The TARDIS materialised and the Doctor stepped outside. A large sign was in front of the large concrete building the TARDIS was right outside, which read, "Headquarters of the American Empire". The Doctor grinned. Sometimes American stupidity really paid off. They were not, however, stupid enough to leave their headquarters unguarded, and so two guards with, presumably, loaded guns stood outside the large gate.
"Hello," the Doctor grinned. The guards frowned.
"How'd you get that blue box to appear?" one of them asked uncertainly. The other smacked his mate over the head.
"Idiot!" the second guard said. "Only God can appear out of thin air!"
The Doctor smiled innocently. If all the guards were going to think he was God, why did he need a gun?
The first guard, unfortunately, wasn't as sure as the second. "I don't think God looks like that," he told his mate. "We might want to take him in for questioning."
Not more questioning! Couldn't anyone think of something more original than questioning him or killing him?
"Wait a minute!" the Doctor exclaimed. "How do you know what God looks like, eh? Maybe long scarves are all the rage up there... you don't know. You're not dead. And," the Doctor just had to taunt, "if you did die, I wouldn't be so sure you were going to heaven." The Doctor looked smugly at the two confused guards.
"What do we do?" the first guard asked the second – who shrugged.
"What do you want from us?" the second guard asked the Doctor humbly.
"I would like to see the boss of this Empire," the Doctor grinned. "I have some instructions for him."
The two guards were astounded. Apparently this statement fitted in with whatever they believed. Good news for the Doctor, at any rate.
The Doctor was led through various corridors, but at least not backwards. Indeed, the guards appeared to treat him as a revered guest, even stopping to apologise when they trod on his scarf. It was a nice change. Finally, he was led into a grand office. A single man in military uniform sat at the desk.
"Good afternoon," the military man greeted the three. "And who might you be?"
"He is the real thing, sir," one of the guards told the man sitting at the desk, who nodded briskly.
"I can see that," the man remarked icily. "He does not appear to be a hologram."
"No, sir," the same guard argued. "He is... Him."
The military man felt like laughing, so he did. "Him? You two are so gullible."
"But he made a blue box appear!" the second guard argued. "And, he stepped out of it!"
The military man stood up and glared at the guard. "What kind of god needs a gun, eh?"
The Doctor's face fell. Last time someone had proved he wasn't a god, he'd nearly died. Looking around, he noticed the two guards glaring accusingly at each other.
"OUT!" the military man yelled at the two guards. The two guards hastily obeyed, leaving just the Doctor and the man.
"So," the military man said accusingly, "was this your idea of a joke?"
"No," the Doctor answered truthfully.
"Well, what do you intend to do here, eh? Steal important confidential plans? Run amok?"
"Save the world," the Doctor answered truthfully again, infuriating the military man even more.
"With what? A gun?"
"Yes, and a telephone."
The military man glared at the Doctor. "Firstly, we're doing a superb job at saving the world. Secondly, you can't save the world with a gun and a telephone."
"That's what you think," the Doctor answered pointedly.
The military man laughed to himself. "I'll make you a little bet, Doctor. If you can 'save the world' with a gun and a telephone, I'll spare your life. Otherwise, I won't."
The Doctor hesitated. What kind of deal was that? Saving the world was a matter of opinion. Still, it would at least give him time. "I accept your deal," the Doctor informed him. He then pointed his gun at the man. "Now, pick up the phone."
The military man scowled. "You can't do that."
"You have the telephone, I have the gun," the Doctor replied loftily, not informing the man that the gun wasn't loaded out of pure common sense. "Now pick it up."
The military man continued to scowl, but obeyed.
"Good man. Now, I want you to give an order to your entire army. Entire army. That is, every single member of it."
The military man visibly mouthed insults while pressing the buttons on the phone. Before pressing the last button, a thought crossed his mind. "What happens if I don't?"
"Then I shoot," the Doctor lied. The military man nodded and pressed the last button.
"Hello," he spoke into the phone.
"Now," the Doctor intoned, "I want you to recall your entire army to this building in four days."
The man was appalled, and on the verge of arguing until the Doctor waved the gun at him.
"Hello?" a cool, female voice issued from the phone. "Are you still there, sir?"
"Yes," the man answered. "I want to recall the entire American army here in four days."
A pause. "You can't be serious, sir," the female voice eventually sounded.
"Do I sound like I'm joking?" the man spluttered.
"Very well, sir."
"And," the Doctor interrupted, "I want you to say that order cannot be countermanded. By anyone. Including yourself."
The military man was even more appalled than he had been previously.
"Is there anything else, sir?"
"Uhh... yes," the man reluctantly continued. "This order cannot be countermanded. Not even by me."
The shocked silence on the other end seemed nearly as appalled as the man's. For a silence.
"Very well, sir," the cool female voice replied, and with a sharp click, the conversation ended.
The man was now highly irritated. This man had just ruined his empire! Well, when they arrived in four days, he'd order them on a massacre, just to make the world pay...
The Doctor was grinning. "I believe we had a deal, General. Good bye."
Before the military man even had time to order his arrest or execution or anything, the Doctor had sprinted away.
