poor, poor abandoned fic...

well, i feel just awful leaving it as i did, so, err, here's an update...

I Knew You

Ch. 7

Beka's knees hit the metal deck hard but she didn't feel it. Her mind was racing. There were so many thoughts screaming at her that they collided and began to merge with one another, becoming one single thought, one haunting accusation repeating itself over and over again: you shot him.

She stared dazedly at the body before her. Then, suddenly realizing her hands were still clutching the pistol so tightly her knuckles had turned white, she thrust it away from her. The weapon landed with a loud clang on the deck, and she frantically scooted away from it until she had backed herself against a wall.

I shot him. I shot him. I shot him…

She felt like she was going to be sick.

I shot him. I shot him. I shot him…

A grunt from the corner brought her back to her surroundings.

'Seamus.' She gasped, crawling over to him. She turned him over. He grunted again and swatted weakly at her with his hand, but his eyes remained closed.

'Shay? Can you hear me?'

Receiving no reply, Beka crawled to the wall beside the child and collapsed against it. She remained there for hours, coulda been days, she didn't know, and there was no further sound or movement from Seamus.

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Beka grunted as she dragged the heavy man out of the airlock. Once they were on the drift a safe distance from the Maru she dropped his legs and wiped her brow. Damien moaned. No, she hadn't killed him. He was wounded, badly, to be sure, but he was not dead. Her work done, Beka returned to Maru, glad no one had seen her.

Informing the drift authorities that there was a man in need of immediate medical attention and giving his location, Beka made her way into slipstream.

Once she was positive no one had followed her, she exited slipstream and, undoing her seatbelt she closed her eyes and took deep breath. It was not an easy decision for her to leave Damien on that drift. If left aboard, once he recovered he would surely kill either her or Seamus or both. And she couldn't let that happen. A rogue sob escaped her lips, but she quickly bit back any more and recomposed herself. It seemed to her that the weight of her responsibilities grew each day, threatening to overwhelm her. But for one responsibility in particular she would have given in when Meghan died.

With great effort she lifted herself from the pilot's seat she went into the bunkroom and sat down near the bed where Seamus lay. She took his hand. He opened his eyes and looked up at her. She smiled at him and brushed some stray hairs off his forehead. His skin felt hot to the touch. He smiled back at her sleepily and closed his eyes again.

Seamus had suffered a concussion during his father's attack and some internal bleeding, but it was minor and the nanobots she had given him seemed to take care of it. But she feared his rising fever was indicative of an infection taking hold.

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'look, I can't get you the money up-front, but…'

'no dice, lady, we don't take charity cases.' And with that, the com-channel was closed.

Beka slammed her fists against the console before her, 'damnit!' she screamed in anger. This had been the third medical center she'd tried in the week since the 'incident' with Damien and this was the third time she had been turned away for her lack of funds. she knew the post-fall universe was a cold one, it was fact she accepted and had even used to her advantage from time to time, but this… this made her blood boil. she was about to scream her frustrations again when she heard a child's cough echoing through the ship.

She was at his side in seconds, helping the 6 year old sit up to ease his coughing and help him breathe. She rubbed his back soothingly as the coughing fit died out and the child could once again breathed with relative ease.

'bek..'

'shhhh…' she cooed, helping him to lie down again. She picked up a wet cloth from a nearby bowl and, wringing it out, placed the cool cloth on Seamus' sweat-soaked forehead. He managed a weak smile in gratitude. She stroked his hair for a while in silence, watching him drift off to sleep.

'Where's Da?' He asked suddenly, startling her.

'You need to sleep, Seamus.. .' She wasn't ready to answer his questions. She wasn't even sure she could give him any answers. Damien could be dead for all she knew… and if he was… how would she be able to tell him that? How was she going to tell him that she had shot his father, his only living parent? He'ld hate her forever. Heck, she'ld hate herself forever.

'Is he mad at me?' The fear in his small voice shook her out of her thoughts.

'No, no. Of course not.'

'are you mad at me?'

'No,' she laughed at the absurdity of the question. 'no, why would you think I was mad at you?'

He shrugged pathetically.

'I love you, Seamus. You're my family now and you've never done anything to make me mad at you. Well, no, actually, you remember that coffee maker you 'fixed'? I'm still mad at you for that.' She tickled his sides a bit to let him know she was kidding. He giggled and squirmed under her fingers.

Then, suddenly, his body was seized with another coughing fit. He choked, trying to draw in air, his face reddening. When it was over she pulled him into her arms and rubbed his back in circular strokes. Thoroughly exhausted, and still panting for oxygen, he fell asleep almost immediately. After a few minutes, Beka gently moved his head back onto the pillow and pulled a blanket over him. he coughed in his sleep, and Beka inhaled sharply when she saw the fresh specks of blood this left.

TBC.