Title: Home's the Farthest Way
Chapter: 18
Author: ReeraTheRed
Date: June 23, 2005
Rating: PG13
Our story so far: In the last chapter, Lupin recovers at St. Mungo's from Baron's attack, only to find out that Baron has destroyed her house in the meantime.
Acknowledgements: Thanks to beta readers Patti, Michelle and Liz.
Author's Note: Just a little short chapter to tide you over until I get the next one out.
Note to anyone who had this story in a C2 archive – it's not showing up in any of the C2 archives it was in – something happened right after the recent upgrade the first time I added a chapter - before I added, the neat little counter showed it was in 7, and now it's 0.
As always, thanks so much for the reviews!
Chapter 18
They appeared in the sitting room of Snape's barren flat. Lupin stood, her head whirling, leaning against Snape's shoulder. I cannot go on, she thought. I can't think of what to do.
She turned her face up to his. He looked at her, and there was such sadness in his eyes. She felt the last shreds of her composure crumble, and she began to shake. She pressed her face against his shoulder, her face contorting as she tried to stop the tears.
Snape pulled her close, his arms around her, his hand in her hair as he held her against his shoulder. He pressed his cheek against the top of her head, and that did it. Violently, her body jerking, horrible sobs burst out of her – no words, just sounds that possessed her entire body. Anguish and agony, for her home, for herself, for everything that had happened in the last day, the last month, the last twenty years, for her entire life.
Snape lifted her up and carried her over to his chair. He sat, still holding her, and she curled up in his lap, face pressed against his chest, her body jerking with each sob, her face twisted beyond all recognition. Snape rocked her in his arms. "I know," he said, gently. "Let it out."
She didn't keep it up for long. She didn't have the energy, and sheer exhaustion set in. Her sobs grew softer, her body quieted, until she lay, breathing hard, still curled up, her face against his shoulder.
I don't want to move, she thought. As long as I stay just like this, nothing more will happen. And I won't have to face anything.
But she did have to face it. She tried to make her mind think, and it wouldn't.
"Severus," she said, her voice croaking, barely louder than a whisper. "What am I going to do?"
"Hush," Snape said. "Don't worry about it now."
She shook her head. "What am I going to do?" she said again, her voice desperate. "I've lost everything." She gulped. "My books. My wand. My home – how am I going to live? The pension money, it was enough when I had a house - "
"You're going to stay with me," Snape said.
She started shaking again. "I don't even have any clothes. Everything. Everything I had, everything I am -" She blinked. "I don't even have my own body -"
Snape put his fingers against her lips, closing her mouth. "Hush," he said again. "Remus, you're in shock, and you're still in bad shape from yesterday. You're in no condition to think about anything right now. Too much has hit you all at once."
She blinked at him, still shaking. He kept his fingers pressed against her lips, and he tightened his arm around her, hugging her close.
"What we will do now, is this," Snape said, his voice still very soft and even. "You're going to have a bath, and eat something, and then you will drink the first of your potions, and you will go to sleep. We can talk about things when you feel better."
She blinked at him again. He drew his wand and pointed it down the hall. She heard water start running in the bathroom. Snape slid his arms under her knees and shoulders and lifted her again. He carried her into the bathroom and set her down on the toilet.
He left the room for a moment, and she sat, watching the tub fill with water. She found it fascinating. She could hear Snape rummaging around in his potions room, and then he came back with a few bottles.
"These will help your wounds," he said, as he poured a little from the contents of each bottle into the tub. The water frothed and the room was filled with a crisp, pleasant scent.
When the tub was full, he pulled the cloak from her shoulders and set it aside. She sat listlessly as he did so. Then he knelt on the floor beside her, and untied the hospital gown with delicate fingers, carefully pulling it away. She let him. What did it matter? The gown wasn't hers, either.
He lifted her again, and let her slide into the water. She felt the warmth creep into her body as it flowed over her.
He left the room, leaving the door ajar. She lay in the water, and closed her eyes. The water felt good. I want to just lie here forever, she thought.
But, of course, she couldn't. If for no other reason than there was only the one bathroom, and Severus almost certainly wanted to use it as much as she did. He hadn't been home since yesterday, either. When the water began to cool down, she made herself wash. She even managed to drain the water out and use the shower to wash her hair, though she still knelt down on the bottom of the tub, not trusting herself to stand. Cleaning spells at the hospital had removed most of the blood, but bits of brown still came out in the water. She had to wash it several times before everything came out clear.
She pulled a towel off the rack and dried herself off, still squatting in the tub. Now what? She had no clothing.
She saw something white on the counter. A nightshirt. She hadn't noticed it before. She pulled it over her head. It was long enough to touch the floor. It was his nightshirt, she thought, as she felt it against her skin. I'm in his nightshirt.
She stepped out into the hallway, walking slowly and carefully, like an old woman, until she was back in the sitting room.
Snape was there. He stood up as soon as she came in, going into the kitchen and returning with a tray that contained two mugs and a plate of toast.
"Soup," said Snape, holding out a mug. "Courtesy of the Hogwarts House Elves. It appears they knew you were coming here."
She took the mug from him and stared at it.
"Your potion is in there, as well," Snape said. He handed her a piece of toast, and she stared at that, too.
"You must eat that, Remus," Snape said.
She nodded, and bit into the toast. It had no taste. She couldn't taste much of the soup, either, although it was warm, and that felt good, going into her.
Bit by bit, she made herself drink all the soup, and got down not just the first piece of toast, but a second one as well. The potion was definitely working; her eyes were drooping before she'd taken the last bite. Snape lifted her shoulders, helping her stand, and then guided her back to the bedroom – a room as plain and barren as the rest of the flat.
He helped her lie down, then pulled the covers over her, up to her chin. She closed her eyes. She heard him pulling things out of the wardrobe, then he left the room. She heard water running in the bathroom again. His turn, now.
I'm in his bed, she thought. I'm wearing his nightshirt. Everything around me is his. The thought was both comforting, and agonizing. Fortunately, she fell asleep soon after, listening to the sound of running water.
She slept most of the day. Snape came in several times, sometimes with a potion, sometimes with soup or warm milk. He would lift her up by her shoulders, and hold a mug to her lips as she swallowed, then he would let her down again and pull the covers back over her. Sometimes, she thought he stayed in the room and watched her, but she wasn't sure.
In the late afternoon, she was forced to get out of bed to use the bathroom. She shuffled out of the bedroom and across the hall. Everything still ached, and she was very weak.
When she left the bathroom, she found herself turning to the sitting room instead of returning to the bedroom. She found Snape sitting in front of the fireplace. The room smelled of floo smoke. He'd been talking to people. About me, she thought, with a flash of resentment. Everyone's talking about poor Remus again.
Snape looked up as she appeared in the doorway, and immediately came over, taking hold of her arm and guiding her over to a chair.
"How are you feeling?" he asked as he sat across from her in the other chair.
She frowned. "A little better. Still in shock, I think."
"The Daily Prophet has a front page article, if you want to see," he said, handing the paper to her. "I'll get you some tea."
She read while he messed about in the kitchen. Baron's picture was on the front page. There were statements from Harry, Hermione, and Arthur. Snape's name was mentioned, along with Lupin's and Umbridge's.
"Arthur said the Prophet wants to interview you as well," Snape said, bringing in two cups of tea and handing one to her.
She shook her head, and felt herself turn pale.
"I told him you probably weren't up to it," Snape said. He took a sip of tea. "Arthur says Umbridge will be asked to leave the Ministry. He says they were going to ask her to leave anyway; this was just the final excuse."
Lupin looked at her tea. "I'm sorry. It's wrong that she be asked to leave just because she's become a werewolf."
"Her own laws," Snape said. "Arthur says the laws are in the process of being revoked, so she will likely be the last victim of them. She
might get hired again elsewhere." He took another sip of tea. "Arthur also says don't feel too sorry for her. She'll get a disability pension from the Ministry that is larger than the settlement you've received."
"It doesn't make it right," Lupin said.
"She's really being fired for what she's caused to happen to you," Snape said. "They simply cannot prove it."
Lupin stared at her tea. She forced herself to take a swallow.
"I've also been talking to Moody," Snape went on. "Baron has still eluded them. They think he's gone to the Continent, possibly even farther."
"He could elude capture for months, if he's Apparating," Lupin said. "He could elude them forever."
"It is unlikely he would come back here, though," Snape said. "He is not stupid. The innocent people he has terrorized are free of him now."
"I'd hate to see him simply find another group, though," Lupin said.
"There is a world wide search on for him," Snape said, "though, as you say, he could elude capture for a long while. It is unlikely he can stay in any one place for long, or do anything that will draw attention to himself, for fear of being discovered. He must spend the rest of his life in hiding." He looked at her. "Baron has been defeated, Remus. His power has been broken. His world has been destroyed. You have won. You know that."
Lupin gave a half-hearted nod.
Snape's eyes flicked down. He frowned, then looked up at her again. "However," he said, still frowning, "there is special concern for you. Moody thinks, and I agree, that Baron will be particularly angry with you, and may seek revenge. Your house could be just the beginning. You will have to be careful. It is better that you don't live alone, anymore."
That's it, she thought. Remus must be taken care of, because Remus can't take care of herself. She stared down at her knees, covered in Snape's nightshirt.
"I told Moody that would not be a problem, that you would be staying with me," Snape said. He took another sip of tea, and then said, very carefully, "I also told him to take the cage. He said the Aurors could use it."
Lupin caught her breath. She set her cup down on the coffee table, afraid she would spill it.
"You don't need it anymore," Snape said.
"I know," she said, in a voice barely louder than a whisper.
"And you have no place to keep it," Snape said. "The house is completely destroyed, there is nothing salvageable."
"I know," Lupin said, again.
"Lupin, you could have lost the house during the war," Snape said gently. "You know that. Other people lost a good deal."
"Yes." Lupin still stared, then she took a deep breath. "And I'd choose to lose the house in a heartbeat over losing someone I care about." She closed her eyes. "But it was still all I had. I could be independent, as long as I had the house."
"Give it time," he said. "Your main concern now is to get well." He stood up. "And it is time for another potion." He went into the kitchen, returning with a mug, which Lupin drank down obediently.
He helped her walk to the bedroom, and back into bed.
For the rest of the day, and throughout the night, she slept, off and on. Snape continued to bring her potions, and to feed her, and to help her walk to the bathroom and back, until she had her last potion, late at night, and fell asleep until morning.
TBC
Author's Note: Next time, the final chapter, the one you've been waiting for . . .
