Sick

John's stomach lurches as Natalie runs from his room, Evangeline throwing accusations like knives at her head.

But he doesn't move.

He makes no move to go after Natalie; makes no move to comfort the woman he loves.

He just stands, fists balled.

He is a sick man.

Secrets hang heavy around his neck and he lets them pull him down.

Let the dead man rot.

Let her hurt.

Make her hurt.

Evangeline leaves and he can scarcely remember to close the door behind her.

And now they are out there.

And there is a psycho on the loose.

But better out there, than here, he reasons. He is more of a threat.

Dangerous.

Twisted.

And she has done it to him.

Turned him inside out.

Makes him ache, makes him feel.

Makes him love.

Natalie, her name is bitter in his mouth. Something pure turning to ash as it rolls off his tongue.

Too late, she is long gone in a shiny red car; something given to herself so long ago she had forgotten why she needed it.

John wasn't there, but he can guess.

He can read her.

She wants to belong. She wants to blend.

It's laughable.

She was born to stand out.

He finds the bottle.

Jack, an old friend, he hasn't visited him in awhile.

He lets it burn down his throat. Comfort in the pain.

But he can still see her.

His mind won't let the image fade.

How her chin quivered before her cerulean eyes filled with tears that she fought to blink back.

And he wonders if he will ever see her cry again.

Probably not.

There will be a wall now.

She will find someone else to spill her soul to.

And him?

He has Jack.

He takes another long swig.

Jack is better than she is anyhow.

Jack is numbing- calming; it makes him forget.

All she does is make him remember.

Makes him remember to live, to try, to care.

Who needs her?

He has Jack.

Medicate the pain away.

Drink enough and it will kill it all.

Part of him worries. Part of him wants to call.

But he knows- it's more dangerous in there, with him.

He's infected.

Stand too close and it could catch.

He is a sick man.

Love- it's a disease.

Natalie- his poison

And John can't remember how to cut his heart out.