Disclaimer: I use a Napolean Dynamite joke here, hope they don't mind too much…

6: Fan-mail

Anakin sat in his lazy-boy, halfway through watching Star Wars episode 2 (ah, 1982…those had been the days) when a pounding knock came at his door. He wondered what in the force was going on! With a sigh of discontent, he put the movie on pause and went to see who he was going to have to strangle now.

When he opened the door, he saw hundreds of excited woman, teenage girls, and forty-year-old men with no lives standing before him with I HEART ANAKIN and VIVA LA VADER t-shirts. Figuring it might take a while to strangle all of them, Anakin decided it might be best to let them tell him what the heck was up.

Someone in the crowd shouted, "There he is!" And before even the Force could have helped him, the Sith apprentice was showered with things to sign and females jumping all over him until the Dark One couldn't even be seen from under the pig pile.

"How did you get this address? Who are you? What do you want? DO YOU WANT ME TO KILL YOU ALL?" was Anakin's first attempt at communication. Yet this proved fruitless as the mob just wouldn't stop.

"Anakin," one woman said to him, smothering him with her hands and large hairdo. "Let me just say we all here feel for you! We know how hard it must be for you to not get the attention you deserve, right everybody?" The statement was answered by a meaningless roar from the fans as Anakin froze. How in the Force's name did she know about that? Unless Frodo had spilled the beans… Anakin clenched his fists. That little hobbit was always after publicity, of course it had been him!

"Tonight," the Sith apprentice growled, "I think I'll have me some Kentucky Fried Hobbit!"

THE HOBBIT-HOLE

Frodo was currently being fanned with coconut-tree leaves and being fed grapes by a swarm of his loyal fans when a loud boom resounded from his front door. A man dressed all in black with a cape and large helmet stood before him, red light-saber drawn and a teenage fanfiction writer clinging to his leg. He kicked the girl off before stomping up to the hobbit.

"We need to talk, wee one!" Was all he said before using the force to pick up Frodo's fans and throw them outside of the hole he had just blown through Frodo's front door. The halfling grew wide-eyed (causing the fangirls who hadn't lost conscious yet to faint with adoration). He stammered,

"Ani, surely we can work something out…uh, sit down," he offered, beginning to get up from his chair.

"I shall stand," the Dark One breathed even more heavily than usual. Frodo sat back down and asked the evil Jedi what he wanted.

"After we spoke on the internet last night," he told the hobbit. "You didn't happen to tell anyone about that, did you?" Anakin pointed his weapon down at Frodo's throat.

"S-s-spoke on the internet?" He did not remember this, yet he had been as high as a kite, so he decided to just go along with it. It was also entirely possible that after this "conversation" that he had told someone about it. That Lilly person… he remembered Lilly. He had probably told her, if he told anyone anything. Yet did he really want to admit to that just now?

"Uh…no, Ani, can't say I told anyone anything," he said shakily.

"Are you sure? Because if there is one thing I don't like, it's a liar."

"What about a Jedi?"

"SILENCE!"

Frodo began to shake and he finally told Anakin about Lilly.

"That is very strange," he said after the halfling had spoken. "I also had a date with a blonde woman named Lilly. Perhaps it is the same person, out to ruin both of our reputations!"

Good, though Frodo. The blame was being directed at someone else. "Yeah," he piped in. "And—''

"What's that noise?" Anakin asked, head turned towards the living room.

"Just the TV, m-my man," Frodo said.

Anakin marched towards the television and saw with horror what was being broadcasted on national tv!

"So then, says Anakin, I simply broke down and cried, man. I cried like a flippin baby. I mean, I asked Obi-Wan forty times for that lego-kit and did he get it for me? No… no, man not even on my flippin birthday. Do you believe that man?"

Anakin stared at the cooing audience for what felt like an eternity. That was Arden's show… and come to think of it, Arden and Lilly did look an awful lot a like.

"And you know what, then, man? When I asked Yoda for advice for my bed-wetting problem he just laughed!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"