"She wants what?"
"I think it's just as crazy as you do. I mean, who would want to marry Ryoga?"
"Ryoga is a nice boy!" Akane growled, throwing her glass of water at her betrothed. The cup landed on Ranma's head, and cold water dripped down …her back.
I wonder how much of a "nice boy" she'd think he was if she knew it was him sleeping in her bed at night, snuggled between her breasts. Ranma took the cup off her head and wrung the water out of her pigtail. "You're missing the point. This is how to get rid of Shampoo for good. She promised to give up trying to marry me and trying to kill you." Ranma sighed. "I just don't know how I'm going to do it."
"It's simple." Nabiki didn't even look up from her bowl as she spoke.
Two pairs of eyes turned to Akane's middle sister. "Really? How?" Ranma asked.
"Ten thousand yen and I'll tell you."
"You're joking."
Nabiki finally looked up from her dinner, locking her gaze on Ranma. "Do these eyes joke?"
Ranma rolled her eyes, leaning on the table with her chin in her hand. She looked at Akane. "She's your sister."
Akane arched an eyebrow. "It's your fiancée."
"Fine," Ranma growled, pulling her wallet out of her back pocket. She withdrew the appropriate bills and flung them in Nabiki's direction. "Now, what's your 'simple' plan?"
Calmly, Nabiki set down her bowl, picked up the bills from the table, counted them, and slipped them into her pocket. Then she leaned slightly forward, turning her attention to Ranma. "Okay, here's what you do…"
o o o o o
The next afternoon, Akane sat with Ryoga at the table in the Tendos' house, chatting. Ryoga was telling Akane about some of the places he'd "visited" on his last journey, and Akane was politely ignoring the fact that the only reason he'd gone to any of them was because he couldn't find his way to the supermarket. Outside in the courtyard, Ranma sparred with his father. When her companion was particularly engaged in his story, Akane occasionally glanced away from him and looked out at the rooftops. I'm so nervous about this! When is she going to—
The wall, which the carpenters had finished repairing just an hour ago, burst open once again to reveal an angry Shampoo. Akane's father looked up from his newspaper at the ruined woodwork. His smile was overly wide, and when he spoke, his voice was too cheerful to be sincere. "You know, that would be a lovely place for a new set of French doors, don't you think?" He rose from the table and left the room, tears streaming down his cheeks.
There was a splash from outside, and Ranma came in from the courtyard, followed a few moments later by a dripping giant panda. Akane noticed that Ranma was slightly favoring his right leg as he walked. He glared at the Chinese girl. "Shampoo? What are you doing here?"
Shampoo stepped through the wreckage of the wall and stalked across the floor to the short-haired girl. "Akane Tendo, I kill!"
Ranma's eyes narrowed. "No, Shampoo! I won't let you fulfill your vow to kill Akane. Fight me instead!" He leapt through the air to land between his two fiancées… but when his right foot touched the ground, he collapsed to the floor, clutching his knee. Agony was painted across his features.
Everyone else turned to the panda, who held up a sign, "I've been teaching Ranma the Saotome School Joint Incapacitation Technique."
Akane jumped up from her seat and started swatting Ranma on the head. "Idiot! Useless! Stupid!" She straightened, squaring her shoulders. "Fine, I don't need you; I'll fight Shampoo myself."
Ranma glowered up at her, shielding his head protectively with one arm. "Yeah, that's a great idea. Remember the last time you tried fighting her?" He peered up into her face. "Or is your memory still a little fuzzy from that one?"
Before she could reply, Ryoga leapt up, landing in front of Shampoo. He assumed a fighting stance. "Do not concern yourself, Akane; I shall be your champion!"
Shampoo took a step back, lowering her weapons. She looked the short-haired boy up and down. "Yes. We fight." She spared a quick glance at the clock on the opposite wall. "But not now. Saturday, Shampoo have day off from work. We fight then. Two o'clock, here at dojo." With that, she turned and leapt through the ruins of the wall.
When she was gone, Ranma looked up at Ryoga. "Saturday. That's three days away, Ryoga; you've got some work to do.
Ryoga, who had just been about to resume his seat beside Akane, paused in midstep. "What do you mean?
"You're out of practice. Shampoo will wipe the floor with you."
"Ridiculous! I beat you, didn't I?" Ryoga favored his rival with a smug grin.
The only thing that kept Ranma from leaping up and pounding Ryoga into the floor was the throbbing pain in his knee. "You got lucky," he growled. "Do you really want to risk Akane's life on the gamble that your luck will hold out?"
Ryoga glanced at Akane, then found a place on the floor to stare at. "What exactly are you proposing?"
"Well, you've got three days to train. I say we start now." With that, Ranma picked up a pitcher of ice water from the table and poured it over his own head.
The other boy stared at the shivering, now-female Ranma in confusion. "What are you doing?"
"Well I can't exactly walk to the dojo, and I'd feel stupid being carried as a guy."
"You can't seriously intend—"
"Three days, Ryoga," Ranma reminded him pointedly.
Ryoga growled. "Fine." He crouched, offering his back to Ranma, and let her clasp her arms around his neck. He tried to be careful of the redhead's injured knee as he rose, holding her in place.
As they headed for the dojo, Ranma leaned in to whisper in Ryoga's ear. "This certainly gives new meaning to the phrase 'piggyback,' doesn't it, P-chan?"
Ryoga's fists clenched, but he restrained himself from doing anything more. "The things a man is driven to do for true love are more than all but the strongest hearts can bear."
As soon as they were out of hearing range, Akane turned to Genma. "Did you really do something to Ranma's knee?"
The panda held up a sign. "I wanted to make sure my son didn't do anything stupid." He flipped the sign around, showing the other side. "I'll fix it after Saturday."
