OMFG! Another act! yeah, i know... but me and nightpheonix kinda forgot about it then bought it up and wrote this act! we also had finals to worry aout this week... lol... this act is for Vinnet... LOL!
Now, on to the long-awaited... ACT FOUR!
Act 4
McKay: Last act, yippee!
Sheppard: Three more songs, three more songs, three more songs...
McKay: YAY! Wait? Three? That includes you, Ford, and who else?
Sheppard: And you McKay.
McKay, in disbelief: No!
Weir: Yes Rodney…
Sheppard: Well since this is a musical…
Weir and Teyla and Ford and McKay: What?
Sheppard: Nothing
He walks off. They stare at his back. Suddenly a noise comes from him.
Sheppard: Stargate, it's a great big world,
With a great big swirl,
And you step inside to another world!
We're talking Stargate,
It's a crazy trip,
You can go quite far,
And you don't need a car or even a ship!
There's Colonel O'Neill and Carter and Daniel and Teal'c,
Look out for that G-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-gould.!
McKay, catches up with him: Major, what was that?
Sheppard: Hm, what? You heard that?
McKay: Of course.
Sheppard: A bit ago people actually sang to try and get on the Atlantis expedition. Needless to say it was hopeless.
McKay: With a song like that, I can imagine. (Pause) So that's how Kavanaugh got on the team! No wonder! It all makes sense now!
Sheppard chuckles: Yeah, I know…
Lights turn on as they walk by and Sheppard picks something up, it turns on.
McKay: Well, look at this, the Ancient MacGyver.
Sheppard: Well thank you, I liked that show. Did you notice that he has a startling resemblance to General O'Neill?
McKay: I didn't notice that… (he thinks)...yeah! Woah, you're right!
Ford: I didn't like MacGyver.
Sheppard: That's because you weren't- wait a sec, yes you were, right?
Ford nods.
Sheppard: I take that back then.
Ford: HA!
McKay bustles over the technology and is taking readings and the like. Sheppard watches him with disinterest. While the two of them are looking away, Elizabeth leans against one of the control consoles. It lights up.
Ford notices the console it on: What? Since when have you had the ATA gene!
Weir, casually: Oh, I've always had it.
Ford: So why didn't you tell anyone?
Weir: What, and get rid of one of my excuses for bossing people around? I wouldn't be able to torture everyone with menial tasks that require the gene anymore!
Ford: I see...
Rodney turns around and Elizabeth stands up straight, deactivating the control panel.
Weir: So? What does it do?
McKay: It's a prop.
Silence.
Ford: Sooo… has anyone here seen Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon?
Weir: That's one of my favorite movies!
Sheppard: Well, I thought it sucked!
Weir: How could you not like it? It's an intellectual story filled with beautiful symbolism and metaphors for life!
Sheppard: Oh, come on. 'Metaphors for life'! It was a lot of flying around with swords! And it made absolutely no sense whatsoever! Plus, the ending sucked.
Weir: Granted about the ending. But you're just too literal and unimaginative to appreciate--
McKay, thinks slowly: I like pink Wraiths…
Crickets chirp. All stare.
McKay: Whaaaat?
Sheppard, Ford, Weir and Teyla shuffles away slowly.
Ford: Just...stay over there.
McKay: What?
Ford: At any rate…
Sheppard: (takes big breath in and begins to sing a fast REM tune)
IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT!
Rodney and Elizabeth join in. Ford looks at them oddly.
Sheppard, McKay, Weir:
IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT!
IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT,
AND I FEEL FIIIIINE!
McKay, suddenly: Wait, no I don't! I do not feel fine about the end of the world!
Weir: It's just a song, Rodney.
McKay: Yes, but-
Sheppard: Do either of you know any of the other lyrics to that song?
Weir: Does anyone?
Sheppard: Alright, good point. Let's just skip to the next song.
Everyone leafs through their scripts.
Sheppard: Alright, that one's not much better...
McKay: Well, I know some of the words...
Weir: Doesn't matter; just make them up as you go along. (to the band) Hit it!
(band strikes up the synthesizer intro to "We Didn't Start the Fire")
All: Major Sheppard, Dr. Weir, Aiden Ford, we're all here.
Colonel Sumner, Rodney McKay, Teyla Emmagen,
Peter Grodin, Carson Beckett, Doc Zelenka, Colonel Everett,
Then Sergeant Bates and Kavanaugh, Now we can begin.
Naquadah-enhanced bomb, GDO, lighting storm,
Wraith Dart, Puddlejumper, and EM generators,
Point of origin, chevron, wormhole established, we're gone,
Expedition to Pegasus, see ya later, goodbye!
We didn't start the Wraith War!
It was always ragin', since the galaxy's been aging.
We didn't start the Wraith War!
No we didn't ignite it, but we have to fight it!
Wraith Dartfighter, hibernate, nanobots- who did create?
Information, grounding station, the transporter.
Ancients, ascension, ATA gene, not to mention
Gene therapy, life-signs detector.
Major Sheppard's team, War and Peace page 17
Energy shadow entity, hazmat suits and quarantine,
Laptops, city command, stuck in the gate, mainland,
Hurricane, pouring rain, we're gonna go insane!
We didn't start the Wraith War!
It was always ragin', since the galaxy's been aging.
We didn't start the Wraith War!
No we didn't ignite it, but we have to fight it!
Weapons chair, DHD, gates in orbit, MREs,
Flash-bangs, AT-1, find the "potential"
Wraith-repelling drugs, little glowy space bugs,
Ancient drone, flying city, alternate reality. Woah-ha-ho!
Antarctica, death and woe, spacemonkey- wait, wrong show!
P-90, C-4, 9-mil, and Wraith stunner,
Hive ship, ZPM, data compression program,
Giant bunker, Genii, psychotics in "The Eye!"
We didn't start the Wraith War!
It was always ragin', since the galaxy's been aging.
We didn't start the Wraith War!
No we didn't ignite it, but we have to fight it!
Immortal superwraith, shield collapsing, failsafe,
Barely got out alive, the Wraith data zip drive,
Atlantis under attack, can't get home and that's a fact,
Under a lot of stress, 8-symbol gate address,
Wormhole, Alpha Site, Ancient defense satellite,
Personal shield device,
McKay: Punching me was not so nice!
We didn't start the Wraith War!
It was always ragin', since the galaxy's been aging.
We didn't start the Wraith War!
No we didn't ignite it, but we have to fight it!
Magic squares, Athosians, take the jumper for a spin,
Cloaking device , time travel, shot twice,
Planet, scan it, subspace-time, allergies to citrus limes
Videotapes back to home, human virus in "Hot Zone,"
Standard recon gone to hell, infirmary, Wraith cull,
Energy don't come free, power loss in the city,
Fainted (PASSED OUT!) on the floor, sunk the city, lost the war,
We never know what's in store, we can't take it anymore!
We didn't start the Wraith War!
It was always ragin', since the galaxy's been aging.
We didn't start the Wraith War!
But 'til they are gone, it will always go on, and on, and on, and on...
(the band fades out)
Sheppard: Well, it's true, we didn't.
Elizabeth, Rodney, Teyla, and Ford all cough loudly. McKay shuffles his feet, Weir is suddenly fascinated by the ceiling, Ford bends down to tie his shoe, and Teyla begins to fiddle with her hair.
Sheppard: What?
McKay: Uh...yeah, we...kinda did. Start the Wraith war, that is.
Teyla: I agree, Major. We did start it.
Sheppard: No, we didn't!
Weir: You're right actually. We didn't. You did.
Sheppard: What? I did not!
McKay: (lets out a cough that sounds suspiciously like "You woke up the Wraith")
Sheppard: I heard that!
Ford: It's true, sir, you did wake them up.
Weir: And now we're constantly being attacked by Wraith. Which reminds me...(she rolls up her sleeve to check her lines again) Oh, yes. We have (dramatic pause) THREE WRAITH HIVE SHIPS HEADING OUR WAY! (the band strikes a minor chord)
McKay gasps: No! (another minor chord)
Sheppard: What can we do? (yet another minor chord)
Bates pops out onstage, hollering: Teyla did it! She's Athosian, she did it!
Sheppard rolls his eyes: She was right here the whole time. She couldn't possibly have done it.
Bates points accusingly at Teyla: There was a 3.5 second window of time when no one was looking directly at her! She could have contacted the Wraith then!
McKay: She was no where near a radio, you paranoid moron.
Bates: Oh. (he walks off stage dejectedly. Teyla glares after him, then turns back around, paying attention)
Sheppard turns to Elizabeth: Please keep going.
Weir: Thank you, john. As I was saying-
Bates jumps on stage again, this time with a torch and pitchfork: IT WAS TEYLA! SHE DID IT! HA! (he jabs the pitchfork in her general direction and waves the torch. Teyla looks really miffed.)
Sheppard: Put down the pitchfork and shut up, sergeant. That's an order.
Bates drops the pitchfork and blows out the torch: Rats! (he trudges offstage)
McKay: Go on, Elizabeth.
Weir: Right. Now before we do anything else, we must--
Bates leaps onstage yet again: NO! You can't say our plan in front of Teyla! She'll give them to the Wraith!
Sheppard: Alright, that's it!
He reaches for his P-90. But before he can take it out, Bates is tackled by Teyla. The two roll offstage. We hear a high-pitched scream, followed by a stabbing sound and a gurgle. Teyla walks back out. She sheathes a bloody knife.
Weir: Teyla! Did you just-!
Teyla looks innocent: Of course not, Doctor Weir.
Sheppard, clearly impressed: Damn!
McKay lets out a low whistle: Nice! Thank you!
Much clapping is heard, but it dies quickly…
Colonel Everett randomly pops in: Dr. Weir, you are relieved of your duty!
Weir: What the hell are you doing here!
Everett: I'm taking over the directing of this musical!
McKay: Aren't you about to be eaten by a Wraith or something?
Everett: It's the off-season; I can do whatever I want until Season 2!
Sheppard mutters: Slimy little rat basta-
Everett: That's insubordination! I am the ranking military officer here, major!
Sheppard: But- but- but-!
Everett: That is an order!
Weir: You owe me a drink, colonel.
Everett: So I do.
Weir: Get me some strong vodka please.
Everett raises his eyebrows: Are you sure you can handle that?
Weir: Pffft! Of course.
The colonel walks off stage, and returns with a vodka bottle and two shot glasses. He pours them each a glass.
Weir: Err, look! Over there! A Wraith!
Everett whips around: Where, where?
While he's turned around, Elizabeth pours the contents of a test tube into Everett's shot glass.
Everett: I didn't see any Wraith. (turns back around)
Weir: Whoops, my mistake. (raises glass) Cheers.
Everett also lifts his glass and downs the vodka. Elizabeth snickers evilly. Suddenly, Everett begins gagging and drops dead on the floor. John, Rodney, Zelenka, and Beckett walk onstage.
Sheppard sees Everett's body: Elizabeth! What did you do!
Weir: I have no idea what you're talking about, major.
Beckett bends over to examine the body.
McKay and Radek: Yesss! (slap each other high fives)
Beckett stands up: Normally I'd conduct an autopsy and investigation, but I think I can make an exception this time. The bloody idiot's stone dead.
Sheppard: Dump 'im?
Beckett: Aye.
Ford: Wait, you can't-!
Sheppard: Why not?
Ford: ...alright, good point. Chuck him overboard.
Sheppard whistles: Yo, stage crew!
2 stage crews walk out onstage. They each grab an arm and drag the body offstage. We hear a splash. Weir beams, Sheppard looks impressed, Ford isn't sure what to feel, Teyla hides a snicker, McKay and Zelenka both pump their arms and cheer.
Weir: Now that that's over with... on with the script!
Silence
Weir: Ahem.
Still no one talks
McKay: Who's got the line?
Weir: It's your song, Rodney.
McKay: What!
Sheppard: Didn't you read the script?
McKay: No! Of course not! No one read the script.
Weir: That's not an excuse. You still have to sing.
Sheppard: Dun dun DUN!
McKay: Shut up, Sheppard.
Weir: You're the only one who hasn't sung their song yet.
McKay: Not true! I sang earlier!
Weir: That wasn't in the script. You have to sing your song from the script.
Sheppard: Dun dun DUN!
McKay: Shut up, Major! Look, it's almost the end of the act. Can't we just skip to the next song?
Ford: We all sung our songs.
McKay: So!
Ford: You can't tell me you don't like the Eagles.
McKay: Oh, yes I can! I refuse to sing!
Sheppard: Dun dun DUN!
McKay: WOULD YOU STOP DOING THAT!
Sheppard: Sorry. Just adding to the mood.
Weir: It's a short song, Rodney. Only like two and a half minutes. Besides, the last minute is just repeating what you already sang.
McKay: Oh, alright. Fine.
McKay walks out to center stage. The lights dim. Suddenly, a rotten tomato zooms out from the audience and hits McKay squarely in the face. Everyone onstage starts laughing hysterically. McKay wipes tomato from his face and blinks furiously.
McKay: ALRIGHT, WHO THREW THAT?
Snickers are heard from the audience
McKay: KAVANAUGH, IF THAT WAS YOU, I SWEAR I'LL--
Weir: Keep it PG, Rodney. This is a musical.
Sheppard gives a thumbs up to an audience member.
McKay turns around: Major, did you put someone up to this?
Silence. A cough is heard in the audience.
McKay: You did, didn't you.
Sheppard puts on an innocent face: Who, me?
McKay: SHEPPARD, YOU ARE SO GOING TO GET IT!
Weir: After your song.
McKay: ARRRGGGGHHH!
Ford: Well, now you have an incentive to sing.
Sheppard: Consider it payback for leaving me hanging in Act 3.
McKay: You have two and a half minutes to live, Major.
Sheppard sarcastically: I am positively quaking in my boots.
Once again, the lights dim and a spotlight shines on McKay on center stage. He starts to sing the Eagles "Hole in the World"
McKay: There's a wormhole in the world tonight.
There's a cloud of death and sorrow.
There's a wormhole in the world tonight.
Let's hope we make it to tomorrow.
They said that the Wraith were still asleep.
They said that they won't come for 50 years.
But then the major woke 'em up (that little creep!),
And now we never know where they'll appear.
There's a wormhole in the world tonight.
There's a cloud of death and sorrow.
There's a wormhole in the world tonight.
Let's hope we make it to tomorrow.
Oh, they told me there's a place over yonder
The sunken city's where we're gonna roam.
But now we're all stuck with one another,
Wondrin' if we'll ever make it home.
Ford: He's not that bad…
Weir: Quiet!
There's a wormhole in the world tonight.
There's a cloud of death and sorrow.
There's a wormhole in the world tonight.
Let's hope we make it to tomorrow.
(There's a wormhole in the world tonight.)
They said that the Wraith were still asleep.
(There's a cloud of death and sorrow.)
They said that they won't come for 50 years.
(There's a wormhole in the world tonight.)
But then the major woke 'em up (that little creep!),
(Let's hope we make it to tomorrow.)
And now we don't know where they'll appear.
There's a wormhole in the world tonight.
(wormhole in the world)
There's a cloud of death and sorrow.
(death and sorrow)
There's a wormhole in the world tonight.
(Ooooh)
Let's hope we make it to tomorrow.
Ford: He's almost done, sir. You might want to start running.
Sheppard: He's a geeky scientist. What can he possibly do to a military-trained professional?
There's a wormhole in the world tonight.
(wormhole in the world)
There's a cloud of death and sorrow.
(death and sorrow)
There's a wormhole in the world tonight.
(Ooooh)
Let's hope we make it to tomorrow.
The song ends.
Weir quickly: I need to go...I've gotta...read some reports...
Teyla: I shall assist you, Dr. Weir.
Ford: Three's a crowd.
Zelenka: Yes, let's get to those reports!
All sprint offstage.
Sheppard: Hey, guys, you aren't seriously afraid of what McKay will do to me, are you? (no one answers) Guys? (still silence. Sheppard is getting nervous) Hello?
Rodney bows to the audience.
McKay: YOU ARE DEAD, MAJOR!
Sheppard: Eeep!
McKay chases after Sheppard, who threatens to shoot. Weir and company are watching from the lounge.
Weir: Well… that was interesting.
Teyla: Do males of your planet often do this?
Weir scoffs: More than you'd imagine.
Zelenka: Do you think it's time for the finale?
Sheppard returns into the gate room looking triumphant.
Ford: Yeah, it's about that time isn't it?
Weir: Let's get this show on the road then!
She steps out of the lounge and the scene turns into a concert stage.
Sheppard: Whoa…
A whole orchestra pops onto stage. People with guitars come out too.
McKay: And now, the MOODY ATLANTIANS!
The crowd cheers and gets to its feet. The Atlantis expedition starts to dance, on stage and off. The music starts up. Lights flash onstage – colored ones.
Ford: Budget went up.
Sheppard: Either that or they decided to stop cheating us.
(Fast acoustic intro plays)
All: Why do we never get an answer
When we're knocking at the door
With a thousand million questions
About Wraith and death and war?
'Cos when we stop and look around us,
There is nothing that we need,
In a world of persecution
They are burning in their feed.
Weir and Teyla: Oooh ohohohooohh oooh!
Why do we never get an answer
When we're knocking at the door
Because the truth is hard to swallow
That's what the war of love is for.
A lone guitar is left playing. It's Ford.
Ford: It's not the way that they say it
When they do those things to me
It's more the way that they mean it
When they tell me what will be
And when you stop and think about it
You won't believe it's true
That all the love you've been giving
Has all been meant for you.
I'm looking for something to change my life,
I'm looking for a miracle in my life
And if you could see what it's done to me,
To gain the love I know
Could safely lead me home.
John: From the silence of Pegasus,
And the crashing of the sea,
There lies a land I once lived in,
And Earth's waiting there for me,
But in the grey of the morning,
My mind becomes confused,
Between the dead and the sleeping,
And the road that I must choose.
I'm looking for something to change my life,
I'm looking for a miracle in my life
And if you could see what it's done to me,
To gain the love I know,
Could safely lead me to
The land that I once knew,
To learn as we grow old
The secrets of our soul.
Ford and Sheppard, both on guitar: It's not the way that they say it
When they do those things to me
It's more the way they really mean it
When they tell me what will be
The guitars stop, and then come back in furiously, with all dancing again and jumping around. Lights start back up too along with the orchestra.
Weir, McKay, and Teyla: Ooooh oh oh oooh, aaah ah ah ah!
Why do we never get an answer
When we're knocking at the door
With a thousand million questions
About Wraith and death and war?
'Cos when we stop and look around us,
There is nothing that we need,
In a world of persecution
They are burning in their feed.
Ford: Thank you!
Sheppard: Yeah, THANK YOU ATLANTIS!
Weir: We'll be here all week!
Wolf whistles and claps are heard as the crew bows. They walk off stage gleaming.
McKay: Yes, that went well!
Sheppard: I'd have to agree.
Ford: I don't like the Moody Blues.
Sheppard: That's because… you're pulling my leg, aren't you?
Ford looks innocent.
Sheppard: That's it Ford!
Sheppard tears after him as the rest smile idly.
