Live These Words
Written By: Lucky Shamrock
"We all have big changes in our lives
that are more or less a second chance."
-Harrison Ford
October 4, 1993
"Is it true Albus? Is it really…" McGonagall let her voice trail off, watching as the Headmaster walked out of the hospital wing of the school with a rather odd sort of smile about his face. Almost as if he knew this day was going to happen sooner or later.
Dumbledore nodded, that small smile never leaving his face even when his golden cap nearly tumbled right off of his head while nodding. "Yes Minerva, it is who we think it is. According to Miss. Granger she just fell out of a portal rather forcefully and landed right on Remus. Which might explain his broken rib's that Poppy is currently healing."
"How is this possible? At all, I mean—she just disappeared that day. Now all of the sudden she's back?" McGonagall was beside herself, then again when it came to situations that couldn't be explained she usually was.
"At of current standing point Minerva I am not exactly sure how it happened. I assume it is a side effect of whatever spell she had been hit with that day. I assume that the spell was performed wrong, and it ended up sending her forward in time." Dumbledore gave a smile with that explanation, he didn't understand it himself—but it didn't matter, because things were the way they were supposed to be now. He was a wise man, and knew probably more then any Wizard on the face of the planet…but sometimes there were mysteries that even baffled him.
"I suppose, but Albus—how will the poor dear react? One moment she was nearing her fifteenth birthday, and all of her friends were alive. Now, only Remus remains—and he is a bit different then the last time she set eyes on him." McGonagall did have a point, one moment the girl was in her DADA class working on offensive spells, and she was hit with a stray spell. For the longest time they just figured the spell caused her to disappear, maybe end up on another side of the planet. As the years went by though—they all feared the worst. Now, she was back, and obviously little time had passed for her…one second she was in the seventies, now the nineties—and everyone she knew and loved…
Were gone. The one person she loved above all else, wasn't as he once was. He was a grown man. How would she react?
"Minerva, things will work themselves out. This was without a doubt, meant to be. There is a reason for everything. Let us retire to dinner? I'm sure those two will need to talk when they wake anyhow."
"If you say so…" McGonagall said, but very obviously didn't sound convinced.
It was dark when Remus awoke. He couldn't quite figure out why he had been sleeping, or where he was. His side felt bruised, as if someone had hit him in his ribs with a boot. A tender feeling that he was aware of the moment he took in a deep breath. There was something different though. Not just the fact that it didn't feel like he was in his own bed. Just, different—a feeling of being at ease. The sort of feeling you get when you climb into a warm bath. That's what he felt like, a feeling he hadn't had in a very long time.
As he pondered this, hands came up to rub at his eyes. How long had he been asleep? It felt like quite a few hours. Long enough to make that feeling of the full moon and the pain it brought be a feeling of the past. Gradually he lifted himself up off the bed he sat in, and hazel eyes took in dim surroundings.
The hospital wing?
What was he doing here? The dim outline of several beds, and a few medical trays here and there was enough to make him realize where he was. The question still remained, what was he doing here? That pain in his side had something to do with it right?
He thought so any way. Now where was he last? Eyes closed in thought as his leg's swung over the bed and touched the cold floor as he sat there. Okay, he was teaching right? He remembered that, defensive spells…he was going to teach them how to protect themselves against attacks—and then?
His mind was blank, it was usually blank when he woke up. Even when he was younger he needed a good ten or so minutes before actual thought decided to show up. A yawn escaped his lips and he stretched his body back slightly, arms raising above his head just enough to remind him that his side hurt a bit.
Not the worst pain he had ever felt, but it was there—and it was bothersome in it's own right. It was while he was stretching that hazel eyes found a form laying on the bed next to his. Orange hair covered up her face, at least it looked like orange in the dim light. For the longest time he just sat there looking at her, watching—trying to figure out why it felt so weird to see her there. She was probably just another student right?
Then, his brain clicked into action.
It couldn't be. Kit. Kit was dead. They told him there was no hope, that he needed to stop wallowing over the fact that his first love was dead. They were right really. The first year was really bad, then things just got worse. Lily, James, and Peter died, and Sirius was hauled off to Azkaban. Adding all of that to the pain of loosing Kit. Enough to drive him mad.
Instead of going crazy, he simply vowed to a life of being alone. Living with Muggles instead of Wizards, and forgetting all about what life used to be like. Life with friends, life with love. Then all of the sudden out of the blue Dumbledore hired him.
Throwing him back into this life just as Sirius escaped from prison. Did Dumbledore knew this would happen? Knew he would have his love tossed back into his life?
It wasn't her. He was just seeing things. Maybe he finally went crazy? He was lost in thought. So lost in thought that he didn't notice that blue eyes were now staring at him with confusion, didn't notice that the girl in the bed next to him was starting to sit up.
He did however notice the moment she spoke, "Remus?"
It was in a soft sort of voice, the kind that Kit always had. As if she didn't want to be too loud for fear of causing people to pay more attention then she wanted to herself. He couldn't believe it. He was actually going to be one of those nutter's in St. Mungo's talking to himself. Having a great ole' conversation with someone that was dead!
At least she could recognize him right? He had been almost eighteen the last time she seen him. Now at thirty-three he did indeed look a great deal different, graying hair, more wrinkles, more scars…
"Remus?" She asked again, urging him to talk. He could sense the fear in her voice, he could feel it actually. Was it possible to be insane and feel your invisible dead girlfriends fear? He wasn't to sure, then again he was new to this whole insane thing.
"Hullo." Was all he would say, carefully as he let his eyes meet hers. He didn't know what else to say to an illusion. 'Hello, been a long time eh' just didn't seem like something he should say. In fact he wasn't sure if he should be talking at all. After all, talking back to the crazy illusion just made him more crazy right?
"You…um." She paused, and looked around for the first time. Taking note that they were indeed in the hospital wing. "What are you doing here? I thought you were helping James and Lily with painting the nursery? Is that why you look so—different? Something must have spilled on you. Bad potion?" She was rambling on, obviously trying to make sense of the situation and her words stung Remus like a bee.
The day she disappeared he was indeed helping James and Lily paint their nursery. He had graduated while she was starting her fifth year, and they owled each other daily. That day he had managed to watch James and Lily bicker over what color to paint the nursery, and the fact that Lily put her foot down to painting it with magic. She wanted it done proper. Said that the work involved would make James and the rest of the boy's feel connected with the room. They had decided on yellow and light green. Neither boy or girl colors.
James and Sirius had gotten into a paint fight by the time a very pregnant Lily Potter walked into the room with a look of…pain. They had thought she was going into labor early, but no…she had news—an official letter from Dumbledore.
And here Kit was, she was supposed to be dead—asking him if he had potion spilled on him to cause him to age. Did illusions do that? His mouth opened and closed for a moment. Why did he keep thinking that she was an illusion? Maybe…
That was just wishful thinking wasn't it?
"Remus—please, what's going on?" There was a sense of urgency in her words, the question so laden with fear that it made him sit up straighter. His mind wasn't playing tricks on him—not when he could feel her so clearly.
Remus could feel his eyes tear up, she wasn't dead. She was—alive. So many years of thinking she was gone forever. So many…
"What's wrong—why are you sad?" She felt him too, felt that sadness weighing heavy on his heart, on his soul.
"They told me you were dead." His voice came out more of a whine then he wanted it to. Then again—he wanted to start kicking things, punching the wall, scream at the top of his lungs. Instead he just sat there, trembling as he looked across at her. She looked exactly the same as the last time he seen her.
Sirius had let Remus borrow his flying motorbike, knowing that Remus and Kit needed as much time as they could have before she walked through Kings Cross to go off to school. They had barely been apart in two years, so it was hard—leaving her. Driving her to Kings Cross rather then flying, feeling her arms wrapped around his torso tightly.
Then seeing her off, one last kiss before she left. A smile on her face as she walked through the barrier to Platform 9/3. He hadn't seen her since then, they had traded letters, and he planned on visiting her with Sirius in Hogsmeade a couple of day's before Halloween, and of course he would see her when Lily finally gave birth…
But he hadn't. One day he was having a grand ole' time, helping to paint a room with his best friends, waiting until another letter from Kit arrived—according to schedule it should have been later that day, and then instead—Lily came in looking as if she was in pain.
He knew—the moment she came in her eyes found his. He knew…and he felt it too—that absence in his body, the feeling of emptiness. She was gone…gone…gone…
In his thought's he hadn't noticed that his shoulders had hunched up, nor had he noticed that he was crying. Remus wasn't one to cry over every little thing, the only times he could remember crying involved someone dying. Now, it involved someone coming back to life.
He felt movement next to him on the bed, and then before he knew it something was in his lap. Kit. Sitting there as if she belonged there, looking up at him with her blue eyes that he felt he could fall into. "They told me you were dead." He repeated, as if she didn't hear it the first time.
"I don't feel very dead." Stated matter of fact like. As if that was all he needed to hear as her hand found his, easily placing his large hand on her chest to feel her heartbeat. "See, I'm alive."
He could feel the heartbeat, the warmth of her body. He was also reminded about how small she was, how it felt as if he could break her in half with a simple touch. "Oh Kit…" Was all the warning he gave her before his arms wrapped around her body tightly. Pulling her as close as possible to him. He knew she must have been confused about the situation—or maybe she was still content in the thought that he had some sort of potion spilled onto him to cause him to age. Content in the thought that everyone was still alive and happy. He had to crush it to her. Tell her they were dead, her cousin had escaped from Azkaban.
He just sobbed harder against her. She was the only one he would allow himself to cry in front of, when she was gone he cried into countless bottles of Firewhiskey—but now…he sobbed into her shoulder. Her hand touching his back lightly, moving up to smooth his hair lightly. She knew he needed to cry right now, knew to comfort her, and knew she would have her answers soon.
He felt her fear, she felt his sadness.
He was complete again.
AN: C'mon, you know you'd sob like a baby if you were him. But seriously, this Remus is no wet noodle. Wait until you see what he does to Severus.
Another big thank-you to my reviewers.
Next Up: Past, new friendships.
