Twelve Months until the Final Goodbye
Chapter 5: The Final Goodbye
The marriage was truly one made in heaven. They bickered occasionally, but never went to bed angry. Grissom tried to hide how protective he was of Sara by pairing her with Warrick or making sure that Brass was on the scene. During their first few months they were blissful until the sudden death of Grissom's mother. Sara and Grissom went back to Los Angeles, and she was by his side, and Gilbert drew comfort from his true love, while burying his first love.
After the funeral and the settling of Victoria Grissom's estate, they returned to Vegas. Grissom could feel himself slipping into the darkness that sometimes overtook him and tried to bury his sadness by closing off. It had always worked in the past. However, the past was as distant a memory as sleeping alone, and with Sara there to talk with laugh with and make love with, he found himself slowly climbing out of his dark place. Six months into their marriage, he snuck up on Sara while she was at the computer and found her at a preconception website. He smiled at her. She looked at him tentatively. At one time Grissom might have thought he would be more likely to go to Mars than offer to buy a basal thermometer, but that was the old Gil Grissom. The new Gil Grissom began to plan on having a baby. He and Sara would take her temperature upon waking, and make love when they thought it was the right time, and make love when they thought it was the wrong time, and made love all of the times in between, just to make sure.
Almost too quickly, the one year anniversary of his dream of Lady Heather and their past lives came and went. Although the scientist in Grissom, eschewed dreams and superstitions, he scheduled himself and Sara to be off that day, and insisted that they divide their time between the canopy bed and the chair and ½ that faced a large mirror.
Three weeks after that day, Sara announced she was late. She said she might have noticed earlier if she hadn't had to pee every ten minutes. She told Grissom she would meet him at home after shift, since she needed to go to the drugstore.
At the store, Sara was astounded at the different kinds of tests available. She noticed a woman around her age with a three year old, holding a couple of boxes, and she started a conversation with the woman. Sara was distracted by the woman, and her adorable daughter with red curls like her mom and grey green eyes that probably belonged to the girl's father, she did not notice the suspicious character come into the drugstore. The man in the ski mask and trench coat was obviously high, and was not pleased to find out that drugstores do not regularly carry a supply of Oxycotin. Sara called 911 while the would-be thief was distracted. She motioned for the red head to move away with her daughter, however in their haste to escape, they knocked over a display stand of Pepto-Bismol and the noise distracted the crazed thief, he waved his gun towards the woman and went to grab the child, lucent enough in his drug crazed haze to hear the sirens and realize that a young hostage would get him out. Sara, growing desperate, showed the man her badge, and tried to convince him that a police officer would be a far more valuable hostage than a child. The man growing more frightened dropped the child, who kicked him in the shins before running to her mother. This made him drop his gun, Sara crashed to the floor to try to get the gun, but the man was faster, grabbed the gun and first hit Sara in the head with it. Sara, angry and running on adrenaline, forgot her training and tried to get up; it was then that he shot Sara in the stomach. Sara fell to the ground, trying to hold her wound to stop the bleeding as the world around her spun around and became black.
Sara's room in the ICU was white and deathly silent, much like Sara herself. The whole group was waiting outside the room, waiting for word. The doctor spoke to Grissom about head wounds, and blood loss, lucky strikes and brain death, and Grissom understood that the Sara on the bed was not his Sara, but rather the shell of his Sara. As he brushed tears from his eyes he realized that his Sara was gone. She left him. He was too late to save her, and just like she had promised all those years ago when he turned down her dinner date that one day she would be gone. Sara was gone, and save the memories he had nothing.
Grissom signed the paperwork to turn off the machines and donate her organs. He went outside to tell the group, and let them file in for their final goodbyes before he shut down the support machines. He started to walk down the hall to find a quiet place where he could rage, and weep and gather himself together before he said that final goodbye he was promised a year ago.
Grissom began to sob. As he felt the tears coming from his eyes he looked around for a tissue. He saw one being handed to him. He noted the blood red polish and thought for a minute how that was not really Catherine's color. He looked up and saw a somber Lady Heather, dressed in clothes that would have perfectly suited a Victorian mourner, had they also been a dominatrix. She looked at her and snapped.
"What are you doing here?"
"You tell me Grissom. You called me, remember?"
"How could this happen. It's been longer than 12 months. You told me I had 12 months. Since it was more than 12 months I knew it had to be a dream." Grissom knew he sounded petulant, like a child who was denied his favorite toy but he did not care. He was also cognizant enough to know that he was having a conversation with the adult equivalent of an imaginary friend, and he did not care. Gil Grissom was going to have to go back into that hospital room in a minute and say goodbye to his true love, and he knew he had to get his rage out. He yelled and cursed about the unfairness of it all, and kept on repeating that it had been less than 12 months. Lady Heather let him go on for a minute and then put up one immaculately manicured fingernail.
"Grissom, get over the 12 month issue. This is not one of your experiments. The universe is not a math problem, it is life and life is messy and not always on time. She was going to die Grissom whether you acted on your love for her or not. Do you think this moment would be any easier if you had hid your feelings behind your rationalizations and your bugs, and your silly little quirks? IF you did that, you would not only be mourning Sara, but a million lost chances and regrets.
Grissom was silent. He could never argue with the direction the evidence pointed him in and this evidence was providing the guidance of the North Star. He flung himself into Lady Heather's arms and began to weep anew. Heather lifted Grissom's head and looked into his wet eyes with her calm ones and began to speak in a soothing tone
"Gilbert, I did not come here to argue with you or tell you the why's of what happened. I came to tell you that you have a decision to make."
"A decision?"
"You can go with her"
Grissom looked confused. Lady Heather continued. "Do you remember the Ashleigh James case? Do you remember Cassie and what she said?"
Grissom looked helpless for a minute as he tried to focus his attention to both Sara and the case from so long ago.
Lady Heather took his hand. "Cassie James had talked to you about going through a thousand lives until you found your own, she also talked about finding the thing that you need and that when you find it, you are finally able to sleep the most perfect sleep. Tell me Gilbert, what sleep could be more perfect?
Heather continued, "You have set the universe right. By finding your way with Sara, you found yourself and saved her from the darkness that follows her. You proved to your friends and family that true love trumps evil, trumps cynicism and is the purest power in the universe."
Grissom smirked, in spite of himself. He never imagined hearing words like that outside of a comic book, and most certainly not from Lady Heather.
"Fine then Lady Heather, what do I win?"
Lady Heather was glad to see that Grissom had calmed down and would listen to reason. "What you win eternity with Sara. Your decision is eternity now? Or eternity later?"
Lady Heather smiled at Grissom, "Gilbert, its time for me to go. Someone is waiting for you." Grissom turned his head to see Sara. Not the pale form of Sara who was lying on the hospital bed with the life slowly ebbing from her, but his Sara, in the skirt and sweater set she wore on their first date, with her hair curly and a small smile on her lovely lips.
Grissom looked at the vision of Sara. He thought he was truly hallucinating when she raised her eyebrow, "Lady Heather is your Guardian Angel?" Grissom just blushed and looked embarrassed. "Apparently she is the patron saint of repressed, middle aged workaholic men?" Sara grinned. "Whatever Grissom its fine. Just don't think we won't be having a long discussion about this during the afterlife."
Grissom looked at Sara, "Did you have a Guardian Angel?" Sara nodded. "Greg" Grissom looked surprised. Sara met his gaze "Explains a lot, doesn't it?"
Sara smiled, took Grissom's hand and walked him back to her room. When she saw the group in her room. Sara stopped smiling and her expression turned serious, as Grissom nodded at Catherine and she shepherded the group out of the room. Sara touched each of her friends as they walked out. Once they were all gone, Sara looked at Grissom curiously. "Was everything explained to you?"
Grissom nodded. He looked at both Sara's and focused his attention on the one standing in front of him. For a minute he regretfully thought of all the years he did not 'see' Sara.
"Gilbug" Grissom straighten quickly at the sound of Sara calling him by his pet name. "Baby, I'll understand if you don't want to come with me now. It is going to be hard enough for everyone when I'm gone." She motioned outside of the room. "They all need you. The lab needs you."
Grissom looked at Sara. "You need me Sara. That is the only thing that matters now."
Sara looked at Grissom with the thoughtful clear eyed look. The one that scared suspects more than any threats or shouting. The look from her eyes seemed to be able to reach the depth of Grissom's mind and his soul.
Sara nodded. "Grissom, it's just that eternity is a long time. If you want to come, I want it to be because you want to be with me, not because you are regretting all the times before when you thought I needed you, and you weren't there."
Grissom put both of his hands in Sara's. "My only regret is that it nearly took me an eternity to find us. Please take me Sara. I am ready to go now."
Sara nodded. She walked closer to the shell of Sara Sidle Grissom that was lying on the hospital bed. She sat one side of the Sara on the bed, and after Grissom turned off the machine, she motioned for Grissom to sit on the other side and take one hand from each of the Sara's. Grissom did. Sara took her free hand and laid it on Grissom's heart and looked into his eyes as they breathed together slowly and more slowly still, until Grissom and Sara stopped breathing altogether, and fell into the one perfect sleep that no nightmare could mar.
Moments later, Catherine walked into the room with a cup of coffee to help Grissom through the long vigil. When she saw Grissom relaxed in the bed next to Sara, she became nervous. She could not believe that Grissom would sleep at a time like this. Then she looked at the EKG monitor hooked up to Sara and noticed that it had a thin flat line and made no sound. When she went to rouse Grissom, she was somehow not surprised when he did not respond...
Catherine shook her head. "Couldn't live without her for five minutes, could you bugman?" She kissed Grissom on the cheek. "Rest in peace Grissom". She walked over to Sara, and brushed her hair out of her face. "Take good care of him sweetie. Don't worry about us. We understand." With tears streaming down her cheeks, she walked out of the room to tell the others.
