ACT FIVE: Spies Like Us

SCENE ONE:

Hallway outside of the Clinic. Cuddy is rushing out as she sees Dr. Cameron walk past.

CUDDY: Dr. Cameron. (She catches her up, and stops to catch her breath) I need you to do me a favor.

CAMERON: If it involves you, me and some soft music, count me in.

CUDDY: (horrified) What?

CAMERON: My bad. You don't swing that way.

CUDDY: Hou…(She started to yell at House, but realizing it's not him she calmed down) Dr. Cameron, I just wondered if you could sub for Dr. House in the clinic.

CAMERON: No way.

CUDDY: I thought you liked working in the clinic.

CAMERON: You must have me mistaken with some other tight bodied little nymph.

CUDDY: Are you feeling alright Dr. Cameron (She is clearly flummoxed.)

CAMERON: Fit as a fiddle. (Turns and looks at her bottom) Will you just look at this ass. (Gives it a little squeeze.

CUDDY: Um, I think I'll go ask Dr. Chase if he's free. (She practically runs away from Cameron.)

Close up of Cameron smiling slyly.

SCENE TWO:

Restaurant. House and Wilson are alone at a table, food laid out in front of them. They each have a pint of beer next to their plate.

HOUSE: This is a nice place.

WILSON: Yeah (looks around) We eat here all the time.

HOUSE: (covering) Oh, I know, I'm just saying. It's nice.

WILSON: You're just trying to make me forget about the whole Alison thing. It's not gonna work.

HOUSE: What Alison thing? There's no Alison thing.

WILSON: Sure there's not. Just like there was no Alison thing when you told me to keep my hand off her.

HOUSE: (Spits out a sip of beer) What? When did he…I…. when did I ask you to keep your hands off her?

WILSON: Oh, come on House, don't play dumb, it doesn't suit you. You want her for yourself. That's fine. There are other fish in the sea, but don't pretend you don't have feelings for her.

HOUSE: (big smile as he looks off in the distance dreamily) I do have feelings for me…her. (shakes head to stop from making pronoun errors) I…that's crazy.

(camera says on House's face. He has a giddy grin on his face.)

SCENE THREE:

Hospital cafeteria. Cameron sits at the table with Foreman and Chase. They are already having a conversation.

CHASE: He's been like that all day.

FOREMAN: Maybe he's having a midlife crisis.

CAMERON: Who's having a midlife crisis.

BOTH MEN: House.

CAMERON: (rather emphatically) He is not having a midlife crisis.

FOREMAN: Face it Cameron, the man isn't normal. Did you hear him today? He said thank you, to Chase. He can't stand Chase.

CHASE: (looking up from his food) Hey.

FOREMAN: Sorry man, but it's true.

CHASE: Yeah, I know. (He sounds like a hurt child. He goes back to eating)

CAMERON: Well, he's got good reason for hating Chase, hasn't he? Chase sold him out. Chase is a traitor. Chase…

CHASE: (stopping eating again) I get it. Yes, I ratted on House. I was a snitch. I was worried. He has no reason to keep me here. Foreman's the smart one, and you're the pretty one. What's he need me for?

FOREMAN: Not this again. (rolls his eyes. CHASE goes back to eating in silence)

CAMERON: Maybe he wouldn't be so hard on you if you didn't act like his own personal door mat. Get a backbone. Stand up for yourself.

CHASE: Easy for you to say. He adores you.

CAMERON: That's ridiculous.

FOREMAN: Whoa, what's gotten into you Cam. Calm down.

CAMERON: I just don't like the idea of everybody thinking he likes me best because I'm a girl. It's ridiculous.

FOREMAN: Got it.

CHASE: (Grumpily) Just once I want him to be wrong. Just once.

CAMERON: The day that happens is the day we loose a patient. Is that what you want?

CHASE: NO. I want someone else to be the hero for a change.

FOREMAN: You mean YOU want to be the hero.

CHASE: That wouldn't be so bad, would it?

FOREMAN: Yes, if the only reason you want to be right is to be the hero.

(Cameron is watching them, back and forth, like a tennis match.)

CHASE: I just want him to be knocked down a peg. He won't ever admit he could be wrong.

FOREMAN: It drives me crazy too, but you have to admit, he's usually right.

CHASE: Eventually.

FOREMAN: He takes risks. That's what saves lives. (Cameron gave a little hurrah to Foreman, almost imperceptible to him. He looked at her strangely)

CHASE: If you like him so much, why don't you marry him? (childishly)

FOREMAN: If you hate him so much, why don't you leave?

CHASE: I can't. (as a second thought) and I don't hate him.

FOREMAN: You just don't like him.

CHASE: yeah. (he went back to eating.)

(Closing shot of Cameron, a big smile on her face.)