Dakota Strikes Back
If Daniel and Carolyn had hopes that the game marathon would send Dotty to bed for the day, they were in for disappointment. She did not so much as nap. However, she was grumpier all day, and did, thankfully, retire early.
Around one a.m., Daniel was on the verge of rising so he could patrol once or twice, when he became aware of a strange noise below. Beside him, Carolyn stirred and woke.
"What's happening?" she muttered.
"I'll go see," he promised, vanishing a moment later. Now, he could hear Dakota yapping. Blast it. He'd been so — bloody careful about being seen as a ghost that patrolling had been curtailed and now...
On that thought, the Captain nearly stopped to get his saber before going to where Dakota's voice indicated the trouble was, but decided to wait and see first.
When he did arrive, invisibly, the sight that greeted him did not require a saber. Camera, perhaps, but not saber.
Dakota was making a circuit through the downstairs of Gull Cottage, at a pace he would not have believed such a big dog capable of managing with such grace, pausing to bark and growl when she arrived at the downstairs bathroom, inside which Dotty was trapped, standing in the bathtub, (fully clothed, thank the Maker.) As best he could guess, she was in there for refuge only. Through the barks, he could hear Carolyn's aunt alternately saying "good doggie, go away, shoo, shoo, bad doggie, help." He was terribly tempted to summon his cohorts. Tristan would be laughing for days. Finally, after watching for a few minutes, he called Dakota off, sending her upstairs to Carolyn. Informing his wife of what the trouble was took priority. As soon as he knew Dotty was safely pointed in the direction of her bed, he returned to his, where he and Carolyn laughed without pause for the next hour.
XXX
"That dog must go," Dotty declared at breakfast the next morning, before coffee was even perked.
"Why would that be?" Carolyn asked, choking a bit.
"She — she attacked me! I just knew I was — kibble!" the old harridan fumed. "How can you live here with such a deadly beast?"
Dakota turned to look at her masters with an innocent, "who, me?" look. Daniel patted her approvingly. Silently, he promised her extra bacon, no matter what Dr. Wight had ordered for her.
"Dotty," he said, before Carolyn could, "Dakota has never attacked anyone — so I find it quite impossible to believe that she attacked you. Perhaps you misinterpreted some game?"
"Game? You call trapping me in the bathtub while she barked and growled at me a game? I'm amazed you did not hear her and wake up."
Daniel did not affirm or deny this, just tugged his ear a moment. "I would say she was merely defending her territory. However, if you are uncomfortable with our dog, feel free to go on home, we can make do with our old couch."
For an offended moment, Dotty glared, then gritted out, "I have yet to go back on my word. This project is not — worth breaking that record. Now, where is that — Beacon thing? Not much of a paper, but it would make a good switch."
"Aunt Dotty, Dakota did nothing wrong, so we will NOT allow you to strike her!" Carolyn said loudly.
"If you attempt to, you will leave, record or no," Daniel added in what could only be called the "captain" tone. She did have a point about the Beacon.
He might need to reconsider his position on the paper's worth. If it were just not for Finley...
The phone shrilled, cutting off further conversation. Carolyn excused herself to answer it, returning a moment later, disappointment on her face.
"Love?" Daniel asked, rising in concern.
"It may be nothing," she sighed. "Not here."
Without a backward glance, the Greggs went out of the kitchen, Dakota trailing behind.
"Dave called — no one's hurt. But Talia Nettles, the teacher Jess is subbing for, placed an ad in next week's Beacon, you know he still handles the ad section. She's looking for a 'mother's helper.' I guess, I guess Jess won't get to keep the job."
"Blast," he cursed.
"That goes double for me." Dropping her voice, she half laughed bitterly, "The aunt we want to keep may have to go and the other one won't."
"Don't count on that," he smiled, winking.
"Which?" She looked up into his blue eyes, searching.
"Either. Now then, just focus on the good. Today is the day you and our girls had planned to have together, yes?" He kissed her as intensely as the situation allowed, offering comfort without words.
"Hmm... oh, yes," she agreed.
"You enjoy the day with them, and leave this to me."
She gave her husband a look of askance, but trusted him after their time together.
XXX
Daniel would have been welcome to come along, but he did not trust Aunt Batty to not hurt Dakota. However, it was not an all-girl's event. Adam tagged along with Candy.
"I can't get any work done with my legal assistant out to lunch. She knows it all, I'm just the boss," he informed them with a lazy grin.
"You are always welcome, Adam," Carolyn smiled back. The lawyer did not miss the faint worry shadow in her eyes, but he had met her lunatic of a relative. That would give anyone a shadow.
As they ordered their sodas, or in Jenny's case, water, the little family chatted over trivialities in their own secret language which did sound normal to passers by, but held meaning to them beyond the plain words.
They also knew each others' "tells," small gestures that clued observers into the fact that something was going on. When Adam began tapping his fingers on the table, Carolyn lowered her glass and gave him a look. "Yes?"
He didn't bother ask what she meant. "I have been wondering, what does Aunt Loonie do when she's not making interstate treks with her pet couch to harass innocents, and what will she do when the thing is transferred from her custody to yours? For that matter, what are you going to do with that — that — "
"Monstrosity?" the two younger women chorused.
"Good word," he acknowledged. "So — what?"
"She does have three kids," Carolyn began.
"That thought boggles one's mind," Adam dead-panned. "How did anyone tolerate being married to her?"
"Uncle Jake was profoundly deaf from a young age. The off button on his hearing aid made day to day living tolerable for him," Jenny informed him. "They visited us, from time to time when I was little, before Uncle Jake died. He was darling, so at first Mom and Dad put up with her for his sake. Barely."
"Anyway," Carolyn picked up the narrative. "One of the sons is a preacher in his own church, he — made up his rules to remedy what he saw wrong in the church we're all familiar with. He's the one who asked inappropriate questions at Jack and Laura's funeral." She was silent a moment. "Muriel does not speak to anyone in the family, period. Margot is just as bats as her mother. She'll likely be the next victim, either her or Jake Jr. She moves between the two of them, going from project to project. Now that Junior's kids are grown, they might be victims as well."
"Poor things," Candy said. "Now, Blackie comes to dinner once a week or so — since Thom remembers what his fridge looks like. When he came to see us last, he and Dash sat around speculating on what you might do with IT."
"Go on," her mother prompted.
"One, deep-six it. Dash figures that between them, all the — guys — could transport it far out over the ocean. Two, give it to Dakota for a bed. Thom has mandated it will not come home for BJ. Dash seconds the motion that it not. Third, a couch burning party. Fourth..."
"You really got into it, Sis," Jenny marveled. "None of the suggestions should involve Amberly. She cannot play on it."
"We would never do that to a baby, much less this sweet girl," Candy smiled. "Can I hold her, later?"
After Jenny nodded, Candy went on, "Fourth, Claymore never met anything free he didn't like, so let him have it. Dash suggested for Christmas, but you'd have to put up with it for too long and Blackie thinks that such a holy day should not be marred by such a hideous gift. Fifth, call it modern art and send it to a museum."
"Impressive list, very imaginative," Carolyn said, toasting her daughter with a wink. "Claymore might be a good idea. I don't think Deke would take it, and it'd be a shame for it to go through his antiquing process after all this trouble."
"Do you think it will get finished?" Jenny asked.
"Daniel implied he had an idea on how to speed things along — or maybe he was talking about..." Carolyn trailed off.
"What?" Adam asked, peering at her with sharp eyes. "Please, don't say 'nothing'."
"Dave told me, too," Jenny whispered.
"What?" Candy echoed.
Carolyn told them about the nanny ad. "So, it sounds like Jess' subbing run might be terminated," she concluded.
"Blast," Adam spat before he could think. Then, backed off a bit, "I know that Dr. Lynne really enjoys having her sister around. And the two guys, Thomas and Blackie, do enjoy THEIR aunt."
"And she is a good friend to us all," Candy agreed with a bit of a giggle.
"It's not smart to laugh at your boss, young lady," Adam warned. "Besides, I know where all kinds of little girl pictures of you are to show Thom. With — paint on your nose or your first and only poodle perm from one summer."
"Well, Daniel was talking about her at the same time — so maybe he knows a way to keep her here," Carolyn cut in.
"Do I hear my name being taken in vain?" a teasing tone asked from behind her, as a hand came to rest on each of her shoulders.
Carolyn half-turned. "Daniel..."
"Don't worry," he said in a voice just enough over a whisper to be heard by the group at the table. "I appeared in a clear area and walked over. And — Dotty thinks Sean is me — he's keeping an eye on things while I — buy a new phone."
"Isn't our phone good enough for her?" Carolyn asked, stunned.
The ghost chuckled, taking a seat on the edge of a chair that appeared conveniently for him. "Probably not, but — well — Claymore called..."
"Daniel, attacking the phone won't hurt him, except perhaps his ears," Adam advised.
After giving the amused lawyer the evil eye, Daniel went on, "He apparently was begging to be allowed to not come back until we are guest free — I can not be completely certain, however. Dakota made a pass through the room in which I was, at top speed, hit the phone cord and unplugged it. As she kept going, the phone flew off the table and is in multiple pieces. I am considering getting her a tranquilizer, too."
"Why not get a whole bottle for that — that — " Jenny suggested, then pressed her lips together. "Candy, hold Amberly, cover her ears, please."
When Candy had the little girl's ears covered, Jenny finished, "Gritch."
"Gritch?" Daniel asked.
"Grinch and a word that rhymes with witch combined," Jenny flushed. "I'm trying not to call anyone anything — I don't know when she might start picking up words. But — sometimes — "
"It can't be helped," the Captain agreed. "I will keep that in mind." A frown crossed his face. "That gives me an idea; Jenny, how many made-up words do you have?"
She looked puzzled as she shrugged. "I don't know. Not as many as Tolkien. He invented at least a half-dozen. There's a few non-word words in Star Wars..."
Candy added, "Blackie's invented a few words to say things he wants to say, but thinks he shouldn't. We heard quite a few the other night when Dotty was the topic of conversation."
"Did I tell you Dotty made Blackwood curse the other day?" Carolyn asked.
All eyes turned to her. "You're kidding," Candy goggled. "Great wall-eyed sharks!"
"The woman is a menace. She's corrupting saints and regressing innocent animals," Adam declared. "Furthermore, I'm tired of not being able to speak freely at Gull Cottage." Everyone nodded as he looked at the Captain squarely. "She needs to go."
"I second that," Candy affirmed.
"It's unanimous, dear girl," Daniel said. "However..." His words trailed off as his eyes turned to his wife.
"Any debt my father owed her is surely cancelled by now," Carolyn shook her head. "If it's not, she can go pester him and Mother. I can't take much more. And my writing has suffered."
Daniel grinned. "Consider her gone before the week ends. I can rely on any help you all can provide?"
The girls looked uneasy at the thought of dealing with the battle-axe even once more, but nodded. Adam shrugged and agreed as well.
"Good, now — "
"I'll get a phone," Carolyn interrupted. "And Dakota's happy pills. You go and tell Claymore that nothing is wrong."
"What?"
"He heard the phone call be cut off in the middle, right? He'll fret."
"My dear, you credit him with too much charity," Daniel intoned. Her face was implacable. "Very well. He might be of some value in this endeavor."
XXX
Claymore would have run right into his uncle if Daniel hadn't come into the office immaterially. As it was, neither wanted to repeat the incident. Claymore walked through Daniel just as he appeared. It was not a pleasant feeling for either.
After they both shuddered, the miser, a bit awkwardly stammered, "I-I-I — was on — my way to Gull Cottage — you hung up on me, but maybe you didn't, because no one answered the phone when I called back... and I wish you wouldn't do that."
Somehow, Daniel followed the rambling. "Were you concerned?"
"Uh — er — just a little. I wasn't sure, you know, if you were being — you — rude. That could have been it. So, I decided that you wouldn't hurt me too much if — if Mrs. M — er — your wife's aunt was there — and — was going to come see which it was — if you were rude or — "
"The phone was — put out of order, suddenly," Daniel explained, cutting off the dithering before he could go insane listening to it. "Not by me, however. The dog has become rather — unruly, of late."
"Can you blame her?" Claymore asked, for once right on target. "I'd get distempered if I had to live with — with that — that — sea hag."
Daniel didn't bother to correct him on the distemper comment. In essence, the little man was accurate. "No, I cannot. However, I believe the camel's back has been snapped. To avoid being unduly — rude — I have a plan to ease her out of the home, posthaste. It will take some strategy. That is where you come in."
"Why are you avoiding it now? Just keelhaul her or throw her overboard," Claymore protested. "I don't want to be involved."
Abraham, Isacc, Jacob, Judah, Perez... Daniel counted for patience. "Claymore, she is old. She might become a spirit if I do that — and then you'd have even more ghosts running around." His "nephew" blanched. "I need someone she wants to play a game with, and that would be — you. Don't worry, I have it all planned out..."
XXX
The day proceeded after that with a sense of anticipation. Perhaps Dotty knew something was up; her quota of unpleasant remarks rose by the hour. First, she sniped about how often Daniel and Carolyn left the house or holed up in another room. She had come all this way to see her family, and now they were avoiding her! Then, when Daniel was, ostensibly in his office working, but was actually elsewhere working on his plans, Dotty laid into Carolyn about did she think it wise to marry another handsome man? She should have learned her lesson with Bobby. Of course, perhaps she had. There were certainly enough other handsome men in and out, whether or not Daniel was there. If Carolyn hadn't known her husband was doing something to get rid of the GRITCH, she'd have put a new skeleton in the cellar.
Right on time, Claymore arrived for dinner. For the first time that day, Dotty smiled with genuine pleasure. "We'll play Scrabble tonight — and you will learn to respect your betters," she cackled.
The nervous man grabbed his "uncle's" sleeve. "I need a drink," he stammered, "of — of — water..."
"Right this way, Claymore," Daniel sighed, leading him to the kitchen, leaving Carolyn alone with her aunt. When they were there, he asked, "What's wrong?"
"I — I'm no good at Scrabble."
"You don't have to be — you're going to play Nonsense Scrabble," Daniel informed him.
"Wh — what's that?" Claymore asked warily. "I can't learn a new game that fast."
"It uses fake words, and really — just play it by ear. Jenny and Candy made a list for you," Daniel explained. "Here," he took out a piece of paper. "Read this and memorize it. Now, come along."
"What are these?" Claymore frowned.
"Klingon, Galactic Standard, Sindarin, and Quenya," Daniel replied matter-of-factly. "Plus a few made up English words." He did not add that the list had been made with the thought in mind that while Claymore did have a fine imagination, it was directed solely in the for profit area.
"And I'm supposed to learn all this in two minutes? Come on, Uncle D — er — Captain. I can't possibly — I'm not you! Couldn't one of your little ghost buddies — "
"Damp down — she's not deaf!" Daniel hissed.
"Your you-know-what friends pretend to be me?" Claymore asked in a furious whisper.
That stopped Daniel. Why hadn't he thought of that? Blast. Finally, he settled on, "Who could be you better than you? Besides, you are here now."
"That's true," Claymore sighed.
XXX
After the dishes were cleared, Daniel spoke up, "You know, there is a variant of Scrabble that only a true master plays. Would anyone be interested in giving it a go?"
"Daniel, darling, as good as you are, is that fair?" Carolyn scolded.
"What's that?" Dotty asked.
"The- Fizbac one," Daniel smoothly replied. "Only those with a truly adept lexicon and logic system ever attempt to play."
Dotty scowled. "Haven't heard of it."
"Well, it is only for masters," Claymore piped up.
"YOU know it?" Dotty asked, rounding on him.
"Kinda," Claymore stammered.
"Yes, it's rather like the more complex card games in that it requires a triple 'deck' of letters at the least, but not to worry, I've rounded up an ample supply of tiles," Daniel cheerfully went on. "Claymore, come with me to get the table and so on set up."
"Y — ye — aye, aye, sir," the little man agreed, backing away from the table.
When they were in the supply room getting folding chairs together, Claymore whined, "I really don't think I can pull it off, sir. I can't remember all those words."
Daniel set his burden down to look at his 'nephew' with the proverbial cold, beady stare. "Claymore, first off, you do not need to remember them all, for two reasons. Have you ever watched Star Trek? We will be playing Scrabble in the way that Captain Kirk played cards on the gangster episode. Just follow my lead. For the second reason... Siegfried."
The Englishman popped in on cue. "Landsman Matthews, reporting for duty, sir," he chuckled.
"Oh — you're going to be — me, aren't you!" Claymore beamed in relief.
"Don't be silly," the Captain chided. "Siegfried is going to stand beside you and remind you of words if you get in a jam."
"RightifyouseemstuckI'lljust — "
"Siegfried," Daniel said before Claymore could, "speak slowly. He's not the one we're trying to drive up a wall."
"This time, you mean," Claymore intoned darkly.
"True," Daniel allowed.
"I will endeavor to do so," Siegfried agreed. "Let the games begin. I have barely met the woman and I'm sick of her. Ruining a perfectly good dog as she has, indeed!"
Two visible and one invisible man returned to the living room to assemble the playing field. That done, the women joined them.
"Ladies go first," Daniel began. "Since Carolyn is the expert, it would make the most sense for her to start."
"I guess," Dotty grumbled.
Without blinking, Carolyn arranged her tiles to spell out STANG.
"Challenge, that's not a word," Dotty barked.
"Of course it is," Claymore jumped in when Siegfried poked him. "I — I had a stang of a time getting un-lost when — I got lost."
"And it's a double word score too," Daniel added, peering at the board.
"Why? She's nowhere near any of the double word spaces," Dotty argued.
"But it is the opening move on the first game of the ninth month, albeit late in the month."
"Very late — why it's the cusp of the tenth month," Carolyn nodded.
"So — that's triple, right?" Claymore suggested.
"By Jove, you are right!" Daniel declared.
"You calling me right is a miracle — does that get me any extra points?"
"No, but it does let you move next," Daniel nodded.
Studying his tiles for a long moment, Claymore finally settled on making SINDAR off of the S in STANG.
"That's what Blackie is supposed to have, right?" he asked.
"No, if you define it wrong, that removes ten points — however since you did make the word off of the triple letter one, you do get half of her points added to yours so it balances," Daniel replied thoughtfully. "Sindar is a type of elf."
"That's not the way the game is played," Dotty fumed.
"Contradicting the game-master gets fifteen points taken from you — but you haven't even scored yet — so that's double negativity," Daniel warned. "And you forfeit your turn. So, it is now mine. Hmm." Deliberately, he set down TQM. "A type of prank-loving seaman, noted for getting others lost."
"YES they are!" Claymore yelped. "Blasted — "
"Claymore, slander could lose you fifty points," Carolyn admonished.
"Oh, I forgot."
"It's your turn now, Clay," Carolyn smiled.
"Isn't it hers?" Dotty asked.
"No, the order reverses when the most recent person to enter the house has on a tweed suit," Daniel smiled placidly.
For the next hour, the game took baffling turns, depending on if someone sneezed, what word was used last, the day of the week, or any other minor detail that could be used. Words such as NOY, SABACC, YUZZEM, SITH, QUERENYA, GRITCH, BZITCH, ROHRIN, TORLOC, and a few dozen others from fantasy novels, mangled English and pure imagination popped up. Points were deducted for real words, sending Dotty further in the hole, especially once Claymore "recalled" that being in the hole meant interest points were charged.
After an hour, the "fire aunt," rose, sweeping the tiles to the floor. "I've never encountered such utter nonsense in all my life. If you can't play properly, then I'm — I'm going to bed. I'm far too upset to work on YOUR couch any longer tonight."
Without even saying good night, she stormed out.
The moment she was gone, the room was filled with ghosts. Out of habit, Claymore let out a strangled noise.
"Good one. That would have been triple points," Tristan noted calmly. "Have fun, my friends."
"Just where do you think you are going?" Siegfried demanded.
"To make sure it stays asleep all night," Tristan replied in a tone that implied, what else could it be?
"Tristan, remember what we discussed," Daniel asked.
"I still say she deserves a truly terrible nightmare," the young man pouted.
"It might wake her, son. Though I do agree. Just make sure she hears nothing and believes what we agreed."
"Wh — what are you up to?" Claymore asked as the ghost disappeared.
"We'll be finishing up this — project — so she'll have to leave," Molly replied as she surveyed the work already done.
"And we can have peace again," Dash added.
No one could dispute that assertion.
"Claymore, you might as well go on home," Daniel instructed. He hesitated, then added, "Thank you."
"What did I do?" Claymore asked in befuddlement. He'd like to know if it was repeatable.
"You helped us confuse and infuriate her so that she'd go to bed early, and we can get to work," Daniel explained as patiently as possible. With his new basis of comparison established, Claymore was not nearly as irritating as he'd been three weeks ago.
"Oh," Claymore nodded, pondering this revelation. "Well, I don't think I can do that again."
"We do hope you won't have to," Carolyn agreed.
When Claymore was well on his way, Carolyn kissed her husband good night and retired. She'd be no help to the spirits, after all.
XXX
The crew worked throughout the night. Halfway through, Siegfried and Tristan traded off roles, since Tristan did know how to sew from his years at sea, while Siegfried had never really had any need of it.
Carolyn was a little bit disappointed they had all left by the time she arose in the morning, but she was confident that things would return to the way they had been soon, and she'd have ghosts all over the place as themselves once more. Daniel refused to open the living room door until Dotty joined them.
Finally, around nine, Dotty clumped into the kitchen. She was frowning. "I had the weirdest dream — you — and you and that little weedy fellow were all playing the strangest game of Scrabble with me. It was — a nightmare."
"Now, don't you know you should not tell a dream before breakfast, unless you want it to come true?" Daniel asked.
"Silly, superstitious claptrap," Dotty snorted. "Well, I finished the couch, stayed up half the night. So, come take a look."
Suppressing a grin, the Greggs followed her to the living room.
"And KEEP that mutt out of here. I did not work so hard on that couch to have her get dog hair all over it!" Dotty ordered before throwing open the door.
The finished sofa looked actually quite nice, after having six ghosts in total work on it from nine at night until three a.m., and Carolyn said so, circumspectly. "It — I can tell a lot of work and — love was put into it," she said tactfully, sliding her eyes over to Daniel. What she said was true, Daniel, Sean, Dash, Tristan, Molly, and Siegfried had put a lot of work in... and love for their family having a peaceful, happy, home, sans stowaways who tried to pilot the ship.
"Yes. The care and work are readily apparent," he nodded briskly.
"Glad you finally admit it," Dotty sniffed. "Now, Dan, I want you to go fetch my bags, I'm leaving."
That took them aback a bit. "Now? Before breakfast?" Carolyn asked.
"I would have been out an hour ago, but I had to pack," Dotty said in a tone that implied you should have realized that, idiot. "So, hop to it.
"Certainly," Daniel nodded, exiting rapidly before his wide grin was seen.
"Let me get you your toast and tea," Carolyn offered. She was going to have to do something nice for the Matthews brothers. They had gone over and above in the dream department, it sounded like.
As the last bag was stowed, Dotty added, "And — I have reached a decision. I want that couch. You obviously would not appreciate it, just as you have not appreciated anything I have done for you. So, summon those — those men of yours, Lyn, and have it loaded on my trailer."
Carolyn blinked. True, she did not want it. Not even for a dog bed for Dakota. Still, they had put up with that — that — WOMAN for nearly a week, a terrible week, and she could have done that in her own blasted home!
While Carolyn processed this and found the politest words she could manage without choking, Daniel came up the walk. He'd heard this exchange and spoke up then. In a dry tone, he answered for her, "No need of that, dear Aunt Dotty. It's there."
"How..." Dotty could not conceal her astonishment.
"That would be my secret," Daniel replied.
And so, the ordeal came to an end.
Was the noise heard over Schooner Bay as the jalopy drove out of sight thunder, or thunderous cheering from the ghosts who loved Mrs. Gregg?
