Chapter 4
The intelligent and highly effective escape plan
Disclaimer: I don't own LOTR. But I do own the intelligent and highly effective escape plan.
A/N: I'M DONE EXAMS!
Soon Legolas and Aragorn decided to put their escape plan to action. In the far corner of the cell there was a washroom. That was vitally important, because in the washroom there was a barred window where the 10-foot high wall met the ceiling.
First they asked. . . or rather begged Gandalf to widen the bars in the front of the cell. This was no easy accomplishment, as the wizard was in a foul mood, due to lack of pipe-weed. The policeman in the park had confiscated all the pipes and leaves. So that left Gandalf, crouched in a dark corner, muttering to himself, ready to jump on anyone who approached. Pippin was the first to try.
"Um, Gandalf?"
"Hmadfghakjfadjghfsklfkdajfhjadfh!"
"Pardon?"
"I SAID, 'Leave me alone!'"
The foolish hobbit, of course, had no natural instinct, and only inched closer.
"Gandalf? Legolas and Aragorn need you to-"
"Jasdljtgakldjfhklajdfhkaj! Fool of a Took! Get away from me!"
With that, a booted foot emerged and swiftly kicked the startled hobbit, sending him flying halfway across the cell.
Frodo had no more luck than Pippin. He crawled toward Gandalf, then stood up and started singing to the tune of "Old Macdonald had a farm"
"Once there was a Ring of Power,
EEEAAAAEEEEEAAAAOOOOO!
But then I went and killed it,
In the fires of Mt.Doom!
Now Aragorn here,
And Legolas there,
They need
you to-"
But then the booted foot came out once more and Frodo flew even farther than Pippin had.
After both these unsuccessful attempts, Legolas decided to try a new tactic. He approached the corner silently with his elvish gracefulness.
"You don't have to bother sneaking up on me," Gandalf grumbled. "I have eyes, you know."
Legolas nodded. "I know. But I don't want them to know I'm telling you this."
Gandalf frowned. "Who's them?"
Legolas looked around, as if to make sure no one was watching, then whispered. "You see those huge, menacing, metal spikes that are stuck between the ceiling and the floor? Those are called cell bars. I don't want them to hear me talking to you."
For a moment Gandalf looked interested. "Ooooohh. I see. But why don't you want them to hear you?"
Legolas lowered his voice even more, so that Gandalf had to strain his ears to hear the elf. "Well, they said something about you, but they didn't want you to know, because you can destroy them, and if anyone told you they would destroy the messenger."
"What did they say about me?"
Legolas paused. "They said. . . they said you have a. . . ," Legolas paused again, "Gandalf, before I tell you this, will you promise not to let them know that it was me who told you?"
Gandalf nodded impatiently. "Yes, yes, yes. Now tell me what they said."
Legolas' voice was hushed, and his eyes darted back and forth restlessly. "They said you had a. . . an addiction."
The reaction was immediate. Legolas watched with a satisfied smile as Gandalf jumped to his feet, out of the corner, and reached the cell bars in one leap.
"DARE you insult me! ADDICTION! HA! I'LL SHOW YOU ADDICTION!"
And Gandalf began muttering incomprehensible words. The bars of the cell slowly began to widen, but as they were too strong to break, they merely opened up to form a hole. Legolas slipped through the hole and came back 5 minutes later, with all their weapons. Aragorn snatched up Anduril and began patting it affectionately. Gandalf was still trying to force the bars to widen. Legolas dropped all the weapons on the ground and went to try to convince Gandalf to close up the hole so that all the evidence was erased.
"Gandalf."
"WHAT!"
"The bars said. . . "
"What are they saying about me now?"
"They say what you're doing to them hurts a lot-"
"Good!"
"-and they also say they're sorry they ever insulted you. They say wizards are cool and you are the coolest."
Gandalf stopped glaring at the bars and looked instead at Legolas. "Really?"
"Yes, and they say that pipe-weed is cool and they curse whoever took it away from you. They simply admire you so much they want you to continue bending them so they can claim how much you influenced them."
Gandalf grinned. "Wow! I'm cool!"
Legolas nodded. "Yes, but. . ." he pulled Gandalf away from the bars and whispered, "I think maybe you should straighten them back."
Gandalf looked confused. "Why? Don't they want to be bent?"
"Yes, but think about them. When other bars look at them and they say a wizard bent them, they'll get the image that wizards like to torture cell bars. Especially cell bars that look up to them."
"Well, in that case. . . maybe I should. . ." Gandalf walked over to the bars and started to bend them back. In a few seconds they looked normal again.
Legolas and Aragorn went over to the window in the washroom. Legolas now began trying to convince Aragorn to slice the bars on the window so they could get out. This was no easier than getting Gandalf to open and close the bars on the door of the cell.
"But Aragorn-"
"No. No, no, and no. I will not risk even the tiniest scratch on my precious baby." He looked at his sword with emotion. "Don't worry, Anduril, Flame of the West, daddy's here. He'll protect you from the mad elf. He won't let you get scratched. KEEP AWAY!" he screamed as Legolas approached, "Don't hurt my baby!"
Legolas rolled his eyes. "I have no intention of hurting your sword. But I'm tired of playing mental games so that you guys will cooperate with me. If you want to get out of here, you will split open the bars before I lose my patience!"
An angry elf is no fun sight.
But even so, Aragorn protested, "Wait a moment. Let me have a chat with my precious about this."
Legolas looked up at the ceiling, mouth open in a silent howl that he was dying to let out.
Aragorn reassured his sword. "No, daddy will not let the mad elf get at you. No, he won't. But," his voice changed to a disgruntling sound, "If he isssss trying to take the preciousssss, we will not sssstand for that!" His voice changed again, "But-but if we don't use the preciousss, we will never get out. And Legolasssss will be angry."
This such argument proceeded for several minutes before Aragorn finally agreed to slice the bars at their top and bottom. They came off.
Legolas, who was about 6 feet tall, lifted Pippin, who was almost 4 feet tall. This human ladder reached to almost 10 feet, and Pippin was able to grab the ledge of the window and hoist himself up.
Next came Frodo, with assistance from Pippin. Then Merry, then Sam.
"Nobody touches a dwarf," growled Gimli.
Legolas raised his eyebrows. "You're going to jump 10 feet?"
"Well, no, but-"
Aragorn lifted his eyes heavenward. "You want to get out or not?"
"Well, yes, but-"
Aragorn kicked Gimli, hard, sending him flying into the astonished hobbits. "NEXT VICTIM!"
"So appealing," muttered Gandalf.
"Sam," Aragorn called up, "Give me your elvish rope."
Sam gasped. "My elvish rope? The one given to me by Lady Galadriel? Absolutely not!"
Aragorn was running low on patience. "Sam, either you give it to me voluntarily, or I come up there and wrestle it from you. I would not choose the second option if I were you. Being unable to fight in so long has made me quite. . . dangerous."
Sam looked at Aragorn. . . and decided it might be a good idea to give Aragorn the rope. He threw it down, hitting Aragorn square in the head.
"Boy, if looks could kill. . ." Sam muttered.
Legolas took the rope and tied it to an arrow as Gandalf filled a large container with water and passed it up to Frodo. Legolas shot the arrow towards the window, always keeping a tight grip on one end of the rope. Gimli caught the arrow. He and all the hobbits held on tightly as Gandalf climbed up, followed by Aragorn, and finally Legolas, who was carrying his bow and arrows, as will as the bars which Aragorn had severed off.
When everyone was out, Sam grabbed his rope and put it away, whispering reassuring things to his "precious."
Legolas took out some Mirkwood Tree Sap and got everyone to take some and glue the bars back on. With everyone working diligently and efficiently, the work was done within minutes. The Mirkwood Tree Sap worked miraculously as well; by the time they were finished the bars looked as good as new, and they would stay in place unless someone came up and conked the bars with an axe. The sap had the property of Crazy Glue, except Crazy Glue was skin-bonding (as the authoress' little brother learned the hard way) and the sap washed off easily with water if it was still moist.
Since the Fellowship had only entered the hospital half an hour ago, not many doctors would know yet of their presence, and even less of their escape. If they ever found out they had disappeared and questioned Boromir, it was more than likely they wouldn't get many comprehensible sentences out of him. Either way, he hadn't noticed anything.
As soon as the bars were glued on the Fellowship washed their hands in the water that Gandalf had passed up, and then dumped the water into the grass, making disappear all traces of their appearance.
And so they had escaped from St. Joseph's hospital for the Mentally Deranged.
They proceeded to run as fast as they could into the nearest forest. There, they dug a deep hole and buried the empty container that had once held the water they used to wash the sap off their hands.
And so ends Chapter 4
A/N: Wow! This was actually a pretty long chapter! I had the rough copy written down already, but I expanded on it a lot when I typed it up. Please keep reviewing!
