Calvin and Hobbes ran about the yard, setting up wickets. Once the yard was covered in them, they then tossed a volleyball and some badmintons out into the play field, along with a ping-pong ball.
They put on their masks.
Calvin picked up a tennis racquet.
Hobbes picked up a croquet mallet and grabbed onto a stick horse.
There was a nerve-rattling silence.
Finally, Calvin shouted, "PLAY BALL!"
They dashed out into the backyard, and their latest rousing game of Calvinball was put into action.
Calvin scooped up the volleyball with a racquet and smacked it towards Hobbes, who hit back with a mallet.
"Okay, the first one to hit the volleyball fifteen times gets a bonus round that involves getting it stuck in the tree, and then the other one must get it down within five seconds," Calvin said.
"Okay, but I just stepped into the Outskirts of Peripheral Nature," Hobbes replied. "You must now toss me a badminton while I do unimportant things with it until you've made it to a fallen branch with five points on it."
So Calvin whacked a badminton to Hobbes, and he searched the yard while swatting several sticks.
Hobbes picked up the badminton and tossed it up in the air, bounced it off his nose, swatted it with his tail and slammed it into the ground.
Calvin finally found the stick he was looking for. "HA! I get to have double points as the stick does because it's currently an even number month!"
Hobbes kicked the badminton away, and then he rode the stick horse towards Calvin and shouted, "Now you have to try and lasso the horse without touching me with the stick!"
At first, that didn't make any sense, but then Calvin knew what to do!
He ran after Hobbes with the stick, and he managed to get the stick through the rope on the head of the stick horse. He wrapped it around carefully and then yanked it out from Hobbes' grasp.
"Okay! That's Z points for me!"
"Well, for making it all the way here, I get four points!"
"Some victory that is."
"Actually, I'm in the shade of the great maple tree. That means I get to give myself any amount of points I wish, so four times four is sixteen, plus four is twenty, plus seven is twenty-seven, which means I'm ahead by one point."
"No fair using math against me!" Calvin shouted.
"Without math, there is no game."
Calvin grunted. He searched the yard. For some reason, this game was starting to get a little dull and repetitive.
Then Calvin got an idea. He spotted a red blob just over there on the sidewalk.
"Now we have to find the red mountain of water and get to spray Susie for fifteen points," he decided. He pulled Dad's wrench out of his pocket.
Hobbes looked on and followed quickly as Calvin ran to the fire hydrant on the street.
Calvin spotted Susie just down the sidewalk playing with her dolls.
"Are you sure this is okay?" Hobbes asked.
"It's in the official Calvinball rulebook until I say it isn't. Now give me a hand here."
They set the wrench in just the right spot to loosen it up.
Hobbes then pulled off the right nozzle, and a jet fast blast of cold water shot out and hit Susie, knocking her towards her neighbor's house!
"WHOO!" Calvin shouted, tightening the fire hydrant! "That was incredible!"
"Not to mention worth fifteen points!" added Hobbes.
"CALVIN!" Susie shouted.
"Okay, now we have to hop around on one foot until someone finds an old soda can we can whack into the gutter, and that will give one of us the ability to make a decree."
"Very well!"
"And let's do it fast. Susie's almost got her wind back."
They immediately started hopping down the street, passing people who saw a kid in a mask carrying a stuffed tiger wearing a mask, hopping on one foot.
"Come on!" Calvin said.
"I see one!" Hobbes cried.
He quickly took the can and whacked it with a nearby stick. After bouncing off a couple of cars, it bounced down into the gutter.
"Okay, my decree is that you have to go back and be beaten up by Susie for spraying her."
"WHAT?"
"You heard me. Get going."
Calvin groaned and walked back. However, Calvin thought ahead. As he walked, he walked onto a square of sidewalk that had a chalk drawing of a bunny on it.
"AH-HA!" he shouted. "I just stepped into the Bunny Square of Reverse! Your decree is canceled out so that I can make my own."
Hobbes covered his head.
"You have to…," he paused to look around. He spotted a lady unloading her groceries. "…get some carrots out of the grocery bags and throw them at an oncoming car!"
Hobbes went off-white. He had no choice, so he ran across the street and pulled out a bundle of carrots. He then started throwing them into the air, hoping for the best. Only three of the twelve hit any cars.
However, one slid down a manhole!
"Ha! I have triggered the Portal of Slime! That gives me the ability to enter it and collect five points worth of old slime."
He waited for a red light, and then he ducked down the manhole into the sewers below.
Calvin was tempted to follow him, and he did by running out into the road, with a green light. He quickly ran under the manhole just as a Chevy ran over the spot he was at.
He searched around. It was a dark underground tunnel he was in. Only the dim lights were able to light the way. He spied Hobbes scooping up slime from the greenish river in an old hardhat.
"I've almost got five more points!" Hobbes said.
"That's great. Now whoever finds an exciting way out of here gets an extra S amount of points, plus a chocolate coin."
"Sweet," Hobbes said, tossing the hat into the river, where it sunk.
Just then, they heard a faint puttering down the tunnel. Looking at each other, they spotted some men standing in black jumpsuits and wearing ski masks.
"Now we just have to get the jewels in the false brick here, and then we can make our getaway. Norm will be here at five to get them."
Calvin and Hobbes weren't paying attention to the robbers. They were looking at the cool motorboat that had been left in neutral. The key was in the ignition, and it looked cool.
"I win a coin!" Calvin whispered.
Tiptoeing towards it, they hopped in. Calvin turned the ignition.
The engine roared.
The robbers whirled around. "HEY!" they shouted.
Calvin floored it, and the boat shot off a like a rocket down the stream. They swerved around corners and flew down the paths. Green slime was thrown at them. They were bounced up into the air.
"We've passed sixteen lights," said Calvin. "One of us must recite an embarrassing poem."
"Very well," Hobbes said.
Calvin arched an eyebrow at Hobbes' confidence.
"There once was a boy in my house who once tried to ruin his mom's blouse," he said. "He was thrown in his room to await his doom, and soon was labeled a louse."
"Oh, shut up. You weren't there, so you don't know."
Finally, they came to the place where the waterfall was, and the way out was above them.
"Whoever can make this jump gets a bonus point, and they also get to throw a special throw with a makeshift Calvinball," Calvin said.
"What'll we use for the ball?" asked Hobbes.
"Whatever we can find!"
Calvin dropped a brick on the gas pedal, and he and Hobbes ran to the front and held on to the antennae.
"S…U…V…Now!" Calvin shouted.
Calvin and Hobbes jumped and made it to the gate to the manhole. They quickly crawled up and into broad daylight.
"Okay, that's a bonus point for you," said Calvin, as if nothing had just happened. "Find a Calvinball."
Hobbes, also oblivious as to having just been at great risk, started to search. He spotted an apple on a tree in the nearby city park.
"Okay, I get to hurl this thing in the air. If it hits a vertical surface, we have to go after it. If it hits a horizontal surface, we have to pick up five sticks and put them back in the tree."
"Right."
Hobbes hurled the apple into the air. It hit a streetlight, which was a vertical surface.
"After it!" cried Calvin.
However, that was easier said than done. It got caught on a truck's tailpipe, and the truck took off.
"Oh, perfect," said Calvin.
"Over here!" shouted Hobbes.
Calvin looked over and saw Hobbes had found some skateboards.
"Come on!"
Calvin and Hobbes jammed a pair of helmets onto their heads, and they pushed down the road after the truck.
"Get back here with the Calvinapple!"
The truck pulled off the main road and down the exit.
Calvin and Hobbes rode up the back of a ramp truck and swerved off onto the edge of the bridge. They were so desperate to get the Calvinapple back that they didn't realize how dangerous their situation was!
They landed and bounced off of several cars until they finally were right behind the truck.
"A little faster!" Hobbes shouted.
They pushed a little harder on the boards until they were right behind the truck.
"I'll get it!" Calvin called. He reached out and grabbed onto the truck. He wound up leaving the skateboard, and hanging on for dear life, but he didn't notice his danger. He was too busy concentrating.
"If I can loosen this thing up," Calvin shouted, "there's fifteen points for me."
"Then what?"
"You think of something. I'm a little busy here."
Hobbes looked around. He saw a rope and hook dangling from the back of the truck. He pushed on the ground a little more, and grabbed it.
Calvin pulled out his tennis racquet and whacked the tailpipe repeatedly, almost totally breaking it off, but the apple came out at last.
"Okay, I got!" Calvin shouted. "That's fifteen points for me."
"Good for you, but I'm about to earn twenty points!"
"Oh yeah? How?"
"Jump on."
Calvin jumped onto Hobbes' shoulders.
"Now what?"
"Take this rope and try to get a hook up on the bridge!"
Calvin saw the bridge of the next road up ahead. He twirled it around and around as fast as he could, and the hook flew up into the air. It went over the bridge, and got caught on the rear fender of a Cadillac.
They were instantly yanked off of the skateboard into the air.
The skateboard was instantly smashed by the oncoming traffic.
Calvin and Hobbes were instantly yanked up onto bridge. Calvin left the rope, but they landed in the back of a hay truck.
"Whew!" Calvin cried.
"Just out of pure curiosity, who's winning?"
"I don't know," said Calvin. "Hang on."
He pulled out a notepad in his back pocket and took out a pencil.
"Let's see, I earned Z in the backyard, and you added up a few with complicated math, therefore getting twenty-seven points. Then we both earned fifteen points with the fire hydrant, which was my favorite part, and then you got five points worth of slime. Then you earned a point for that jump. Most recently I received fifteen points for getting that apple."
"So…?"
"I don't know."
It was then that the truck stopped. They leaned out and saw that they were at a red light. They hopped down and looked around.
"What happens next?" asked Hobbes.
Calvin scratched his chin and looked around. "Let's see……," he pondered. He then noticed a pair of scooters and a basketball sitting in the park. "First one to dunk the new Calvinball into a chimney is the winner!" he shouted.
They charged across the street and grabbed the scooters (they were still wearing their helmets). Hobbes grabbed the basketball and they scooted down the road. They blasted past everyone, knocking down innocent bystanders and their bags, and they took great jumps off of cars and vans, denting them crazily.
And all the while, they continued to toss the basketball back and forth between each other.
"Jump onto that truck over there!" shouted Calvin.
They turned out onto the road and went up onto a car carrier.
"What happens now?" asked Hobbes.
Calvin looked around. They were reentering their own neighborhood now.
"Jump up and into our lawn when we pass it!" said Calvin. "Climb up onto the top first."
They quickly climbed past the cars, leaving the scooters to bounce off and into the road. They made it to the top and they looked around.
"I see our yard!" Calvin shouted. "Get ready!"
Hobbes held onto the basketball. "Ready."
They waited a few seconds before they could finally jump.
"NOW!" Calvin shouted.
They leapt from the truck and they landed on mailbox, bouncing off and onto the roof, only to roll around on it until they were on the chimney.
"Bonus points!" shouted Calvin.
"WAIT!" cried Hobbes, and for the first time that day, he was cautious. "We don't want your parents getting mad at us, do we?"
"Very well, throw it down the next chimney."
Hobbes looked at the neighbor's house. His eyes narrowed. He dribbled across the tip of the roof. He grabbed onto it and took a great leap into the air.
Time seemed to slow down. It was like a slow-mo moment you'd see in a TV Basketball. Hobbes took the basketball in both hands, and then took it like he was going to slam dunk at any moment. He let out a long roar as he soared across the neighbor's garage, and then he came to the chimney. He grabbed onto it.
"MERRY CHIRSTMAS!" he shouted for no reason, and he dunked the basketball into the chimney, causing a cloud of ash to float up. "I WIN!"
Calvin rolled his eyes.
"Prima Donna."
Later that day, Calvin and Hobbes got into bed.
"So, what do you think?" Calvin asked. "Average day?"
"Average day," agreed Hobbes.
I'm sorry this chapter wasn't much, but it's hard to write Calvinball fics. Someone out there try to write one. This is difficult.
