A friend from school and a reviewer requested for me to do Darth Maul's journal next. So…here it is.
Darth Maul's Journal
Entry 1
Darth Sidious had me go find two meddlesome Jedi by the names of Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. I bet they don't have cool lightstaffs. Yeah, lightstaffs. I mean, why have a one-sided lighsaber when it can have the blade on both sides?
Entry 2Just landed on the surface of Tatooine. It seems really dusty. Well, it's not a job my feather duster can't handle.
Entry 3
Damn, it's hot here! Hot do these people manage to survive in this intense heat?
Entry 4
I bet it's so hot I could fry an egg on my space ship!
Entry 5
Damn, I can.
Entry 6
Well, I'd better send the probes out to look for Martha Stewart. I know she's out here…somewhere… I will find that fiend if it's the last thing I do! Well, before going into the girls' locker room. That'll come last.
Entry 7
The probes are taking too long, so I'll ride my motorcycle around and scare the crap out of little kids.
Entry 8
Sidious really needs a new outfit. I mean, how could they not realize that he's the Palpatine who's running for Chancellor? It's only a hooded robe, for Christ's sake! It's like how Super Man doesn't wear a mask, yet no one knows that he's Super Man while wearing a business suit! What, do they think Super Man would never wear a business suit or something?
Entry 9
I rest my case.
Entry 10
Then, there's Bat Man. He owns million dollar gadgets, and Bruce Wayne is the only billionaire in the city. I mean, honestly. But Spider Man's okay in my book.
Entry 11
Aha! So there's the Jedi I've been looking for! You know, the beige part of his outfit looks like an apron… Or an overly large bra.
Entry 12
The Jedi's padawan helped him escape. How did they know I couldn't jump high like most Sith? Cool, I made a rhyme! Hmmm, maybe I should become a rapper!
Entry 13
On second thought, no. I mean, that didn't even rhyme.
Entry 14
I had a muffin for lunch. I was going to have some left over casserole from the ship, but I swear, that thing moved! The casserole was alive!
Entry 15
I have a terrible truth… I've never told anyone… But…I'm gay!
(DP- I had to do something to speed this up…)
Entry 16
But I mean, it's not like anyone would, like, read my journal. It would be totally rude!
Entry 17
Crap! I broke a nail! Sigh.
Entry 18
Finally found Martha Stewart! Now she'll have to tell me all her home and garden tips! Bwahahahahahahahaha!
Entry 19
Martha Stewart was really Michael Jackson… I killed that sicko with my awesome lightstaff. Yeah.
Entry 20
Hee hee!
Entry 21
I'm glad I brought Fluffy, my cat, with me. He's like, so fluffy! And like…so cute!
Entry 22
Saw miniskirt in JCPenny's catalog. Hmmm…
Entry 23
After much searching, I've finally found those Jedis. Wait, I mean Jedi and Padawan. Yeah, I'm not giving him any credit. I mean, he hasn't even passed the trials of the perfume department! Those where dark times… Dark times…
Entry 24
Yes! Now I can finally show off my mad skillz!
Entry 25
Crap! Stupid barrier of light stopped my awesome battle!
Entry 26
Qui-Gon and I began to play Battle Ship.
Entry 27
Ha! I sank his aircraft carrier!
Entry 28
Light shield went back up. Now back to the wicked battle scene!
Entry 29
Stuck lightstaff into Jedi's chest. Hey, you are what you eat.
Entry 30
And in this case, Qui-Gon would be a lightsaber.
Entry 31
He eats lightsabers?
Entry 32
That Padawan was about to try to come over and do a wicked-awesome battle sequence with me, but that barrier went back up!
Entry 33
Began to play I Spy with Obi-Wan.
Entry 34
I spy with my little eye something…red.
Entry 35
Crap! He guessed right! It was my face!
Entry 36
Barrier is gone once again.
Entry 37
Made Padawan trip and is now hanging on ledge. Watcha gonna do now? Use the Force?
Entry 38
Crap, he used the Force to get his master's lightsaber.
Entry 39
Crap! He cut my lightstaff in half!
Entry 40
Crap! He cut me in half!
Entry 41
Crap! I'm dead!
Entry 42
Wait, how can I still be writing this when I'm dead?
Entry 43
I know! I'll call Oprah! She knows all!
Entry 44
Crap! I forgot to go into the girl's bathroom before I died!
Entry 45
Dang, how can I still write?
Entry 46
Almost at the bot-
End… Darl Maul Died. Find this journal and more at your local library!
Sorry it was kinda short. But Darth Maul was only in one movie, so I didn't have much to work with. Next up… Yoda!
