ACT 13: Playing House

VOICEOVER: For those of you keeping score, Cuddy is House and knows everything. Cameron is Cuddy and knows everything. House is Cameron and doesn't know about Cuddy and Cams switch. Boy is he in for one hell of a surprise.

Cameron's office. Dr. Cameron is going through the mail. Cuddy walks in.

CUDDY (CAMERON): We really need to talk.

CAMERON (HOUSE): Could it wait. General Hospital will be on in a few minutes, and I want to see if Nicolas comes out of his coma, again. That boy is a medical miracle.

CUDDY (CAMERON): It's me…(she's cut off)

CAMERON (HOUSE): No, really? (feigns shock) . I never would have figured that out. You should wear a sign. Oh, wait, you're wearing a name tag, that should have been a dead giveaway.

CUDDY(CAMERON): Are you always like this?

CAMERON (HOUSE): It's that time of the month (Smiles sheepishly)

CUDDY (CAMERON): Well, that would be more convincing if I didn't know who you really are.

CAMERON (HOUSE): (looks at Cuddy carefully) Cameron? What the hell happened?

CUDDY (CAMERON): Why is everyone asking me that? I don't know. Dr. Cuddy and I switched places.

CAMERON (HOUSE): Wait (thinking) So Cuddy is running around in my body? (looks terrified) Oh, this can't be good.

CUDDY (CAMERON): What afraid she is going to make you follow the rules.

CAMERON (HOUSE): She's going to make me do clinic duty. I just know it!

SCENE 2:

Dr House is in the clinic. He is giving a child a lollipop. He straightens up when Dr. Wilson walks over.

WILSON: What are you doing in here?

HOUSE (CUDDY): I had clinic duty today.

WILSON: Couldn't you get out of it.

HOUSE (CUDDY): No. Cuddy caught me.

WILSON: I thought you were going to make yourself throw up in her office.

HOUSE (CUDDY): Like that would work. (takes a mental note)

WILSON: Well, let's slip out and go to the movies. That new Angelina Jolie movie is out.

HOUSE (CUDDY): (irate) Is that what you guys do behind my back?

WILSON: What?

HOUSE (CUDDY): (trying to act nonchalant.) I can just hear Cuddy in my head now. She's really on my back today. Maybe I'd better pass.

WILSON: Are you sure? She seems pretty busy. I think we could get away with it.

HOUSE (CUDDY): (gives it great thought.) You know what? I think you're right. Lets do it.

(House drops his files at the nurses station and they walk out)

SCENE 3:

House and Wilson are walking out of the movie theater.

WILSON: That is one damn fine woman.

HOUSE (CUDDY): You think so?

WILSON: Oh, come on House. She is H-O-T HOT!

HOUSE (CUDDY): She's very pretty, and a good actress.

WILSON: Pretty? When did you turn into such a girl? I remember you saying something about playing a little hide the salami with her.

HOUSE (CUDDY): (laughs.) Typical. (They both get into Wilson's car) So, what do you think Cuddy will do to us if she finds out we took off to see a movie?

WILSON: Give us a lecture? I don't know. Just bat your eyes at her and we'll get off scott free.

HOUSE (CUDDY): Oh really?

WILSON: Come on, you've got her wrapped around your little finger. (notices House looks annoyed) What's wrong?

HOUSE (CUDDY): Nothing. (fumes in silence as camera pulls away)