ACT 9: Nature Calls

SCENE 1:

Mens room. House is standing in front of the urinal. Staring at it. He looks around to make sure no one else is there, then slowly unzips his fly. He giggles slightly. He tilts his head up and closes his eyes, then fumbles in his pants and does his business. He zips up and heads to the sink. His face is red.

HOUSE: (mumbles to himself) House is never going to hear about this.

SCENE 2:

Ladies room. Cameron walks in. Cuddy is there. Cameron turns to walk out. She stops when Cuddy speaks.

CUDDY: It doesn't smell that bad in here.

CAMERON: I forgot, I have to do something.

CUDDY: I would have thought that's what you came in here for.

CAMERON: Oh, right. (Goes into a stall.)

(Camera focuses on Cuddy. She's drying her hands now.)

CAMERON: (off camera) WHOA! Gross.

CUDDY: (looks puzzled) Is everything OK in there.

CAMERON: Uh, yeah. Uh, Could you, do you, I need a tampon.

CUDDY: (looks like she will laugh, but she doesn't. She takes a coin out of her pocket and goes to the vending machine. She takes a tampon and passes it under the bottom of Cameron's stall.) Here.

CAMERON: Thanks. How the hell do you deal with this every month?

CUDDY: The same way you do, I would guess.

CAMERON: Oh, yeah, right. Do you mind?

(Cuddy takes the hint and leaves the bathroom)