((OOC: For you non-French speaking types, "petit" means little and garcon" means man))

9: Backfire

After chopping the male stripper in half with his light-saber, Anakin turned to Frodo with an accusing glare. The hobbit shrugged innocently, shaking a little bit and wiping some of the stripper's blood off of his eyebrow. Anakin's grip on the light-saber tightened as he felt the urge to destroy a planet began to well up inside his chest. He settled for simply going out on a drive and blowing up random buildings that Frodo and he drove past. All except Burger King of course.

"You realize, Darth Petit-garcon," Anakin spoke in a low, murderous voice to the one in the car-seat, "That it was Arden Ashwood who was behind that last prank."

Frodo nodded, wondering what sort of grizzly death Vader had in store for his nemesis.

"You see what we have been doing wrong is we are being too impersonal," the Unchosen One continued. "Hiding behind phones and pizza delivery boys. What we need to do is have a little talk with Miss Ashwood up close and personal." Anakin seemed to be getting excited—something that Frodo knew could either result in a trip to Toys R Us or a massacre.

Anakin turned on the radio, I'm a Barbie Girl beginning to play. Frodo smirked, reaching forward to change the station for his Master when Vader slapped his hand away with an angry exhale of breath. Eyes wide, Frodo decided to just sit still.

"So," Petit-garcon asked, "We gonna kill her?"

"Oh no," Vader laughed (which sounded kind of like a gnome in a lawnmower from under that helmet). "I have something special planned for Miss Ashwood..."

AFTERNOONS WITH ARDEN

"So how did it make you feel when your mother stuffed dynamite into your stuffed puppy?"

Little Timmy sobbed. "Not too good, Arden!" The audience cooed appropriately but before long they were all in excited hysterics. They were all on their feet, pointing to Arden's left and right. The show's hostess turned to see what had gotten the crowd so riled up and saw Frodo and Anakin stepping out onto the stage.

What on Earth are they doing here? She thought with dread. Oh those buggers! I bet it's another prank!

Thinking fast, she announced to the audience that Anakin and Frodo had decided to join the program as special guests after all. She glared at Vader through the corner of her eye but saw him wave casually and use the Force to raise Little Timmy and his mother out of their seats so he and Frodo could sit down. He tossed them carelessly back into the audience and looked to Arden with a stack of papers in his hand. She saw their formats and figured it was their conversation from a few nights ago.

"Arden," Vader spoke. "I thank you for letting the entire nation know about my little secrets... I also wanted to say that you trusting me enough to tell me about your bra-stuffing and liposuction is heart-warming."

Her face went white as a sheet of paper as some audience members laughed while others awww-ed. She could see Frodo smiling as she ripped the papers away from Vader. It was a forged e-mail! Somehow they had hacked into her computer and sent this to themselves! But... she looked up at the audience helplessly and decided it best to check what else they had in this e-mail. Half-way through the page, she had gotten botox, a facelift, gone to a mental hospital, and was a female-preferring bisexual.

She looked at Vader with blackened eyes. Pouncing on him, she screamed, "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

Frodo watched with a smile as Vader and Arden rolled about on the floor for a few minutes, the audience taking sides and cheering. She pounded his metal chest, sending a few sparks to come out from him. His leg started to twitch as she yanked on a few wires attached to his hip.

"Hey!" Vader said as she reached up to his helmet. "Don't—don't—don't d-d-d-d-do that!" Arden hopped off of him as his helmet began to emit sparks. Finally she grinned as he had no choice but to take it off.

He held on as long as could have been expected with his whole head engulfed in electrical flame but soon ripped the thing off revealing—