AN: It just works, okay?! Anyway, this is a fanfic for the GAME, and Zhou Yu + Xiao Qiao is wrong. I'm gonna change that. And the Three Kingdoms is now an organisation for secret agents. I'm also gonna make Zhuge Liang his actual age (younger than Zhou Yu), and a few others younger as well.
THE ZHANG HE FILES
Prologue: Zhang He - Secret Agent
Zhang He was lounging around in his bed, half asleep, as it was seven in the morning. Way to early for him. For a secret agent like him, he reckons he should only wake at noon.
Meanwhile...at 3K HQ
"So what shall we do?" asked Cao Cao, as Lui Bei flicked through the files. "We have never had a threat like this before."
"It seems like sending our best would be murder..." said Sun Jian. Yuan Shao scratched his beard.
"How about sending someone expendable...?" he suggested. "Who is the worse agent we've ever employed?"
"Zhang He. Quite a vain critter. Good for nothing. Lazy." Lui Bei said. They all grinned evilly.
Chapter 1: Zhang He's first case.
"Yo! Zhang He!!" Lu Xun ran over to Zhang He. He was the agent's strategist and brains behind everything. Except he never got to use his talents, yet. And being a young, intelligent, good looking man might add to why he never got promoted. Zhang He looked over.
"Hmm?"
"They've given us our first ever case! But after reading through the files, I've discovered it has many risks, and taking the case might mean throwing away our lives."
"What the hell, I really don't care. Do you?"
"No, no...but how about the Qiaos?" Just as Lu Xun said those words, the Qiao sisters walked over.
"Were you talking about us?!" asked Da Qiao. She and her sister, Xiao Qiao, were Zhang He's beautiful assistants, and the object of jealousy among other workers. It's not Zhang He's fault that he loved beautiful things, and THEY happened to be beautiful. However, just recently, Da Qiao was been going out with one of the co-boss's sons, Sun Ce. He was alright with that, but it seemed to him that he was beginning to lose his assistants, as Da Qiao was hanging with Sun Ce more, and Xiao Qiao is a pain in the arse when she isn't with her sister.
"Of course we were," answered Zhang He "we've just received this highly dangerous mission. Are you ready for it, considering that now you have social lives?"
"We're ready for anything, boss!"
"Da Qiao, that also means less hanging around Sun Ce. Remember, no socialising while on the job."
"How about on breaks?" Da Qiao asked.
"Whatever..." Zhang He flapped a hand dismissively. Da Qiao grinned happily. "So, Lu Xun, fill us in."
"Okay." Lu Xun opened the the folder he was holding and flipped to the required page. "A few men have teamed up to make an attack to demolish then take over the world. First suspect: Zhang Jiao..."
"Shit! Same surname!" Zhang He cried. Lu Xun ignored that, and continued.
"Zhang Jiao is a religious cult leader, his followers wears yellow and, well, yellow turbans..."
"What?! That's disgusting!!! He might as well put some creativity into it..."
"Zhang He..." Lu Xun looked at Zhang He threateningly, then, once again, continued. "Second suspect: Dong Zhuo. Former advice guy to the President. Has a lot of influence over many great people, and is linked to many underworld organisations. Listed as highly dangerous, which I think is an understatement. Third suspect: Lu Bu (Crap...now HE has the same surname as ME...)"
"Ha ha!!! Now you know how I felt!!!" laughed Zhang He, ducking a blow from Lu Xun.
"Anyway...back to the point. Lu Bu is Dong Zhuo's adopted son, and is involved in many crimes, including corruption, as he always seem to be able to walk out of every conviction. However, it is rumoured that he is the 'brawn over brains' type, and is said to be able to snap people in half."
"So what are we meant to do?" Da Qiao asked. Lu Wun flipped through the folder further.
"Okay, well, it doesn't really say, but my guess it that they're gonna try to use mass destruction to destroy the world really, and we're gonna hafta investigate this further. Considering that this is three of the most powerful men in the world, we're gonna hafta be very, very careful, and use our brains to defeat them here."
"Which I have no trouble doing." squeezed in Zhang He. They all looked at him with unimpressed expressions. "Well, it's true! No one knows the field like me!"
"What field? We haven't even started yet!" shouted Xiao Qiao.
"Hah! That's where you're wrong! Lu Xun, can you hack into Dong Zhuo's systems?"
"Sure can do, Zhang He."
"Take note of everything he does. Check his bank account, see if he uses his credit card, or cheques. If he only withdraws money, find out how much at once. Our technology can handle that."
"Okay!"
"Da Qiao, Xiao Qiao, you two come with me." and Zhang He lead them out of the building.
At Lu Bu's pad...
"Diao Chan, baby, I'm gonna go to my father's company's main building, now, big stuff to discuss, you know, taking over the world and stuff, so just hang around at home okay?" Lu Bu said to his girlfriend Diao Chan.
"Yes, sweetie, and don't forget our date tonight, okay?"
"I won't, now give me a big kiss...muuu..."
"...waaah!" and then Lu Bu left the building. Unknown to the big man, skinny, vain brat Zhang He was psoing as a lone bystander at the bus stop, so he saw Lu Bu drove his Ferrari model "Red Hare" away from the premises.
"Okay, True Beauty, check around the premises. Anyone left?" Zhang He whispered into his watch, which happened to be a communication device. Da Qiao looked around in her binoculars from the building next door. (They let her in, after a nice sum)
"One female, roughly our age? Or she might just look very young..."
"That might be Diao Chan..." Zhang He muttered back. "True Grace, phone time." Xiao Qiao, who was hiding in a tree, managed to get hold of Lu Bu's house number, and using some form of encoded, anonymous "phone", she called Diao Chan. It started ringing. Zhang He sighed in relief.
"Thank god the woman's not gasbagging on the phone at the moment..."
"Hello?" Diao Chan answered the phone. Xiao Qiao grinned.
"IS this Miss Diao Chan?" she asked.
"Yes...you are speaking to Diao Chan, how may I help you?" God she sounds like a waitress! Xiao Qiao thought.
"We know why you're here. Meet us at the Redragon Cafe at 2pm, and we won't tell anyone. Or else..."
"What are you talking about?!" Diao Chan tried to sound confused, but panick reached them instead.
"Don't worry about finding us. We'll find you. Remember, your secret is at stake here. Don't worry this phone call is encoded. But don't work with us, and you'll lose it." Xiao Qiao hung up before Diao Chan could react.
"Oooh...she's in a panic!!!" Da Qiao said, looking into her binoculars. Zhang He smirked.
"It's showtime, ladies..." He said.
Meanwhile, back at 3K HQ...
Lu Xun was hacking into the files at Dong Zhuo Corporations, with the help of Zhou Yu, because he managed to swindle the workers of the computers, as this case was not listed as "HIGHLY IMPORTANT!!!". How did he swindle them? Let's say that the workers at the time were aaallllll female.
"Shit! Talk about high security in this bloody system!" Lu Xun lost his sophistication in frustration. His fingers were a blur as he tried every possible trick in the book to get through. Then a click.
"Password Accepted." went a voice.
"Lu Xun, you legend." said Lu Xun to himself. Zhou Yu looked over his shoulder.
"You got in?"
"Sure did. Uh oh." Lu Xun's eyes were wide. Zhou Yu read the stuff on the screen.
"Man, you're a genius." he complemented. Lu Xun managed to find one of the confidential files. Just one, though. But still...one is good enough. Especially after all that trouble trying to get in.
"But...man! That was an accident!" Lu Xun said. Zhou Yu raised an eyebrow.
"Whaddya mean?"
"Well...all I did was click Lu Bu's profile...then I saw 'confidential'...and when it asked for a password...I typed in 'diaochansmybitch'...and then I was in!"
"Say what? That password...that's weird..."
"I was only playing around then. Thinking like a 'Lu Bu'..."
"Must be a 'Lu' thing..."
"Shut up." Lu Xun swung at Zhou Yu who managed to duck in time. "Come on, let's analyse these files."
2pm...Redragon Cafe...
Diao Chan went extra early, just in case her interrogators will get mighty buggered if she was just one minute late. She sat waiting for a whole two hours for some sign of life.
Zhang He stepped in, only now he was dressed in a black Boss suit with a crisp white shirt and a new black tie. His normal hair ornaments were not worn, with his hair tied simply with a black ribbon. He made himself look more intellectual with a pair of non-prescription oval spectacles.
Diao Chan clicked her tongue in approval at the newcomer. Good looking, indeedy. Now, remember that Diao Chan thought a female was coming, so she didn't know that the guy she was checking out was really her interrogator. Zhang He plopped himself at her table. Diao Chan was thinking that this was her lucky day.
" 'afternoon, Miss Diao Chan..." greeted Zhang He in his most formal voice, crossing his legs. Diao Chan stared at the dandy in horror.
"You're...you're..."
"Your brother." Zhang He glared at her, giving her a hint. "Remember? We haven't meet in five years." Zhang He's darted around trying to pick any suspicion around him. Diao Chan, fortunately, was not as stupid as she may try to show, so she understood. The newcomer was trying to make it look as if they were just normal people having tea.
"Ahh...little brother...how have you been?" Diao Chan played along, though it was hard to hide the fear from her voice. Zhang He smirked.
"Fine, thank you. Tea?" He poured her a cup, then poured himself one. Diao Chan drank nervously. She had been expecting a female, not a polite, well dressed young man. Strangely polite.
"Thank you, dear." she answered.
"Pleasure. I've heard that you have a new lover. Lu Bu...I heard. Well done. You always wanted to be powerful."
"I do not! I just -"
"Rally me information. We're after the same thing, almost. I know you want to see Lu Bu and Dong Zhuo down. Here's my number..." Zhang He whispered and gave her a small piece of paper "It's encoded. Memorise, then destroy the slip. When you phone, ask for a Peacock's Talon.. Tell no one of me...or else..." Zhang He straightened his jacket, and smiled. "It's been wonderful meeting you, older sister. Let's meet again one day, and not under unpleasant circumstances." He said, standing up, ready to leave. Hopefully she understood his threat.
"Yes, we'll meet again. And not under unpleasant circimstances." Diao Chan winked at him. Zhang He wondered if it was because she understood his message, or because she was hitting on him. Hmm...
Later...at Zhang He's house...
"That went pretty well, didn't it?" Xiao Qiao said. She and Da Qiao heard everything at the Redragon through Zhang He's watch. At the moment, she was hanging at Zhang He's house, waiting for Da Qiao. Da Qiao was at a date with Sun Ce.
"Of course it went beautifully, darling, I created the plan!" Zhang He snapped irritably. Xiao Qiao pouted. Zhang He rolled his eyes. "Oh god, grow up!"
"Hey! It's not like you're that older than me! A few years...?" Xiao Qiao snapped back.
"Old enough!" He replied. Fortunately, the door bell rang. Zhang He opened it to see Lu Xun, Zhou Yu, Zhao Yun, Ma Chao, Gan Ning, and a few other boys from 3K. Gan Ning was carrying a box of beer over his shoulder. Zhang He grinned. It was footy night. Zhang He's turn to host. He grabbed the remote control and turned on the TV. Xiao Qiao, at the sight of Zhou Yu, flicked her hair, and made herself look as desirable as possible. Unfortunately for her, the newcomers had other ideas running through their brains.
"Hey...Zhang He..." said Zhuge Liang mischievously "...babysitting Da Qiao's kid sister again? Or did we just interrupt something? I mean...look at the longing in her face..." Everyone laughed except Zhang He and Xiao Qiao.
"Oi, lay off! Me want Zhang He?! As if!!!"
"I would die the most ugly death if it was a choice between it or her."
