"Is that?" said Harry slowly.

"Yes, Harry, unfortunately, I think it is." Said Ron.

Both of them were staring straight at McGonagal's desk. Or rather, what was on her desk.

"A bottle of ink…?" said Harry, his mind just beginning to realize what he was seeing.

"And it's…" said Ron slowly, not daring to say the word.

"Spilled?"

The word hit them both like a slap in the face.

"OH, NO, HARRY, DON'T SAY IT! I CAN'T LOOK!" screamed Ron, covering his eyes and diving behind a trash bin.

"Boys, come on, pull yourselves together." Said Dumbledore.

Wait, Dumbledore?

"Professor, what are you doing here?" asked Harry.

"Nothing… nothing…" said Dumbledore, acting very casual.

"Oh, okay." Said Ron, getting up from behind the trash bin. "Let's go, Harry."

"Okay." Harry started to leave with Ron, but then he paused. "Um… Professor?" asked Harry.

"Yes, Harry?"

"Why are you wearing a bra?"

"Oh, darn it!" said Dumbledore, trying very unsuccessfully to cover up the silver and very lacy brassiere he was wearing over a bare chest. "I thought you wouldn't notice."

Ron brought his hand to his mouth, looking like he was trying to fight something back. Harry, against his best judgment, decided to continue with the questioning.

"And… why are you in McGonagal's office?"

Dumbledore, now looking very uncomfortable, searched for words to say. "Well, boys, I guess I should start the explaining…"

He stood up, revealing that he was also wearing a pair of silver panties.

Needless to say, Harry and Ron ran like the wind.


"Okay…" panted Harry, out of breath. "Let's just agree on this. THAT NEVER HAPPENED."

"Agreed," said Ron. "Anyway, where do you think McGonagal is?"

"I don't know. Maybe she's in Gryffindor tower. We might be able to get to her and not be late for class."

"Let's go!"


Meanwhile, inside Gryffindor tower…

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU COULDN'T FIND A PLACE TO HIDE HER?" yelled a very short wizard to a very tall one, who was holding an unconscious girl in his arms.

"Exactly that," responded the tall one. "I looked for a place to hide her, and couldn't find one."

"Oh, great," said the short one. "I tell you to find a place to hide Harry's little friend. Then I come back and find that you're WALKING AROUND with her, still looking for a place to hide her! You were WALKING AROUND with an UNCONSCIOUS GIRL! Can you comprehend what I'm saying?"

"What was that?" asked the tall one, taking the wads of cotton out of his ears. "Sorry, I couldn't comprehend what you were saying."

The short one paused for a second, and then went on.

"You… IDIOT! If ONE PERSON found you, JUST ONE, what do you think they'd do? Apprehend us! Our cover would be blown! You have to be the dumbest person I've met! Even dumber than that drunk old hag I found in a pub five years ago! Need I remind you just how dumb she was? She would…"

The short one took this opportunity to put the wads of cotton back into his ears. He sneered. "Works every time," he said to no one in particular.

Suddenly, the short one paused. The tall one took the wads of cotton out of his ears for a second to try to find out what he was pausing for.

"What are you-?"

"Shut up!" hissed the short one at the tall one. They both fell silent.

"Footsteps!" they both whispered at once.

They were trapped. Just around the corner were approaching footsteps, and, since they were at what seemed to be a dead end in a very long corridor, there was no way of getting out without being discovered with the unconscious Hermione in their hands.

"QUICK!" hissed the short one. "TRY TO FIND A PLACE TO HIDE HER!"

As the footsteps drew ever nearer, the tall one and short one both searched their immediate area for an opening, a large object to conceal Hermione from view, anything. In their haste, the tall one bumped against an odd-looking portrait of a very fat lady.

"Ouch!" said the Fat Lady. "Are you going to just stand there all day, bumping against me, or are you going to go in?"

The tall one was dumbstruck, but the short one didn't want to second-guess this chance. "We'll go in, and hurry!" he hissed quickly.

"Password?" asked the Fat Lady.

"Dang!" said the short one, knowing that their detection was most likely imminent.


"Hey, wait up, Harry," said Ron, as he and Harry were about to turn the corner that led to the Fat Lady's portrait.

"What's wrong?" asked Harry.

"Oh, nothing, something just compelled me to stop here and waste a few seconds," said Ron.

"Ron, sometimes you scare me," said Harry.

"So… do you wanna turn this corner now? Seeing as Hermione's life may be in danger?"

"Right!" said Harry, starting to turn the corner. But all of a sudden, he stopped.

"What is it?" asked Ron.

"Even though Hermione may be in mortal danger," said Harry, "I just had to stop and admire the incredible design of the castle floor. I mean, every stone fits in perfectly! You'd think this castle was built yesterday, rather than ages ago!"

"Yeah, I know!" agreed Ron. "Even though every second we waste might mean a likelier death for Hermione, I just have to stop and agree with you on this one!"

Meanwhile, the short and tall men were trying valiantly to figure out the password.

"Um… lemon drops?" asked the short one in vain.

"Ooh, I like lemon drops!" squeaked the Fat Lady.

"So, that's the password?"

"Nope."

"How about chicken?" the tall one offered.

Both the Fat Lady and the short one looked at the tall one.

The tall one shrugged. "I like chicken."

"Look here," said the short one, trying to look as threatening as possible, "we need to get into whatever room you're guarding, see? And we need to be in there now, see? So either you let us in now, or some of your pain might… smudge… see?"

"Sure, I'll let you in," said the Fat Lady. "Just give me the password."

"Oh, she's good," said the short one.

"Um… let us in… please?" tried the tall one.

"You IDIOT!" hissed the short one. "If I literally threatened paint smudge and she wouldn't budge, why on EARTH would you think that ASKING NICELY would-"

"That's the password!" said the Fat Lady happily. "Please!" She swung open to reveal the portrait hole leading to the Gryffindor common room.

The short one paused for a second. Then he ushered the tall one to push Hermione in. They both came in after her, and the portrait hole slammed shut.


At that exact moment, Harry and Ron rounded the corner, sprinting.

"NO TIME TO LOSE!" said Harry. "WITH EVERY PASSING MINUTE HERMIONE'S CHANCE OF SURVIVAL- ooh!" Harry suddenly screeched to a stop, causing Ron to, also.

"Look at that brilliant suit of armor!" said Harry excitedly, pointing at a suit of armor beside the Fat Lady. "It's so shiny!"

"And I thought the floor was good!" said Ron.


Awesome, I got reviews. Yay, I'm not totally horrible at this! Thanks!