Quick Author's Note: Some could argue that I have Temari and Kankurou out of character in these first few chapters. Before I get any reviews about that, I want people to remember the ages I am writing about! A child of three is likely to not even be recognizable as a 14-year-old. As the fic progresses, the characters will become more like the characters you are familiar with.
Chapter 1 – Mama
I remember very little about Mama, or my life before Gaara was born. We were a real family then, I do know that. Father was a little scary and would make Kankurou cry sometimes; Mama was always kind and smiled a lot and we would go to her when Father was being mean. She would hold both of us on her lap together before her belly got too big.
Once, Kankurou, Mama, Uncle Yasha, and I were traveling with Father to another country on business, and we were attacked by enemy ninjas. I saw my father slice a ninja in two, his top from his bottom. Kankurou and I were scared and watched behind Mama and Uncle Yasha, but the scariest part was when Father returned, covered in blood. I thought he would kill us too, and I tried to run, but Mama caught me and told me that it would be all right. Sometimes, Father had to kill bad ninjas. Sometimes, you have to kill.
Later – it must have been later – Kankurou and I were fighting over who got to sit next to Mama at a meeting, and Father stopped speaking and came down to hush us. He told us that if we didn't hush, he would cut Mama in half so that we could each have a piece, and we couldn't argue anymore. Kankurou knew that Father was angry at him, and started to cry, but he was too young to understand death.
I understood death – at least that it was painful and ugly – and I was terrified. Father would not really cut Mama in half, would he? Wouldn't that kill the baby, too? I let Kankurou sit next to Mama.
One day, a traveler came to the Village of the Sand, with a barrel on his back. I was still young enough then that I was allowed to play, and I was with two other girls near the base of the canyon, scooping sand into big piles and putting sticks on the top. The canyon was one of my favorite places back before Gaara, as it had rocks and sometimes even sticks blown in from far away places, and the shadows of the high walls were cool compared to the baking heat of the village. Plus, I got to see all the travelers come.
This traveler was a big man, and a little scary, but I was the Kazekage's daughter, so I put on my best "tough" face and walked up to him, demanding what he wanted. He smiled, but it looked more like he was baring his teeth. He asked to see the Kazekage, and I puffed out my chest and told him that I was his daughter. "What do ya want with Father, anyway?"
The traveler ignored me and began walking towards the village, visible on this side of the canyon, up the gentle slopes of the dunes. "Hey, wait!" I yelled after him, running to catch up, with the two other girls behind me. He didn't turn around.
"What's in the barrel?" I asked.
"A monster," he grunted.
"You can't take a monster to see my father!" I said, and blocked his path with my arms outstretched.
"Your father asked for this monster, brat. Get out of my way."
I was confused, but I was used to my father doing things I didn't understand, so I just trailed behind him. The girls had disappeared.
The traveler asked for directions to my father's office from one of the villagers, and headed up towards the cliff that towered over the village, where my father's office was hidden. I trailed behind him, hoping that Father would explain everything.
Instead, Father sent me to go find Mama.
I was proud that Father had given me such an important job. But Mama wasn't in our house, or the hospital, where she worked. She wasn't visiting her friends across the way, either. I was starting to worry when I finally found her by the well, talking to an old lady, with Kankurou playing in the dust at her feet. Her belly was very, very big, and she had a cup of water in her hand. I ran up to her and pulled on her belt. "Mama, Father wants to see you!" I was delighted that I'd delivered my news. "A man came with a barrel on his back, and he's gonna show us the monster when you and 'Kurou get there!" Kankurou looked up at the mention of a monster.
My mother's face went white and slack. I figured that she was scared of the idea of seeing a real monster. "Don't worry, Mama, I'll protect you from the barrel-monster!" I said, with great bravado and a bit of a swagger.
Kankurou nodded with a smug grin. "We'll keep you safe!" he said. We each grabbed one of Mama's hands and pulled her in the direction of Father's office.
But when we got there, Father called Uncle Yashamaru and he took us away.
Many years later, Kankurou and I put it all together. That day even more than the day Uzumaki fought our brother shaped the rest of our lives. The rest of many peoples' lives.
That night, I woke up to screaming and yelling. Someone was shouting for medical ninjas, but a piercing, inhuman wail drowned out their voices. Kankurou was awake in the bed next to mine, sitting up, shaking in the darkness. "Is that Mama?" he whispered.
"Maybe she's having the baby!" I said, and jumped out of bed. I'd heard woman screaming while giving birth before, although nothing like this. What I didn't know was that our mother was already dead; she was not making any sound at all, anymore.
I threw open the door but Uncle Yasha was sitting in front of it, making strange noises, crying. He turned his head. "No, you two, get back to bed..." His voice was hoarse; he barely sounded like anyone I knew. He looked away from me. "It has to be this way, she said this was fine..." he mumbled, to himself.
The stone floor was cold on my bare feet, and I started shivering, from fear as much as a chill. I had never seen a grown-up cry before. Uncle Yasha was scaring me.
"'Mari?" Kankurou appeared at my side, holding a little jointed ninja doll Mama had made for him.
"'Mari." Uncle Yashamaru's voice trembled. "Be a good big sister and take care of your brother, okay? Mama is busy tonight, could you sleep in his bed with him?"
I pouted, but I did as I was told, leading Kankurou back to his bed and climbing in after him. The keening wail, so consistent that I almost didn't hear it anymore, suddenly faltered and died.
Kankurou shook until he fell asleep. I realized that I was comforted by his warmth, the shape of his fists still clutching his ninja doll. Still, I didn't sleep for a long time. I kept seeing monsters in the corners of the room, and hearing Uncle Yasha heaving up his pain in the next room.
