It was early morning. Calvin and Hobbes stood innocently on the sidewalk waiting for the bus to come.
Or so it seemed.
Calvin and Hobbes were actually hiding in the hedges, watching their clones stand there.
"Are you sure this is going to work?" Hobbes asked.
"Sure it will. I see no problem in this plan. We send our clones to school, and then we make a run for the town."
"Why are we doing this again?"
"So I can skip school for the day! It's foolproof. I can send our clones. To school, and no one will be the wiser. I won't have to take that dumb history test about Europe. I mean, what's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So who cares if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists for all I care, and it still doesn't change the fact that I don't own a car."
"A very good point," said Hobbes. "Still, does that mean you disregard fascism?"
"I don't disregard any ism. Isms, in my view, are not good. It's like the GROSS motto. We don't believe in slimy girls; we just believe in ourselves."
"You should've been the walrus."
The bus pulled in. The clones boarded the bus. The bus pulled away.
Calvin winked at Hobbes. "Now we have to be careful. Mom and Dad are still here, and we need to sneak upstairs to our room to get our ride on the town."
"Are we gonna ride the box or the wagon?" asked Hobbes.
"Neither. We're gonna ride that car that grandma sent me for Christmas."
"You mean…?"
"Yes."
They managed to sneak up to the bedroom by going up their usual reentry for when Rosalyn was chasing them around the house. They scrambled up into the bedroom window by rope ladder and into the bedroom.
They opened the closet.
Hobbes grinned down at the car. "The Fischer-Price battery operated car model of the 1961 Ferrari, 250 GT California. Less than fifty were made. You were lucky your grandma got you this before they discontinued the style."
Calvin looked it over. It was still in perfect shape. It had the horse on the front fender. It had the AA Battery-Powered Headlights. It had those extremely wicked hubcaps. It had the yellow rectangle with a stallion silhouette with the word Ferrari under it.
"We got into some trouble with this thing," said Hobbes.
"It's a good thing Dad didn't decide to toss it. We'll make a duplicate of it so we can sneak it in and out everyone once in a while."
"Whoa, are you serious? Your dad said that if you rode this thing again, we'd be in big trouble."
"A man with suck whacky priorities doesn't deserve such a fine automobile," Calvin chuckled. "Che bella."
Calvin hopped in and oozed into the leather, light brown seats.
"Do you think he checks the mileage?" Hobbes wondered.
"Do you think he'll trust us?"
"Never has, never will."
"Look, if he does, whatever miles we put on, we take off."
"How?"
"We drive home backwards."
Hobbes chuckled. "How do propose we get it out of here without your parents noticing."
Calvin checked his watch. "By now, Dad has left. As for Mom, don't worry. I have this.
He pulled out the infamous hypercube.
"You just put me and the car inside of it, go out the window, and then take us out on the sidewalk. It'll work both ways."
Hobbes sighed. He took the hypercube and held it up to the car. The car was sucked inside.
"WAHOO!" cried Calvin.
The noise was heard from downstairs.
Mom ran upstairs and looked around.
"CALVIN, WHEREVER YOU ARE, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE AT SCHOOL!"
She looked everywhere. Under the bed, in the closet and even in his dresser. The only other being she could see was a stuffed tiger hold a juice box. She scratched her head and left.
Hobbes sighed with relief and climbed out the window. All the way down, he muttered to himself, "We could've rented a nice Cadillac. We could've called a stretch limo with a TV and soda machine…"
He emptied the hypercube on the sidewalk, and Calvin and the car fell out.
Calvin happily revved the engine a couple of times. It sounded like a real car to him. To everyone passing by, it sounded like a cat coughing up a furball.
"Come on! Live a little!" he called to Hobbes.
Hobbes sighed and hopped into the passenger seat.
Calvin stomped on the gas. Despite being a toy car, this thing was fast. It tore off down the sidewalk at 20MPH!
"WHEEEE!" cried Hobbes.
Calvin turned on their radio, and they put on their sunglasses.
They drove all about the city. Big shiny buildings whizzed past as Calvin and Hobbes tore down the sidewalks in their car, nearly knocking several people over.
Calvin had a load of fun. He let go of the steering wheel to scare Hobbes several times. At least he did until Hobbes finally hit him.
Finally, they decided they'd pull over in the park parking lot. There was a special place reserved for such cars, and they pulled into it.
They hopped out, and Calvin put the key in his pocket and put on the car alarm.
"Are you sure this is a safe place to leave it?" Hobbes asked.
"Hobbes, my money is in my pocket, the key is in my pocket, the lint is in my pocket… I'd say we're all set to walk downtown."
They took one last look at the car before they started to look around the city.
Later on, they were walking across crosswalks and sidewalks, looking at the sites.
"This is perfect!" said Calvin. "How could I endure school on a beautiful spring day like today?"
"Hey, look at that building!" said Hobbes.
To their left was the biggest building they had ever seen! It was bigger than the building Dad worked in.
"Come on! Let's check it out!" Calvin said.
They eagerly ran up the stairs and looked the place over. It wasn't very quiet. They saw a banner that read RETIREMENT DAY! Lot's of old people were giving speeches. There were tables lined with snacks.
"Cool!" said Calvin.
"This must be the time of the month when people retire."
Calvin and Hobbes scoped out the lobby. They weaved through the groups of people. Everyone just assumed he was a retiree's grandson.
They finally made it to the snack table. There was a giant cake in the back of the spread that was surrounded by a swarm of chips, dip, cookies and pie.
"We must free the cake and claim it as our own," Calvin declared.
"What, we can't just take a slice?"
"Act casual. Just eat pie and cookies."
So they did. They ate slowly, shifting their eyes back and forth. They scooted further down the table, eating a plate of something. They rounded the table and ate strictly what was on the other end. Finally, when they were three feet away from the cake, they dove under the table.
"So far, so good," said Calvin. "Now we just need to slice some of the cake. Get five or six slices."
"What, I have to do it?"
"Keep out of sight by hiding behind the cake. It's wide enough to keep you from being noticed."
Hobbes groaned and grabbed the cutting knife. Much to his amazement, no one seemed to notice him. He stuck his finger in the cake to see if it was any good.
"It's delicious," he said happily.
He quickly cut several slices of the cake until his ten plates were full.
Calvin took his own ten, and then they carefully dumped them into the hypercube.
Whistling, they slipped from under the table and stood there calmly.
"Unbelievable!" said Hobbes. "It's too good to be true!"
"HEY!" an elderly voice yelled. "WHO CUT THE CAKE?"
"It was too good to be true," said Calvin.
They tore off down the hall and through the door as carefully as he could. They found themselves in a room with a bunch of chairs. It looked like an operating room viewing place, but instead it was the stock people making those weird hand signals.
So they sat back and tucked in and mocked them.
After a few minutes, they had eaten their fill, and they left with a bunch of empty paper plates scattered all over the place.
Calvin checked his watch.
"It's eleven-thirty," he said. "Where do you want to have lunch?"
A few minutes later, they were standing inside a local McDonalds. Calvin walked up to the counter.
"What would you like to order," said a fifteen-year-old boy.
"I would like to order two kids meals. One would be a hamburger, hold the mayo, pickle, lettuce and tomato, and the other should be a cheeseburger, made the same, but double the mustard on it. Both are to have Cokes."
"That will be $5.25," he said.
Calvin put the money on the counter, and a few minutes later, he delivered to cartons to Hobbes.
"Did you say extra mustard like I asked?" Hobbes asked.
"You betcha."
They unwrapped their burgers and dumped the fries on the wrapping. They sipped their sodas, and then they dug in further until they pulled out their toys.
"Sweet!" said Calvin. "I got the dinosaur!"
"I got the saber-toothed tiger!" said Hobbes. "All right!"
"See, Hobbes?" Calvin grinned. "You said we wouldn't have any fun today. Shame on you."
Hobbes grinned. "All right, I admit that I'm having a good time. We should seriously consider sending the clones in our place more often! And not just for school. How about the camping trips?"
"Yeah!" said Calvin. "We could leave them with Rosalyn too! I mean, this is the life! We've been eating nothing but junk food all day, and we've seen some of the coolest sights ever! I must say that this is a top dollar day!"
They finished their meals and put the toys in the hypercube.
Then they got up to leave, but someone familiar was walking out of the restroom!
"Get back!" whispered Calvin. "It's Dad!"
"What's he doing here?" Hobbes hissed.
"He must've just stopped here because he wasn't near the convenient store next door."
They held their breath. Dad ordered a soda, and then he got in his car and left.
"Phew!" Calvin said, letting out a sigh of relief. "4000 restaurants in the downtown area alone and we picked the one that Dad had to go to the restroom in. Still, let's remember one of our mottos: when the meek get pinched, the bold survive."
They put on their sunglasses, snapped their fingers and strolled in the opposite direction Dad had gone in: into the gas station across the street.
"I love gas stations like these here," Calvin sighed. "A brightly lit place fully stocked with every known form of snack, open all the time. I mean, if you have a craving for a foot-long hoagie at midnight, it's no problem. If you're hungry for spicy pork rinds and a microwaveable burrito at three in the morning, they go ya covered. And what about those slushies? Icy nectar of the gods."
They stocked up on some candy bars and soda, paid for them, and they went back out to eat some more on the bench outside.
After their snacks, sat and watched a little league game in the ballpark. It was quite a game. Hobbes managed to catch a foul ball.
They both chanted together, "Hey, batter, batter, batter, batter, swing batter."
"Kennedy, Kennedy, Kennedy, Kennedy, suh-wing battah!" said Hobbes.
"Do you realize that if I played by the rules, I'd be in gym right now?" Calvin laughed.
Next up on their tour was the Natural History Museum. It cost more money than Calvin had to get in, so he pretended to be in the field trip that filed in, and they slipped away. They looked at all the dinosaur exhibits, and then they managed to critique all the paintings and sculptures. They had a great time laughing at the paintings.
Later into the afternoon, they were reclining in some trees.
"I must admit," Hobbes said, "that this has been a great day. I don't want it to ever end!"
Calvin looked at his watch. "Okay, today's the day Mom has her book club, so she'll be home by around six, which is the same time Dad'll get home. That gives us about three hours. I think two of those hours should be spent wisely."
"How do we do that?"
Calvin looked around the park. He saw a party going on with a karaoke machine.
"I have an idea. Come with me."
While no one was looking, Hobbes snuck backstage and inserted a CD from Calvin's hypercube and flashed Calvin a thumbs-up.
Calvin winked and got up onstage. He put on his sunglasses just in case he was recognized.
There were murmurs of "Who is he?" and "Where'd he come from?" in the audience.
Calvin pointed at Hobbes, who hit the PLAY button. Then he jumped up on stage, but he was just his simple stuffed tiger self to everyone else.
Calvin spoke into the microphone. "Ladies and gentlemen, you've been such a great audience that I'd like to introduce ourselves in a little song I like to call…"
He didn't finish. The music kicked in as Calvin jumped in the air, and the music voice on the CD came on.
We're Calvin and Hobbes! ROCK!
You're not Calvin or Hobbes! ROCK!
We're both Calvin and Hobbes! ROCK!
Calvin! Hobbes! Calvin! Hobbes! ROCK!
We're Calvin and Hobbes.
We have loads of fun that could be measured up in gobs! Gobs!
Hobbes! Gobs! Calvin! Hobbes! Gobs.
Ya can't mess with us.
That's on a-counta we're both Calvin and Hobbes!
We are Cal and Hobbes!
If you wanna be like us, we suggest you bring your lunch.
We have a lot a talent, and adventure, not to mention more fun!
Through loud cheers, Calvin scatted and got down wit' his bad self.
We're Calvin and Hobbes! ROCK!
You're not Calvin or Hobbes! ROCK!
We're both Calvin and Hobbes! ROCK!
Calvin! Hobbes! Calvin! Hobbes! ROCK!
On the last note, there was a KABLAM! When the smoke cleared, Calvin had disappeared, but the sound of a guitar could be heard all around…
Backstage, Calvin and Hobbes winked. They took the CD and left.
As they finally came back to the park, they found their car was in perfect condition. A quick inspection verified that it was just as how they'd left it.
"This looks okay to me, Hobbes," Calvin said.
"Looks great. Let's roll," said Hobbes. "If we want to make it back for your parents do."
Calvin and Hobbes quickly hopped into the car.
"Okay, we only have an hour, so we need to drive as fast as we can."
"Right, so let's fasten our seatbelts."
After the seatbelts were fastened, they recharged the battery, and they tore out of the playground.
"I feel pretty good," Hobbes said happily.
"Strangely, so do I," Calvin agreed. "It's amazing we didn't throw up today."
They tore up the sidewalks at top speed, which for them was about 30MPH! They soared down the thankfully clear path.
"We're doing great!" Calvin chuckled. "Let's keep it here."
He set the cruise control, and all he had to do was steer.
They tore out across a street, causing a car to stop short. They drove through the hedges and through someone's front lawn.
"Why're we taking this path?" asked Hobbes.
"Dad's going to overtake us if we go the way we came. This way is shorter."
They floored it through the lawn, through the dividing hedges and into the next yard. They rounded up through a picnic and around the corner of the house. They crossed the street and into the next yard. They dove through a cookout, snagging a couple of sodas. They tossed the empty cans into a recycling bin, and then they shot down the sidewalk.
Meanwhile, Dad was currently on his way home. He turned left at the intersection and headed for home.
Calvin and Hobbes rode up a deck chair, splashing in the mud, splutting two reclining teenage girls. They gave each other a high-five.
Dad stopped at a stop sign to have some Tic-Tacs. It nearly got his headlights smashed.
Protected by the shrubbery, Calvin and Hobbes drove down a shady sidewalk.
Dad got stuck behind an old lady who kept swerving because she couldn't see over the steering wheel.
Calvin swerved and skidded past a group meeting in front of someone's house.
Dad finally got past the old lady, and continued to drive. He passed Calvin and Hobbes.
"Oh no!" cried Hobbes. "What'll we do now?"
Calvin responded by swerving off the sidewalk and back through another yard. They wound up entering the front door, passing through the kitchen and out the backdoor, over the deck and soaring out through the shrubbery dividing the lawns.
Finally, just ahead was a house that was in their own neighborhood. They could see the tree on the other side of the tall hedges that had the held GROSS Headquarters.
"The hedges are too tall!" shouted Hobbes.
"Hang on!" Calvin cried.
He swerved so that they went up the slide and into the air. They dropped back down, only for the car to bounce off of the giant trampoline and over the hedge!
Calvin and Hobbes bailed out and dove into the tree house safely. The car went up and got stuck in the tree.
They heard a pair of cars pull up.
"We made it!" cried Calvin.
"Wahoo!" added Hobbes.
Mom and Dad entered the backyard.
"Hey sport!" called Dad. "Miss Wormwood called and said you were strangely well-behaved today. Up for a cookout tonight?"
"You bet!" Calvin said. "Break out the steaks!"
They went back inside to get the cooking materials.
"Phew!" Calvin sighed. "I skipped school, and they'll never know. All we have to do is unduplicate our clones and get the car into the hypercube."
"Where exactly are our clones?" asked Hobbes, looking around.
But that's another story…
