Title: Home's the Farthest Way

Chapter: 9

Author: ReeraTheRed

Date: April 26, 2005

Rating: PG13

Our Story So Far: When a semi-cure for werewolfism goes wrong, Lupin is transformed into a woman, and is forced to choose to stay in that form, or lose the benefits of the cure.

Lupin is (still) recovering at St. Mungo's. In the previous chapter, she went through the first change during the night of full moon, surrounded by the Press and friends, proving she could change into a wolf but not lose her mind. She has the rest of that night, and two more nights to go before she can go home.

Acknowledgements: Thanks to beta readers Patti, Michelle and Liz.

Author's Note: I don't know about you guys, but I'm tired of Lupin being tired, I'm tired of Lupin being sick, and I'm really tired of Lupin in this stupid hospital. Well, this is the last chapter, after this, she's home and she's well – YAAAY! (Unfortunately, she's probably going to go back into St. Mungo's later in the story, but only briefly; Lupin keeps getting hurt in my stories, for some reason.)

x-x-x

Chapter 9

"It's getting late," Hermione said, as she stood up. "My parents will start to worry."

"Yeah, time to get on home," Ron said. He looked at Harry.

Harry looked into Lupin's eyes. As he was leaning against her huge, shaggy, wolf side, this meant he had to turn his head completely sideways and down a little. She looked back at him along her muzzle and smiled.

"I think I'll stay a little while longer," Harry said. He looked over at the black dog who sat close by. "You're staying, too, Shadow?"

"Silk," Hermione said. She looked at the black dog. "You like Silk better as a name, don't you?"

The dog stared non-commitally at them. Then he stretched, arching his back elegantly, and lay down on the floor.

"Looks like he's staying," Ron said. He stretched, too, though not so elegantly as the black dog, and stood up. "We'll go on, then, Harry. You come on when you're ready." He pulled out his wand. Hermione already had hers out, and they each said the levitation spell almost simultaneously, and rose up to the viewing platform overhead.

Harry watched them as they climbed over the balcony, and disappeared. Only a few hours ago, it had been filled with people, but now it was empty, and Ron and Hermione's steps echoed along the white walls, growing softer and softer until they were no longer audible.

Harry let out a sigh, and leaned heavily against Lupin's side, feeling the long, soft fur against his cheek.

"Hope you don't mind," he said. "It's just kind of nice, right now."

Lupin thumped her tail against the floor. Yes, please stay. How she missed having her voice as a wolf. But she gained physical closeness. Harry would never have leaned against her in human form; she could never have curled around him like this, particularly in her now female body. But as a wolf, it was allowed.

The black dog stared at Harry. Had he inched a little closer? His head was near Lupin's, she could easily have reached out and touched his nose with her own. The black dog's body lay along Harry's outstretched legs. Harry's hand seemed to unconsciously reach out and run along the black dog's skull, and the dog, just as seemingly unconscious of his own actions, ducked his head to meet Harry's hand.

"Don't get me wrong, they're my best friends," Harry said, "but it's nice to be quiet, and lean on someone else for a change." He sighed again, deep and slow. Lupin felt herself doing the same, taking a long, deep breath, feeling her sides expand – her lungs were enormous compared to her human lungs, her side was so broad – and slowly exhaling, aware of the air rushing out of her. She felt herself sink into the soft padding covering the floor.

Sev-the-Dog sighed with them, and he laid his head down near hers. She stared across at him. His black dog's eyes looked back into hers, but, as usual, she couldn't read anything in them. She could smell him, though, smell both of them, in ways her human nose could not match. Harry, his young boy's smell, the clothes he wore, his hair and skin. Young pup – no longer a child, but not a man, yet.

Sev-the-Dog, though, that was different, he was most definitely an adult male. He was smaller than she was – tall as he stood, she was still taller, he did not begin to have her bulk, and he would have been no match for her in any contest of strength. But he was a powerful male, nevertheless, and she could feel a deep part of herself reacting to his presence. The wolf brain. Fortunately, I'm very tired, she thought, too tired to have much response of any kind.

She looked again into his eyes, and again, saw nothing. What is he thinking? He's not really a dog, he's a Transfigured human, would he have the dog's instinctive reactions, or his own?

She felt Harry's head loll against her side, and felt her own eyelids grow heavy. Harry's body was warm against her, and she curled round him a little tighter, brushing Sev-the-Dog's nose inadvertently with her own. He did not move away, and as she drifted off into sleep, she was aware of his own muzzle lying inches away from hers, and felt his breath against her face. And Harry's weight against her side, his hands entwined in her fur.

x-x-x

The moonlight that came through the window of the safe room began to fade, overpowered by the indirect light of the sun that still lay beneath the eastern horizon. An observer, had there been one, would have made out the three shapes curled up together on the floor – the boy, and the two large canine forms, one grey, one black.

The black dog stirred first, a quivering and tightening along his body, his head rising a few inches from the floor. And then he seemed to be instantly aware, his head snapping up, alert, his ears pricked up.

He stared at the boy lying against the wolf for a long moment, his body absolutely still, as if caught by the sight of them. Then he breathed in sharply, and looked up at the ceiling, where he could see the sky becoming lighter. He nudged the wolf's nose, and gave a soft "wuff."

The wolf opened her eyes. The dog wuffed again, and looked up pointedly at the sky. The wolf blinked, not comprehending. The dog turned to the boy, reaching out and taking hold of his collar in his teeth, and giving a gentle tug.

Harry blinked. The dog tugged harder at his collar, pulling him up off of Lupin's side. "Hey," protested Harry, still groggy.

Lupin had seen the sky, and was on her feet as soon as Harry's weight was off of her. She stumbled across the room to where her cloak lay in a wad on the floor, and did her best to spread it across her back, though not succeeding very well.

"I'm sorry, I guess I fell asleep," Harry said to the dog. Sev-the-Dog stared back at him. Harry looked over at Lupin as she tried to get the cloak around her, and he immediately stood up. "Here, Professor, let me get that for you." He awkwardly took hold of the cloak with not quite awake hands, and managed to drape it around her. She looked up at him gratefully, then turned away, hunched over beneath the cloak.

Harry walked to the other side of the room, and stood beside Sev-the-Dog; they both turned and faced the wall. Harry was aware of the room growing lighter, of soft sounds as Lupin changed. Harry looked down at Sev-the-Dog, embarrassed. For one instant, Harry was certain a look of great discomfort crossed the dog's face, but it was gone, and the dog merely looked stiff.

"It's all right now," Lupin's voice said. "You can turn around."

Harry and Sev-the-Dog both turned. Lupin stood in human form, the cloak wrapped tightly around her, so that from her chin to the floor she was a column of blue, with only her disheveled head showing above. Her face looked more lined and thin than it had the day before, and there were deep circles under her eyes. Turning into a wolf had clearly taken a lot out of her, though not as much as it did before she took the cure. It's just because she's been ill, Harry thought, they said she'd be fine in a month.

"Now, if someone will just let us out of here," Lupin said.

Harry started knocking on the door. Within moments, they heard the clicking of the various locks, then the door opened, and an orderly was there, smiling.

"We've got your bed ready, Professor Lupin," she said. "I expect you'll be glad for a rest. Breakfast is on its way." She nodded at Harry. "We've got enough for you as well. And you," she added, with a nod at the dog.

They followed the orderly into the ward. Lupin got the bathroom first, the orderly passing her a hospital gown as she went in, and leading her back to her bed when she came out. By the time she was settled in the bed, Harry was back, looking as if he'd splashed some water on his face.

"Sorry about staying all night," he said, fidgeting a little. "I'll be heading on."

"Please stay, at least for breakfast," Lupin said. "And I'm glad that you were here."

Harry smiled back and sat down in the chair by the bed. A clicking of toenails on the hard floor announced Sev-the-Dog, who jumped up onto the foot of Lupin's bed, and stretched across it.

"It was nice, last night," Harry said. He stared down at his shoes.

"Yes, it was," said Lupin.

Harry stirred a little, and then said, still looking down, "I don't remember my mother. Not really. I mean, sometimes, I think I can remember things, but I don't know if they're real, or if I'm imagining them." He was quiet again. His face grimaced, then he managed to look at Lupin. "Last night, I felt like she was with me."

Lupin felt her throat catch. She managed to smile at him, blinking back rising tears. I'm tired, it shouldn't hit me like this. She met Harry's green eyes with her own, trying to say something there, without being exactly sure what it was she felt. He looked back at her, with Lily's eyes, and she saw warmth there, and affection, and something more.

The orderly came that moment, three trays levitating behind her. "Breakfast," she said cheerfully.

Harry started, then took the tray the orderly directed over to him. Another landed in front of Lupin, and a third at the foot of the bed in front of Sev-the-Dog. Lupin's first thought was, this is far more food than I can ever eat, until the wave of hunger hit her. It always did after a change, and even more so now that she had been ill.

They ate quietly, three people comfortable with each other – or, rather, two people and a dog, who, despite having to eat directly off the plate with his mouth, still managed to be the most elegant of the three of them.

Harry was the first to finish, but he set his tray aside and waited patiently while the others ate. When Lupin pushed her tray away and leaned back into the pillows on the bed, suddenly exhausted, Harry stood up. "You need to rest now, Professor. I'll be going home."

She nodded back at him, eyes barely keeping open. Harry smiled at Sev-the-Dog, and left the room.

Sev-the-Dog stretched out and laid his head down. Lupin smiled sleepily at him as she nestled down into the bed, and closed her eyes.

She dozed for at least an hour before she heard Arthur Weasley calling her name. She blinked and sat up, seeing him standing in the doorway, waving a copy of the Daily Prophet.

"Remus, I thought you would want to see this," he said, as he walked over to her, and spread the paper out in front of her.

The top half of the paper was taken up by a picture of the whole crowd of them, last night. "First Werewolf Cured" read the headline above, and below, in the center of the picture, there she was, in her wolf body, sitting sedately in the safe room. And around her, the faces of all her friends: Harry, Hermione and Ron with their arms around her, Albus, Arthur, Molly, and Minerva stood nearest on each side, and all her other friends spread around, smiling and waving at her. She could even make out Sev-the-Dog, watching her out of a gap between Albus and Minerva.

There were other photos below: the moment where Albus held her paw – the image of Albus winked at her. She caught her breath at a shot of Harry, leaning against her side, Hermione and Ron close by. And one photo that showed a gentle woman, face a little indistinct, wrapped in a blue cloak, her form blurring and changing into a wolf, only to freeze, and jump back to the original shape of the woman, and go through the change again. Goodness, is that what I look like when I change? Lupin felt her face tighten, that was a bit personal to be on the front page of a newspaper, though it would be hard to recognize her from the blurry photo.

And then, her face tightening even more, Lupin saw the photo of Delores Umbridge, above a separate interview about the program. Lupin only had to read a few lines to realize Umbridge was taking credit for it all, the program and its success. If she makes herself the figurehead for the program, they won't be able to get rid of her, thought Lupin. She felt a growl rise in her throat, and stilled it. It doesn't matter, she thought.

Her eye was caught by a small picture, down at the very bottom of the page, not much bigger than a postage stamp; it was Umbridge's dead sister, the same photo that Lupin had seen in Umbridge's office. The dead sister looked straight at Lupin and smiled sadly, then closed her eyes. Lupin felt the same sad smile cross her own face.

"The Ministry is very pleased," Arthur said. "There have already been requests to participate from the werewolf community, and we expect more as word gets out." He leaned a little closer to Lupin. "And Remus, despite Madame Umbridge's attempts to hold the spotlight, everyone at the Ministry knows you deserve a great deal of the credit for this. If you hadn't, well, chosen as you did, the entire program could have failed before it even started."

"It's all right, Arthur," Lupin said. "I'm happy, really. I'm not a danger to anyone, anymore. That is worth more than anything to me."

"Nevertheless," said Arthur, "you've still made quite a sacrifice."

He smiled more broadly. "I can tell you that a decision has been made. I can't say more than that, but I should have some good news for you next week." He stood up. "I'll be heading on, you look like you need to rest now."

Lupin picked up the paper and held it for Sev-the-Dog to see. "Look, you're in here, too," Lupin said. "You couldn't hide."

Sev-the-Dog glanced at the picture, then yawned and laid his head down on his paws.

She tried to read the paper, but it was too much for her, and she gave up. She dozed throughout the day, drifting in and out of consciousness. She expected Sev-the-Dog to be gone the first time she became aware, but he was still there, each time she woke, a warm weight around her feet, his head curled against her leg.

He stayed with her all that day. The orderlies brought food for him when they brought her meals. Lupin dimly wondered if someone had said something about him, giving permission. Whatever the reason, no one said the dog had to leave, or questioned him being there.

That evening, after dinner, she stumbled over to the bathroom, this time wrapping an old dressing gown around her instead of the fine cloak she'd chosen yesterday. Sev-the-Dog waited patiently for her, and, as he had the night before, walked with her into the safe room, and stood close by her as the door was locked behind them.

This time, there was no crowd, no observation balcony. The ceiling was a normal ceiling, with only a skylight showing the outside sky beyond – though Lupin was sure it was an enchanted view, they were nowhere near the roof of the hospital. The room felt cold and empty. Next month, she thought, there will be a crowd of people in here, all changing together. The thought made her feel warm, despite the chill of the room.

She sat down onto the floor by Sev-the-Dog, and waited as the sky darkened, feeling the sun's rays diminishing, and the power of the moon growing, until the wolf stirred within her.

She was glad she was already sitting down as she changed, the power of it drained her and she collapsed against the floor. Sev-the-Dog was beside her immediately, nose against her face.

And she felt it within her. He made such a handsome male, and her wolf body was definitely reacting. To think I thought he was ugly, when I first saw him as a dog.

Sev-the-Dog jerked his head up, and stepped back, standing to one side while she managed to raise her head up. Lucky for me, I'm exhausted, she thought, or this could become a problem. The body does take over. I may keep my rational mind, but I get a set of instincts.

And a sense of smell. She could smell the room itself, antiseptic hospital smells, the padding on the floor, paint on the walls, the electric smell of the spells and wards on the walls and door. The scents of the people who had all been there last night still filled the room, though fainter now. Harry's was the strongest of all, but she could sense Hermione and Ron, who had stayed later, and everyone else as well, from beloved familiar scents like Albus and Minerva, Arthur and Molly, to the overly sweet scent of Delores Umbridge.

But most of all, there was the smell of Sev-the-Dog, filling her nose, and sending a ripple reaction along her spine.

Sev-the-Dog pointedly stepped back even further before he lay down on the floor. No curling up close the way he'd done last night. Did he feel something, too? Was his male dog reacting to her female body the way hers was reacting to his? She looked at him, but, as usual, could make out nothing in that bony face.

It's probably just because I'm so tired, the human mind relaxes, the animal instincts come out more. That's all.

She laid her head down on the softly padded floor. She looked one last time at Sev-the-Dog, where he lay across the room from her, smiled, and then closed her eyes.

x-x-x

She became aware again when the first stirrings of the change rippled through her. It was almost dawn, just a few more seconds, and the sun would be up. She could feel the moon's power waning in the growing light of the sun, could almost feel the huge sun disc where it lay just below the horizon.

And then she became aware of a warm, hairy body lying pressed against hers. Or, rather, she was pressed against him, her head buried in his shoulder. Sev-the-Dog, his scent filled her nose. We must have moved together in our sleep, she thought. It would have been the instinctual thing for their canine bodies to do, to lie huddled together.

No time to think of anything more, the sky overhead brightened, and she felt her body collapse, from the enormous wolf form to the smaller, hairless, human body, curled up against the warm, shaggy dog beside her.

She felt Sev-the-Dog stir, and he lifted his head to blink sleepily into her own eyes. She managed a sheepish grin. I'm stark naked, she thought, but I don't want to move. It's so nice, lying against this warm, safe body, feeling his fur against my skin.

Sev-the-Dog suddenly froze, as if he were only now becoming aware of the situation. He looked a little uncomfortable, but he did not pull away.

There was the sound of the locks on the door being undone. Lupin pulled herself up with weak and exhausted muscles. She located her dressing gown where it lay on the floor nearby, and wrapped it around her.

Standing up was tricky, she was even more tired than the day before, and she wobbled a little. Sev-the-Dog immediately stepped beside her, and she steadied herself against him.

The door opened, and another orderly came inside, and quickly put an arm across her shoulders, helping her first to the bathroom, and then back into bed.

She looked around for Sev-the-Dog, but he was gone. Well, he's been here for two days, now, she thought. He needs a rest.

She was too exhausted to think much more about it, and, after she quickly swallowed breakfast, she was soon fast asleep.

Severus did not come back that morning, nor that afternoon. As evening approached, she began to worry. Was he offended, waking up with a naked woman, she thought, even though he was in his dog form? Was that too much for him? Or was it that he spent the night lying as a dog next to a female wolf?

But Severus did come back that evening. In human form, setting yet another wonderfully smelling bag on the table as he sat down, calmly looking at her exactly as he had all the other nights he'd visited. If he felt any discomfort, embarrassment, or anything at all about the night before, he did not show it.

We will pretend that nothing happened, thought Lupin as she sat up and smiled at him. Nothing did happen, after all.

Severus began unloading cartons and filling up paper plates. "Eggrolls!" Lupin said, in a weak, but happy voice. Severus handed her a plate, then began to eat from his own.

They didn't talk much. Lupin was too tired to do more than concentrate on her food, and Severus seemed content to merely sit beside her in silence, much as Sev-the-Dog had lain at her feet.

She was so exhausted when she went into the safe room that she had to lean heavily against Severus, gripping his arm as she shuffled barefooted through the door, holding the dressing gown closed with her other hand. Once inside, she sank to the floor, curling up on hands and knees. Severus sat down on the floor a few feet away; he leaned against the padded wall, and watched quietly.

When the change happened, it seemed to take forever, not the quick, easy change of the two nights previously. Or did it just seem longer because she was so tired?

She lay on the floor in wolf form, barely holding her head up. She looked up at Severus, and he looked back, from his safe distance. Then she laid her head down, and closed her eyes.

x-x-x

It took her a long time to become awake the next morning, and even then, she felt as if a heavy, grey curtain covered her mind. It's the third day, she thought. I leave this place today, this morning. I can go home.

She became aware of her body, the room around her. It's light, she realized, the sun is up. I'm human again.

Her head, it wasn't resting on the floor, or her own arm, her head was raised, warm, surrounded by . . . what? She caught her breath as she realized her head was in Severus's lap, her face pressed against his stomach, her arms draped around him. Even with her human nose, she could smell him, feel soft robes, and flesh and bone beneath, and his hand resting on the top of her head, fingers entwined in her hair. She felt the soft rise and fall of his breathing around her, and found herself breathing with him.

She opened her eyes, at first seeing only black all around her, the cloth of his robes making a dark cave around her face, before she could make out the white of the wall behind him. Is he awake? She turned her head a little, until she could see his pale face above hers. His eyes were closed, his head lolling forward, the curtain of his hair covering almost all but his jutting nose. What a lovely view of his nostrils, she thought, with some amusement.

Then his eyes flickered, and opened, to stare directly into hers. She froze. I should be embarrassed, she thought. I should pull away and get my dressing gown around me. But she did not move.

Severus lay as still as she, and he did not look away, those inscrutable black eyes were locked on hers. I've stopped breathing, she thought.

There was a loud clattering behind them - the door, all the locks clicking and whirring as they were being undone. Lupin started, then managed to sit up. She felt something warm fall around her, Severus was placing the dressing gown around her shoulders. She smiled shyly at him in thanks, then pulled the gown tightly around her.

She managed to stand when the orderly came into the room, and the orderly and Severus between them managed to help her through the door. The orderly took her into the bathroom and stayed with her while she bathed quickly, and helped her into her nightshirt and dressing gown.

"You look pretty exhausted," the orderly said. "You can stay on here another day if you like."

"No," Lupin said emphatically. "I'd just like to get home. I'll be all right once I get there."

The orderly looked dubiously at her, but nodded. "Your things have been packed and sent on. The doctors have already given their approval for you to leave. You can go whenever you're ready."

The orderly helped her walk out of the bathroom. Severus was waiting quietly in the chair; he stood up as she came over.

"Ordinarily," said the orderly, "we prefer that people leave the building before they Apparate home, but we can make an exception in your case." She nodded at Severus. "You'll get her right to bed?"

Severus nodded. He looked at Lupin. "We're going to Apparate now. Are you ready?"

Lupin nodded. "Mmm-hmm."

Severus raised an arm, then hesitated. Lupin felt herself flush, and she smiled. I just had my head in his lap a few minutes ago, why be embarrassed now? She stepped closer to him, and he put his arm around her, she felt it warm against her back, his hand holding her waist, and she pressed her face against his shoulder.

There was the slightly dizzy sensation of Apparating, and then she was in her own sitting room. Severus immediately lessened his tight hold on her, moving his arm up around her shoulders to support her.

I'm home, Lupin thought, and a feeling of relief shot through her. She was too tired to think much more about it. Severus guided her back to her bedroom and helped her into bed, pulling the covers over her.

Her last moment of awareness was seeing his face, high above hers as he stood over the bed, his black eyes staring down at her from behind the curtain of his hair. Long after he'd left her, while she slept, she remembered his eyes, and the feel of his hand on her waist, and the rise and fall of his breathing against her cheek as she lay in his lap.

TBC