Salvation of the Fallen

Written By: Ashen Ravenwing

Lost Childe

Spike blinked open hazy eyes, his head feeling like it had a high school drum line practice pounding inside it. He groaned in protest and squeezed his eyes shut again, trying to drown out the throbbing pain. His whole body felt like twice run over road kill. He wasn't even so sure he could move he felt so sore… And this warm radiating heat was resting on his bare arms and exposed shoulders. It felt wonderful. Spike's eyes snapped open in horror as he realized that the warmth spreading over him was, in fact, sunlight that was streaming in through the open window above his bed.

"Shite!"

He leapt to the opposite side of the bed, nearly slamming into the animorph in the process. Spike scrambled against the joint in the wall behind Abyss who was staring at him in surprise.

"Close the blinds! Damnit close the blinds now!"

"Spike… calm down."

"Close them! You want me dead?"

The blonde turned frantically, almost trying to climb up the wall before Abyss yanked him back down and pinned him to the mattress under him. Spike cried out as he was once more drenched in sunlight, squirming in vain under the weight of the male above him. He hadn't remembered Abyss being so much stronger than him.

"Just lay still before you hurt yourself Spike! You can't climb walls anymore even if you wanted to. Listen to me and calm down!"

Spike whimpered but obeyed, forfeiting his fidgeting although his body stayed tense. He stared up at the animorph above him with confused eyes.

"Y'see my friend? The sunlight won't hurt you anymore. It's not so strange considering what else you're doing unconsciously… like breathing for one…"

The young man blinked a few times, as if that realization had just hit him. His blue eyes rolled backwards a bit to look at the open window above him. It was uncanny… the breath he drew into his longs, the steady heartbeat thrumming in his chest… Spike shuddered and quickly rolled to his side as Abyssinian released him, his body trembling with dry heaves. A deep groan escaped him as he hung weakly off the side of the bed, Abyss gently stroking the length of his bare back.

"Take it easy my friend… it's going to take you a while to get reacquainted with your human body."

Spike sputtered as his response was cut off by another dry retch. He slowly shook his head, trying to clear the swirling turmoil within.

"H-how…? How did this…h-happen to me…?'

He rolled onto his back, taking a ragged breath and staring up at Abyss with watery eyes.

"You don't remember any of it… Do you Spike?"

The winged male frowned softly at the look of utter despair on his companions face. Trying to comfort the young man, Abyss hooked an arm over Spikes' waist so that he was propped up comfortably half leaning over Spike, a sympathetic smile on his lips.

"No worries my friend… I'll bring you up to speed. Y'see, after Ishstar released you from your blood tie to Drusilla… Your body started to go through the changes of reverting back into mortality. You were bleeding pretty bad from your neck, and although we patched up the wound fast enough… You still lost a lot of blood. You became pretty sick because of it… but it seems as though you're recovering quite well now."

Spike took a disbelieving look around him, his hand subconsciously moving to his neck and caressing the indented scars of the puncture wound Dru had given him more than a century ago. He winced at how tender it was to the touch.

"…How long have I been here then…?"

"Going on three days now… This being the third and not including the night we got here… It was too dangerous to move you back to the loft before we knew you would be ok…"

Spike started to tremble, his eyes welling with tears that he couldn't contain. Three days of his life had passed him by and he had no memory of any of them. He crossed his arms over his face to hide the flood of emotion.

"Bollocks! Why am I crying? I never cry like this…and they won't stop!"

He let out a sad pain-filled laugh of embarrassment. Abyssinian watched his quietly, his free paw lifting to stroke back the blondes' pillow tossed hair.

"It's ok Spike, let it out… It's not unusual for a transformation this drastic to cause a large emotional reaction… Better to let all the feelings out now… You'll feel better."

The young blonde let out an ironic laugh but took the other males advice all the same, allowing everything that was built up inside to come streaming out in burning tears and harsh bursts of anger. All the anguish and guilt, all the rage and bitter fear… every tortured emotion that he'd held in for years poured out of him and filled the small room. Once the tears had dried and his breathing once more became soft and steady, Spikes blue eyes flittered up the male that was still leaning over him slightly…Who had been there to comfort him even though they barely knew each other. The blonde managed a weak smile of gratitude.

"Thanks mate… You're one of the great ones in this world…"

Abyss smiled and trailed a paw gently across Spikes emotion flushed cheek.

"I don't know about how great I am dear Spike, but I'm always here for you should you need me…"

Spike hooded his eyes at the caress and sighed in contentment. After a moment, a small smile curled his lips as he shifted onto his side, playfully batting away Abyss' paw.

"Hn, yeh yeh luv… I know… And same goes from me to you… Now cut the mushy act before someone walks in on us and thinks we're a pair of swoonin' poufs."

Abyss leaned up, giving him a wry smile in return. He cast his eyes to the floor.

"No… We wouldn't want that."

The blonde nodded absently in agreement before he realized what Abyssinians' tone and body language alluded to. His head snapped back up in surprise as he stared at the other male in disbelief.

"Aby! Are you serious? You're a lily?"

Spike leaned up slightly, blinking curiously at his teammate. Abyss seemed to blush and smirked, casting a soft gaze on his friend.

"Let's not make a big deal about it Spike… It doesn't change our relationship at all… Just added information…ok?"

The animorphs' voice almost hinted at pleading and Spike realized that most people probably didn't know… And that's how Abyss seemed to want to keep it. The blonde smiled, respecting that wish due to the admiration he already held for the other male. He tilted his head to the side slightly to rest on the curve of one of his bare shoulders.

"Wow… And I could have sworn that you and Kahlja?"

Abyss chuckled, a wash of relief seeming to come over him at the younger mans obvious acceptance of this new information.

"Well, actually…I'm bisexual… and Kahlja and I were together at one point. But, we both make better business partners than lovers… And that's fine with us. I prefer the male form anyway."

Spike cocked an amused eyebrow, grinning cheekily in spite of himself.

"You were with Kahlja after all? Lucky bastard… But, hn… With what you claim, I gotta watch my butt around you eh luv?"

Abyss looked taken off guard by the playful accusation and blinked. Quite seriously, he leaned in far more forward, making Spikes' breath catch at the light but tender kiss. Abyss grinned softly as he pulled away.

"Actually Spike… I do find you extremely attractive… But, you're not quite…'furry' enough for my personal taste. So sorry to break your heart."

Both stared at each other for a silent moment before they nearly choked on their withheld laughter and they busted up in glee. The two males fell back to opposite sides of the bed, holding their sides with the pain of their laughter. Once both had calmed down, Spike smiled with a warm grin.

"Oy…Aby?"

"Hn… yeh Spike?"

"…Thanks mate…"

"…Nah, don't mention it… You and I, we look out for each other, yeh?"

"Till the day I die Aby… Tha's for sure…"

Later That Evening…

"Angel Investigations, Angel speaking. Can I help you?"

"…Evenin' peaches…"

Spike frowned softly at hearing the stunned silence on the other line. He drew in a shuddering breath at the sound of Angel's voice… He hadn't realized how much he'd missed that voice… especially now.

"Spike… Where are you?"

"Still in town, but no worries, I'll be gone in a day or so… Didn't mean to be any trouble pet…"

Angel sighed into the receiver, his voice dropping to a whisper.

"… You're not any trouble Spike… don't say that. I don't care if you're in LA. A-are you ok?"

The blonde blinked at the sincerity in Angel's voice. It was unusual that Angel would apologize for anything he'd said towards Spike… even more so was him seeming worried. Spike leaned his head against his shoulder, holding the receiver to the opposite ear as he watched the headlights of cars below snake their way through the city. The night air felt good, cool and fresh on his face and bare torso. He was starting to become quite fond of this rooftop.

"I-I'm fine… A bit confused about some things…but fine. How 'bout you pet?"

"Fine too Spike…concerned about you though… You sure you're ok? I'd like to see you if I can."

Spike closed his eyes, tears burning against the lids. He hated all this damn emotion, but Ishstar claimed that he was going to be particularly vulnerable for about a week as his body readjusted… Then he'd be back to his old self again. Of course, it didn't help matters that Angel was finally showing the kind of concern and affection he'd been pining to obtain for years… Spike cursed himself mentally and looked back out across the city as the inevitable wet trail traveled down his cheek.

"Lot's changed the last few days luv… but none of it killed me, so I guess that's a bonus…but… I don't think it's too good an idea for us to see each other right now… Maybe when I get back, eh? Don't worry 'bout me…"

Inside though, Spike could hear the whispered truth that he wanted to speak but never could. Rather he wished to say 'Please don't stop worrying about me…'

"I see… I'm not the only one though you know Spike. Others have been asking about you… Do you believe that she asked me to actually 'look after you'? I never thought she'd say those words to me… Always such an independent… and yet, not so much. It's odd, isn't it Spike?"

"Dru…"

"Yeh…Dru…"

Spike swallowed hard. It had been a few years since he'd last heard from Drusilla, let alone seen her. It was painful to think about their intimate fallout… All for the sake of another woman who didn't truly love him to begin with… The blonde stifled a choked sob, bowing his head and moving his free hand up to grasp the back of his neck.

"Spike… Are you still there?"

Angel's voice called to him. Lifting his head to the dark sky, Spike drew in a deep calming breath but winced as his voice cracked when he responded.

"A-aye Angel… I'm right here..."

"Are… Are you crying Spike?"

"…And if I am…?"

"Spike…"

A deep groan escaped Spike's throat at hearing his name whispered so compassionately in that voice. Damn his heart for still loving that man as profoundly as he did… Angel didn't have a clue what kind of power he still held over the younger man… That just showing him the slightest warmth melted his rough exterior and laid him bare.

"I-I gotta go Angel… I'll talk to you later."

"Spike! Wait… please… Don't leave me in the dark…"

The brit paused, chewing his bottom lip.

"Oy, Angel?"

"What is it Spike?"

"I called you 'pet' twice… and 'luv' once…and you didn't correct me… That's gotta mean somethin' … Right?"

He could hear Angel take a thoughtful pause on the other end.

"Guess it doesn't bother me anymore…"

Spike gave a dry smile to the night.

"Hn… Then I guess there's hope for me yet…"

With that, Spike pulled the receiver away and clicked it off. Placing the headset on the concrete banister molding, Spike pulled his knees up to his chest and sighed, leaning his arms on his knees and bowing his head.

"Spike?"

He looked up at the fem, nodding to her quietly.

"Went bad did it?"

Kahlja walked up to her comrade and gently ran her fingers through his soft bleached hair.

"No, rather well actually… Just hard to hear his voice I guess… He was actually… worried."

"Hn… I'd imagine he'd know something was wrong. He's your family…"

"Correction was my family… Not a vamp anymore. I'm alone now…"

Spike seemed pained by this and leaned into Kahlja as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

"You're not alone Spike… We're still here with you… and if he seemed worried, than Angel must still care for you."

Spike closed his eyes, listening to his heart beat in time with hers. He tilted his head to rest on her shoulder and wrapped and arm casually around her waist; eyes watching the cars cruise by in the world below them.

"Yeh… I hope you're right luv… 'Cause if you're wrong, I've got no past to turn to… And that can make life damn bloody lonely."