third chapter... im gonna make this a long one... well, as long as I can make it without my fingers starting to hurt... the last two chapters were CRAPPY. but thats only cause i was... feeling like crap... --;; well, i know where im going with the story so hopefully it will get much better(and funnier... i wasn't in a very 'funneh' mood when i wrote the last two chapters... grr...)and i hope you enjoy this chapter:)


After we had beat the Gun Course, Krew sent us to protect Sig at the Pumping Station... it didn't go all too well...

Jak had been knocked out by one of the Metal Heads and Daxter was desperatly trying to revive him. "Come on, Jak!" he said leaning over the unconscience body. "Wake up!" And while Daxter was doing that, I had the Scatter Gun and was trying to shoot at the Metal Heads, continually missing. Hey, it's hard to fire a gun when you're onlytwo feet tall.

"Hang in there, chilli pepper!" Sig called over to me. "I'm tryin'!" I called back. The Metal Heads looked huge to me and I had to look up to see where all of them were. And holding on to the Scatter Gun whille firing was pretty tough.

When I had my back turned, a Metal Head charged up from behind me, tossing me into the air and landing uncomfortably on its back. I hung on for dear life as the beast ran around in circle, bucking like a horse as it tried to get me off its back. Sig saw this and yelled over the roar of the savage Metal Head: "You have to let go!"

"Oh, yeah!" I called back to him. "Is that right! Well, my instincts are telling me not to let go!" The Metla Head threw itself against and rock, shaking me loose. I fell with a small 'thud' on the ground. Thankfully, Sig had killed all of the remaining beasts.

Jak had finally woken up and was now staggaring towards me and Sig. I held up the Scatter Gun to Jak and he took it. Daxter hopped onto his shoulder, patting him on the head. "Feelin' better, buddy?" he asked his friend. "Yeah. A little bit," Jak replied. "Hey, thanks Caitlin for covering for me while I was out." "No problem," I said. "Now, are all of the Metal heads that we needed to kill dead?" It was Sig who replied: "Yup. Go tell Krew that his trophied will be on the way."


Krew had sent Jak and Daxter on another mission; I had decided to stay back at the Hip Hog and relax. About fifteen or so minuted later, Jak and the little furry Ottsel returned. "How'd it- whoa!" I had to hold my nose; they smelled like crap. "I think you two should take a shower..." I coughed.

"Great, we go do your dirty work," Daxter said poiting to Krew," and we come back smelling worse than a wet hip hog in a warm barn. Krew ignored him and turned to me. "Caitlin..." he wheezed, "would you mind going in the back to get that weapons upgrade I promised these two?" I glared at hime for a few moments before jumping off the bar stool I was sitting on and headed in the back.

I opened a door that supposedly led to the back; which looked like a pig stie. Metal Head heads were scattered all around, racing trophies on shelves, boxes full of crap stacked on top of each other. "Great," I murmured to myself. "How am I supposed to find that weapons upgrade in this mess?" I sighed and began my search.

Crap... crap.. Metal Head head... underwear... wait, underwear? That's... nice... after about five minutes of searching, I finally found that damn weapon thingy. I walked out from the back and tosse the Blaster thing to Jak. He took it and attatched it the Scatter gun, turning it into the Blaster Gun. "Go back to the Gun Course and try your skill with that weapon," Krew said and then floated away.


"Okay, Jak," I said uneasily. "I think we beat it, you can stop shooting now..." we left the Gun Course with little ammo left, then headed back to Krew. He sent us to godrive to the Race Garage. We hit a few Krimzon Gaurds, ran over a few pedestrians, crashed into a few walls, but that was basically it. And we got to our destination with only a few seconds to spare. I decided to hang outside the garage and wait for Jak and Daxter.

A few minuted later they came back outside with the news that we had towin the JET-board Stadium Challenge. Which, we beat on our first try; I directed Jak on where to go and what to do since I had beaten it many times before in the game. Jak put away the JET-board and we walked back to the mechanic.


"We beat the Stadium Challenge," Jak annouced as we walked into the garage.

"Great," came the voice, "People do get lucky. Listen, I don't mean to be rude, but don't you have someone to collect money from, or blow up or something?"

"You don't like us do you?" came Jak's reply.

"You work for that slime ball Krew, what's not to like?" the mechanic said.

I sighed and let the two figure it out, not paying any attention to the last of the conversation.


We had gone back to the Hip Hog and Daxter was now a drunken rat.

"Hey, ther five chins," Daxter said, dazed, "How's crimes?"

"What's wrong with him, 'ey?" Krew asked, staring at the Ottsel.

"Nothing," Daxter hiccuped. "Mind your own business."

"Jak, I need you nad the talking rat to make a few collections for me." Krew continued his conversation with Jak.

I noticed a few creeps walk into the saloon: a guy with WAY too many tattoes, a big brute, and a young man smoking a cancer stick. I coughed as they entered; I was sensitive to smoke. They sat down and asked for some drinks.

"I love you, man!" I heard Daxter say, trying to kiss Jak.

"Got a bit of a gender confusion going there, Dax?" I asked, laughing slightly at the drunk. The two were about to leave when I noticed the know drunken men saying some rather... perverted and disturbingthings to Tess. Poor, poor Tess. I decided to help her out by getting rid of the retarts.

I jumped up on the bar stand thing, right in front of them. "Who the hell are you?" the one with the cancer stick said drunkenly.

"Oh, me?" I said, "I'm just a little annoying Ottsel that came to tell you this: I wound't recomend you three going home on a zoomer."

"And why's that?" the one with the tattoos snorted.

"Weeeeeelll..." I began, "Becauseone of threethings will happen. Number one: the cops will pull you over and and end up having to beat the shit of you, just becauseyou fuckers are in a druken rage and refuse to turn off Neil Dimond's "They're Coming to America". Number two: you'll wrap yourselves around a telephone pole and either be killed or paralyzed. Cruel, you say? Well, so is inflicting your drunken stupidity on the rest of the world, so be ready ot pay the consequences, assholes. Number three, my least favorite: you make it home okay and pass out on the floor with your motor running, while the radio is blasting some dumbass metal song from the mid-80's that no one wants to hear anymore. So if you're a druken moron or an idiot who has to manipulate legitiment conversations to get a cheap thrill out of your libido, please feel free to get together on the weekends, drive around drunk, make all the twitsted sexual comments ya like. And I'll just watch from the local diner window as they scrape your bodies off the pavement with a fucking spatula.

They stared at me with dumbfounded looks. This continued for a while until they decided to get up and leave. Krew looked a bit angry.

"Way to go," he snarled, "you just got rid of the first few customers I've had in months."

"That's your fault." I repleid

"How is it my fault?You scared them off!"

"It's your fault this place is such a dump and nobody comes here anymore."

Krew looked about readyto blow, when an elf just appeared from no where next to me. I nearly had a heart attack. The person that had just appeared on the bar stool strangly rembled my sixth grade teacher. She looked like she was in mid-type on her laptop(which appeared with her) and was now looking around the saloon with her eyes wide and clouded with confusion.

"Okay..." she said her voise trembling, "What just happened... how are you people and... why do you have such big ears?" That voice definatly sounded like my teacher.

"Ms. Lennon!" I asked, staring at her. She whipped her head around to look at me.

"Caitlin?" she gasped. "Why... what... what's going on and why do you look like a... squirrel...?" This wasn't good. And what the hell was going on? WHY was my sixth grade teacher sitting next to me in the Hip Hog Saloon? All good questions, but unfortunaly, they weren't answering as something large sat upon my head, crushing me.

"Okay..." I said, my voice muffled by the person sitting on top of me, "whoever just decided to sit down, may I ask that you remove your buttocks from the bar stool so that my lungs can stop being crushed..."

"Oh, sorry," came the voice. Then the lifted themself up and I took a deep breath and peeled myself up from the stool. That voice sounded a bit familiar too. Thomas perhaps? Wait. it was weird enough when Ms. Lennon appeared next to me but fat boy Thomas? What was he doing here?

"AAHH!" came a scream.

"What the-?" I began but didn't get to finish. A rather large cat collided with me and I fell off the chair, the cat crushing me. Ms. Lennon had ducked down, for the cat had came flying out of her laptop. I was officially freaked out. WHAT WAS GOING ON!

"Where am I? Where am I!" the cat said frantically, scrambbling off of me and running around in cirlce until it collided with Krew. "HOLY SHIT!" it exclaimed when it saw the floating ball of fat. "YOU'RE FAT!" Krew glared at the poor confused cat. Now, I definalty know that voice... I thought, getting up from the floor slowly, my back cracking. Once I had fully gotten up I said to the cat: "Stevie?" the cat whipped around and looked at me, eyes sparkling. "Caitlin! CAITLIN!" Stevie ran up to me, trapping me in a death grip hug. "Too much... hugging..." I choked, "Not... enough... breathing!" "Oh, sorry," she apoligized and let me go. I caught my breathe and looked at Stevie. I was about to ask her a question, but she had a few of her own she wanted to ask me.

"What's going on!" she asked frantically, shaking me by the shoulders. "Wherer am I! Why am I a cat and why are you a squirrel!" she began sobbing.

"Stevie, Stevie!" I tried to comfort her. "It's okay, it's okay. Everything's gonna be okay... and I'm NOT a squirrel, I'm and OTTSEL."

She nodded and I pat her on the head. "Good girl," I said as I pat her head. "Now, just remain calm while I-"

"LOOK OUT!" Jak yelled, as a girl about his age came flying out of Ms. Lennon's laptop and landing with a thud on the floor. "Ow... my neck..." she moaned getting up. She screamed but then covered her outh, looking around.

"And that would be Sam," I said, running over to my other friend.

"Sam, are you okay?" I asked her. She looked down at me.

"Caitlin?" she said, her voice shaking. "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!" she grabbe me and brought me up to eye level and began shaking me hard. "WHAT'S GOING ON!" she repeated. "Calm down!" I said, trying to stop her from shaking me. Sam dropped me and lookd over at Krew, Daxter, Tess, and Jak who were staring at us with confused expressions.

"Uh..." I began, "This ish mah friend, Sam." I pointed to the panicking girl. "That's Stevie, my other friend," I pointed to the cat. "Ms. Lennon, myold teacher,and Thomas."

Daxter's eye twitched.

A white and tan hamster came flying through the laptop. "And that's my OTHER friend, Emliy," I said. I only had guessed, but I was right nonetheless, because Emily LOVED hamsters... and wants them to rule the world... NO JOKE, I'M SERIOUS. She wants to live in a world ruled by hamsters.

"H-how do you know my name?" Emily stuttered.

"It's me," I said, "Caitlin, your best friend, remember?"

"CAITLIN!" she exclamied. Then she looked around. "What's going on?"

I was about to say something when five more people came flying out of the laptop.

I groaned and introduced everyone to everyone.

"Tess, Krew, Jak, Daxter..." I said, "That's Alison and Taylor, my other friends, that's Alexander, perfers to be called 'Alex', Kyle, and Angelo."

Everyone stared at me.

"I think I need to explain a few things..." I said nervously.


OKAY! That's all I'm doing for this chapter. My back hurts, I have a headached, I'm hungry... (goes on for a few minutes) I ask you peoples to review! I hope you liked this one a BIT better than the last two crappy chapters. I'm not gonna write anymore until a get mabey one or two more reviews. Flame if you want, see if I give a shit. This wasn't THAT funneh I know. Can't think up anything funneh to write...and it was weird, yes I know...(bangs head against compy) Now, review or I shall sic mah rabid squirrel Chip on you! And if you do review I shall give you a cookie :)

-ebony