It's nearly impossible to fully realize what goes through a person's mind when they receive the shock of a lifetime. What happens when a person receives not only the first, but the second or third shock is even harder to predict or understand. You see, an initial reaction could be one of many; of anything ranging from pure rage, or complete shutdown depending upon the person's personality. Either way, the body tends to go on instinct for an un-determined period of time after that, also depending on both the person's temperament, and also the level of shock they receive.
That deep level of shock could be described as something akin to the mind's immersion in its sub-conscious levels. It retreats, beyond any thinking areas, where only the most basic of instincts will allow the person to keep from falling over on the spot, to keep itself alive and sustained. Some people hide this better than others. Some will appear catatonic, while others will appear to be continuing daily tasks and rituals, while only experiencing the shock in the deepest of levels. Either way, it stays with you. As the image that made you retreat into yourself so far that you don't feel anything; happiness, love, sadness; stays etched into the recesses of your memory. A thought or notion to be carried with you forever. That shock never fully goes away. It will subside, yes, and may seem to disappear with time and care, but it really doesn't. And there will suddenly be things you can't stand to think about, or do, or say, that you used to have no problem with, or even loved to do at some point. And you won't know why. And no-one else but the most intelligent of people or yourself will ever be able to figure out why you, the self-proclaimed and bearer of the familial title of "Fish," suddenly can't stand to be around water, when you and the close friend you had since first grade used to love going down to the pool and just spending weekends all prune-y.. Or any other thing.
The shock changes you. In more ways than one sometimes. Or possibly in only a small way. But again, there will always be a part of you that is changed. And the more this happens, the more you undergo a metamorphosis. The more you mutate from the person you once were. You may not show it, but you do. In wisdom gained, in personality, in likes or dislikes, fears or anxieties. And after a while, if enough stress builds up on top of all this, if enough is evident to simply push you near the edge and taunt you with the prospect of falling down into that abysmal pit you see, the more and more you feel yourself in a spin cycle. The more and more you find yourself falling of your own accord, deeper and deeper, faster and faster, away from any shade of the person you were. Tainted. Away from any light that may reach out, until you're simply dizzy with the simple effort it takes to hold your head up high enough to see anything at all. And no one will recognize you for who you are, and that shock that you refused to acknowledge, or simply let consume you entirely, will have become your life. Will have become you.
And you've completely changed from your life, your person, your beliefs, because of one moment in time. Because of a brief second where something happened and your mind fried trying to comprehend it.
And it all stops.
Hopefully, one day, you'll find the strength or the motivation to just look up, and begin the long climb back out. To retreat again to find yourself. To get whatever it was that you needed so badly in the first place however long ago. But until that point, until you reach that point where it's either you, or one moment to decide your fate, you're stuck. In your own personal spin cycle.
