Yoda's Journal

Entry 1

Come, more Padawans have. Training they will begin soon.

Entry 2

Saw Mace Windu in a sewing class, I have. Any idea that I'm a Girl Scout, he doesn't have. Thought I was a strange little girl, they did. Kicked their asses, I did.

Entry 3

Brought a boy who wants to be a Jedi, Obi-Wan has. To be quite powerful, the boy seems. Too old of age, he is but. Send him back to my Girl Scout troop, I will.

Entry 4

Ate at Burger King, I did. Following me, the evil Darth Burger King was. Very aware, I had to be. Strike at any moment, he could.

Entry 5

Used Jedi mind tricks to sell one million cookies, I did. Tasted like crap, the cookies did. A better cookie, I will make.

Entry 6

Annoyed me, two droids have. C-3PO and R2-D2, their names are. Not so annoying, R2-D2 is. Went to see Spongebob the Movie, we did. Locked C-3PO in the broom closet, R2-D2 did. All evil was then gone for once, so it seemed.

Entry 7

Found out I am a Girl Scout, Mace Windu has. Told him I would tell the whole council that he was in a sewing class, I did. Cried like a baby, he did.

Entry 8

Made the ultimate cookie, I have.

Entry 9

Ate it, Anakin has. Watch Barney marathon, I forced him to do.

Entry 10

Thinking about getting a summer home at a swamp planet, I have. Put up many gnomes in my yard, I will. Be my friends, they will.

Entry 11

Returned, the Sith have. Made me loose my hooded robe, Chancellor Palpatine has. Lotion for his skin, he needs.

Entry 12

Picked me up, Mr. Organa has. Late for a break dancing competition, we were. Main singer, I will be.

Entry 13

Got a letter in the mail, I have. Paper clip, straw, and rubber band, are inside.

Entry 13

Put paper clip in straw, then used rubber band to pull it back, I did. Hit me in the eye, it did.

Entry 14

Anakin, the sender was. Truly he has joined the dark side, I now know he has.

Entry 15

Taken over, the Empire has. Move into my summer home, I will.

Entry 16

Named my garden gnomes, I have. Carl, Larry, Stu, and Fred, their names are. Had one named Cindy, I did. Got run over by moving van, she did.

Entry 17

Had funeral for Cindy, I have. Become one with the Force, may she.

Entry 18

Grieving over the loss of Cindy, the gnomes and I are. Ate much cookie dough, we did.

Entry 19

Saw add in Yellow Pages for Bounty Hunter services, I did. Hire the one named Boba Fett to take out the Burger King, I will.

Entry 20

Saw boy on Swamp Planet, I have. Watch him and then freak him out by my smallness, I will.

Entry 21

Luke, the boy's name is. Remember him to be Anakin's son, I do. Wants to see the Jedi Master Yoda, he does. Make him use unnecessary time following me and making him eat the crappy twenty-five year-old Girl Scout cookies, I will.

Entry 22

Told him that I am Yoda, I have. Wants to learn to become a Jedi and learns the ways of the Force, he does. Only ten, Anakin was when he desired to become a Jedi. Too old was he to start even then. Think he can become a Jedi when he's twenty, does he? Crazy, he is.

Entry 23

Will teach him, anyway. Bet money on him, Obi-Wan did. That he'd be able to lift his ship by the time he got bored, Obi-Wan said. Prove him wrong, I will.

Entry 24

Face the challenges of the dark movie theater, I will make Luke. Scream, I will play in on one screen while he's inside to scare him.

Entry 25

Just stood there at the concession stand, he did. Notice Darth Vader's image, he didn't even. Ask for his popcorn, he asked for hours.

Entry 26

Made him do fifty laps around the swamp because of his behavior in the darkened movie theater, I did. Even got I free ride on his back to McDonald's, I did. Need to buy trained cat that attacks young Jedis named Luke Skywalker, I do. Koko, I will name the cat.

Entry 27

Got in a fight with Carl, Koko did. Decided to attack Luke, Koko did after scratching Carl. Fine with me, it is if Koko keeps to himself while attacking Luke and encouraging him to run faster while doing laps. Glad I am, for buying a cheetah.

Entry 28

Ate my hamburger buns, Koko did. They only ate meat, I believed cats only did. Be a vegetarian, Koko must be.

Entry 29

A vegetarian, Koko is not. Found Luke's dead body at my doorstep, I did. Thanked him for the present, I thanked Koko.

Entry 30

Will train Koko to become a Jedi, I must because of Luke's death. Will dress him up as Luke so Darth Vader will not notice the difference, I will after training.

Entry 31

Sent Koko off to destroy the Empire, I did. Hated him, even though my gnomes did, wished him well.

Entry 32

Heard that Koko battled Vader and lost his front right paw, I have heard. Return for more training with the Force, Koko must.

Entry 33

Finally returned, the Bounty Hunter has. Told me the Burger King's power was too much, he did. Told him I understood, I did. Manage to take him out, even I could never do.

Entry 34

Missing, Fred is. Left, the Bounty Hunter did after Fred's disappearance. Kidnapped Fred, the Bounty Hunter must have. Rescue Fred, it's too bad that I can't. Need better means of transportation besides riding on a padawan's shoulder, I do.

Entry 35

Practicing for the play Romeo and Juliet, I am. Remeo, I am in the play.

Entry 36

Returned, Koko has. Practicing for the death scene, I was. Thought I was actually dying, Koko did. Stupid cheetah Jedi left without feeding Stu and Larry. Died from blood loss after the fight with Koko, he did. So alone, I now feel.

Entry 37

Learned news of Koko's victory over the Empire, I have.

Entry 38

Showed up at the party dressed as ghosts, Obi-Wan, Anakin and I did. Thought we where actual ghosts and didn't offer us any punch, Koko did.

Entry 39

Learned the truth about Luke, Anakin has. Happy I am, that he also didn't find out that Leia died and was actually a sponge cake and that Padme died before the Clone Wars and was then replaced with a Monoploy game board.

Entry 40

Very confusing, the truth now is.