Disclaimer: Not mine.

Paine3: Thanks for reviewing! You'll find out in this chapter who it is in the picture.

blue eyes: Thanks for reviewing! No, Yuna doesn't know about this beforehand. If you read a part of it over again (in the first chapter, near the beginning), Rikku found it on her own and wanted Paine to come to see it. Yuna wasn't even in the picture until she figured out that Rikku and Paine were going on an "adventure" and she got angry. And really, Rikku didn't have much of a clue as to what she found either. She just noticed Paine's resemblance to the girl in the picture.

PenArtist: Thank you for reviewing! I'm posting it right now, as you can see. :)

sdreamz: Thank you for reviewing! I'm glad you like the revised version better. That's what I was aiming for. Hopefully you'll like this chapter as well.

Without further adieu, the second chapter!


May She Rest in Peace – Chapter Two – My Story

Many things happened at once after those five words left my lips. One was the look that appeared on Rikku's face, her eyes glinting with a mixture of fear, confusion, and concern. I looked over at Yuna, who was simply staring at me, her eyes too misted over to pick out a single emotion from their depths. Rikku had told me, a long time ago, that Yuna used to get this look whenever she realized something that changed her outlook on something, or someone. I knew that her expression must've been what the Al Bhed was talking about.

It was unnerving. More so than how I felt from reading the words themselves on the back of that picture.

My reaction seemed minuscule. My eyes widened, and I felt a slight throbbing in my chest, as if something was trying to force its way out. I knew that this was something that had everything to do with me, but I didn't know what it was. I did know that I felt nauseous when I finally realized that I didn't remember the circumstances of the picture, or, really, even existing as a girl that age. It was all a thick cloud of haze around the back of my mind.

"Paine? Are…you alright?" Yuna's voice, shaking, asks. I let out the breath of air that I hadn't realized I was holding. I looked back up at the two girls, my face feeling suddenly older. The silence surrounding the three of us right now is nearly deafening. The tension of the moment is building up so much that I could feel the invisible pressure pounding against my ears, leaving them ringing as I opened my mouth to answer Yuna.

"Yeah. I'll be fine," I answer briefly, willing my voice to not give away my lack of comfort. I didn't want to think about this now. I didn't ever want to think about it. And yet, I knew that one day I was going to have to relive it. I sighed.

It's like some unknown force wants me to tell Rikku and Yuna what happened such a long time ago. It's as if they expect me to suddenly open up and reveal my life story to them. I realize now, as I look at this picture, that there is very little about my past that was enjoyable. I only remember it from a little while ago, the past that spawned my hatred for Yevon and its teachings, despite my dream to fight with the Crusaders to defeat Sin. The child in this picture was inevitably me, but then again, I had no recollection of this girl.

Yuna takes the picture from my hands somewhat reluctantly, as if she was scared I would attack her for touching a possession of my past. Yuna examined the words on the photo, and then looked at me again, her face now showing more confusion.

"Paine…This is in Al Bhed," She observes, handing the picture to Rikku, who nods as well and hands it back to me. The Al Bhed's green eyes settled on mine, and for a moment, I think I saw a glint of maturity in Rikku as she was trying to search me in her attempt answer her unvoiced questions. I silently tried to tell her that I knew just about as much as her, but I don't think she understands. We're still too distant to be able to understand each other without words.

I looked at the words again. I still read those same English words I read before, the letters neatly written in loopy writing, the words smudged and bleached from years of exposure to the desert. I glanced up at the two girls, wondering if they had gone mad, then I shifted my gaze back down and focused more on the writing than the meaning.

My breath caught in my throat. Sure enough, the script was in Al Bhed. I'm surprised I didn't catch this. It's as if, instinctually, I translated it in my brain before my eyes could register what they were reading.

"So it is," I began, trying to stay under control against the struggle going on in my mind. I felt something give in at that moment, like a part of my mind broke away, allowing for this new discovery to settle itself into my conscience. I closed my eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before I continued with what I was saying. I opened my mouth somewhat, but I couldn't think of the right words to say. Probably something that would change the subject or lighten the mood would be best.

"Why don't we head back to the hover?" I suggested, trying to act as neutral as I could, but I think I might have feigned too much excitement at the prospect of returning to the hover. Rikku and Yuna didn't seem to notice this flaw, however, and they agreed, their worry and confusion still plainly plastered on their faces.

So, after that brief outburst of emotion, I once again put on my usual mask of emptiness. I put the picture back into the box, and carefully placed the lid back onto it. I contemplated just giving the box back to Rikku, but I figure that would only prompt more questions from her, so I kept it instead and pivoted on my right leg so my back was to the other two girls. Then I started to gradually make my way back to the hover. As if on cue, I heard the first of a barrage of questions I knew would come upon our return to the Celsius.

"Well, aren't you going to tell us who that is?" Rikku asked as she caught up to me. I stopped for a moment and looked down at the sand, the granules reflecting how I felt at that moment. Like all of this time, I had worked to protect a past that could've possibly been false. The truth was slipping through my fingers. I could feel it.

Maybe…No, I don't need to remember that. It's bad enough that I still haven't gotten over the ordeal with the Crimson Squad. Almost all of the people that know about my past are dead, and the ones still among the living seem to be hanging on by a thread, in most cases. They might be strong on the outside, but I've seen them crumble before, and they can't hold up this masquerade for long. I know how it feels to have to live a lie, and it eventually makes you lose yourself. You lose who you are, and what makes you stick out from everyone else.

I have become just another face in the sea of Spirans. The general records held by Yevon from my days in the Crimson Squad hint nothing about my past. Baralai told me so when we were together one day. I remember that he started asking me questions as well, but he stopped once he figured out that I was uncomfortable about the subject. Now, I finally remembered that there are more classified files in the halls of New Yevon, and a good chance that one of them may hold the truth, may even answer some of my questions I've had since I was little. If only Rikku would respect that I don't want to talk about the whole issue….

I looked ahead once again and started moving, this time my pace was quickening. I felt my feet sliding sluggishly through the sand, reluctant to move. Maybe the heat is just finally getting to me now that I'm more vulnerable than usual. I don't want to be vulnerable. I hear the girls' footsteps crunching against the sea of sand from behind me. Even if I did want to tell what happened, would Yuna and Rikku be the first ones I want to tell? Maybe they should be the last, because I do like them, but they aren't close to me like Baralai, Nooj, and Gippal were. There must be someone out there that needs to know first. Then it comes to me. There is one person that needs to know about my past most of all: Me.

I think about this last thought for a while, turning over the logic in my head. It's like I'm one giant puzzle, and only the edge pieces have been put together. The rest is still empty. I really don't know what happened in the beginning. I don't know what started all this chaos in my life. It hurts me just to think about it. And now that I've seen this picture, I just ache more. Maybe I'll just tell them that it was something that had to do with the Crimson Squad. Of course, the three guys from that squad won't believe that for a second.

Then again, what they don't know won't hurt them.

"It's just a picture of someone I knew, that's all," I answered, the tone of my voice seemingly giving away my insecurity. I wasn't lying, that picture is of someone I knew. There was no mistaking it. I don't even understand it myself, how I remember days of it so vividly, but I can't translate my thoughts into words. I'm still trying to puzzle together my own life. Maybe someday it will all be figured out. I'm pulled from my thoughts as the wind suddenly rushes past me, the speed and force of it making me momentarily lose my balance. I glanced back over my shoulder for an unknown reason. Rikku is still looking at me with pleading eyes, as if she knows that I'm hiding something. For some reason, she seemed to restrain whatever it is she wanted to ask.

Thank you, Rikku. You will never know how much your silence means to me at this moment.

I finally saw the hover come into view and I grinned inwardly because I knew I was only moments away from leaving this dreadful place. The Celsius is a comfort for me, the feeling coming from one of my good memories of times long past. Memories…like when Nooj, Baralai, Gippal, and I were talking about dreams. And how they turned that dream into a metaphor to explain to the people of Spira how we are all one body of people, and that we must stand united and help Spira rise up from all the past losses.

It never occurred to me that maybe that metaphor was meant for me as well.

I've told people that it's better to let go of your past, and that, as hard as it may seem, it only helps you in the long run. I tell them that all they need to worry about is what they are doing now, not what they did a year ago, or ten years ago. And as cliché as this statement may sound, I should follow my own advice. It's not a matter of me just letting go; in a sense, I've been letting go for years without any of my memories leaving me. I need to get my questions answered, and be more comfortable about me 6 years ago before I can even think about being emotionally stable in the present.

I broke into a quick jog as I got closer to the hover, the burst of speed pulling me farther away from Yuna and Rikku. I'm not escaping my problems. I intend to face these developments later, when I am armed with more knowledge than I possess at the moment.

I concluded finally that I would talk to the girls later. Of course, in my mind, later could mean anywhere from an hour later to years later. I don't need to specify. Both of them know that they'll have to wait if they want to hear about it. And that I'm going to be even more stubborn about the whole topic if they start interrogating me. I reluctantly returned to my previous spot on the machina vehicle and I shifted uncomfortably in my clothing again. I'm starting to wonder how I'm going to navigate out of my clothes when I get back to the cabin to take a rest. The leather seems to have latched itself to my skin.

I figured that maybe it would be better for all of us if I just kept the truth to myself. Lying always worked for me in the past. It's the one thing that kept me alive while I was in the Crusaders, and one thing that helps me push away the truth. If I can fill the blank voids with what I want to believe, then I'm not hurting. All my memories can stay in their spot in the back of my head, never to be tampered with. I felt my lips form into a small, sad smile.

If only life was that easy.

What I remember is little, but the few memories I have held onto for so long still cling to me like a frightened child to their mother. I'm confident that I'll eventually forget; I've forgotten about everything else, it seems. Then there's that faint voice in the back of my mind that reminds me that my memories aren't going anywhere. The subconscious thoughts and feelings that I have hidden are expressed in my mind and stored. It's those times when I curse at myself for having such a vivid, acute memory, despite the large gap that veils me from my earlier years of childhood.

If only it was so easy to let go. To brush away like grains of sand from one's skin. Then I would truly have nothing to hide, nothing to dwell on in my moments of silence and solitude. And then I wouldn't be in this situation. I let out an exaggerated sigh as we glide along the sand on the hover once again. Yuna and Rikku have decided to leave me alone for the trip back to the airship. If only they could be this considerate all the time…Maybe I would be more open to them, and then they wouldn't have to bother me with their relentless questions.

Yuna seems to understand when I'm willing to answer her questions, and when I'm not, because the few times she's questioned my past, I answered her. Vague answers, yes. Still, they were answers. Rikku, on the other hand, will ask a question about something from my past in the middle of a conversation about blitzball. I didn't think it was possible to have such bad timing until I met Rikku.

I think that the day is coming to an end, because the weather is actually becoming tolerable. There is a faint cooling breeze that accompanies the hot, humid air passing as the hover moves. I almost yell out in relief once I see the red glint of the docked Celsius, the bold colors a heavy contrast from the tans of the desert. I can picture myself spending the rest of the day in the Cabin, my problems being pushed to the back of my head, adding to the ever-growing "to be dealt with" pile. And then after the brief (I will make sure it is brief) questioning session from Yuna and Rikku, I will figure out the best course of action from here. My past is just waiting for me to uncover it. I can almost feel it teasing me, like someone is dangling an important document just beyond my reach. It's a very frustrating feeling.

"Home, sweet home! C'mon guys! Last one to the ship is a rotten egg!" Rikku did a small victory pose as she clumsily jumped off the hover, her feet landing ankle-deep in sand. I feel the sides of my mouth twitch slightly in a small grin, and I nodded to the Al Bhed and followed her back to the Celsius, only turning back to look at the hover to make sure Yuna was following behind. She was still sitting on the hover, interested in the box that Rikku discovered. I jogged back to Yuna and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Yuna," I said simply. In reply, she snapped out of her thoughts and looked up at me, her eyes squinting at me as if she was trying to figure me out with one look. I could almost guarantee her that all she was going to accomplish by looking at me like that was a stiff face and some blurred vision. I gestured for her to get off the hover, and she followed, carefully cradling the box in her arms as she walked behind me.

Rikku had stopped in front of the lift onto the airship, her arms flailing wildly above her head as she impatiently waited for us to catch up. Yuna finally looked up at me again before we were within earshot of the Al Bhed.

"Paine," she began, stopping momentarily to face me. She was now looking at me, her gaze almost hardening into a glare. I stared back at her, my eyes focusing on her multi-colored ones. "Who are you?"

I was taken aback by the question, and I took a step away from Yuna, looking away from her. The ex-summoner continued burning holes into the side of my head with her eyes. I shifted my gaze to settle on Rikku, the lesser of the two evils at the moment.

"Who am I?" I repeated, prompting a nod from Yuna. She looked down at the box in her hands, the old wood still sturdy-looking despite how old the box must be. Who am I? I'm a sphere hunter, but I'm not really looking for spheres in general. I'm still an unknown person to everyone that's ever met me. Maybe the truth is that my life is still too buried under the façade for it to be excavated right away.

I didn't give Yuna an answer until we reached the Celsius.

"Yuna, I can't tell you who I am," I answered carefully. Yuna's eyes widened at this, but lightened when she realized I wasn't finished yet. "But I can tell you what I'm not. I'm not a liar," I finished; satisfied at the answer I gave, despite its vagueness. Yuna seemed satisfied enough with the answer as well, because she silently nodded and handed me the box containing the picture. I stared, dumbstruck, as she walked into the airship with Rikku, who was completely oblivious to what had just happened. I carefully opened the box, looking once again at the picture in the bottom.

I guess I never thought that maybe it was time for my story to unfold. And from the looks of things, this was just the beginning.


There you are! Another chapter of May She Rest In Peace. I hoping to get as nice of reviews as I did last chapter! Again, if you have any questions, I'll answer them in the next chapter.

CC