A/N: I haven't updated this story- or any of my stories- in centuries! But I have so much work and I can't think of anything to write. Hrmm... Well let's hope this is okay.

LiLi: Thank you! You're so nice :) I haven't updated in forever. Neither have you! Lol.

Lei454: ...Interesting idea... Hah. Oh and Shiney does exist. Jacob made up the name. Or Izzy did. He (Shiney, not Jacob or Izzy) subbed for my class on Tuesday bc Banta broke his rib and then continued playing the clarinet or something.

GiGiFanFic: Usually when I decide I hate a story it's after I've actually read it. You should learn to give things a chance once in a while.

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters or locations unless otherwise mentioned.

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Chapter Five: Twice Dead

No one rushed to Spinner's side to see if he was okay. This is because everyone hates him. This is because he is a douchebag. This is because it was partly his fault that Jimmy is now paralyzed. In my opinion, it was all Rick's fault. For being a prick.

Spike was sitting at a table with Jack. It was crazy that they had seen each other. Spike always liked pirates. And when he was vacationing in the Caribbean (pronounced CARE-i-bee-in when in context with Jack Sparrow y omnes) with Dru and Angelus back in the good ole days when he wasn't twice dead and in love with a slayer, he couldn't help but chill with a few.

"So how's life been? Who are these weirdos you came here with?" Spike questioned, sipping on a mug of blood. Blooooood.

"Life's been odd. I'm now captain of the Black Pearl," Jack Sparrow explained. "Which is quite nice, if you think about it. We had this little adventure in order to put an end to this stupid curse. It really was quite fun. That's how I met Will and Elizabeth. They're the weirdos. Elizabeth's the one who keeps on fainting. She has this rather annoying corset disability."

"Inability," Spike concurred.

"Inability disability," Jack alsnsded.

"Woohoo that rhymes."

"Busta Rhymes."

"Didn't he beat his wife?"

Someone slapped their hands down on the table. "Something weird is going on," Buffy Summers informed William the Bloody.

"Can't you see I'm a bit busy now?" Spike wondered. He actually did. Could she see? He'd always wondered if she had eye problems...

"I don't care," she said sternly in that way where she says things in a very stern manner and separates every word as though she's trying not to cry.

Spike sighed. "What's going on, Buffy?"

"There are people," Buffy began. Spike could tell she was randomly becoming all nervous now. "W-who look just like other people. Like twins, almost. Except with small differences. And they've never met each other before."

"Huh?"

Buffy scanned the room. Her Spidey senses were tingling. I mean, her Slayer senses were tingling. "Well I can't seem to find her right now, but there's this girl who looks just like me. A-and there are these two other guys who look exactly the same. Except one's from some place called Middle-Earth while the other is from, like, Bermuda!"

"He must be from the Caribbean! With me!" Jack Sparrow realized with his Piratey senses.

Buffy spun around. "Who are you?"

"Jack Sparrow, you're friendly neighborhood pirate," he explained, holding out a very greasy hand to shake. No, literally, it had grease on it. Haven't you always wondered where that grease came from? It's like, car grease. And last time I checked there weren't any cars in the Caribbean in, like, the 1800s.

Buffy shook his fingernail. "You know one of those people?"

"Yup."

"Well why does he look like that other man!" Buffy demanded, going right up in Captain Jack Sparrow's face.

Captain Jack Sparrow- CJS for short- shrugged. "No sé."

"Hable en inglés, por favor," Buffy the Vampire Slayer requested.

"Sí, lo siento. I said "I don't know"."

Buffy nodded, somewhat upset. Then she slapped him and marched off.

Will Turner popped out from under the table. "What about that one?" he questioned.

"I'm not sure," CJS supplied.

"Oh, so YOU'RE what was tickling my- " Spike started.

He was cut off by CJS: "Why were you under there?"

"-toe."

"I was hiding. That slayer girl's a madwoman. Though I can't tell her apart from that other person who looks just like her..." Will Turner scratched his thick skull. Then he took out his knitting.

"Why are you knitting with a fork and a chopstick?" SJC- oopity- CJS questioned.

"I think this is why she's puzzled by you," Spike inferred.

Will Turner the Weirdo (WTW... Heehee: it's like WWW! But without the middle W...) picked a potatoe off CJS's plate with this knitting needle fork. Little did CJS and William the Bloody know that their good friend WTW (not WWW) was going to be a genius one day. He was just bad at marketing his inventions.

Spike stood up and banged WTW (this initial thing is annoying me...)'s chopstick against his mug, which caused a magical amount of noise (a rather gongish amount) randomly, and also caused the knitting to slip off the end. There was only one row, though, so WTW/Will Turner wasn't really missing out.

"I now want to be referred to as WTB for William the Bloody," he announced. "That will be all." He sat down.

"God DAMN," someone said.

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Meanwhile:

"That girl puts a spell on me," Ron said to Harry as he stared oglingly at Buffy from a few across the rooms away.

"Oh say can you see my eyes? If you can, then burn down my house," was Harry's response. This was because he had just finished a rather interesting snort of Ron's cuspidor- what's it called again?-, Pixie Stix, garlic, salt 'n' pepa. Hah.

This is also because it is Erica and Jacob's status messages combined.

"Nobody puts a baby in a corner," Ron stated, still staring at Buffy but thinking about babies in corners.

"Thumbtacks make their vengeance." Harry held up a thumb. It had a tack stuck into it.

"I want a banana," Ron said, pouting and staring at Harry with puppy dog eyes.

"Ms. Conceited!" Harry spat. Into Ron's cuspidor.

"Cross your T's and insert your titles!" Ron said. "Wait that didn't make any sense at all."

"Cults are not fun unless I'm invited."

The two turned around. A little kid pointing his hands and smiling insanely was standing behind them.

"What? I wanted to play," Stanley informed them. Then he disappeared with a -POP-

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Manny was pregnant on the other side of the room. She was talking to Emma.

"Oh my God!" Emma said dramatically. "This is just like my mom! We have to think of names!"

"Well... I was thinking... Maybe I could name her Emma- that is, if she's a girl," Manny suggested very bad actingly.

Emma gasped dramatically. "Really?"

"Really."

"Oh my God! Manny!"

They hugged. But Manny's 6-month (hour?) pregnant stomach was in the way. It poked Emma. For some reason it was pointy.

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Hermione and Dawn had formed a club. It was the Club of Girls who Have Very Big Crushes on Men who Look Like Legolas Greenleaf and William Turner. Or CGHVBCMLLLGWT. Or Baruch for short. Don't ask where that came from.

"The first Baruch meeting is now adjourned!" Dawn announced, hitting her knee to represent a gavel. It didn't really work. Instead it hurt. "Or- wait, does adjourn mean end?"

"Whatever, it started." Paige Michaslkdfjelkvnfd was there too.

"I tamed the Kat!" Ginny spazzed.

"This is why you weren't invited!" Dawn hated Ginny. She pushed her out the window.

"Ginny! My lesbian lover!" the monotonous girl with the udders rolled out after her. She had a crush on Ginny. She's now a lesbian.

Not that there's anything wrong with lesbianism.

"Hey, you girls know THIS man?" Kathryn Merteuil asked, holding up a fotografía of Rusty Ryan for the girls to drool at.

Kathryn Merteuil had borrowed Ron's Sherlock Homes suit. Except she skankified it. So now it was a bit smaller and showed lots of cleavage.

Everyone responded "no" and shooed Kathryn Merteuil so that they could resume their Baruch meeting.

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Darth Vadar music ran through the room. That's because Anakin Skywalker came brooding in, along with his minions. Well, they weren't really his minions. Most of them hated him. Actually, they hated him when he was on life support. Which was him later.

Padme had changed her outfit to match her mood and the room. That happened in the picture in the review of Star Wars in the New York Times (don't report me!). Crazy.

So she was wearing mellow yellow. And so was the room.

She spotted Manny and Emma rejoicing in the pregnant corner. She bounced over so they could have pregnant mother bonding time.

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A/N: The end- for now. Damn that sucked. Review for plastic lightsabers!