Title: Home's the Farthest Way

Chapter: 7

Author: ReeraTheRed

Date: February 20, 2005

Rating: PG13

Our Story So Far: Post-Voldemort, sequel to my previous fic, The Wounded. RLSS, romance but NOT SLASH. The Ministry has come up with a werewolf cure (of sorts) and Lupin agrees to be the first public test case, despite the fact that Delores Umbridge is in charge. But the cure potions are tampered with, and it goes wrong – Lupin is cured, but has been transformed into a woman. Given the choice between transforming back into a man but losing the cure, or remaining cured but also remaining a woman, Lupin chooses to stay female.

Lupin is now recovering at St. Mungo's in the werewolf ward.

Acknowledgements: Thanks to beta readers Patti, Michelle and Liz. (By the way, this story wouldn't exist if it weren't for Michelle; I thought it would be too weird even for fanfic, and Michelle is the one who pushed me to do it, so if you like it, thank her).

Author's Note: This chapter is a bit slow, I'm laying some groundwork, and there's one really unnecessary sequence in it, only I couldn't resist seeing Snape's reaction to Hyacinth.

Heavy references to The Wounded in here, so things may not make sense if you haven't read it (is this weird or what, making references to my own previous fanwork, spinning off into my own little universe here?) Frankly, there are going to be references to all my previous fan stories in this thing before it's over, with the possible exception of Midsummer's Eve.

My apologies to those who have e-mailed me (hi, duj), school has been overwhelming.

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Chapter 7

Lupin squirmed and wriggled her shoulders. "This isn't nearly as uncomfortable as I expected," she said. "It's more that I'm not used to it."

"It's a good fit," Molly said, looking at Lupin critically. "Not too tight, not too loose, and it's well made."

"Also," Hermione said, "you aren't going to need anything that requires, um, major structural engineering."

Lupin looked down at her chest. "Well, no, I guess not."

"Now try these on." Hermione pulled some things out of a Marks and Spencers bag. Jeans and a sweater. That shouldn't be too bad, Lupin thought, I've worn things like that before.

She stepped into the jeans, and pulled them up over her hips, then pulled the sweater over her head.

"I've got trainers and socks here, too," Hermione said, handing them over.

Molly pulled a small mirror out of her bag, then held it against the wall. It grew until it stretched from floor to ceiling. "Have a look," she said.

Lupin stared at herself. "Goodness," she said.

Hermione smiled. "They're a better fit than the clothes you wore before."

"I guess so," Lupin said. The clothes weren't tight, but they definitely weren't the baggy clothes she'd often worn as a man. They did not disguise her shape in any way. "They're very, um, form-fitting."

"You can't hide the fact that you're a woman in them," Hermione said.

"That's Muggle clothes for you," Molly said, a little disapprovingly. "I've got some proper witch things for you here. Get that lot off, and we'll try these others on."

Molly began to hand things to Lupin, giving her instructions about each piece. Muggle clothing was simpler, no question. Witches were old fashioned in their clothing, and Lupin put on a lot of rather complicated undergarments. Then Molly began to hand her the equally involved robes that went on top, while showing Lupin how to do up lacing here, and fasten other things there, all the while talking about this being in fashion, and that color suiting Lupin's skin tones. I never had to worry about being decorative before, she thought.

Finally, after tugging at Lupin's shoulders and smoothing out the gown, Molly stepped back and nodded approvingly. Lupin turned to look at herself again in the mirror. A perfectly normal witch looked back at her. It's like the jeans, she thought, I'd hoped everything would be the same, male or female, and it isn't. I thought robes would be robes, I knew the underwear would be different, but I thought at least the outer garments would be the same. But it's so much more complicated.

"Now for the shoes." Molly held up an unmistakably female boot. "I didn't get you a high heel, Remus, I thought that would be a bit much for you. Just a low heel, this shouldn't be uncomfortable."

The image of a shoe with a four-inch stiletto heel flashed across Lupin's mind, and she managed not to grimace. I'm definitely not ready for that, she thought. I'll never be ready for that.

She pulled on the boot Molly handed her, and did up the laces, then stood up. "It feels all right," she said. "They're much better than any shoes I've had for a long time." She smiled at Molly and Hermione. "It's all much better than anything I've had for a long time. Thank you, both of you."

Molly and Hermione both smiled back at her. "We know it's a lot for you to get used to," Hermione said.

"Every day, I get another shock," Lupin said.

"Just wait," Molly grinned back, "When you feel better, we're going to take you out on a proper shopping expedition."

Lupin hunched her shoulders. "Harry said the word 'make-over' had been mentioned."

"It'll be fun," Molly said. "You'll see. Now take that lot off, and we'll try the next one on to see if it fits."

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Lupin felt completely exhausted by the time Molly and Hermione left. She lay back on the hospital bed, eyes closed, wearing one of her old robes re-fitted for her new body, with an old cloak wrapped around her shoulders. She'd change into one of the nightgowns Molly had brought for her later on today – the St. Mungo's staff insisted on it – but it was nice to wear real clothes again, even if they did feel strange.

She was just thinking that they'd be bringing lunch soon, and that she was hungry, when there was a knock at the wardroom door – they'd closed it while she was dressing, but it was open now – and she saw a welcome tall, black shape standing there.

"Good morning, Severus," she said, sitting up.

Snape paused, looking at her.

"Molly and Hermione came by this morning," she said. "I have clothes now. No more hospital gowns, thank goodness."

Snape was silent for a moment or two longer, then he nodded. "So I see." He came over by the bed, and Lupin saw he was carrying yet another large paper bag.

"Lunch, too, then?" Lupin said. "Thanks."

Snape nodded as he sat down. "Professor Begay asked me to stop by this afternoon, so I thought I'd come early." He pulled out two portions of fish and chips, and passed one over to her.

"So what are you and Professor Begay going to talk about?" Lupin asked between bites.

"He didn't say. I expect he wants to discuss the potions for the werewolf cure."

"He probably doesn't have many people he can talk with about it," Lupin said. "You're one of the only ones in the world with the expertise."

Snape made a non-committal noise as he took a bite of fish – he even makes eating fish and chips look elegant, thought Lupin – and then Snape said, "How did it go with Molly and Miss Granger this morning?"

"It was interesting," Lupin said. "Women's clothing is very complicated. You probably don't want to know."

"Can you leave the hospital yet?"

"I'm going out tomorrow with Molly and Hermione and Ginny," Lupin said, and then smiled wryly, "They're taking me to a spa, or something like that. To get ready for the Press conference tomorrow night, when I go through the first full moon. Various parts of me may be exposed, when I change, so all the bits have to be made presentable."

Snape stiffened. "You're not going to be, in public-" He scowled, "You'll be dressed, of course."

"We were discussing the logistics of the situation," said Lupin. "We thought the sight of me bursting out of my clothes would be a little, well, unseemly. When we're trying to convince the public that I'm going to be safe and sane, after all. So what I'm going to do is have a cloak wrapped around me, and, uh, nothing on underneath. I can change under the cloak, and hopefully it will just fall back when I'm finished."

Snape's face was still scowling. "It is not respectable."

"It's practical," shrugged Lupin. "If you can think of something better . . ."

Snape's scowl grew deeper. He took another bite of fish. "So they're letting you leave the hospital now? If they're letting you go out tomorrow?"

"Not really," said Lupin. "Tomorrow is a supervised visit. They don't want me tiring myself out, but they also don't want anyone to be able to say I got hold of some potion that invalidates the show tomorrow night. It's not that they think I will, of course, but I have to avoid even the appearance of impropriety." She shrugged. "Which means I'm pretty much stuck here day and night for all three nights of the full moon, but I can go home on Monday morning."

"Will you need any assistance? On Monday?"

"Well, I expect I'll be completely exhausted and barely able to Apparate, so yes, I'd appreciate it if you could help me get home." She sighed. "I expect the house is going to feel strange, too. I'll be shorter, I won't fill my space the same way, so having a friend around will be a comfort." But I'll be home, she thought, I so want to go home.

"The change may not exhaust you the way it used to," Snape said. "Not once you're completely well. Professor Begay says it really will be more as if you are an Animagus. Just one who is forced to change at the full moon. An Animagus whose form is a werewolf, of course."

"And whose clothes don't change," Lupin said, wryly. "Not that I'm complaining." She leaned her head back into the pillows and said, thoughtfully, "I wonder if my greatest fear will still be the full moon, after this?"

"Professor Lupin," trilled a voice from the door. Lupin stiffened, recognizing the sound. She turned, and, sure enough, Hyacinth Treble was wafting over to the bed. Today she was covered in shades of blue. Her robes were made of blue cloth of all different textures, while blue gems winked at her throat and wrists and in her hair, though the whole effect was slightly marred by the lime-green St. Mungo's robe over it all.

"And how are we feeling today?" Hyacinth warbled.

"Oh, we're just fine," Lupin said, blinking. Snape's eyes met hers, and one of his eyebrows rose.

"I had some more things to bring you that I thought might interest you," Hyacinth said. She laid yet another stack of pamphlets and parchments onto the bedside table. Lupin caught sight of one title peeking out, "Sisters Unite against the Patriarchal Hierarchy." She saw Snape's eyebrow climb yet even higher on his forehead.

"I thought we could discuss your new name," Hyacinth said.

"I, uh, was planning on keeping my old one," Lupin said.

Hyacinth gave a flutter of horror. "But, you must want a new name! To symbolize the birth of the new, sacred feminine within you!"

"Um, no, thank you," Lupin said, "I don't feel particularly sacred today." She saw that Snape's other eyebrow had joined the first, and his entire body had stiffened.

Hyacinth wilted. "Oh," she said, "Well, then, let me see . . ." She began flipping through her other pamphlets, and only just then seemed to notice Snape out of the corner of her eye, and her eyes grew nearly as cold as his.

"Why don't we look over this one?" Hyacinth said, her voice now flinty, and she pulled out a pamphlet that read, in screaming red letters, 'What To Expect From Your First Gynecological Exam.' She turned to Snape. "I don't think it's appropriate that you remain, sir."

Snape looked daggers at her, but he stood up immediately. "I will be leaving, then."

Lupin looked at him desperately, but nodded. I wish I could go with you. He quickly left the room. Lupin watched him go, trying to keep the unhappiness off her face. I've been abandoned.

Hyacinth smiled, smugly. Then she turned to Lupin with an overly sweet expression on her face. "They've got you scheduled for an exam tomorrow morning," she said, "It's purely routine, just something you need to get used to."

"I'll just read the pamphlet, then," Lupin said, quickly taking it out of Hyacinth's hand. "I'll call you if I have any questions."

Hyacinth started. "Oh," she said, "Oh, well, then." She turned back to her stack. "I had some other things to talk to you about – yes, here." She had one now that read 'A Woman's Perfect Inner Strength.'

"I know you probably must think you've become weak and small," Hyacinth said.

"Actually, no," Lupin said, "I don't feel weak and small at all."

"But you must want to get in touch with your new self, and understand the Woman's Experience-" Lupin could hear the capital letters in Hyacinth's voice "—-and I know how it all must feel so wondrous and strange to you . . ." Hyacinth's voice trailed off, and she was staring at the door. At the same time, Lupin heard a familiar sound – toenails clicking against a hard floor.

She turned, to see an enormous black dog walking into the ward, skeletally thin, silky hair not hiding the wiry muscles. It walked across the floor, then leapt easily onto the foot of Lupin's bed, where it lay down, front paws dangling over the side. It stared coolly at Hyacinth, who took a step back in alarm.

"Goodness," Hyacinth said, "How did that get in here?"

"Oh, he goes wherever he wants to," Lupin said, looking at the dog lying at her feet.

"Well, he can't stay here," Hyacinth said. She looked at the dog. "Go home!" she said, pointing at the door. Her finger was shaking, Lupin noted.

The dog looked at her, even more frostily than before, and Hyacinth visibly shuddered.

"He's a Spectral Hound," Lupin said, pleasantly. "They're traditional guard dogs for old Dark Wizard families. Very dangerous."

Hyacinth looked at Lupin. "Tell it to go," she said. Her lower lip was quivering.

Lupin looked at the dog. "He doesn't take orders from me." She turned back to Hyacinth and smiled again. "Well, thank you anyway, Miss Treble, I'll look over everything you brought me, I'm sure it will be a great help." She smiled. The dog continued to stare at Hyacinth.

Hyacinth opened her mouth, then shut it again. "Well, yes, I guess I'll leave you, then."

"Thank you," Lupin smiled, as she watched Hyacinth leave, then she looked down at the dog. "And thank you, too," she said, more heartily.

The dog nodded at her graciously, then laid his head down. Lupin passed over the remainder of Snape's fish and chips, and the dog ate from the plate, while Lupin finished hers.

She looked over at the new pile of pamphlets, and frowned. Not now. She picked up a book instead and tried to read, but found the words wouldn't stay in her head. She kept trying, but she couldn't concentrate, she kept reading the same words over and over. Finally, she gave in, put the book down, and let herself doze.

She felt something warm against her leg. The dog's eyes were closed, and it had shifted, its head and shoulders now pressed against her calf. Too far down to rub his head – is it all right to rub his head now? Or would that be improper? I did it all the time, as a man, it was completely innocent then. Surely it still be innocent now . . .

She fell asleep soon afterwards. When she woke, some time later, the dog was gone. Well, he did have an appointment.

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It was late afternoon when she heard yet another familiar voice from the doorway call her name. This time it was Charles Willoughby from the Ministry, carrying a little vase of flowers.

Lupin sat up, and smiled at him. "Hello, Mr. Willoughby."

Willoughby crossed the room and set the vase of flowers down on the bedside table, and sat down. "I wanted to bring you these," he said.

Lupin smiled. "Thank you. That's very thoughtful of you. I don't think I've ever received flowers before."

"Then I'm happy to be the first," he beamed. "I also wanted to let you know that you should be hearing some good news soon. I can't tell you what it is, it's not official yet, but the right people have given their approval, and it's just a matter of time."

Lupin blinked. "Thank you." She smiled. "And my thanks to you, personally, Mr. Willoughby, I know you helped to bring it about."

He flushed. "Oh, I was but one of many, though I hope my voice helped a little."

"I'm sure it did," Lupin said, "and I'm grateful."

Willoughby flushed again. Then he frowned. "It's just so unfair, the way werewolves have been treated." He shook his head. "I know, people were afraid, when V-Voldemort-" he stammered over the name "—was around, people were suspicious of anything that smacked of Dark Magic. But that's over. There's no need for the restriction, there never was. I wish people could see that."

Lupin smiled sadly at him.

He looked at her. "Anyone looking at you could see that the werewolf is a noble creature."

Actually, Lupin thought, quite a few of the werewolves are complete bastards, but she decided not to say that.

"Mostly," she said, carefully, "they're just people. Ordinary people. Mostly Muggles. I always thought that was another reason the wizard community is suspicious of werewolves, just part of the whole Muggle dislike."

Willoughby blinked at her, as if he didn't understand. In his way, Lupin thought, he's as bad as Hyacinth Treble, he's built werewolves up into a beautiful myth, a wronged people he can work up a feeling of righteousness over. And werewolves are wronged, no question, but werewolves aren't saints.

But she decided not to say that, either.

Willoughby had to get back to the Ministry soon afterwards. She spent the rest of the afternoon alternating between trying to read her book and dozing.

She had changed into a nightshirt, and was under the covers when Snape came back that evening, carrying yet another large paper bag. Rich meat smells. Pies from the Leaky Cauldron, Lupin guessed. Sure enough, Snape pulled out several, wrapped in paper.

"So what did Professor Begay want to talk about?" Lupin asked, sitting up and taking the plate Snape handed to her.

"He's offered me a job," Snape said, as he took a bite.

Lupin blinked. "That's wonderful! What's it about?"

"Research, more work on the werewolf cure," Snape said. "He's got approval from his people back in America for funding. There aren't a lot of people who know the Wolfsbane Potion, after all."

"It certainly makes sense for him to want to hire you," Lupin said. "Are you interested?"

Snape looked thoughtful for a long moment, then gave a nod. "I think so. It's a start. I have to begin earning a living sooner or later, I can't live on my savings forever."

"It would be a shame for your talents to go to waste, too," Lupin said.

"The St. Mungo's people also want to hire me, contract, for specialized potions," Snape said. "I'd work in my own laboratory, and owl things in."

Because they'd never hire you on directly, thought Lupin, not an ex-Death Eater. She said, out loud, "But you'd probably prefer to work in your own place, wouldn't you?"

Snape was quiet, and then gave a grudging nod.

"Are you ready to make this kind of commitment?" Lupin asked.

Snape pursed his lips, and then gave a quiet sigh. "I cannot continue as I am now. I must work. This seems the sensible path." He looked at Lupin. "It will be a very comfortable living. Better pay than Hogwarts, even counting room and board. Not wealth unbounded, but more than enough to meet my needs." There was something in the way he looked at her when he said it, as if he were trying to say something more, but Lupin couldn't think what it was.

Lupin smiled at him, "That kind of money certainly doesn't hurt," she said, but she felt her smile fade a little. I'd kill for something like that, she thought, I'll be happy if I can get any work that pays enough for me to just get by on, never mind exciting or interesting.

"I haven't accepted, yet," Snape said. "I asked for a week to consider."

"Do you think you could be happy with this?" said Lupin. "I know, you've said that potions weren't exactly your favorite thing, even if you are so talented at them."

Snape shrugged. "It's work. I get paid. There are worse things." Lupin tried to read his eyes, but they were blank. It's not glamorous, she thought, it's not being an Auror, but do you want to be that, anymore?

Snape looked thoughtful. "My heritage, my nature, my instincts, they all tell me I should be terrorizing a kingdom." He gave Lupin a bemused look. "Ruling my people with an iron fist?" He shrugged. "I have made do by terrorizing a classroom."

You look the part, Lupin thought, with your great nose, and tall, thin frame. Even the way you move, elegant, and too often domineering. The classic villain, the tyrant king. No wonder everyone laughed at you when we were children.

Snape stared into space for a long moment. Then he sighed. "I think, to simply work, quietly, where I will not inflict myself on anyone. To earn my own living, honestly. I think I could be content with that." He gave the closest he ever came to a true smile. "Perhaps I am accepting my limitations. At long last."

Lupin looked at him. His face was as open as she'd ever seen it. Not that that's saying much, she thought. But he seemed calmer, the fierce tension that constantly filled his every movement had receded, to leave—-what? He was hardly relaxed, the best she could say was that he wasn't stiff.

He's on anti-depressants, she thought, he's been in therapy now for nearly a year, and it's done him good. He'll probably never be whole, not after what he's lived through. He'll never be deliriously happy. But perhaps he can hope for quiet contentment?

"I think that sounds very nice," Lupin said. "If nothing else, you'll be doing a lot of good for other people."

His eyes met hers. His face might be calm, but she still couldn't read it, his cool black eyes were as unfathomable as ever, though, for a moment, she thought, again, that he was saying something more.

Then he looked away, down at his plate, and whatever it was, it was gone.

They ate. Snape passed more food to her as she finished what she'd eaten. He finished long before she did, and he glanced over at the new pamphlets.

"Anything in there worth reading?" he asked.

"Not much in this batch, I'm afraid," she said. "I'm having some trouble reading today, anyway. It's hard to focus."

"Would you like me to read to you?"

She was a little surprised to hear him make the offer. "Yes," she said, after a moment's thought. "Yes, I would. If you wouldn't mind."

He started to reach for the pile, and she said, "Actually, I'd rather you read this." She picked up the book she'd been trying to read that day and held it out to him, looking a little sheepish. "It's an old favorite. It's a Muggle book, you may not have read it before."

Snape took it from her and read the title. "'The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes.' No, I haven't read it."

"I think you'll like it. Old mystery stories, written over a hundred years ago."

He looked at her. Then he opened the book and began to read. Lupin curled up in the bedclothes, and her face grew dreamy as she heard the familiar words she'd read possibly a hundred times before, but never grew tired of. And Severus has the most beautiful voice, she thought.

After a while, her eyes began to droop, and close, though she still listened as Severus read. Eventually, though, she began to drift off. The last thing she remembered clearly was the sound of Severus's voice.

She thought, in her semi-conscious haze, that she was aware of Severus growing quiet, and that she could hear the rustle of robes as he stood. And then felt something heavy land on the foot of the bed, and something warm curl up against her feet. But when she woke the next morning, there was no dog there, and nothing to indicate that it had been there at all, and she wondered if she had dreamed it.

TBC