Calvin sat in class, constantly looking up at the clock.
"Calvin, please pay attention!" Miss Wormwood said.
How could Calvin pay attention? He was waiting for his chance to get away from Moe. The big bully had said he was going to pound the snot out of Calvin once the bell rang, and that was just seconds away. Only a few more seconds until the bell would finally go…
RRRRIIIIIIINNNNNNGGG!
"Have a nice day, everyone," Miss Wormwood said.
Nice day, she says.
Calvin got out the door the second the bell ended. He tore down the halls like a torpedo. He was running like a bobcat. He had to get to the safety of the bus before it left. He tore down the halls, ignoring teachers telling him to slow down. He zipped past the drinking fountains. He scampered through the cafeteria. He hurtled over the custodian's back. He swerved around a corner and out the door to the waiting bus.
"Salvation!" he cried.
He ran to it and smacked right into the door. It was shut.
"Open up!" he yelled at the bus driver.
The bus driver ignored him. She was waiting for the clock to reach open door time. Her watch was slow.
Calvin looked over his shoulder and saw a stampede of kids coming. Moe was in there somewhere. He waved his arms at the bus driver, yelling at her, but she continued to wait.
"Come on!" Calvin yelled. "It's time to go!"
Finally, she opened the doors.
Calvin let out a sigh of relief. He was about to step onto the bus, but he was immediately run over by a bunch of worked up kids.
When the stampede stopped, Calvin looked up and saw that the doors were shut again. Calvin watched with utter dismay as the bus rolled away. He ran after it.
"Come back!" he yelled. "You forgot me! You forgot me!"
But the bus was starting out of the school.
Then a shadow loomed over him. He gulped and slowly looked up to see Moe towering over him menacingly.
"Ready for some pounding?" he asked.
"Gee, I'd love to, but I simply don't have a thing to wear to my funeral."
KERPOW!
In a great deal of agony and pain, Calvin was sent hurtling into the air like an air missile. He soared threw the air over the bus and landed with a CLUNK on the mirror.
The bus driver stopped the bus and got out. "You crazy kid!" she yelled. "You're gonna make us late!"
"Oh, and you didn't?" Calvin groaned. He slid off the mirror and onto the pavement. He got up slowly and slowly struggled onto the bus.
Calvin limped off the bus and down the walk slowly. He walked over to the door.
"I'M HOME!" he shouted.
KABLAM!
Hobbes shot through the door and right into him. They flew through the air and Calvin landed in the birdbath.
"HOO!" Hobbes cried. "That was a good one!"
Calvin spit out a mouthful of water and glared at the tiger.
"Man, two beatings in one day. I can't believe it."
"Aww, poor little guy. Tough day?"
"Wouldn't you know it? Moe beat the tar out of me and got me in trouble with the bus driver."
"Again?" Hobbes asked. "That's the third time this week."
"Man, aren't you lucky to be a tiger. You don't have to go to a school every day. You don't have to beaten up on a regular basis by a big gorilla like Moe. You have no idea what it's like to go to school with Moe."
"Yes, I do."
"How could you possibly know what my life is like?"
"You tell me everyday."
Calvin grumbled as he walked up and through the doorway with Hobbes following.
Just then, something rolled across the floor in front of them. Hobbes immediately sprung into action. He jumped up and pounced the whatever-it-was. He ripped it apart madly, growling at it.
"It put up a big fight," Hobbes said, "but I've wrestled it to exhaustion. Now to…"
"Hobbes, you simp, that's a dust ball. Dad's probably doing the vacuuming again."
Hobbes started to lick himself clean, trying to save whatever dignity he had left, which he had none of. "Well, did you see the way it rolled? Anyone could have told that it was on a sneeze rampage. It could've left us all with teary eyes."
"Yeah, it had a real will to live," Calvin said, rolling his eyes.
Then he rethought back to being pounced by Hobbes to Hobbes pouncing at the dust ball.
"Wait a minute," he said. "This is the answer!"
"What's the answer?"
"You could destroy Moe for me!"
"Me?"
"Yeah! I'd be rid of him! I'd be free of Moe attacks!"
"There's a lot in this little idea of yours about you. What about me? I don't hear anything about ol' Hobbes."
"Tuna. Salmon. I'll give it to you. You name it!"
"I'd like to read your comic books."
Calvin slapped his forehead and groaned. He was very protective of his Captain Maim, Booger Boy Brothers, Captain Napalm and Ronald Rumpass' Evil Hunting comics. He had more, but we don't have twelve years. Still, the idea of having Moe killed by Hobbes was too great.
"Don't draw any mustaches on them, and you got a deal," he said defeatedly.
"Deal!" said Hobbes. "I'll be ready to fight off the big galoot tomorrow."
"Hobbes, Moe is tougher than most people. You should probably know that he's bigger than me, and would be ready to take you our without a second thought."
"He's not too bright, is he?"
"Hobbes, I'm being serious. If someone even looks at him, they get pummeled until they aren't recognizable to their closest friends and family. We need to train you for this."
"Train?"
"Right. We need to see if you have the Eye of the Tiger."
Hobbes sat there, confused.
"I do have the Eye of the Tiger. I'm a tiger!"
"It's symbolic. I saw it in a movie once. Stay with me on this. Eye of the Tiger is what will give you the power to fight. If you do not have it, you will surly fail."
"Are you quoting this movie exactly? That sounds way too mature for you."
"Shut up. I'm trying to be explanatory here. Now, you'll come to school with me. During lunch, we'll work in the gym and train you to be a perfect Moe destroying machine!"
The next day, just like Calvin said, Hobbes tagged along to school with him.
Once the lunch bell rang, Calvin and Hobbes dashed for the gymnasium. The place was scattered with workout gear. There were barbells, punching bags, skipping rope, chin-up bars and all that other weird stuff.
Hobbes looked around and noticed Calvin had disappeared. He heard a door open and saw Calvin walk out of the boys' locker room. He had on grey sweatpants, a grey sweatshirt, a backwards green cap and a whistle around his neck.
"You look a gym teacher," Hobbes said.
"That's kind of the point," Calvin replied. "I'm you personal trainer. Let's get started."
If you thought Hobbes was hot in a fur coat in a lukewarm building, just imagine how he felt with that and sweat combined. It wasn't pretty. He was soon doing chin-ups on the bar. He went up and down several times, but not in record time.
Calvin wasn't much help. He was yelling at Hobbes, telling him to do it better and faster. He blew his whistle constantly and yelled at him to make him work harder.
Next Hobbes had to do sit ups. That was no picnic. Hobbes' sweat was flung back and forth as he went up and down on the mat.
Calvin was barking at him loudly. "UP! DOWN! UP! DOWN! UP! DOWN!"
Hobbes groaned to himself.
Next he had to lifted weights. He struggled with the big barbell. It weighed about 300 pounds. He struggled and moaned through gritted teeth.
"Come on, Hobbes! We need some lift here! Pull! Pull with all your might! Get that big old piece of metal up off the mat! Do it now, or you're going to the showers. Speaking of showers, you could really use one! Phew!"
Hobbes growled at Calvin before returning to the struggling. Suddenly, there was a noise that resembled that of castanets. Hobbes' expression was that of pain.
"Help?" he whined.
Calvin jumped up and karate chopped Hobbes' back, put him back in place.
"Okay, enough of that," Calvin decided.
Last, Calvin put up a big inflated clown with Moe's face on it.
Hobbes had on boxing gloves and was pounding the air out of it.
"That's it, Hobbes-baby! You'll show Moe who's the boss! Perfect! Splendid! Wonderful! Superb! Magnificent! Extremely positive adjectiveness! Now we need to try the 'I'm Home!' technique!"
"Oh, finally!" Hobbes gasped. "Something I'm good at!"
Hobbes ran to the other end of the gym.
Calvin removed his cap and put on a football helmet and stood behind the dummy of the dummy.
"I'M HOME!" he shouted.
In an instant, Hobbes attacked the clown balloon. It exploded as he came in contact, and he and Calvin rolled along the floor of the gym, punching and kicking each other.
"Okay, enough!" Calvin shouted. He pushed Hobbes off and dusted himself off. "You're ready."
Hobbes grinned. "Bring 'im on!"
Two bells later, Calvin and Hobbes sat on the swings, being pointed at and laughed at. Calvin, however, was too excited to care what they thought. Moe was going down! In fact, Moe was coming right now.
"Here he comes," Calvin whispered. "Eye of the Tiger."
Moe stomped over and looked down at Calvin. He immediately laughed when he saw the stuffed tiger sitting limp in the swing next to him.
"Oh, looky here!" he yelled. "Calvin's got a teddy bear!"
"Tiger!" Calvin corrected. "Plus, he's not so teddy-like. He's ferocious! Mandibles of Death, that's what he's got!"
"Oh really?" Moe teased.
"Really," Calvin sneered. "GO, HOBBES! ATTACK THE DUMMY!"
The stuffed tiger did nothing whatsoever. He just sat there, only to tip over and out of the swing.
"Oh, just perfect!" Calvin growled. "He's fainted!" He picked up the stuffed tiger and noticed Moe was ready to do some pounding.
"Oh, look at the time! Gotta flee. Tootles!"
He shot off like a mighty rocket for the jungle gym, and Moe was right behind him.
A rather battered Calvin climbed off the bus that afternoon. Hobbes got off right behind him, looking rather ashamed.
"What happened to Eye of the Tiger?" Calvin asked angrily.
"You see—"
"What happened to Mandibles of Death?"
"Well—"
"What happened to save Calvin's butt?"
"Look, just shut up and listen," Hobbes ordered. "I guess when it came to crunch time, I realized that we don't have a lawyer and that jail food doesn't taste good. We'd be in huge trouble."
"Oh, come off it! You fainted and you know it was from fear. I could tell! You're a sissy tiger. All you can actually pounce is a dust ball."
"That's not all I can pounce," Hobbes growled.
He pounced Calvin. He bit and kicked. Calvin punched and clocked. They rolled around in the yard as people walked by laughing at Calvin for fighting a stuffed tiger.
Finally, Hobbes was able to push Calvin onto the sidewalk. That was a very bad move. Lo and behold, Moe was walking up the sidewalk. Upon seeing him, Hobbes quickly dove into the bushes.
Calvin noticed Moe as well, but he had no time to run for the house. Moe was ready to destroy him.
"Hey, Twinky!" he called to him. "Ready for part two?"
"Part two? What was wrong with the first one?"
"I didn't destroy you completely."
Calvin couldn't tell if Moe was being tougher or if he had been turned evil. Either way, he spun around and ran down the sidewalk, screaming like a ghost was behind him.
Hobbes poked his head out of the bushes as Calvin and Moe tore off.
"Nobody can beat up my best friend within the vicinity of the house but me!" he growled.
He ran round to the back and dashed to the tool shed.
"It's a dangerous business, but it has to be done."
He picked up a stick and opened the shed a crack. He carefully poked the stick inside. Something yanked it out of his hand and bashed around with it. The building shook with noise and growling, not to mention a few squeaks.
"CALVIN!" Dad shouted from the house. "Quit banging around out there!"
"Sorry!" Hobbes shouted back, but Dad didn't hear him.
He carefully ran inside and jumped the two wheeled machine of death. He managed to grab the handlebars and get up on the seat. He slowly pedaled it away. The bike, however, had other ideas. It tried to buck Hobbes off the seat, but with his tail wrapped around it, Hobbes fell back on.
"I'm beginning to see why this thing should be sent to Bulgaria," he muttered.
He pedaled onto the sidewalk. He peered down into the distance and saw Calvin running from Moe still.
"Eye of the Tiger," he reminded himself.
Then he heard music start to play somewhere. It was a familiar song, and one I think we all know.
Risin' up, back on the street.
Did my time, took my chances
Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet.
Just a tiger and his will to survive.
Hobbes pedaled hard as the bike bucked and bounced. Pieces of it flew everywhere. It was not a pretty sight. Hobbes was lucky he had remembered his helmet. He swayed from one side to the other. He screamed his lungs out.
"Whoa! Down, boy! Steady!"
The bike didn't care. It was going to kill Hobbes if it was the last thing it ever did.
Hobbes looked ahead. Calvin and Moe were coming closer.
Finally, Calvin tripped and fell. He whirled onto his back and saw that Moe was now towering over him.
"Say good night, Twinky!" Moe grinned, holding a fist over Calvin's head.
"Good night, Twinky," Calvin sighed, and he prepared for the end.
But the end never came!
At that instant, a bike with a stuffed tiger strapped onto the seat snuck up from behind and booted Moe into the air. He flew over Calvin and onto the sidewalk. The tiger on the bike came off and landed at Calvin's side, while the bike went past him and carried on after Moe.
"Runaway bike!" Moe screamed. He ran down the sidewalk with the bike in hot pursuit.
Hobbes bent down and helped Calvin to his feet. "You okay, Calvin?"
"Never better, ol' buddy," Calvin said. "I guess that bike won't be bothering me for a while."
"Whoda thunk it would ever be useful," Hobbes agreed.
"Indeed."
The two friends walked back up the walk, singing together.
Risin' up, back on the street
Did my time, took my chances
Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet
Just a tiger and his will to survive
So many times, it happens too fast
He trades his passion for glory
Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past
You must fight just to keep them alive
It's the Eye of the Hobbes, it's the thrill of the fight
Risin' up to the challenge of my rival
And the last known big tiger stalks his prey with corn on the cob
And he's watchin' us all with the Eye of the Hobbes
Face to face, out in the heat
Hangin' tough, stayin' hungry
He stacks the odds, till we take to the street
For the kill with the skill to survive
It's the Eye of the Hobbes, it's the thrill of the fight
Risin' up to the challenge of my rival
And the last known old tiger stalks his prey known as Rob
And he's watchin' us all with the Eye of the Hobbes
Risin' up, straight to the top
Had the guts, got the glory
Went the distance on that old killer bike
Just a tiger and his will to survive
It's the Eye of the Hobbes, he's the thrill of the fight
Risin' up to the challenge of my rival
And the last known old tiger stalks his prey with some gobs
And he's watchin' us all with the Eye of the Hobbes
The Eye of the Hobbes
The Eye of the Hobbes
The Eye of the Hobbes
And they sang it all the way home…
