A friend from school and a reviewer requested for me to do Darth Maul's journal next. So…here it is.

Darth Maul's Journal

Entry 1

Darth Sidious had me go find two meddlesome Jedi by the names of Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. I bet they don't have cool lightstaffs. Yeah, lightstaffs. I mean, why have a one-sided lighsaber when it can have the blade on both sides?

Entry 2

Just landed on the surface of Tatooine. It seems really dusty. Well, it's not a job my feather duster can't handle.

Entry 3

Damn, it's hot here! Hot do these people manage to survive in this intense heat?

Entry 4

I bet it's so hot I could fry an egg on my space ship!

Entry 5

Damn, I can.

Entry 6

Well, I'd better send the probes out to look for Martha Stewart. I know she's out here…somewhere… I will find that fiend if it's the last thing I do! Well, before going into the girls' locker room. That'll come last.

Entry 7

The probes are taking too long, so I'll ride my motorcycle around and scare the crap out of little kids.

Entry 8

Sidious really needs a new outfit. I mean, how could they not realize that he's the Palpatine who's running for Chancellor? It's only a hooded robe, for Christ's sake! It's like how Super Man doesn't wear a mask, yet no one knows that he's Super Man while wearing a business suit! What, do they think Super Man would never wear a business suit or something?

Entry 9

I rest my case.

Entry 10

Then, there's Bat Man. He owns million dollar gadgets, and Bruce Wayne is the only billionaire in the city. I mean, honestly. But Spider Man's okay in my book.

Entry 11

Aha! So there's the Jedi I've been looking for! You know, the beige part of his outfit looks like an apron… Or an overly large bra.

Entry 12

The Jedi's padawan helped him escape. How did they know I couldn't jump high like most Sith? Cool, I made a rhyme! Hmmm, maybe I should become a rapper!

Entry 13

On second thought, no. I mean, that didn't even rhyme.

Entry 14

I had a muffin for lunch. I was going to have some left over casserole from the ship, but I swear, that thing moved! The casserole was alive!

Entry 15

I have a terrible truth… I've never told anyone… But…I'm gay!

(DP- I had to do something to speed this up…)

Entry 16

But I mean, it's not like anyone would, like, read my journal. It would be totally rude!

Entry 17

Crap! I broke a nail! Sigh.

Entry 18

Finally found Martha Stewart! Now she'll have to tell me all her home and garden tips! Bwahahahahahahahaha!

Entry 19

Martha Stewart was really Michael Jackson… I killed that sicko with my awesome lightstaff. Yeah.

Entry 20

Hee hee!

Entry 21

I'm glad I brought Fluffy, my cat, with me. He's like, so fluffy! And like…so cute!

Entry 22

Saw miniskirt in JCPenny's catalog. Hmmm…

Entry 23

After much searching, I've finally found those Jedis. Wait, I mean Jedi and Padawan. Yeah, I'm not giving him any credit. I mean, he hasn't even passed the trials of the perfume department! Those where dark times… Dark times…

Entry 24

Yes! Now I can finally show off my mad skillz!

Entry 25

Crap! Stupid barrier of light stopped my awesome battle!

Entry 26

Qui-Gon and I began to play Battle Ship.

Entry 27

Ha! I sank his aircraft carrier!

Entry 28

Light shield went back up. Now back to the wicked battle scene!

Entry 29

Stuck lightstaff into Jedi's chest. Hey, you are what you eat.

Entry 30

And in this case, Qui-Gon would be a lightsaber.

Entry 31

He eats lightsabers?

Entry 32

That Padawan was about to try to come over and do a wicked-awesome battle sequence with me, but that barrier went back up!

Entry 33

Began to play I Spy with Obi-Wan.

Entry 34

I spy with my little eye something…red.

Entry 35

Crap! He guessed right! It was my face!

Entry 36

Barrier is gone once again.

Entry 37

Made Padawan trip and is now hanging on ledge. Watcha gonna do now? Use the Force?

Entry 38

Crap, he used the Force to get his master's lightsaber.

Entry 39

Crap! He cut my lightstaff in half!

Entry 40

Crap! He cut me in half!

Entry 41

Crap! I'm dead!

Entry 42

Wait, how can I still be writing this when I'm dead?

Entry 43

I know! I'll call Oprah! She knows all!

Entry 44

Crap! I forgot to go into the girl's bathroom before I died!

Entry 45

Dang, how can I still write?

Entry 46

Almost at the bot-

End… Darl Maul Died. Find this journal and more at your local library!

Sorry it was kinda short. But Darth Maul was only in one movie, so I didn't have much to work with. Next up… Yoda!