Like Father, Like Son
"Hey, there it is!" Kiba said excitedly as he ran ahead of Shino and ran halfway over to Chokai's Spiritual Stand. He stopped and looked back at Shino to make sure he was still following him, and then bounced excitedly. Kiba bounced, not Shino.
"Kiba, Hinata called that meeting to warn us not to buy those products." Shino reminded him.
"I know!" said Kiba. "But how can they expect me to NOT buy one and make a wish when they all got to do it?"
"They told us it was dangerous." Shino warned.
Kiba laughed in the face of danger. "If anything goes wrong, we can EASILY just smash the crystal!" he declared.
"I still think this is one of your worst ideas." Said Shino as the two of them stopped in front of the stand. "And that's certainly saying something."
Kiba chose to ignore Shino's rude comment. "Hey old man," he said. "Where are your special wish granting crystals?"
"They're called BUTTERFLY CRYSTALS." Said Chokai, presenting one to Kiba.
Kiba said, PASHAW! "Saying 'Butterfly Crystal' is fruity." He said. "I felt fruity just saying that just now."
"Well." Said Chokai, getting offended.
"What should I wish for, Shino?" Kiba asked as he took the crystal and started walking away, expecting Shino to follow.
"HEY!" yelled Chokai. "You have to pay for that!"
Shino grabbed Kiba's jacket and dragged him back over. "Oh yeah!" Kiba said as he fished through his pockets for money. "Er…Shino? Could you spot me some cash?"
"Kiba…" Shino said crossly.
"Come on, Shino." Said Kiba. "You're my best buddy ever."
Akamaru barked angrily.
"I meant BESIDES you, Akamaru." Said Kiba with an exasperated sigh. "The fact that you're my best buddy is a given and Shino knows that. He's my best HUMAN buddy, right Shino?"
"Unfortunately." Shino said under his breath, but still perfectly clear and loud enough for Kiba to hear.
"That wasn't very nice, Shino." Said Kiba. "Now I have to threaten you! If you don't pay for me then I'm going to make a wish right now that you were born with a purple face."
Shino looked as shocked as Shino can possibly look, which caused his eyebrows to arch slightly.
"You wouldn't." he said.
"And green hair." Kiba went on.
Shino sighed and pulled some money out of his pocket and handed it to Chokai. Chokai flicked the bugs off of it and kindly thanked Shino for the contribution. He didn't care if it was unfairly transmitted to him, as long as it was money.
"You should have bought one too, Shino." Said Kiba.
"I don't have any more money." Shino said.
"Oh." Said Kiba. "You know, Shino, you don't strike me as someone who believes in all this stuff."
"Why not?" Shino shrugged as he adjusted his sunglasses. "After all, if everyone had a similar experience with the crystal, then I suppose it's not that far-fetched. I've seen stranger things."
"That much is true, Shino." Kiba agreed.
Shino stared at Kiba who had apparently suddenly and quite randomly gone into deep thought.
"What should I wish for…?" Kiba asked.
"As long as it has nothing to do with me, I honestly don't care." Shino said flatly.
"Don't have THAT attitude!" Kiba said as if Shino's lack of enthusiasm was out of the ordinary. "I have an idea. I think we should make a wish together since it was my idea to buy one and your idea to pay for me."
Shino shot a glare at Kiba, but he paid no heed.
"Yeah…" Kiba said thoughtfully. "That'd be fun."
"No it wouldn't." Shino said.
"Why not?" Kiba asked, genuinely confused.
"Because." Shino replied. "There is no wish in the world that we could ever make that would bring mutual happiness to the both of us, so we'd just end up making a wish to benefit you and I'd be stuck tagging along."
Kiba paused and considered this. "I'm impressed, Shino." He said finally. "That is a surprisingly accurate prediction of what would probably happen."
Time passed and all Kiba seemed to be doing was follow Shino around and speculate on what could be a potential good wish for the two of them but, like Shino predicted, most wishes would only benefit one of the two people, and more often than not that person was Kiba.
"Well I'm stumped, Shino!" said Kiba. "I certainly can't think of anything that I could wish for that would be fun for the both of us! Do you have an idea?"
"Yes." Said Shino. "DON'T include me."
"Shino…" said Kiba, looking hurt and slightly offended. "But we brought this crystal together!"
Shino rolled his eyes, choosing not to remind him that HE had bought it.
"I think it would be funny if we wished for something COMPLETELY outrageous just for the sake of seeing what everything was like." Kiba said, undeterred from the previous comment made by Shino. "And then we just smashed the crystal after we were done having fun with everyone being all weird and stuff."
"Okay, Kiba." Said Shino. "You do that. And then tell me how everyone acted after you smash the crystal."
"Shino, have I told you enough times that you are no fun at all?" Kiba frowned.
"Yes." Said Shino. "Which begs the question; why are you still obsessively following me?"
"I need you to help me think of a wish!" said Kiba.
"You're creative enough without my help." Shino said.
Kiba looked around and found that they were standing on Shino's front porch.
"How did we get here?" Kiba said, looking around in a confused fashion.
"We walked." Shino said as he opened the door.
"What, so you want to hang out at your house?" Kiba said, making a move for the door.
"No." said Shino, holding Kiba back and going inside. "I need some no-Kiba time. We'll hang out tomorrow."
"But we have to think of what we'd wish for!" Kiba said, putting his foot into the doorway so Shino couldn't close it.
Shino took a deep breath. "You know what I wish for, Kiba?" he said.
"What?" said Kiba excitedly, glad they were finally getting somewhere.
"I wish that I had never been put on the same team as you so you wouldn't be falsely under the impression that we're friends." Shino said. After saying that sentence, however, Shino realized he had made a grave mistake and the door suddenly slammed shut.
Shino stood there with his hand foolishly on the doorknob for a moment and didn't move. Then he felt someone moving the doorknob in attempt to come in.
"Kiba, go away." Shino said.
"I'm not going away!" came a voice from outside that was definitely Kiba's.
Shino was half relieved and half disappointed that the wish hadn't come true. At least he knew that the crystals didn't work.
Just when Shino was going to finally put his foot down and show Kiba a thing or two, he saw movement from across the room. He turned his head slightly and saw an enormous dog tromping towards him.
Shino stared at the dog and the dog stared right back at him.
"What." Said Shino, not knowing how else to react. Why was there an enormous dog in his house?
Of course, while he was distracted, Kiba opened the window and climbed through.
"Hey!" he said. "What's the big idea?"
"Kiba, you can't just climb through my window." Said Shino as Kiba shut the window behind him.
"Well, if you're not going to open the door then what else am I supposed to do?" Kiba said.
"I didn't open the door for a reason." Said Shino as he opened the door. "Now leave and take this dog with you, since I assume it has something to do with you."
Shino looked outside to see that there were two small people standing there. His initial reaction was that they were very young, but then he realized that they were his age. But for some reason, they were extremely short. However, as Shino took the opportunity to look at Kiba who was walking over and then he realized that he was absurdly taller than Kiba as well.
"I hope you don't mind that I invited my team over." Said Kiba.
"As a matter of fact, I do mind." Shino said. Then he sorted out his priorities. "Who are these people? They aren't your team. And why are you short? Get out of my house."
"This is my house too." Said Kiba.
"Why would it be your house too?" said Shino.
Kiba gave a heavy sigh. "Dad, you're acting really weird." He said.
Shino paused and stared at Kiba. "What did you just say?" Shino said.
"You're acting really weird." Kiba repeated.
"No, the first part." Shino clarified.
"You're?" Kiba tried.
"No." said Shino. "What did you address me as?"
"Dad?" Kiba said.
Shino didn't say anything for a minute or so. "Why?" he asked.
"Why what?" said Kiba.
"Why did you call me 'Dad'?" Shino said.
"Um…" Kiba trailed off.
"You ARE acting weird." Said a voice behind him.
Shino turned around and didn't see anyone standing behind him. He faced front again and looked Kiba who was blinking blankly.
"Did you hear that?" he asked.
"I'm right here!" came the voice again.
Shino turned around a little quicker this time only to find that there was still no one there.
"Here!" said the voice. He looked down to see the enormous dog looking at him impatiently.
"Are you…near the dog?" Shino said. "And invisible?"
"No, what are you talking about?" said the voice, and it was DEFINITELY coming from the dog. "I'm right here."
Shino's mouth hung open.
"As I was saying…" the dog mumbled. "You're acting weird."
Kiba looked at his two teammates. "Uh…" he said. "My dad's obviously kinda sick…" he said.
"I'm not your dad." Said Shino.
"—So…" Kiba said, looking briefly at Shino and then back at his team. "We'll train some OTHER day!"
"Fine, but Kurenai's going to be mad!" said one of the teammates. But they left because they were pointless anyway.
Kiba turned back to Shino. "Okay!" he said. "Don't worry about a thing, Dad! Me and Ikkakumaru and Akamaru will take care of you until Mom gets home."
"Kiba, I'm not sick." Said Shino. "I'm just you father, and that's weird."
"It's not weird." Said Kiba. "You've been my dad your whole life!"
"No I haven't." said Shino.
"Well…MY whole life." Said Kiba as he started laughing.
"Kiba, that's not funny." Said Shino. "I made a wish and now I'm your father. And I don't want that to happen."
"Uh…" Kiba said, looking around for any sort of help.
"Kiba, we were on the same team before and now I'm your father." Shino said.
"Dad, you are not making ANY sense at all!" said Kiba. "The only thing you've said so far that's been true was 'I'm your father'."
"But that's the only thing I've said so far that SHOULDN'T be true." Shino said. "I'm not your father. I shouldn't be your father because I'm Shino."
Just when Kiba was about to retort that comment in an equally unintelligent fashion, the door slammed open and a swarm of a million dogs ran in, which made Shino go all rigid. After a few seconds, Kiba's mom and his sister came in as well.
"We're back!" said Kiba's mom.
"Welcome back, Mom and Hana!" said Kiba. "How'd your mission go?"
"It was fine!" said Kiba's mom as she frolicked over to Shino and obviously expected a warm embrace but, instead, got Shino only backing away from her.
"Mom, Dad's having an identity crisis." Kiba explained. "He thinks he's someone on my team named Shino."
"An identity crisis?" said Hana. "Did you hit your head or something?"
"No." said Shino. "I made a wish on a crystal so I wouldn't have to deal with Kiba anymore but now I'm his dad."
"See?" said Kiba. "He keeps saying that."
"Is this another one of your hilarious jokes?" said Kiba's mom. "Remember how long the last one went on for? You actually had us going for that long! Ah, good times."
"No." said Shino. "It's not a joke."
"Hey…" said Hana. "Didn't you used to have a teammate who had a son named Shino?"
"Me?" said Shino. "Are you asking me this?"
"Yeah." Said Hana. "You had some weird bug guy on your team back when you were a genin and he has a son named Shino, right? Or was that you, Mom?"
"No, it was your father." Said Kiba's mom.
"But I'M Shino." said Shino. "How could I be on a team with someone who has a son named Shino unless it's a strange coincidence?"
"Dad, you're obviously not feeling well." Said Kiba.
"You should lie down!" urged Hana.
"No." said Shino, walking past them and around all the dogs and making his way to the door. "I'm going to go and visit this so-called teammate of mine who has a son named Shino."
"I'm coming too!" said Ikkakumaru as he made his way over to Shino.
"No." said Shino. "I'm going alone."
"Not without me!" said Ikkakumaru.
"No." said Shino as he opened the door and stepped outside only to be blinded by the sunlight. He put his hand up to his eyes to find that he wasn't wearing his sunglasses and now he could not see a thing. He stumbled around foolishly for a little while before Ikkakumaru took it upon himself to lead him to the nearest sunglasses stand.
Shino purchased a pair and put them on.
"Now leave." Shino ordered Ikkakumaru.
"No way!" said Ikkakumaru.
Shino glared at the dog but started walking towards the Aburame portion of the village, while the dog followed him. When he got to the house that SHOULD be his own, he knocked on the door.
The door opened and his father was standing there.
He looked Shino up and down.
"Are you mocking me?" he said.
"No." said Shino. "I have a problem."
"I know." Said his father. "You're annoying, that's your problem."
"No." Shino repeated. "I made a wish on a crystal and now I'm Kiba's dad."
Shino's father paused for a few seconds.
"What?" he said.
"I'm Shino." Said Shino.
"No you're not." Said Shino's dad as he looked back into the house. "Shino, come here." A young boy came around the corner and stopped next to Shino's dad. "THIS is Shino. My eight-year-old son."
"Eight?" said Shino.
"Yes…" said his dad, looking a little annoyed with Shino's presence. Not Lil Shino, but big Shino.
Shino stood there stupidly for a minute.
"No…" he said finally.
"Yes." Said Shino's dad, looking more offended by the minute.
"But I'M Shino." Said Shino.
Shino's dad stared at him long and hard. Just when Shino thought that maybe he was going to say something, the door suddenly slammed on his face. Shino stood there with the door inches away from his nose for a few seconds, and then he turned away.
"What's wrong with you?" said Ikkakumaru.
"Stop talking." Said Shino. "You're a dog and dogs shouldn't talk."
"I think I'm getting to the point in which I am going to suggest you see a doctor." Said Ikkakumaru.
"Why should I listen to you?" said Shino as the two of them started strolling down the front walkway. "You're a dog."
"Why should you listen to me?" said Ikkakumaru, sounding shocked. "Do you want me to make a LIST?"
"No." said Shino.
As Ikkakumaru continued to ramble in the background, making his list even though Shino had politely declined his offer, Shino spotted Chokai's Spiritual Stand. After standing there like a moron for a few seconds, Shino went over to him.
"Old man." He said.
"Yes?" said Chokai, past the fact that he now answered to the name 'old man'.
"I accidentally made a wish on one of your crystals." He said.
"Isn't it WONDERFUL?" said Chokai.
"No." said Shino. "Undo it."
"There's nothing I can do!" said Chokai. "All you have to do is smash the crystal and everything will come undone!"
"Oh right." Said Shino, feeling stupid. He felt around in his pockets for the crystal, but emerged unsuccessful. "What if I can't find it?"
"That's not MY problem." Said Chokai, rolling his eyes.
Shino leaned over and grabbed Chokai's collar. "What if I can't find it?" he repeated, his tone elevated slightly.
"Right, right!" said Chokai, struggling to get free. "Try retracing your steps! Where were you when you made the wish?"
"I was going into my house." Shino said. "Kiba had the crystal."
"Well, then you should has HIM!" said Chokai.
Shino let go of Chokai and gave him another glare for good measure. Then he put his hands in his pockets and headed back to Kiba's house.
"What was that all about?" said Ikkakumaru.
"None of your business." Said Shino.
Ikkakumaru was, once again, miffed about Shino's attitude but followed him back to the house anyway.
"Kiba." Said Shino in his 'calling' voice. Which was like…not really all that loud.
Thankfully, however, those Inuzukas have spectacular hearing so Kiba was able to hear Shino calling him.
"Yeah, dad?" he said, poking his head around the corner.
Shino cringed.
"Do you have anything in your pockets?" Shino asked.
Kiba raised an eyebrow out of curiosity for Shino's random question. But he checked his pockets anyway and pulled the Butterfly Crystal, among papers and lint and dog biscuits as well as various other things, out to show Shino. "Are you looking for something in particular?"
"Yes." Said Shino, grabbing the Crystal.
"I don't know how that got there." Said Kiba. "It was there. Maybe I turned into a kleptomaniac and accidentally stole it."
"Kiba." Said Shino. But he was unable to go any further because he was dumbfounded by the stupidity of Kiba's previous comment. He looked the crystal over and then abruptly dropped it to the floor.
It hit the ground.
And didn't break.
"That was lucky!" said Kiba.
Shino certainly was getting a lot of practice for his glare today. Kiba picked it up and handed it back to Shino.
"By the way, where'd you get the sunglasses?" Kiba asked. "Can I get a pair too?"
"No, Kiba." Said Shino as he dropped the crystal again, except this time with a little more force. It hit the ground and shattered.
Shino stared at the floor and then closed his eyes.
"So anyways, I said, 'Hey Akamaru, if you think for just one second that you are going to get away with—'"
Shino opened his eyes and looked up. When had he gotten outside? Upon turning his head to the side, he saw Kiba sitting next to him in the midst of a very interesting story.
"So then HE says—"
"Kiba." Shino interrupted.
"Yeah Shino?" said Kiba, almost as if his goal was to make Shino interrupt him and now he was happy that it had happened.
Shino gave a heavy sigh. "Nothing." He said.
"What?" said Kiba, looking ALMOST concerned. "It's not like you to use more words than you have to."
"Maybe not." Said Shino. "Why am I hanging out with you? I said I didn't want to."
"THANKFULLY you changed your mind." Said Kiba.
Shino thought for a moment. "Wait…have we been 'hanging out' this entire time?"
"Yup." Said Kiba.
"Where's your Butterfly Crystal?" Shino said.
Kiba slapped his forehead. "I can't believe I forgot about it!" he exclaimed. He checked his pockets for a few moments, but frowned when he couldn't find it. "I must have dropped it somewhere… that's weird."
Shino stood up. Kiba watched him dumbly.
"Kiba." He said.
"Yeah Shino?" said Kiba, having a strange déjà vu feeling.
"I confess." Shino said. "I accidentally made a wish on your crystal and it came true."
"WHAT!" Kiba demanded, standing up as well. "You made a wish without me! We were going to do it together!"
"It was by accident." Shino said.
"Well?" said Kiba. "What'd you wish for?"
Insert awkward silence here.
"Um…" said Shino.
"Well?" Kiba said.
"Never mind." Said Shino.
"That's annoying, Shino!" said Kiba. "You have to tell me what you wished for!"
"It granted my wish in a very obscure way." Shino said, giving in easily as if Kiba had been begging for hours. Well, Shino probably knew that Kiba would end up begging for hours so he might as well tell him. "It, for some reason, made me your father."
Kiba's eyes widened. "Why'd you wish to be my father?" he asked.
"I didn't." said Shino, looking overly cross.
"But you just said—"
Shino put his hand up. He didn't want to reveal to Kiba exactly what the wish was because it was kind of mean. "Let's just say that the crystal can sometimes be defective." He said. "Didn't Ino say that?"
"She did, didn't she?" said Kiba with a nod, satisfied with that explanation. "So how'd you like it? Was I a good son?"
"Don't make me hurt you, Kiba." Said Shino.
"Okay, okay…" Kiba said as he gestured for Akamaru to follow him and he started to walk away.
Shino watched his back.
"Hey, where are you going?" said Shino. It was strange for Kiba to just randomly walk away from conversations. Usually that was HIS job.
"I'm going to go and buy myself another crystal!" said Kiba in the 'DUH!' tone. "I mean, YOU used mine, and I still want a wish!"
"Kiba…" Shino said, slapping his forehead. But there was no convincing him otherwise.
Kiba was at Chokai's Spiritual Stand in a matter of minutes. He went right up and put whatever money he had found on the ground on his way over on the table.
"One wish granting crystal, please." He said.
Chokai looked at Kiba's money and then at Kiba. "Do you plan on putting the rest of the money down on the table?" he asked.
Kiba gave an exasperated sigh as if it was unreasonable that Chokai wanted money for his product. "Well, I don't have any money RIGHT NOW." He said. "But after I make my wish, I'll be able to pay you back."
"Oh, I see." Said Chokai with a nod and a smile as he took the loose change. "Well, I suppose I can accept that."
He handed Kiba a crystal.
"All right!" said Kiba. "And I know exactly what I'm going to wish for!"
Kiba started rubbing it dramatically as if it was a crystal ball and he was going to see his future in it.
"I wish everyone was nine feet tall!" Kiba said excitedly.
Chokai's mouth dropped to the floor. "Are you kidding me?" he said.
"Nope!" said Kiba. He looked around. "Hey! How come it didn't work! You're still short!"
"Well of COURSE!" said Chokai. "The wishes don't affect me!"
Kiba turned around and saw everyone walking around…being nine feet tall. AS IF IT WAS NORMAL!
He enjoyed a good laugh because everyone was exactly the same height and that exact height just so happened to be ever so abnormal.
"Hey!" said Chokai. "So aren't you going to pay me?"
"I don't have the money right now." Said Kiba.
"You know…" said Chokai. "When you said you'd pay me after you made the wish, I figured you were going to wish that you were a king so you'd have enough money to pay me back."
"I'm not nearly intelligent enough for a wish like that." Kiba said.
"I can see that." Said Chokai. "Anyone who makes a wish that everyone is nine feet tall is definitely stupid enough to NOT wish they were a king."
"I never said I was STUPID, just not that intelligent." Kiba corrected.
He looked around and laughed some more, and everyone was just passing him with question marks floating above their heads. Chokai was sighing, being quite annoyed.
"Okay, I'm done with this wish." Kiba told Chokai. "All I have to do is break it, right?"
"This is the stupidest thing I've witnessed." Chokai said truthfully.
"I'll take that as a yes!" said Kiba as he smashed the crystal on the ground and everyone promptly shrunk down to their correct heights. Except for the people who were nine feet originally, then they just stayed that way. But there aren't very many people who are in that situation.
"Now you still have to pay me." Said Chokai.
"I don't have any money…I already told you that." Kiba said. "I'll get some and pay you back later."
"You better!" Chokai threatened as Kiba frolicked off, feeling content with himself that he made the world a better place.
Meanwhile, Shikamaru was walking up his front walkway. It had been a nice lazy day and now it was time to turn in. He heard a strange noise under his foot and he bent down to see a mound of broken shards. After a moment of inspection, he finally concluded that it was the remnants of a Butterfly Crystal.
"Strange." He said, looking up at his house. "I wonder why that is."
He went inside and was immediately bombarded by his mother who was carrying a dustpan and broom. "Shikamaru, will you clean up all that glass in the front yard?" she requested.
"Mom…did you buy a crystal?" Shikamaru said, looking confused.
"What?" said Shikamaru's mom. "I think some kids must have had some kind of toy that they broke and ran away without telling us! It's been there all day!"
Shikamaru frowned and went back outside to, once again, clean up shards of the Butterfly Crystal.
And they call ME lazy, he thought.
