Title: How Hermione Granger Became Insane
Disclaimer: Things like having the ownership of Harry Potter doesn't happen in a few weeks…
Rating: M
Summary: "…the explanation of why I am in the Head's common room, backing Draco Malfoy up against a bookcase." DMHG
Chapter four: In which soapy floors suck
Now, Hermione Granger was quite an intelligent witch.
That was certain.
And if anyone thought otherwise, well, they were just plain stupid.
Alright, so what if Hermione wasn't exactly thinking clearly at that moment? She didn't seem to be thinking very clearly a few days before either. What with the dare and all. Ugh.
But nevertheless! She was still a completely logical person who used her mind and skills to achieve her goals.
Hermione sat cross-legged on her bed, thoughtfully staring at the shadows on her wall, her mind examining the ideas of how to get out of her current predicament. Hermione hadn't forgotten her new task.
Oh, no no no.
No one would forget something like that so easily.
And what do you do when something can't get out of your head?
You try to fix it.
And try to fix it, Hermione did.
So there she was; thinking about how to abandon her task. Heck, the whole dare for that matter. Her thoughts strayed to the day's earlier events. While Transfiguration, she was given her new task which she had to kiss Malfoy topless! Umm, yeah. To add to that she was given a detention for her outburst, which she had to unfortunately share with, guess who? The ferret himself.
Later on, she had continued her other classes. She was paired with Neville during potions. And as if the fact that Neville accidentally dropped a dried gecko tail into the potion and it bubbled and burst in red globs all over her robes and she had received an extremely bad mark didn't make anything better. She adored the poor kid to heart, but honestly! Nearly a full seven years at the school and he still hadn't managed to shake off his clumsiness.
Ferret-face and the Slytherins weren't making things better, either. She could still hear Pansy's incessant laughter. Who would forget that hog-howling excuse for a chuckle?
Anyways.
Back to plotting Parvati's's, Lavender's, and Malfoy's deaths- I mean. Back to getting out of this mess!
So she had to find a way to follow through with the dare without making it so hectic, heck if she could find a way to not even do the dare that would be even better!
Lavender's voice replayed in her mind, "You have to kiss Malfoy with no top."
WHAT WERE THEY EXPECTING OUT OF HER BY THE END OF THAT DARE! By the tenth and final task she'd had already lost countless things. Her insanity, her pride... pig-swallow! She might as well add her innocence to it as well!
She'd kissed. There was Ron before fourth year during the Quidditch World Cup … Okay, so it wasn't exactly a kiss! Ron 'accidentally' tripped on his shoe and her lips managed to 'catch his fall'. It was embarrassing, awkward, and definitely what she expected out of her first kiss! If that was what you called it. They decided to leave matters alone, making sure no one else knew what had happened. And even to that day, no one but the two of them knew. Thankfully.
She'd never really snogged anyone. She'd just… kissed. Nothing extraordinary, romantic, or lustful. It was quite pathetic, really. But it wasn't like she was desperate, anyways. Of course, she'd wanted to know what it felt like, but it was just one of those 'it'll come when you least expect it' things.
It was killing her, what she had to do. The dare was disgusting, and absolutely something Hermione had never nearly done before! And they said they were going to start easy on her, too!
Easy my arse!
Kissing Draco Malfoy topless… how was she going to get out of that!
It was impossible! Not only would she have to lock-lips with her most despised classmate but she'd have to do it topless as well!
What if… what if- Oh Merlin! What if my boobs touch him!
Alright, Hermione, breathe. No boobies are going to touch Draco Malfoy anytime soon. Well at least, not yours.
Sighing she thought miserably on what she'd have to do. She lay on her soft-sheeted bed, her eyes closed.
'But-kissing him wouldn't be so bad…' she thought seriously, 'He's not bad looking and like I've heard, he's not at all a bad kisser or anywhere near it…'
Repulsed at her thoughts, she sneered. Draco Malfoy would've been proud.
Indeed, it was her enemy she was thinking of kissing. And she had actually opened to the idea, even the slightest bit. Thinking more carefully, though. She realized it was the only thing to do.
Parvati and Lavender already spoke the words to the bracelet which showed whether Hermione continued with the dare or not. The current bracelet was worn on her wrist, she was told she'd have until the next day until dark to carry on with her task.
She most definitely didn't want to kiss Draco Malfoy topless and all of her upper body roaming freely in broad daylight. No way.
So her only reasonable option was to do it that night, during their detention.
She just had to find a way to get out of that task.
Her eyes still closed, she pitifully thought to herself, 'If only he were blind. Then he wouldn't be able to see-'
That was it! THAT WAS IT!
It was perfect.
She smiled to herself.
"Hermione, you are brilliant."
Well if there was any lesson Draco had to learn it would be to always finish due essays. Yes, even if you were sexually attacked by a Mudblood enemy named Hermione Granger.
There are just some things that you need to ignore.
Besides, being sexually attacked by a muggle-born Gryffindor girl like Hermione Granger was a completely common thing.
Completely common.
Draco reminded himself to look up the exact definition of 'common' next time he'd go to the library because at that moment he felt his mind had gone mad and mixed up the definition of that word with insane.
He strolled to the dungeons, hoping for a smidge of relaxation before the upcoming detention. Honestly, could it have really been that difficult to let one paper aside? Or to have separated his detention with hers.
What had gotten into Granger anyways? Last time he checked she didn't go around backing people onto bookcases and sexually arousi- I mean attacking them. Was seventh year finally catching up to her and she realized she finally had to have me?
That must be it.
I mean it's the only plausible reason.
What? No, I'm not full of it.
I'm not!
OKAY. So what other reason would she have to get all sexy on me?
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Sighing, he collapsed into the common room's large couch.
Muttering to himself he said, "Draco, I told you someday your looks would drive you up a wall… or bookcase."
Dinner wasn't any better for Hermione.
"I told you Ron, leave it alone!" She bit out.
Harry chose to spoke, "C'mon 'Mione! No one bursts out in class like that. Especially not you. There's got to be something going on."
Aggravated, Hermione replied saying "There's absolutely nothing going on! So what? Just because I make a small outburst, I get badgered about it by my two best friends?"
"'Mione…"
"Don't 'Mione' me, Ron!"
Harry gave Ron a sympathetic look before speaking to Hermione, "Look, just know if there's anything going on, we're always there to-"
Hermione interrupted them, "I know. And I thank you guys for that. Really. But If there's anything going on, I promise to tell you. And I do. And right now I'm saying nothing's going on."
Lie.
They nodded at her and continued scarfing down their food hungrily. She looked down and tried her best not to look guilty.
She knew Harry and Ron would absolutely disapprove of her dare. And they'd probably try their best to stop her from doing it, too. She'd actually be happy if they succeeded but that feeling of having to rely on someone all the time would always cast a shadow. She'd never live down not being able to continue a dare. She needed to do this. They could not know.
It was absolutely terrible of her. She felt so guilty. She promised herself they didn't deserve this. And yet… it gave her a thrill. She'd never felt so… what's that word? Rebellious. The first time she ever felt that, and it felt great! Before now she never even knew that word's exact meaning. And yet she knew all about it, now. She loved it.
Before she could think more on the matter, Ginny popped in beside her.
"Hey Hermione! Ready for your detention with Malfoy?" she said with a nudge.
Harry and Ron greeted Ginny and then turned to me. "Oh yeah, I forgot you have to spend detention with that git!" said Harry.
Turning to Ginny I scowled at her and whispered harshly, "Thanks a lot."
She just gave me a bright and cheery look, "No problem!" and turned to her food.
'No problem' she says! Psssh. She doesn't have to do an obscene dare.
"Hermione, you give that arse-hole hell!"
"Thanks Ron. I will."
Harry cut it, "And Hermione, if he says anything dreadful or touches you at all, you know where to find us."
I nodded to them in thanks and checked the time. I almost yelped as I realized I could be late. Bidding a goodbye to everyone I rushed out of the hall. Before I got past the doors, my eyes crossed over to the Slytherin table where Draco usually sat and found the spot empty. This only made me quicken my pace. And my heartbeat as well.
"Now that you two are here, let me explain to you both, your duties of Head boy and girl once again. Now you must set an example to your peers. You cannot act like you did today, do you understand? I know of you two to be very educated and responsible young adults and…"
She continued, saying words of 'wisdom' because that's what old people are supposed to tell young people. Or something.
Draco only listened with half an ear though. It was sort of awkward and unnerving sitting so close to Granger. Expecially when last night's events kept replaying in his mind. He wondered what she had in store for him tonight. Or maybe he could just ask her what in Merlin's name she was thinking when she was all over him the other night.
He smirked.
That promised a great deal of embarrassment.
He frowned.
Yep, a lot of embarrassment from both sides.
His eyes cornered to the golden girl herself. He noted she stared at McGonagall, taking in every word. It figures.
He rolled his eyes and interrupted the teacher, "Professor, if we could just skip to the punishment?"
She scowled at the boy, "Now you see? This is the type of attitude I was speaking about." sighing, she gave in, "Alright, you two shall go clean the desks, dust the back of the room, and mop the floor. Any questions?"
Hermione's hand immediately shot up.
"Can we use-"
"No. No magic. My owl shall keep a watchful eye on you both." she said sternly, indicating the brown-feathered owl to the side. "Any more questions?"
My hand rose.
"Mr. Malfoy, I was asking for any questions, not comments."
My arm went back to my side.
She's only mad because she's never been laid. Yep.
"Then, get on with it. I'll check back in two hours to see that you've finished." she conjured a mop, two sponges, a bucket of water and muggle cleaner (where she got that, he had no idea), and two dusters. "Happy cleaning." she said finally, leaving the room.
"Happy Cleaning." I mocked in my best attempt at an 'old lady never been laid' voice.
"Malfoy! Ugh, you git. Let's just get this over with!" Hermione said, walking away from him to the cleaning supplies.
"In a hurry are you, Granger?" I drawled.
"Of course! In a hurry to get away from you." she spat.
It's now or never.
"Didn't seem like it last night."
Her eyes widened, she squirmed under my smirking gaze. Her expression turned from surprise to embarrassment to anger to he didn't know what.
"I don't know what you're talking about." she said stiffly.
"Oh, I'm sure you do." I said, walking closer to her.
She seemed to back away, as she noticed I got closer and managed to bump onto a desk.
"Watch yourself Granger."
She seethed with anger, then surprisingly her eyebrows quirked up.
"Okay then Malfoy, since you think something happened last night, why don't you explain it to me? I mean, since you seem so eager to talk about it." she finished with a smirk.
She could've almost passed for a Slytherin. The way she spoke was so sneaky and there was that smirk that he'd seen on so many Slytherin faces. C'mon! It was the same type of smirk he'd wear!
Then he realized she just countered him. Fuck. What does someone say to that? Damn her for being a smartass!
"Why don't you tell me?" I said. Merlin, that was lame.
"I was the first to ask." That smirk was kind of sexy on her. I mean-
"No you weren't."
He could just imagine Blaise berating him.
"Draco Malfoy! That was so weak-sauce! What had gotten into you? It's that pumpkin juice you had earlier wasn't it? I told you not to take it! What? Hey- hey! Don't you go walking away from me! Dra..Draco! Where are you going? Hey come back-"
Yeah. Like that.
"Yes I was. Our conversation went specifically like this: you brought up last night, I said I had no idea what you're talking about, you said I did, and then I-"
There she goes again. I should interrupt her before she starts going on about that S.P.E.W. thing. Whatever that was.
"-and then the poor house elves!" Too late.
"Aren't we supposed to be cleaning?" I interrupted.
She stopped talking and her eyes crossed to the cleaning supplies.
"Oh."
"Oh." I mocked.
She sent me a glare before turning her back to me and quickly grabbed a sponge and started cleaning the closest desk.
"Touchy."
Milliseconds later, I found a wet, soapy sponge latched onto my face.
Karma's a bitch.
Hermione bit her lip.
25 minutes left.
Normally Hermione would be bouncing off the walls after knowing she only had to spend 25 minutes more with her most hated enemy, other than Voldie of course. But please take in mind that Hermione still had a task to do...
...and she was running out of time.
She glanced over at the grumbling Malfoy who was at the moment holding a dirty mop in his hands.
She giggled quietly, remembering their argument minutes earlier.
"Why do I have to mop the floor?"
"Because I said so."
"You should be the one to do this! You're the mudblood afterall. Have to clean up after yourself, you do."
"WHY YOU! Look, you little prat, you're going to do this and that's final!"
"Since when should I listen to Little Miss Gryffindor Whore?"
"Since- Hey! You're the whore here! Sleeping with all the women fawning over you!"
"That's not entirely true, Granger. I haven't slept with you, afterall."
"Aghh! Back to that, again! Leave it alone, Malfoy!"
"You know maybe I should... Thinking back to that moment gives me horrible thoughts. You in a little slip like that is definitely horrifying, disgusting, absolutely-"
"Excuse me! You didn't have anything to say when I was, 'all over you' that night!"
After a few more insults, some sponge throwing, and screaming, the outcome left Draco with a soppy Muggle mop. Hermione grabbed a feather duster in her triumph.
Look at you again! You're losing track of the time! You only have about...
She looked at the dusty grandfather clock in the corner, one of the few muggle objects kept in the room. She realized she only had 19 minutes left.
Taking a huge breath she finished dusting the upper shelves, stood back to clarify all was dust-free, and glanced back at Malfoy. He was fumbling around with the mop, still unsure of how it was used. Hermione had to grudgingly teach him. Draco, himself, wasn't too keen on it but shut up when he felt the object being whacked on his head. There was one upside to this thing. If she spent time with him, the more abuse he'd get.
She smiled bitterly and grabbed the wand out of her robes.
Time to do some magic.
Taking a step towards the direction of Malfoy, Hermione stopped hearing a short but direct hoot at the corner.
Cursing quietly, Hermione remembered McGonagall's owl had to keep an eye on them to make sure of no micheif or no magic was used. Frowning, she mentally kicked herself about forgetting how to get rid of the owl to let her do her work.
She had a number of options:
Option one: Forget all about doing the task tonight and do it the next day.
But that still wasn't going to be any better. She had until dark the next day to do it. She couldn't go around kissing him with her goods out while he was blind in daylight. Plus, she was never going to be able to find him alone to do it. She'd had to do it now.
Option two: Find a way to do it without that bloomin' owl seeing or to get it go away.
That wasn't going to be any good. She wouldn't be able to let it go away because then it would go straight to McGonagall and she'd immediately run back to see what we were up to. Not good, especially coming in to see one of your students, the smartest one in the class-at that, kissing a blind Draco Malfoy topless. Ick.
Anyways. Blinding charms didn't work on animals. Not that she knew of. And Hermione didn't want to risk blinding McGonagall's favorite owl for life. And to explain why she had to blind him in the first place would be killer.
She'd had to do it now. In front of the owl. Let the owl see! Heck, let it have fun! A, uhh, free show!
Then she remembered it would go straight to McGonagall, too. And Hermione could risk another detention. Actually... in her twisted little mind...
...That didn't sound so bad at all. She would be away from plotting Parvati and Lavender and Malfoy the git.
Making her final decision she started walking towards Malfoy.
Step, by step, by step. She still wasn't keen on doing something so unbelievably mad like kissing people such as her enemies. Then again, who would?
"What the? Granger? Hey you might not want to walk on that right now, I just finished moppi-"
But before he could finish his sentence she immediately slipped on the soapy, wet surface.
She yelped, trying to grab a desk near her but failed and slid towards...
...Malfoy.
"Ahhhhhhh!"
"Granger ,what are you-? GET AWAY FROM ME!"
They simultaneously yelled as Hermione kept sliding towards him, him trying to run away as fast as possible but failing as he managed to slip on the cold, wet surface, sliding into...
...Hermione.
It was like a train wreck!
Hermione and Draco were sliding towards each other, bellies on the floor, heads about to collide!
Here they come.
Wincing, she was ready for an aching, bruising, collision.
She got none.
Well, not really.
But her lips felt something hard against them.
Unclenching her eyes she saw pools of grey.
Then she realized just what she was doing. SHE WAS KISSING DRACO MALFOY!
They both unscrambled from the floor and each other.
"UGH!"
"DISGUSTING!"
"That was truly, unbelievably-"
"-the most horrifying-"
"-thing I have ever-"
"-done! I think I'm about to-"
"-puke!"
"-kill myself!"
Hermione was so not in for this.
A/N:
So you didn't get to read about Hermione kissing Malfoy topless...
...yet.
Stay tuned for the next chapter. Haha.
Anyways; my excuses on why this short chapter was so late!
1. My computer got rebooted. I lost half of this chapter but thankfully I saved it onto a floppy diskwhich was unfortunately at my sister's house which I didn't go to until about two weeks later.
2. Also, I wanted to get out of school first before I started to update again. Now that I'm out I'll probably update more!
By the way, on the mention of updating:
I'll try to update as fast as I can before July 7th which is when I'll be traveling around until July 18th. So I'll probably only update about twice before I leave to vacation!
Anyways. Hope you liked!
To answer some questions:
Heck no! I will most definitely not leave this fic. EVER. Because I love it too much and I have so many ideas and I'm having way too much fun with it. It's going to be a long fic so just bear with me. I mean; four chapters and the second task hasn't even been completed yet. Haha. Damn. And also, I will most definitely not have Hermione being in love with Draco soon. No way. I like taking the long way around, thank you. Who knows? Maybe Draco might even be in love with Hermione first. Teehee.
THANK YOU TO THE AWESOME REVIEWERS! WOW. YOU GUYS ROCK!
I got teary-eyed to some of the reviews I got; you guys push me to do so good. And I'm so thankful people love my writing!
Well; that review button ain't gonna click on it's own!
Till next time!
