Title: Home's the Farthest Way

Chapter: 12

Author: ReeraTheRed

Date: May 27, 2005

Rating: PG13

Our Story So Far: When a semi-cure for werewolfism goes wrong, Lupin is transformed into a woman, and is forced to choose to stay in that form, or lose the benefits of the cure. In the last chapter, Lupin accepted Dumbledore's offer to teach at Hogwarts, Moody talked with her about trouble in the werewolf community, and Snape mentioned he'd found a suitable home/workspace for his potions work that was a bit too large for just one person.

Acknowledgements: Thanks to beta readers Patti, Michelle and Liz – Michelle and Patti especially helped me a lot this chapter.

Author's Note: Thanks, again, for all the reviews – they've been so much fun to read. Reactions to Snape talking about the too-big house have been everything from, well he's being real subtle, to (paraphrasing Kyer's post here) he's practically begging you to move in, say YES you fur-brained moron! LOL!


Chapter 12

Lupin gripped the edge of the Gringotts cart. It had come to a halt, but her head was still spinning.

"It does take a little getting used to, Professor," Charles Willoughby said. "But here we are, at your vault. Every month, the Ministry will send a deposit – your first one should be here already."

The Gringotts goblin was already at the vault door with the key. It was a small door, and it opened to reveal a small space, and a small pile of gold, silver and copper coins. Lupin stared at them for a moment – those are really mine! - before counting out a handful of coins into her pocket, leaving the bulk of the money behind. The Gringotts goblin closed the vault door and locked it.

Lupin gulped as she climbed back into the cart, and gripped the side tightly as it rocketed back to the main hall where it screeched to a stop. Charles Willoughby offered her his arm to help her as she climbed out. The goblin handed the key to her, gave a smart bow, and returned to his place behind the counter.

Willoughby walked beside Lupin to the exit. As they reached it, Lupin heard someone call out her name from across the hall. She saw Hermione waving and walking quickly toward them.

"I was here exchanging some money," Hermione said when she reached them. "I'm glad I ran into you."

"Mr. Willoughby was just showing me my new bank vault," Lupin said - Willoughby smiled and nodded his head. "I've got some shopping to do afterwards in Diagon Alley."

"Oh, me, too," Hermione said. "Mind if I join you for a bit?"

"I'd be delighted," Lupin said.

The three of them left the building and stepped into the street. Willoughby cleared his throat. "Well, I must be returning to the Ministry now."

"Thank you so much for your help today, Mr. Willoughby," Lupin said.

Willoughby smiled, and flushed. "It was my pleasure, Professor. If I can be of any further assistance, please do not hesitate to call on me." He gave an embarrassed nod, then vanished with a bang.

Hermione grinned at Lupin. "He's certainly attentive."

"He's been very kind to me throughout this entire mess," said Lupin.

"Well, he likes you, so that gives him a good rating in my book," Hermione said.

They looked out on the busy street before them. "Where to first?" Hermione said.

"To be honest, I was just going to wander a bit," Lupin said. "I haven't been along Diagon Alley with money in my pocket in a very long time. I do have a few things I need, but I just want to look."

"Wandering sounds like fun," Hermione said. "I'm still amazed by it all."

They began to walk slowly, pausing at the first shop window. Just outside was a rack of newspapers with the latest Daily Prophet. Lupin frowned. There was Delores Umbridge's face yet again on the cover, near a headline that read "Werewolves Signing Up For Cure in Huge Numbers."

"Ugh," Hermione said. "I read that this morning. I'm glad about the news, of course, but I wish I didn't have to see her along with it. I'm surprised she's so eager to have her name associated with werewolves, considering her dislike of them."

"She's very passionate about this cure," Lupin said. And then she shrugged. "And, frankly, I think she's trying to save her job. If her name becomes synonymous with the program, it will be very hard to get rid of her without endangering it."

Hermione frowned deeply at Lupin's words. "Something needs to be done about her. She's getting away with everything."

Lupin shrugged. "I decided that nothing could be done that would be as bad as just being her. Beyond that, I'm trying not to think about her."

But it was hard not to think of Delores Umbridge. They saw the Prophet everywhere, up and down the street, her face large on the front page. Lupin carefully kept her eyes off the picture, and tried to concentrate on the headline. That's what matters, she thought.

She and Hermione looked in every window, bought a few things here and there, and eventually came to The Leaky Cauldron. Lupin took one whiff of the delicious smells wafting from the door, and stopped. She felt the coins in her pocket – wealth unbounded compared to what she'd been used to in the past. "Hermione, may I treat you to lunch?" she asked.

"I'd love to have lunch," Hermione said, "but you don't have to treat me, I've got plenty of money with me."

"No, please," Lupin said. "I'm finally in a position where I can afford it, and I would like nothing better than to treat someone I'm fond of."

Hermione smiled. "Well, then, I would be both honored and delighted, Professor."

Hermione was just pulling the door open, showing a glimpse of ancient stone walls and wooden tables inside, when Lupin heard a voice say, close behind her, "Remus. It's been a while." She could feel a puff of breath on her ear, and, for a moment, she froze, the old fear rising. How did he come that close without her noticing anything?

Her hand went instantly to touch her wand, in her robes - she could draw it in an instant if she needed to – and she forced herself to draw a breath before she turned, to stand face to face with Baron, chief of the Forbidden Forest werewolf pack.

He loomed over her as he leaned against the brick wall, a casual smile flickering on his face, showing the tips of white teeth. He wore his clothes with complete indifference, and she found herself very aware of his naked body beneath them – she had seen him far more often without clothes than with them, and even more often wolf than human. Great Merlin, she thought, wanting to take a step back, but forcing herself to stand where she was. I thought he was a great brute before, but to see him now, with a woman's eyes . . .

She realized she wasn't breathing, and she forced herself to draw air. Beside her, Hermione was absolutely still, eyes wide. No wonder he was always so popular with the females, Lupin thought. I could never understand it before.

"Hermione," Lupin said quietly, "would you mind getting us a table inside? I won't be long." And I don't want your face in his head.

Hermione opened her mouth to say something, but then looked carefully at Lupin, nodded, and went inside. She'll watch through the window, of course, Lupin thought, but she'll be in the shadows where he can't see.

Baron smiled, as if amused. "You've changed, Remus." He leaned forward again, his eyes moving from Lupin's face to focus pointedly on her chest. "It's an improvement." He raised a hand until it was inches away from her, and his fingers curved, caressing the air.

Lupin caught her breath, and gripped her wand in her fingers. He can't hurt me now. With my wand, I can take him, and I am protected, at the full moon. There is no need to fear him anymore.

"What do you want, Baron?" She managed to say it in a calm, level tone.

"You know what I want," Baron said, eyes still staring down, and the same amused smile on his handsome features.

"I am not returning to the pack. You cannot force me," Lupin said. "Is there anything else?"

Baron's eyes flicked up now, to hold hers. His eyes were brown, and large, with thick, black lashes. His eyes were brown when he was a wolf, too, she remembered. He smiled wider, showing his white teeth again, his face close enough so that she could feel his breath on her cheek. And his smell, warm and musky, she could smell the forest on him. And again, she wondered, frightened again, How could he have come up on me so suddenly, without my knowing?

He moved closer still, eyes holding hers, and she stepped back, pulling her wand out now, though she kept it lowered. He did not move back, but continued to smile. He cannot think I'm attracted to him, she thought. And then thought again, But I am. And he could probably sense it. He was a werewolf, one who embraced his animal form, and he had an excellent command of those heightened senses. She frowned, annoyed with herself as much as she was with him.

She sighed, and shook her head. "Baron," she said, gently now, "you know I will help the pack. I always have. I will help you, if you need someone to go between you and the Ministry. I'm sure I could arrange for you to receive the cure with the first group -"

"The cure!" Baron snorted, all languidness gone. He drew up, eyes flashing, towering over her, and she caught her breath – she remembered, too vividly, that look in his face, right before his claws would rake into her.

But instead, he turned to the newsrack, with the headlines blazing, and Umbridge's smug picture. A snarl crossed his face, and he shattered the glass with a fist and grabbed a great handful of papers, waving them. "You think I want any part of this!" he said, his fangs showing full and white now. "It will destroy us! It will destroy the packs!"

"Any werewolf who wants to be in a pack can choose to do so," Lupin said. "They just cannot be forced to."

Baron laughed, and easily ripped the papers into shreds, letting them scatter on the ground. "You really think so? You think the wizards will protect them, after this is over?"

"The Ministry has promised," Lupin said. "I believe them."

Baron barked a laugh, and shook his head. "Poor, misguided Lupin. Do you really believe the wizards will accept you, just because you've been 'fixed'?" He gave an ugly emphasis to that last word. "Have you been allowed to work? Have you been treated as an equal? Accepted outside that tiny group of friends you have?"

"This isn't about me," Lupin said. "Most of the werewolves aren't wizards. They don't expect to become part of the wizard community."

Baron tilted his head like a dog, no longer snarling. "You're a werewolf, Remus, not a wizard," he said, his voice soft. "When will you accept that?" He leaned closer, his great, brown eyes looking into hers, his musky smell, and the smell of the forest, flowing around her and Lupin felt a shiver down her spine, and not of fear. Stupid reflexes, she thought. Stupid hindbrain.

She took a step back, and shook her head, as much to clear her head as to communicate to him. "No," she said, quietly.

Red rage flashed in his eyes, just for a moment, like lightening, and she flinched. I've been trained to expect a blow, I still expect it after all these years, she thought, and her hand came up, holding her wand. Do it, she thought. Strike me, and I can strike you back, without any qualms. It will solve a lot of problems.

But the rage left his eyes, and the smile returned. He had seen the fear in her, as clearly as he had seen her attraction. Well, it would get him nothing, she thought.

She looked at him, forced to tilt her head up. "The time of the packs is over, Baron. Accept it. Come join the human race. You were part of it once, you can be again."

He did not move, he simply continued to look at her, still smiling. She turned, and, forcing herself to move slowly and with dignity, opened the door to The Leaky Cauldron and went inside.

Hermione was waiting. She looked at Lupin expectantly, eyebrows raised. Lupin sighed. "It's a long story," she said. "Let's get a table, and I'll tell you."

So they sat at a table, and looked over the menus, and commented on the selections. But after they'd placed their orders with the waiter, Hermione looked at Lupin rather severely and said, "So who was that?"

Lupin heaved a sigh, and told her. In answer to Hermione's questioning face, she went on. "In my twenties, it was a few years after Voldemort's first defeat, after I'd lost James and Lily, and Sirius, and Peter. And my parents . . ." She sighed. "I joined a werewolf pack, for a few months."

Hermione looked very disapproving.

Lupin winced, and went on quickly. "There's something about being in a large group together that calms that terrible madness. I'd experienced it a little, when James, Sirius and Peter were with me, in their Animagus forms. That's the reason werewolves band together. It means you don't spend three successive nights ripping your body to shreds. Or having the terrible hunger to kill humans."

Hermione looked thoughtful. "Now that I think about it, the accounts of werewolf attacks have always been by lone werewolves, never by a pack of them."

"Yes," said Lupin. "And some of the packs still have very terrible reputations. But when I joined, the Forbidden Forest pack was relatively well thought of. Murder was not allowed, nor making anyone a werewolf against their will – it just takes a bite, you know. At the time, I thought abuse of fellow werewolves was also not allowed, but I found later that only extreme physical abuse was banned."

"EXTREME physical abuse?" said Hermione, raising her eyebrows.

"I found out a lot of things after I joined the pack. There is no law for werewolves, not as we know it. They are an outlaw society, shunned by the wizards, and most Muggles don't even know they exist. The strongest rule, the weakest submit."

"How very feudal."

"Yes. When I joined, the Forbidden Forest pack was ruled by a good man, Matthew, but he wasn't strong enough to rule absolutely. No one ever is. But he was a clever politician, and balanced different groups against each other. His group was dominant, and they were good people, for the most part, but there were other factions who were not."

"Like this Baron fellow," Hermione said.

"Baron was, at the time, head of the next most powerful faction within the pack. Matthew and his allies were able to keep Baron's group in check, to some degree, but only so far. I saw terrible abuses, even torture, by many of the dominant pack members." Lupin looked down. "Needless to say, I wasn't a very dominant wolf, so I wasn't able to protect myself, much less anyone else."

"But you're a wizard!" Hermione said.

"Only as a human," Lupin said. "When I'm a wolf, I lose my magic. And it's the wolf form that counts, with the pack. There are people who are very prominent in the Muggle world – doctors, professors, business leaders – who are the lowest members of the pack because they lack physical strength. And many of the dominant pack members are brute thugs – even if they didn't start out that way, the pack ways turned them."

"That's no excuse," Hermione said.

"No," said Lupin. "But these are very damaged people. Just being a werewolf, what you go through. No torture they inflicted was as bad as what a werewolf does to himself, when he's going through full moon alone." She shook her head. "A lot of werewolves choose to spend most of their time in wolf form; there are some who haven't been human for years."

"But real wolves don't behave like that," said Hermione.

"The human mind combined with the wolf mind," Lupin shrugged, "it can produce something very twisted, that is neither human nor wolf."

Hermione nodded. "So, this Baron, he's afraid of losing his underlings if they all get cured, and don't need the pack during the full moon, since they won't go mad anymore."

"Yes," said Lupin.

"How stupid, to do these kinds of things for status," Hermione said.

"Oh, it's more than status," Lupin said. "A dominant wolf is supported by his underlings, they pay tribute, in goods, service, money." Or other things, from the females and younger males, Lupin thought, but did not say. Hermione could probably figure that one out for herself. "As you said," Lupin went on, "very feudal. As a wizard, I made a very valuable underling. Baron tried to get me as his for years."

"Even after you left the pack?"

"Oh, yes. When the old pack leader died, a few years ago, Baron became the new leader, and he tried to get me back by force." Lupin shrugged. "As a wizard – well, witch now – I'm a match for them. But during the full moon, I'm helpless. Even the protective wards around my house vanish. Fortunately, Severus was with me at the time, and he faced Baron down. They've left me alone since then. Until today."

"Why would he bother now?" Hermione asked. "He knows you have protection."

"Because I'm the first one cured," Lupin said. "I'm the symbol of how things can be. Get at me, and he can intimidate everyone else. It would show that the cure would change nothing, that the promise of wizard protection would be empty."

"He must be desperate."

"His entire world is being shattered. He's been supported by his underlings for most of his life – he rarely enters the human world at all, Wizard or Muggle, but spends nearly all his time in the Forbidden Forest. He doesn't even take human form, most of the time. I think the idea of returning to the human world terrifies him. What can he do? He'll never have the status there that he's enjoyed as pack leader."

"Well, if you'd told me he was a good leader, I'd feel sorry for him," Hermione said. "As he wasn't, I won't. It's better than he deserves." She frowned. "I wouldn't trust him, Remus. You need to look out."

"I DON'T trust him," Lupin said. "But he's no match for my magic. And Severus is always with me, during the full moon when I'm vulnerable."

Hermione looked closely at Lupin for a moment, then she nodded. "I'm glad to hear that. Because I don't think this Baron fellow is going to give up without a fight."

"I agree. But there's not really anything he can do, is there? As long as the majority of the werewolves want the cure, he can't stop them."

Their food arrived then, and they each began to eat. After a few bites, Hermione said, "I heard you were going to teach at Hogwarts again."

Lupin smiled, glad to be on a happier topic. "Yes. Dumbledore asked me the other day, and, of course, I was delighted to accept."

Hermione chewed thoughtfully, and swallowed. "I'm glad you'll be teaching, of course; you were the best Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher we ever had. But I was a little surprised, you know."

Lupin cocked her head and Hermione continued. "I thought, well, that you and Professor Snape might be partnering up."

"Oh, I'm no hand at potions," Lupin said. "I'd be useless as a business partner to him."

"Not as a business partner," Hermione said. "I meant, well . . ."

There was something in the way Hermione looked at her. Realization dawned on Lupin. "Oh," Lupin said. "OH." She flushed. "Oh, no," she said quickly, "there's nothing like that between us. Severus is my friend, of course, but nothing more."

"I don't know," Hermione said. "He was certainly very attentive to you when you were in hospital. And you seemed very receptive."

"He's always been very attentive." Lupin felt her face turning red. "It's no different than before."

"I think you feel quite differently than before," Hermione said.

Lupin opened her mouth to deny this, but the words wouldn't come out. She sighed and hung her head. "Does it show that much?" she managed to say.

"I wouldn't say that," Hermione said, "but . . ."

"I thought I was being so careful."

Hermione's eyes were laughing. "I don't see why you're so upset. I think it would be wonderful if the two of you were together."

"That's not going to happen," Lupin said. "I'm only happy Severus didn't flee in horror at the sight of me when I changed. It's got to be so hard for him."

"I think he's very attracted to you," Hermione said.

"Oh, no," Lupin said. "That's not even remotely possible."

"Why not?" Hermione said. "You're an attractive woman. You were an attractive man, for that matter. I had quite a crush on you, you know, when I was younger."

"And that's the point," Lupin said, flushing again. "I was a man, less than a month ago. It's bad enough to expect anyone to be attracted to a werewolf, but this is too much."

"Oh, I don't know," Hermione's eyes were still laughing, "Mr. Willoughby, from the Ministry, at the bank today, he seems to be very attracted to you. And he knows you're a werewolf AND he knew you as a man."

"Mr. Willoughby?" Lupin said, in disbelief. "Goodness, no, I'm much too old. If he were only a few years younger, he'd have been one of my students."

"What does that have to do with it?" Hermione said. "It just means he has good taste. And isn't blind," she added, grinning.

Mr. Willoughby? Lupin still couldn't believe it. Though he had been extremely helpful. Definitely going above and beyond what was necessary – helping her at the bank today, he hadn't needed to come. And he did visit her at the hospital. And brought flowers. "Well," she said, "perhaps he is MILDLY attracted to me. It's probably because he has these romantic ideas about werewolves, that's all."

"Perhaps," Hermione said, "but he still is. I think it's very sweet of him."

Lupin took a very deliberate bite of her lunch and chewed slowly, trying to signal that she wanted to end this line of conversation. Hermione didn't say anything, but her eyes were still teasing.

"Hermione, please," Lupin said. "This isn't funny."

Hermione's eyes immediately became sympathetic. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. Well, not much. But I'm not the only one who's thinking this way, about you and Professor Snape."

"Oh no," Lupin said. "Please tell them to stop. Seriously, there is nothing between Severus and me, and I don't think there ever will be. We are just very good friends." She smiled. "That really is enough for me."

Hermione studied her. "Poor Remus," she said.

Lupin grimaced. "Now there are words I've heard too often."

Now it was Hermione who flushed. "I'm sorry. I really thought you two had . . . well, I'm really sorry. Believe me, I know what it is to have feelings for someone who just thinks of you as a friend."

"I know," Lupin said, her voice now gentle. "And I know you're not talking about any schoolgirl crush you had on me."

Hermione winced. "So I can't say it was that, can I? Or the one I had on Professor Snape, either. Or Professor Lockhart."

"Gilderoy Lockhart?" Now Lupin's eyes were laughing.

"I must confess," Hermione said. "Well, I was only thirteen at the time. And he does have a wonderful smile, you have to give him that. And gorgeous eyes."

"Well, I had some intense school crushes on a few of my teachers, too," Lupin said.

Hermione smiled back. But then she said, soberly, "But it was Lily, for you, wasn't it."

Lupin started, and then nodded. "Yes. Yes, it was."

Hermione nodded, then looked down. "I suppose I don't have to tell you who it is for me."

Lupin shook her head. "No." She paused for a moment. "I think Harry needs some time to find out who he is, just being Harry and not The Boy Who Lived anymore."

"I know," Hermione said. "I just don't think, when he's finished, when he's ready, that it's going to be me. I mean, he could have his pick, he's a hero, after all."

She could be right, Lupin thought, sadly. You're a hero, too, Hermione, but men don't fall in love with heroes.

"But we'll always be friends, I know that," Hermione said. "That's more important to me. It's enough."

Lupin tried to say, Yes, it is, it can be, but the words stuck in her mouth. I've been saying that for myself, she thought, and I believe it's true for me. Why can't I bring myself to believe it for Hermione?

Instead, she reached forward and covered Hermione's hand with her own. Hermione looked up, her eyes meeting Lupin's, and a tear began to drip down her cheek. "Oh," she said, turning away and fumbling for her napkin. "Now look at me, I'm being so stupid . . ." She dabbed at her face, then took a long swallow of water. "There, I'm all right now, really."

"I'm afraid I'm not the best person to give advice in situations like this," Lupin said. "I haven't done all that well myself."

"So, when did you get over your crush on Lily?" Hermione said, still dabbing at her face.

Lupin grimaced. "Well, I'm over her now, I can tell you that."

"Oh dear," Hermione said. "This isn't helping."

"I suppose not," Lupin said. She took a deep breath and sat up very straight. "Well," she said, "I think we both deserve some dessert after this. Something indecent."

"And chocolate?" Hermione managed a smile.

Lupin smiled back. "Best remedy against Dark Magic. I suppose broken hearts qualify."

So they ordered the most decadent thing on the menu. Loaded with chocolate.

TBC