Chinese?
Mob leaves
Meg and Persian fall out of closet
Persian: What'd I miss? Wipes lipstick off his face
Not the end
