Disclaimer: I use some Austin Powers humor here, hope ya don't mind
7: Revenge
Frodo could not suppress a giggle at the discovery of his dark friend's… problem. This earned him a heavy picture frame being chucked at him, only missing his head by a few centimeters. The smile erased from his face as Vader began to pace around the small living room. He stroked his helmeted chin and breathed very slowly, plotting ways to get Arden Ashwood back for this horrendous embarrassment.
"I have blown up entire planets," he spoke to Frodo but more to himself. "I have destroyed entire ecosystems," he was getting louder. "I have killed countless millions but she has just gone TOO FAR!"
The hobbit agreed with insane noddings of his head. He watched the Dark One begin to pace quicker.
"There must be some way… I cannot blow up her planet, for this is where my three best condos are located. Nor can I murder her family, for she lives all by herself here and tracking them all down and gutting them like fish would take far too long. There has to be a way…"
"Uh, well, if I may," Frodo ventured, approaching Anakin with a raised pointer finger. "What she did was low, very low. Yet, being the Sith and hobbit we are, what's to stop us from going just as low? Can't we just get some dirt on her and call it even?"
"That is indeed a good suggestion, my minuscule apprentice," Anakin mused. "Yet it is not good enough. It is merely the margarine of diabolical plots, the diet-coke of evil plans… just one calorie not sinister enough!" The ex-Chosen One pounded one fist into his open palm. Frodo stared blankly and decided it best to nod once more.
So the Knight and the midget remained standing for nearly a half-hour before Anakin suddenly went still in his pacing. He grabbed Frodo's shoulders, raising him up to be eye(helmet?)-level. The hobbit stared terrified into his own reflection before Vader finally spoke to him and voiced his perfect plan.
THE ASHWOOD RESIDENCE
She had just gotten home and begun to take off her jacket when the phone in her kitchen started ringing. Arden ran to it, thinking it another won-over producer telling her how much they'd pay her for her to work for them. Yet when she politely said, "Hello Ashwood residence Arden speaking", this is what she heard:
"Whispered Shh! Shut up, shut up! Normal Uh, yes hello this is the…uh…"
"Whispered Department of Kitchen Cleanliness!"
"Uh, this is the Department of Kitchen Cleanliness. We haven't checked up on your place for a while, and it is mandatory for us to ask our clients some questions once a year."
Arden's brow furrowed. "Uh…alright."
"Alright, uh…so, no leakage?"
"No…"
"Washing machine still working?"
"Yes…"
"Refrigerator running?"
"Yes."
"Then ya better go catch it!" and with that, the line went dead and back at Baggend, Anakin and his apprentice were having a very good laugh.
