Live These Words
Written By: Lucky Shamrock


"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed."
-Carl Jung


September 17, 1976

He had looked for her during meals, while he was walking the hall, and whenever he was in the common room. Yet he never caught a glimpse of her. Sure, there was a ghost of her here and there, just leaving the Great Hall when he walked in, or just coming in from being outside when he was going out. That was okay though right? So much time spent thinking about someone wasn't healthy. He knew that. Then why did she occupy his thoughts every night when he went to bed?

Listening to Peter snore in the bed next to his, that was all Remus could think about--her. Well, her and the stray thought of what would happen if he stuffed a sock in his friends mouth to keep him from sounding like a dying elephant. For a few brief hours he had known her, talked to her, taught her--and yet, he felt more attached to her then he was anyone else.

This wasn't good. He knew that. Remus knew a lot of things. Including the fact that a werewolf in love would never work, and apparently his mind didn't seem to agree. Seeing as he was in love. It wasn't a crush...it was love. He wasn't sure when he figured this affirmation out, but he did...and he hated it.

He didn't want to be in love. Especially with someone who probably only saw him as a tutor, not even a friend. It was a complicated situation. If he was remotely good at potion brewing he might have made up a potion to stop his feelings towards Kit. However if he tried that he would probably end up botching the potion so badly that he ended up loosing his hair or something equally as worse.

"I need to stop thinking..." Mumbled to himself as he looked down at the still filled plate in front of him. His dinner taunted him, the mashed potatoes laughed, and the pork chop was telling him how stupid he was for being in love already. Of course, he did have to wonder about his sanity if he actually thought his dinner was taunting him...

"What was that Moony? Still thinking of that girl are you?" James asked from across the table. They knew. Of course James and Sirius knew. Peter on the other hand could only lift his head up from his plate and raise his brows in question. Some things never dawned on the small boy, but he was still a friend--at least Peter didn't point out that Remus was still thinking about her.

"No." Remus said simply, trying to hide the fact he was lying--a skill he was never good at. James knew it, he smirked. As to Sirius? Well, he was no where to be seen, but if Remus knew Sirius at all, he knew that Sirius was out with girl de jour. "I'm just not hungry."

As if to prove his point Remus pushed his plate away from him, which Peter picked up the moment Remus gave a nod that it was okay. "Not hungry? Moony, we've been through this--the moment that you seen that girl to the girls dorm stairs and ended up using Padfoot as a chair. Head over heels...that's what you are. Admit it."

It would figure that James could see through the lie, but then again--James was smart like that. Remus would take James advice over Sirius' anyway, if only because Sirius only had a few words of advice and they usually included the statement "do her" somewhere along the lines. He could be talking about a brick and in the conversation "do her" would come up. That was Sirius for you. James on the other hand, was holding out for Lily. It was almost like a train wreck really--you wanted to look away, but you really couldn't.

Lily didn't like James and the whole school knew it. Except James kept trying, kept telling Remus that he would marry the redhead one day. Honestly? Remus didn't doubt that. James had a certain charisma about him that made girls fawn over him. Although that could have just been the messy hair, and the muscles from playing Quidditch near daily.

"There is nothing to admit, I'm just her tutor that's all."

"...sure, but you want more don't you?"

"Merlin--James, not everyone thinks with their..."

"Manhood?"

Remus blinked, and so did James. Sirius had chosen that part of the conversation to sit down during, his robes were messed, long black hair looking a lot like James', and very swollen lips--tell tail signs that Sirius was living it up with his current girl. Leave it to Sirius to say something about 'manhood'

"I can't believe you just said that." Remus said, shaking his head--a slight shade of pink appearing over his usual pale cheeks.

"I can." James stated with a snort. Quickly to be followed with Peter, "Me too."

Sirius just grinned a feral sort of way before grabbing a pork chop from the plate in front of him. "Seriously though, Moony--you need to just gather up the courage to ask this girl out. Having you mope around all the time, with that look of deep thought on your face is just..."

"Sad?"

"Depressing?"

Count on both James and Peter to keep up with the conversation. Sometimes Remus loved his friends, other times he wished that the floor would open up and swallow them whole. "I've only known her for a total of four and a half hours--most of which spent talking about Troll's and Herbology."

"Like that's any different from the stuff you normally talk about?" Sirius asked, brow raised as he bit into that pork chop--not even bothering to use a fork that was so very clearly right in front of him.

"Funny, really. I'm not like you guys...you know that."

"Ugh, are we back to the wolfie thing?" James asked, he was always careful about Remus' secret as a werewolf, in public it was referred to as the 'wolfie-thing' as if that couldn't be connected to being a werewolf.

Remus sighed, he was on the verge of just getting up and leaving--but these were his friends. They were only trying to help. "Yes, exactly. I can't. It wouldn't be fair to her."

"How do you know? Have you asked her what she feel's on wolfie politics? Or are we just guessing? Not everyone hate's them you know." Sirius stated, and that was all Remus needed to stand up with a sigh.

"I hate them." They knew it too. Remus loathed werewolves. He loathed himself. For good measure he glanced around at the near empty Great Hall, and shrugged. "I've got to go to the library now, I'll see you guy's later."

As he was walking away, leaving his friends a bit miffed it was James who called out. "You can't deny love."

Which was rather deep for someone that was content in making Severus Snape look like he soiled his pants, or other juvenile pranks.


Kit didn't want to die. That was the common misconception when it came to hurting yourself. People always seemed to think that someone that cut themselves up, wanted to die. Kit, didn't. Which was why she cut, maybe to know she was still living? Take the edge out of everyday life? It didn't matter to her why she did it, all she knew is that the sting of the cut a few hours after dragging the blade across her skin stung.

The fact that she was wearing a shirt that chaffed didn't help any either, but then again no matter what a Hogwarts uniform never seemed to comfortable to her. Maybe that was because they were always too big for her, even if someone transfigured them they ended up too big. Kit wasn't quite sure how that worked really. The sleeves brushing up against several new cut's that were made during the lunchtime hour had been what occupied her mind while everyone else was at dinner. She was already in the library trying to get a jump start on her transfiguration homework. Three parchment rolls worth, an essay on why it is dangerous to transform live things into something that isn't alive. Take a teacup for example, if you were to transform a cat into a teacup for a long period of time the cat would end up dying.

A rather depressing subject when one thought about it. Although, her thoughts were not on her assignment. Blue eyes ended up scanning the same few lines in her text book, no matter how hard she try to read on, thoughts turned to her tutor. Remus. She couldn't get him out of her head, the way he talked, the way he laughed. It was always in her head, even when she cut herself. Cutting usually ended up in no thoughts at all--but hers always went to that one thought 'what would he do if he knew'? What would he do? Remus didn't seem like the type that would enjoy that sort of thing, and probably would freak out if he ever found out.

A lot of people would freak out--thus why she never told anyone about it.

Still, her arm stung. Every time she moved her hand to write something down, her arm reminded her that it was there--and angry for being cut up. It was good though, the stinging made her stop thinking about him. At least for a little while, a second or so actually. Not enough to make her feel any better. Her stomach felt like it was doing flip flops because she liked him so much. How was it possible to like someone so much only after meeting them for just a few short hours?

She had made herself invisible, not literally—she wasn't that talented in magic really. She just, stuck to the walls, stayed in her dorm room when possible, and barely went to the Great Hall. Only when she was so hungry she couldn't stand it anymore. Sadly those times usually occurred at night, causing her to stay awake until she had breakfast. Although at least that meant she got to breakfast early.

It honestly wasn't that different from what she normally did. Only this time she was hiding from him. Why did she hide? Maybe she feared what one look from him did to her? The way it felt to be near him? She wasn't sure…all she knew was—she was a thirteen year old, she couldn't know what love felt like.

Could she?

Because when her heartbeat sped up when her head snapped up to see Remus standing near, obviously looking for where she was at in the library—it felt like love—burning her soul so much that her blood felt like it was going to boil.

Kit had stood up when she finally noticed Remus had no clue where she sat. A lot of people tended to do that, she was--unnoticeable. Then again, she was also surrounded with piles of books all around her. In standing up she had moved so quickly that her ink nearly spilled all over the table, instead just a few droplets landed right in the middle of her half wrote essay. Great.

Although, there was a bigger concern at the moment. Remus. He felt off--great now she thought she was 'feeling' him. Way to get yourself into the crazy bin at St. Mungo's Kit. Before she could even open her mouth he approached her, changing his scowl into a smile. "Sorry I'm late, held up at dinner." He explained simply, even though he really wasn't late. She was just here early--like always.

"It's okay." Kit said with a nod of her head as she sat back down. Remus took up the chair next to her again, like before there was a chair right across from her, but he still sat right next to her. It was confusing for Kit to say the least, because there were two reasons for this, either he sat so close because it was easier for him to see what she was writing, or he sat so close just because he wanted to sit so close to her. She hoped it was the latter, but doubted it.

Remus nodded and reached across her for an open book, peering down at it with hazel eyes he raised his brows and gave a shrug. "At least it's not potions." Said after reading the title of the Transfiguration book.

Kit gave a small grin and picked up her quill, "You're not good at potions either?"

"Horrible." He shook his head and stuck out his tongue to show his disgust at the subject of potions, "I'm not the best when it comes to measuring ingredients, so things always end up a bit off--or you know, blown up into my face. Take your pick."

Kit laughed, which was funny because Kit usually didn't laugh. She couldn't remember the last time she actually laughed honestly. It felt good, and he felt more at ease. No--she couldn't feel him. That was just her imagination. It had to be her imagination. Right?

"Well, we won't have potions work until next Tuesday--so for now we should just enjoy this." Kit really wasn't one to enjoy Transfiguration, but it was indeed better then potions. That always counted for something.

Remus nodded, and they set to work. He'd point out certain things from the book and his own experience to her, and she'd start writing. After a paragraph he would look over what she wrote and either correct something, or simply tell her to keep going. So far this school year, Kit was pretty sure that Remus was the best teacher to date.

She didn't notice that he seemed to be closer and closer to her until she felt his leg against hers. He was sitting not even half an inch away from her as he looked over what she had just finished writing in her untidy scrawl. Did he know how close he was? His leg against hers made her just want to crawl in his lap, feel his arms around her, feel...safe. She felt safe with him. No one else made her feel this safe. Not even Dumbledore himself could make Kit feel so safe.

It was nice. "Ah, we're done. That was easy."

"Four hours on one essay..." Kit said, shaking her head slightly trying to get all previous thoughts out.

Remus grinned at her and stretched his body out, arms moving above his head to stretch for the sky. "Yes m'dear, but four hours on a good essay. There is a difference."

She grinned and nodded, capping off her ink and collecting her books from the pile around her. Thankfully this time around there were only three books to carry back up to the tower and not a giant stack of books like last time. "So it meets your approval?"

He winked at her, "If it didn't, we'd still be working. I'd hate to see my student get something less then the best."

Student. She clenched her jaw, there it was. That's what he thought of her, all he thought of her. As his student. Maybe this was good news? Maybe this meant she could finally stop thinking about him day and night. Then, he started talking again, and before she knew it thoughts of forgetting all about him were swept right out of her head.

"Of course, it's good to have a friend that can keep up with my genius IQ as well."

"Genius?"

"Of course, genius. You didn't know that? I'm smarter then Dumbledore." His face broke out into a grin, and she couldn't help but laugh. He called her a friend, that was something right?

"Careful there, pretty soon we might have to have someone pry your ego off of the walls if it gets any bigger."

He stood, and offered her his hand. For a moment, as her hand slipped into his she was--taken aback, not just by how much larger his hand was then hers, but the way it felt. Did people always feel this way when they held hands? She wasn't entirely sure. It was like her whole body tingled, then just...peace. She didn't want to let go.

It was clear he didn't want to let go either, seeing as the moment she stood up he continued to hold onto her hand as she went about collecting her things. Her bag slipped over her shoulder and a nod that she was ready to leave. Hand and hand they left the already empty library.

Hand in hand.

Maybe he really did like her?

She could only hope.