Discla...you get the idea

Ish- yes, this story even makes me depressed as I write it. But alas, I continue...

Nettlez- Yep, mystique has a lot of her own issues. As they said, abused children often make abusive parents. Not a nice cycle really, but that is life.


Chapter Ten- Conquering

When the got into the house Mystique quietly said, "I have to leave tonight. I don't know when I'll be back." Rogue shrugged apathetically. She still didn't care if her mother was around or not. One night of ice cream and parenting attempts wasn't going to change that.

Rogue went up to her room and tried to sleep. It was a fitful night. Constant nightmares kept her tossing and turning, waking up in terror every so often. Finally she gave up and just curled under her covers, just letting the tears fall from her eyes. She just couldn't face it, it was just too hard. Eventually she cried herself to exhaustion and sleep claimed her.

Irene greeted Rogue the next morning. It was too bright and cheerful, even for the somewhat loving morning. Mystique had undoubtedly told her about the previous night. There was no way Rogue was going to deal with that.

"I'm going for a walk." She said in a tone that dissuaded any argument that Irene may have had.

"Okay dear, be careful."

Rogue headed towards an old park she frequented before she got her powers. Just like she used to, she sat on a swing lost in her own thoughts. She was so lost in her own mind it took a while for her to notice she was getting wet. Rain had started to fall gently all around her. She looked up and saw that dark clouds had gathered over the area. If she didn't get home soon, it would start to pour on her.

It started to rain harder so Rogue increased her pace down the sidewalk back to her home. Looking down so as to not get water in her eyes, she didn't see the stranger until she crashed into him.

"Ooof," he said and grabbed her arms to stop her from falling, "steady there."

His grasp caused her to panic completely, quickly shouting, "Don't touch me," and slamming herself into the fence bordering the sidewalk. The stranger stared at her for a moment, lost as to what to do, but then decided to just leave her walking off at a quick pace. He didn't even look back. Rogue didn't notice. She was currently singing down the fence ignoring the scrapes that the old wood was giving her. Water soaked her pants as she sat in a puddle, rain pouring down her body, head in hands. This was her mother's fault. She had been fine before. The nightmares had become less frequent; she didn't panic as much around touch. All she had to do was push the bad feelings down a bit each morning. Her mother had reversed all that last night. She forced Rogue to remember and think about it. She had woken to his face this morning. She freaked out over the smallest touch. Mystique had screwed her over entirely. She didn't know if she had the strength to push the pain down again.

"Child, Is that you?" A voice interrupted her from her thoughts. Irene stood over her, walking stick in one hand, umbrella in the other.

"You shouldn't be out here Irene, you could slip," Rogue stated, her flat tone not matching the attempted compassion of her words.

"Come on Rogue, you are going to get sick if you stay out here in the rain," Irene said, switching the umbrella to her other hand to offer the free one to Rogue. Rogue stood up without taking it, simply saying, "Lets go."

When they went in, Irene told Rogue to go change while she made something to eat for them both. Rogue declined the offer.

"You really should eat something."

"I'm not hungry."

Irene protested, "But you really need to-"

"I'm not hungry!" Rogue said in a loud voice and headed up the stairs to change. She spent the rest of the day in her room listening to music and nodding off here and there for short periods of time. She declined dinner as well, ignoring the worried look on Irene's face.

At about 11:00 PM Rogue lay awake. She just couldn't fall asleep. It wasn't only Sabertooth keeping her awake now. Mystique's words, "you will be weak and pathetic" echoed in her mind. She hated her for telling her that. She hated her for bringing back all the memories. And most of all she hated her for being right. She couldn't push everything down, not for very long anyways. It was always at the edge of her mind, always looming. As it stayed there, it got stronger, threatening to overtake her at any moment. The last couple of weeks had been a personal joke. She had a handle on nothing and nothing was fine. Rogue could deny the truth no longer.

Mystique had told her that she had to face it. Rogue was supposed to deal and accept. Mystique had forgotten to tell her how. Her wonderful mother had given her a demand without any instructions.

For lack of any better idea, Rogue took the word 'face' literally and pictured Sabertooth. It made her feel sick. She could see his confident smirk as he positioned himself over her. Then there was the way he closed his eyes, as he started moving with in her. Rogue squeezed her face, trying to force the image out of her head. She didn't want to see it. She couldn't relieve it. She pushed the memory out of her consciousness the best she could. Staring at her blank ceiling, it occurred to her what she had just done.

Rogue cursed, realizing that she had pushed the pain away again. She was being weak and pathetic and running away again. Rogue understood now. Dealing meant remembering. She had to see her memory and relive the worst moments of her life just to move on from this moment. She couldn't procrastinate any longer, no matter how much she wanted to. Closing her eyes she pictured herself walking home from school…

He came out of the woods, smiling at her.

It was so stupid of her to have been walking home like that. If she had just gone with someone else, everything would be different.

He fought her to the ground, putting the ring on her neck.

If only she wasn't so weak, she could have gotten away.

He ripped open her clothes.

If only…

If only what? What could she have done to stop her clothes from ripping? That wasn't her fault. If she hadn't been there in the first place…No! That wasn't her fault either! She should have been able to walk home. That wasn't her fault! Sabertooth attacked her. It wasn't her fault. She wasn't to blame. She could blame Sabertooth. Fucking bastard. This was his fault. She sat up, empowered and clenching her fists.

It wasn't her fault. She understood it now. She was a victim. An innocent victim. She could see his actions now, crystal clear. They still hurt like hell and boy did it make her want to be ill, but it wasn't the same anymore. She wasn't going to get beat by it. She was going to be strong. The victory from her silence with Logan was nothing compared to this. That was helping him, winning by not hurting someone else. Tonight, Rogue was going to save herself.

Logan.

Logan would have been proud, if he had been allowed to find out. "The Rogue I know wouldn't take that off of anybody." She smiled and wiped the tears from her face. She wasn't going to cry anymore.

Anger surged through her as she remembered.

"Have a good day girly," he had said with an arrogant smile.

"Fucking bastard!" she cursed, clenching her fists in the air beside her. Then there was pain. She closed her eyes as she felt it travel down her arms. Fearing the worst, she opened her eyes, not wanting to look at her hands. Blood spattered her bedspread around her in tiny dots. She took in a sharp breath and dared to look at her hands. Long spikes of white bone extended from them. The gleamed in the dim light of the moon. Ow. She had known from absorbing Logan that there was pain involved with the claws, even excluding the initial operation. For God's sakes, tt was literally pieces of metal shoot through your hand. In Rogue's case it was just bone. However, she had never experienced the actual emerging before and it hurt. Yes, her skin immediately healed around the claws, but it only dimmed the pain. Filled or not, there were still holes in her hand.

Rogue slowed her breathing down, trying to restore herself to a calm state. She was using other mutant's powers again and it was not good. She never had control over absorbed abilities long after she got them. They were just put in the back of her mind, as though filling up a closet. Had it become full again? Like before? Rogue didn't think so. It had just been her anger. The professor had explained once or twice that mutant powers were tied very closely with emotion. She had only truly lost all control after she found out that her mother had betrayed her again. The anger of that had set her off at the concert. Fortunately she was only dealing with one power right now. Unfortunately, she had no idea how to deal with it.

Squinting her eyes, Rogue willed the claws back into her body, ignoring the fact that it was borderline disgusting. "Go in, go in," she whispered over and over. She let out an angry cry when nothing happened. She could feel the other powers lurch at her anger. 'Oh no,' she thought, 'I can't take more than one. I need to calm down." Forcing slow breaths again, she counted slowly to twenty. 'I can do this,' she thought, 'I can do this.'

Rogue had no idea how to control Logan's power. However, Logan would know. Finding his personality, memories, etc, she let him wash over her. She pictured pulling the claws back in and mercifully they followed her lead. After her hands fully healed, she quickly pushed Wolverines personality back into the recesses of her mind, feeling like herself again. The shock of bone claws plus Wolverine's healing ability made sure that Rogue was completely awake now.

Rogue wasn't overjoyed at that development. She didn't really want to think all night about how her powers could be going crazy all over again. It looked like, though, she didn't have a choice in the matter.


A/N

Well we are in the double digits in chapter amount. Just though I would point that out for no reason whatsoever.

So now Rogue gets to deal with rape, mutant powers, and her messed up mother.

I wonder how that will turn out... (Oh yeah, I know)

You all get to wonder.

As always (though not always stated) thank you for reading. Feel free to review (and by feel free i mean please do).

Angel Food Cake